Registered: 1573108754 Posts: 2
On Monday evening, my year and half old husky, Radar, suddenly died. He seemed so fine up until literally the hour before he passed. He was actually at the vet earlier the same day to have a bump on his elbow looked at (something that I have been assured was not connected to his death) and the vet said he was looking great. Checked his heart, lungs, everything. She said he looked great other than the bump and reccomend us to us a heat pack for it. We took him home and he almost immediately went to go play. My boyfriend and I hopped onto a plane that night as everything seemed fine and we had planned this vacation for over a year now. We even had a conversation about if anything was wrong with Radar, that we would be staying behind. But the vet said he was fine and that we would be okay to go. At about midnight, we recieved a call from our roommate that Radar had stopped breathing and he was rushing him to the emergency room. Vet rushed him back and tried to resuscitate him, but he was already gone.
After talking to both vets who saw him that day, neither of them can find a reason why he died. The second vet said that other than him dying, he was a normal happy, healthy puppy and couldn't find anything wrong with him. It seems like he just stopped. I can't begin to form my feelings into words. I'm so angry that he died and there was nothing we could do. Not only was I 2,000 miles away, but I couldn't even offer anything. I couldn't have even held his head as he passed to let him know that he was such a good boy and that I love him so much. I couldn't drive him to the vet, I couldn't clear his airways to help him breath, I couldn't pet his head to help calm him. I'm so angry that he's just gone and not even a few hours earlier we were playing in the backyard. I've had pets die before, but there was always build up. You could see their joints aching, the grey in their fur, I had a chance to say goodbye and make sure their last day was the best I could give them. Radar was at the vet for his last day and then I rushed off to a tropical vacation. I feel so guilty for not being there for him on his last day and I hate the thought of him dying alone either in my living room or the car or in the vet office. I hate the thought of him being scared and needing me and I let him down. And I'm so angry that I'll never get to see his sweet smile or get to clean his muddy paw prints from the floor. He was just a baby and he's just gone and I can't seem to come to terms with it all. I want to blame someone so bad, even if it's me. I just want a reason, any reason. Something to make this all make sense. And I know the normal stuff, I recognize that this happens sometimes, circle of life, etc. But it doesn't make it better. I didn't realize how important an answer is until now but I can't seem to get a hold on anything. Everytime I think about it I either angry cry or I'm a sobbing mess. It seems like his life was cut so short for no reason and it almost doesn't seem real. Even now I hope its just some elaborately sick joke that someone is playing on me. That I'm going to go home and he's gonna be waiting for me at the door. And I know that's ridiculous and 100% not grounded in reality, but I find myself going to it over and over again.
Registered: 1573031875 Posts: 7
I completely understand where you are coming from. We lost our puppy, who was only two months old, when we went on a vacation as well (it was planned prior to adoption, otherwise we wouldn't have gone). The worst part is that neither you nor I was there when they passed. I also felt like it was a sick joke, like that wasn't actually her and that she was going to come back to me alive.
I read in an article that rather than being angry or sad, understand that what you are feeling is love. We loved our pets so much and what happened was a story that was already written for them. They were set to be born the way they did and pass the way they did. Hope you take time to heal. Sob and vent to your family and close friends, and feel safe to explain your feelings and what you're going through here.
Registered: 1573108754 Posts: 2
Thank you. It still just doesn't seem real. He walked me to the door to say goodbye, I promised him we would go on a walk when I got home. My boyfriend keeps offering to take us home early, but I'm so scared to walk through the door and not see him. My boyfriend has made similar comments and I don't know how we take that step to move forward. I can't even look at pictures of him on my phone without breaking down, let alone walk into the house we brought him home to.
Registered: 1573031875 Posts: 7
It's been two days since my puppy passed away. One of my friends said "you have videos to remember her by." It's still really hard for me to watch them without breaking down but I'm trying to change my perspective like I'm grateful I have these images and videos to look back at how wonderful she was.
It's definitely tough to try and do my usual routine without being reminded of her everywhere but the first step to healing is doing exactly what you're doing now. Talking it out. I find the more I'm able to talk about it, the better I feel. I will say though that when I first got home, it was really painful. I'm reminded where she used to sleep, the bowl she ate out of, her adoption paperwork and folder on my desk... This is the hardest part but I can tell you that as much as it hurts, it will get better through time.
Registered: 1573543148 Posts: 2
I lost my girl today and I’m devastated. I don’t know life without her
Registered: 1444060919 Posts: 640
You said "I hate the thought of him dying alone either in my living room or the car or in the vet office." If I was you, I would have a long talk with both the roomate and the vet(s) and vet tech(s) who saw Radar that day. Even if you have to pay to make a vet appt and use that time to meet with the vet alone. Veterinary clinics also sometimes allow for vet tech appts. Alert them you are coming and have a list of questions submitted before you get there so the vet and tech know what is on the agenda. Before you make the appt. confirm once, maybe even twice that the vet and tech got your agenda outline so that when you show up they don't say "I didn't get anything". You need to know where Radar died. In the car, in the living room, what room, the vet office? Did anyone observe Radar as he was dying? What was he like when he arrived at the vet? What was his behavior like minutes and I do mean even seconds fefore he stopped breathing. Was he walking around and then fell to the ground and stopped breathing? Was he walking around gasping for air? You need DETAILS ON EVERTHING. When he got to the vet office did they put him in an oxygen cage? Was he being monitored while in the oxygen cage? Who was monitoring him? Monitoring him means repeated looking at him while in the oxygen cage. An oxygen cage is a cage big enough for a pet where oxygen is pumped in. The vets say they don't know why he died but they do know what are some possibilities. I would grill them on what are some common causes of death in otherwise healthy young dogs who showed no sign of illness? They DO known those things. Anyone can know those things by doing a google search. How much more a licensed veterinarian. If Radar had been a human being you can be sure the MD's would be scrambling to come up with answers out of fear of a malpractice suit. Hold the vet to the same standard. Radar was your son. Don't let this slip by. I am sorry for this terrible tragedy. Sudden death is no joke and it is not surprising that you are horribly traumatized. I would be too and so would anyone. You will be OK but for now that seems like a pipedream. An illusion. I am really sorry this happened. God bless you, Stephanie