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MyoldmanK

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I made the choice to put Kingston down today and I currently hate myself and miss him so much. He was diagnosed with IMHA in July and was fighting the good fight. He was coming along with a few hiccups along the way. Then Saturday he was diagnosed with diabetes, likely from the prednisone he was on for the IMHA. I hate to rush him to the vet sunday at 2am he got up to pee and was so wobbly. His blood sugar was running so high he developed ketoacidosis and it was starting to really get to him. We admitted him for fluids and insulin injections but they really couldn't get his sugar down. Then suddenly they did. The sugar was down but he still had the ketoacidosis and would have needed 6 days in hospital minimum to flush him. They were scared if we brought him him he would crash and they said it would be a horrible thing to see. Plus his imha, plus the pancreatitis plus the uti. He was 11. He was so weak from the muscle loss. He was my athletic boy you know it was hard to see him like that, so I decided to let him go even though he was improving and I'm so sad. I miss him so muc
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
Oh, my. I am sorry you had to make such a heart breaking decision about Kingston. Please be kind to yourself. What you did you did it out of love. It's so hard to watch them suffer and we only want what is best for them. It sounds as if you really tried to give him a good quality of life. But it sounds as if you were fighting a battle up hill all the way. You did all you could and letting him go was an act of love. My old man was going down hill for about six months and it was painful to watch him go from a healthy 13 pounds to a sad 10 pounds. I tried everything to get him to eat and gain weight but his tired old body was giving up and I let him go. He was 16 years old and had heart problems. I tried as you did. I would have traded places with him if it would have made him healthy again. I know your heart is broken and it feels as if you are only a shell of who you were. I know Kingston made you whole just as Termy made me whole. Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. I know you miss him and you will for ever. Remember the journey you made with Kingston and cry all you need to. You came to the right place to get support and understanding while you grieve. We all have walked this same path and we will be here for you.
love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
MyoldmanK

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Posts: 3
 #3 
When does the pain and guilt go away?
Vblue

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Posts: 6
 #4 
Myoldmank

I put my Bear to sleep over a week ago and the guilt I experienced afterwards was almost unbearable. Just wishing I would have waited but then as I looked at his pictures I realized he was in a lot of pain and I made the best choice for him. You made your decision for Kingston out of love, very admirable and self less. I’ve been told time will ease the pain, I’m counting on it. Hang in there and don’t be hard on yourself for doing what you knew was best for Kingston.
Angelintheshapeofmydog

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Posts: 2
 #5 
My dog was in a similar situation last April. After trying different solutions over two months to treat her with no improvement (she actually only worsened), I made the most heartbreaking decision to let by best friend go. I felt guilty for a few months after. Now, when I look back and remember how much she was struggling, I know I made the right choice. But it doesn't mean I don't miss her every day and I don't still grieve from her absence. 

The following quote helped me find words for the enormity of the loss I felt: 
"The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss". ~Dean Koontz

Please be gentle with yourself. You made the best decision you could for your dog. May you find some peace as time passes.
MyoldmanK

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #6 
I miss him so much. Soso much.
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