Registered: 1281581580 Posts: 17
It has been two months since my beloved Lucy (age 13) and one month since my cherished Mocha (age 14) died. I still feel overwhelmed with grief. I stared going to therapy and taking medications for the severe depression I experienced from losing my babies. I am better, more able to function, but the loss is still so strong. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have no human children, we only had our furbabies.
Yesterday when I got out of therapy I ran into a coworker I hadn't seen in some time. I told her about my losses and became tearful. I was surprised at how deep my wounds still are. I have to keep reminding myself to work through my grief even though it would be much easier to not deal with it, which is what I have been doing even though I wasn't aware that that's I was doing. I wanted to bury it so I didn't have to feel. Yesterday reminded me how important it is to keep dedicating time to my healing. I really appreciate this message board, it is helping me heal.
Registered: 1245859572 Posts: 2,123
Gosh, one and two months is so early, of course you'd still be grieving. I got counseling, but did not get put on meds. My counselor told me that what I was going through was natural grief, not a clinical depression. I didn't want to feel it either. I kept thinking (and telling people on these boards) that I thought I should be feeling better. It took a good 3 months before the dark hole had a little light coming in, another 3 months before I felt like I started to get my life back, and another 6 months before I felt like I finally was living my life normally again. That's an entire year. And now, 16 months later, I still get at least one tear daily. I will always feel that part of me that was my boy, missing, but I can live without breaking down now. And I can remember him with a smile. Don't worry about getting teary when you speak of them. You are in the very early stages of grief. My husband and I didn't have children either. Our boy (Australian Shepherd) was our only child. If I can eventually get better, certainly, anyone can. Hang in there. Talking about our fur babies and remembering their lives with each other here on the boards helps. Hugs of comfort, Lori
Registered: 1288091054 Posts: 8
only 10days for us and we can just about talk about him together, but not anyone on the outside yet. i have a "please dont ask i cant talk about it " attitude. but my daughter and i visit his grave together and when we went the first time after his death there were birds sitting on the rabbit statue we have marked his grave with......it made us feel that others had also come to visit with him x
Registered: 1248885716 Posts: 116
THE LONLINESS IS SO HARD.ALL THE THOUGHTS AND SWEET MEMORIES SO PAINFUL.AS I REACH OUT TO YOU,MY BELOVED JUNEAU'S PICTURE IS ON MY RIGHT.HIS ASHES AND PICTURES ON MY LEFT.IT HAS BEEN 4 MNTHS.I MISS HIM MORE EACH DAY.
TO HAVE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO LUCY AND MOCHA,TILL YOU JOIN THEM AGAIN,IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.I AM SO SORRY.I HOPE COUNSELING WILL BE A SAFE PLACE TO SHARE YOUR HEART,TEARS AND SMILES.AS YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND WALK THRU THIS SORROW,CLING TO EACH OTHER. YOU WILL FIND FRIENDS HERE AT PETLOSS. JUNEAU WOLFDOGGIE 07/08/94-06/16/10
Registered: 1272672086 Posts: 356
I am so sorry for your loss of Lucy and Mocha. I can understand how you feel. Grieving is so hard and especially if the the fur babies are the only ones you have. We are close to 7 months since loosing our Ginger and I still cannot talk about her without having tears in my eyes and choking on my words. Hold on. I have something in my eyes as I type...
My thoughts are with you, your family and Lucy and Mocha.
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,198
Two summers ago I went to a couple of pet loss grief support meetings. This was a little more than a year after Blackie had passed away. During these meetings everybody had the chance to talk about their pet and why they came to the meeting. During the very first meeting I started to cry before my turn came to talk about Blackie. Once it was my turn, I was in tears so all I could do was pass around Blackie's picture to everyone in the group and tell them minimal information about him, such as his name, how long I had him, how old he was, and how long it had been since he passed away. I was really surprised at how easily the tears flowed and how they just didn't seem to stop. I mean, I had written a lot about Blackie in his memorial journal and on this website, and I had gotten used to doing that to the point where I could write about Blackie without breaking into tears. But to actually talk about him was a different story altogether, so I was really taken aback with the ease & intensity of my tears. Fortunately everybody there understood so I didn't feel like an idiot or something like that.
