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alwaysfefesmom

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Posts: 14
 #1 
My cat was put to sleep 11 weeks ago. I am pretty much over the guilt and realize it was necessary with the aggressive cancer she had.
However, I am missing her so much. I went out of town for 7 weeks  2 weeks after she died so really didn't get used to her not being here.
I got home a week ago and I miss her terribly and every once in a while I start weeping and thinking "I want Fefe back right now, healthy". I don't want another cat. 
Does anyone else have this or had this happen?
I feel devastated and so sad. 
I thought I was over the grief but I see now I am not.
Anyone else out there experience this?
kamc22

Registered:
Posts: 1,910
 #2 
Grief is like that.  It can seem like you're recovering from a loss, then it wells up again.  A number of people on this message board have written that for them it feels just as bad or even worse after two months than it did at the beginning.  Fefe left this world 10 weeks ago, if I properly understand what  you wrote.  That isn't very long to be through grieving the loss of a family member, you'd not question yourself if you were still missing a beloved human whom you'd lost.  Losing a beloved furred one involves exactly the same process and emotions as losing a human, which a lot of people don't realize (I had to be told that by a grief counselor, it took me by surprise when she said that). 

I'll go out on a limb and speak for everybody else on this message board: we all would like our furred ones back, and healthy, we never have them long enough, and in my experiences cats become more loving the older they get, so when we lose them, it is agonizing.   I've even thought how neat it would be if I could have all my kitties here at once... never mind that I've never heard of a 50 year old cat, but they all had something so special and wonderful that I miss. 

What you are experiencing sounds completely normal and understandable to me, heartbreaking though it is.  It will get better, it does.
alwaysfefesmom

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #3 
Hi kamc 22.
Your post is so reassuring and comforting. Of course, two and a half months is like no time when a person dies so I now feel much better to feel this way about Fefe. Thank you so much for sharing and I am sure what you wrote is helpful to others too.
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,779
 #4 
I am sorry for your loss of Fefe. I feel that way also, I want Harry back, though I do love the cats I have now. The early days after I had to let him go was hard, and though it is better now, I still yearn to have him here beside me.
lindaw

Registered:
Posts: 304
 #5 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet cat. I've grieved for every pet I've lost. 
Even though you did what was best for your furbaby, that doesn't make the pain any less. I know this from experience. We put my calico to sleep a year  ago this past September and I still miss her everyday. The worse part is over but there are times that I feel like I want her back so badly. 
What you're going thru is natural. 
I pray for comfort and healing for you.
Crackerjack and Macy's mom...Linda
Lasweetbaby33

Registered:
Posts: 377
 #6 
I can relate to you because when I first lost my baby princess on (June, 2014) I was devastated nothing seem to help me recoverfrom her loss. Everyone just to tell me just get another cat and stop complaining about this one. All I just thought how selfish of everyone saying this to me when it was my baby that I just lost. Eventhought they told me to get another cat I was not even ready to get another one because I knew if I did I was going to replace my princess and I didn't want that. But then as the days passed by I was feeling so alone and that's when I received a sign and I just thought it was from my baby girl telling me that it was time for me to heal and be happy again so that's when I knew it was time for me to get another baby for me to love.

I knew that i was never going to replace princess and that each kitty has their own little personality. So now I have my sweet baby blanca who actually happens to be my princess sister what a coincidence. blanca is a very sweet calico kitten that now has all my love because she is just so adorable. at first I was having a hard time accepting her but as the days had gone by I just feel so in love with her. But let me telling you right now you are only at 11 weeks that your baby has passed away its very normal to feel the way you do. you need to give yourself some time to heal and be ready for another baby. because I was like you at first I didn't want another kitty all I wanted was my princess back but LIke I said within the time you will know when you are ready it all depends on you no one else. I'am so sorry for your loss please accept my sincere sympathy and I hope your heart heals soon sending you a big warm (((HUG))))


~ Mayra


(Princess & Blanca's mommy)
anna88

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #7 
Hi alwaysfefesmon,

Yes. It's been 14 weeks since my cat Big Boy died and I cry most nights. I am still devastated and sad too.

I so want to be done with the grief, but I guess it takes a while.

I read something about grief recently which said that grief is our friend, it exists to heal the heart and put you back together again emotionally, so that you can live and enjoy your life fully again, going forward. Tears are cleansing.

I know that Big Boy would not want me to suffer or grieve, but fact is, I am going to, anyway. He was my baby and my companion and his death left a big hole in my life. Of course I need to grieve that. When I get to the other side of it, I'll be glad though.

Hugs,

Anna
erika21

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #8 
I had a cat named Tweakers, he was only 4 years old when he died yesterday. We came home and found him lying on the floor. It has only been a day and I miss him so much. I cry myself to sleep every night, I can't stop thinking about him. I keep thinking I am seeing him everywhere I go, but I know he is gone forever. Nobody understands how I am feeling, they just want to get a new cat for me. How do I deal with this pain? He meant the world to me and i'll never see him again.
alwaysfefesmom

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #9 
Dear Brenrae, lindaw, lasweetbaby 33, anna 88 and erkiika 21

Your words and wishes have meant everything to me: they have helped me believe that what I am feeling is "normal" and that the pain will lead to better days sometime.

I cried when I read your lovely messages and the crying really does help healing.

I am  being more patient with myself and forgiving of silly comments like "get a new cat". Those people just don't get it and/or they really want us to feel better and don't know what else to say.

I can't imagine having another cat but I am hopeful I will. I will wait.

Thanks, thanks.
Love, Fefesmom

nonni991

Registered:
Posts: 445
 #10 
I am so sorry for the loss of your fefe. It is a very difficult time.
Like you i to this day still wish I had my Shadow back. We become very bonded with our babies and losing them is very difficult. I lost my Shadow 9 months ago and yes i still cry alot.
I wish i could tell you how long the grief last but it is different for everyone.
Your fefe is still with in your heart and watching over you hoping for you to be happy.
I know people say go get another cat but that has to be for you to decide.
After losing my Shadow my family asked me to go look - they did not want me to lose my love of those fur babies.
I found one that was labeled with stimulation aggression and knew her adoption rate was low. I did not see that in her and fearing what could happen i brought her home. Even though i felt i was not ready she has helped so much in this journey without my Shadow. And no she was not aggressive just scared and is the sweetest girl ever.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.
Lenora
DoctorG

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #11 
My beautiful big kitty boy has been gone since December 21 st, 2018. Having him in my life was a true blessing. For that I will always be thankful.
I learned so much from him and we were best buddies. So special, so intelligent a pet
Like no other.
I wish I could tell you and everyone else out there that the pain and the crying
has subsided, but it doesn't. You can't really ever replace your angel.
So,just remember the joy that you were fortunate enough to experience with your loved one and keep that light shining in your heart forever.
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