Registered: 1594118811 Posts: 5
Ruby was a beautiful english long haired mini dachshund. The love of my life, even my wife was jealous I think. I thought 5 years ago, when I had to do the same for my wheaton wire-haired best bud Poppy, there could be no grief worse than that, but I was so wrong. He was 17, and in pain so it really was time, and I was with him, holding and loving until the end. But it was much worse this time, as I had Ruby from a puppy (where Poppy was a senior rescue I loved for 5 years) and the 13 years if her life flew by. She instantly became MY girl, and wanted to be with me at all times. She was perfect in every way. 8 months ago I could tell her vision was failing in dim light. Brain tumor was vets (wonderful vet) diagnosis. I cried then and often during the 8 months while I watched it completely blind and rob my Ruby of who she used to be. She basically only wanted to eat, poop/pee and sleep. She was in instinct and training mode. No more kisses, no more tail wagging, no response to her name. But she didn’t seem to be in any pain, though her rear legs regularly gave out and she just sat, until she got up. My brain knew it was time, she was never going to get better despite all the supplements I tried. But my heart screamed NO!!!! The tears won’t stop and each heartbeat is a dull, painful thud. I love and miss you baby girl. My only comfort is you will be young & healthy with Poppy and Layla and even Felix and waiting for me when meet you there. My lord, it hurts so much. Daddy misses and loves you so very very very much, please forgive, my love.
My wife is handling this much better than me. We still have one girl left, had 4. Nina (wirehair mini dachshund) is 15, arthritic, no teeth at all, also have had since a puppy. They were both “defect” dogs. I love her too, but it is not the same. Heart dog is a great name. I need to talk about my Ruby, but my wife refuses. We look at the many pics of her and she is able to remember and appreciate the best of times, while I seem to only feel the loss. The truth is she was gone months ago, and that was much harder on DW, seeing the shell of Ruby. I always felt like it was my duty, and I was very glad to, to take care of her through anything. It was so sad seeing her bump around the house, on her neverending Sniffing quest for food, but when she was through or tired she always sought one of us, usually me, to be lifted on to her favorite chair or sofa, to sleep. At first, months ago, she nuzzled to be scratched which I did until she slept. It was heartbreaking but I convinced myself “what else could she do, she’s blind!?” I was quick with DW a few times when she suggested she was ready to go. This was my baby girl. But even I had to agree that at the end, all she was doing was routine, anything that she did was in response to instinct. It comforted me to know she felt safe and just “better” to lie next to me, instead of scared and alone. I haven’t slept in my own bed in months, just with ber on the couch. But at the end, she just needed my smell, and didn’t even want to be up against me, like she always did. That was when I wondered if she slept so much because she might be in pain. She never barked anymore, only cried when she had to go out, but still never had an indoor accident. (Where as Nina has one or two a week). I knew I was keeping her alive for me...she was in autopilot survival mode, with an increased appetite and no exercise, her weight ballooned and made it more uncomfortable for her, I’m sure. But only food made her happy and I knew time was short, so I didn’t care. But when she only wagged her tail in food anticipation and occasionally when bumping in to Nina, but never with either of us anymore, never responded to her name, I knew in my brain, it was time. I always do reinforced praise training, so I regularly said “Good girl Ruby! Ruby’s a good girl!” Every time she did her business outside, & “I love my Ruby” for indoor praise. It ALWAYS caused a tail wagging happy response. It hadn’t for a few weeks now. She no longer knew her name or praise. She used to bump me to say “feed me”, but at the end she simply walked to the doggie treat drawer and stared at it when it was time, crying if it was even 10 minutes past her “time to eat” time. None of this solid evidence has softened my pain. I sat in the car and cried for 30 minutes, unable to drive away after crying in the room with her before and after, kissing her lifeless body. It was agony. If ever I had pain (suffer from gout occasionally) or was recovering from injury or surgery, she always sought me out and laid with me, with sad eyes and kissing. She would go insane to get in my arms when I would pick her up after a trip to the vet or a vacation without her, smothering me with kisses. All that was gone. She would simply lie in my lap groaning with every stroke of love I gave her. No affect left. I know she was gone. I just can’t get over it. I know I will, as I have in the past, but my Ruby was oh so much more.