Before I went back to the next meeting I made sure I practiced talking out loud about Blackie a few times, sort of as a way to get used to the emotions that would arise whenever I'd actually talk out loud about him. I found that after a few meetings I could talk about Blackie to the people in that group without breaking into tears. But it took practice, and I also found I also teared up when talking about Blackie to other people. A little over a year has passed since I went to those meetings and I can now talk about Blackie to people without having such intense emotional reactions. Sometimes I do find my eyes welling up with tears, but thankfully it is usually something I can now control. I guess my point here is that you should be easy on yourself when it comes to tearing up when talking about Lucy & Mocha. Everybody is different and our ability to get the grieving process is unique and goes in spurts. It is amazing how sometimes the most innoccuous thing will trigger tears. So please don't be surprised at your tears or beat yourself up over them - they come at the oddest moments, sometimes when you least expect them. All we can do is just get through the moment as best we can. As many have written on this board, your tears are a true testament to the bond you shared with Lucy and Mocha... Take care, - Kelly Blackie's mommy
Registered: 1281581580 Posts: 17
I want to thank all of you for your support - especially because I know we are all in pain and it can be difficult to share at times. Lori, you helped normalize my feelings and helped me understand the grief process better. Beatrix that is a beautiful story about the birds visiting your furbaby. JUJU, I'm so sorry for your loss of
Juneau, and thank you for your kind words. Roman, thank you for thinking of us, we'll say a prayer for your family and Ginger. Kelly, thank you for sharing your story - I can identify so much with your expereince of talking about Blackie. I appreciated your perspective on how tears are a testament to the bond with my girls - I never saw it like that. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT!!! It warms my heart to know there are good people out there that care.
Registered: 1279288501 Posts: 564
I understand your pain...I also lost my precious pups, Luke and Lil, three weeks from one another. They had been with me for 13 and 12 years, and they were my babies!! My human children have long since grown and moved away, so it was also like these were my only kids!!
I'm now going on 4 months since Luke left, and the pain is still so acute at times....but, I have to tell you that it has gotten more easy to deal with as time has passed. I also adopted two rescue dogs a month ago, and that has made my life so much more manageable. I never really thought that I would feel joy again in my life, but I do!! These dogs will never replace Luke and Lil, but I love them very much, and I know it was the right decision to make to bring them home! Please understand that I'm not saying that this is the answer for you. I just need you to know that I too was in the deepest despair when I lost my sweet babies, and I never thought I could get through it.....but I did!! I have so much more love to give to my new pups, and I have never regretted getting them! God Bless and comfort you in your grief! Rick
Registered: 1268085638 Posts: 195
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my angel almost 8 months ago, and the pain is still so raw at times I don't know how I stand it. But I have better days too, where I can look at his pictures and smile. It's a long journey, but know that we are all here for you. Pets are such an amazing part of our lives, and we're so blessed for the time we have with them. My prayers are with you... Jill
Registered: 1289341807 Posts: 8
Hi, I am new to this board. Quite honestly i avoided checking it out for awhile because i thought it would be too painful to read about other people losing their pets when I still couldn't accept the loss of my own.
It's been about 3 months since we had to MAKE THE MOST HORRIBLE DECISION OF OUR LIFE and let go of our sweet 16 y.o. German shepherd dog. My emotions are all over the place. I have good days and bad days, and i really was starting to feel better until a few weeks ago. I believe that has to do with the fact that we originally fostered and then adopted her in early NOV 1996. And of course we spoiled her for our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together! Also weighing very heavily on me is that I feel trapped in a house of memories because I cannot bring myself to clean the house properly....i don't want to vacuum or dust up her fur, Windex her paw and nose prints off the windows, wash her towels and blankets, put away or give away things that were hers or remind me of her. I feel like doing these things is permanently "cleaning" the house of her forever...like she was never there, when in fact, she was ALWAYS there for me! That breaks my heart! I don't know what to do. I feel stuck and unable to make a decision. I need to move forward and I was hoping someone here can give me some advice. Thank you.
Registered: 1289780244 Posts: 1
We lost our cocker spaniel in Jan. 2010 and it was unbelievably difficult. I have to say I felt like I needed to clean up and put away all his stuff the week following. Every day I'd do a little bit and it was therapeutic for me - I cried the whole time, but felt better each day because it was a release. We did keep his blanket in our room with a stuffed animal dog sitting on it (maybe a little hokey).
So everyone handles this differently, but please remember your memories will still be there even if the physical reminders aren't there. Do you have a photo album? I had even written a little list of his personality traits/funny memories which is nice to read once in a while because sometimes you do forget.