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wickedtech

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Posts: 6
 #1 
We had Dewey for 14 years, a little snarky Jack Chi that became the best friend I ever had.  He was originally my wife's dog but over the years Dewey and I became inseparable.  I was even able to take him to work with me once in a while.

Up until last Tuesday Dewey seemed fine.  We did notice though he was throwing up on occasion but we chalked it up to a new dog food that he seemed to especially like, he has always free-fed and stayed a constant 13 lbs, but we figured he was over eating and would settle down over time.

Suddenly last week he would not go up the stairs and did not want to get off of the couch.  That was very unusual because he always slept in our bed and followed me around.  He was also not eating his dog food but was drinking water. He had fallen a couple of times and we thought that might be it.  The following Monday (3 days ago) I got him in to see the vet, at first they thought it was a back injury as well, which he did also have) but then the vet returned and told me he was in the advanced stages of kidney failure.

They gave him a fluid injection that was supposed to help him for a day or so, it kind of helped.  I took Tuesday off of work and stayed with him, I had been sleeping on an air mattress so he would not be alone.

Yesterday, my wife and I took him back to the vet and after discussing our options, we decided to end his pain.  We could have strung this out for a while but he was already down to 10 lbs and visibly miserable.

I know I did the right thing, but now I have such a sense of loss, it is indescribable.  I realize it has only been one day but I feel like my life will never be the same.  I have 2 daughters but I often referred to Dewey as my son, since we were the only boys in the house.

I am grateful for this site because it gives me some place to get the pain off my chest.

I always knew when he left me that it would be horrible, but in my world he was going to live to 18, he turned 14 on 8/6/18.
Doggyinheaven

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Posts: 13
 #2 
I understand your pain. My dog/girl died just one month passed turning 13. She was my baby. I had her since she was 16 weeks old. I’m goin on week 4 of her being gone and it’s just the most awful experience I’ve ever been through. I’ve cried every day. I carry the pain with me EVERYWHERE. I know..... I can tell already that life will never be the same for me. Read books on pet loss - continue visiting this site as I know it helps. I personally sought counsel from a pet bereavement counselor and she has helped me so much. I also went to a pet loss support group and that was also very helpful. Being around others who lost a beloved pet helps because it makes us realize that we are not alone and we are all going through the same thing.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 106
 #3 
Wicked tech: I am so sorry about Dewey. I love your description of him: snarky. I bet he had a big, humorous personality with that breed combination. He was a lucky pup to have a life with humans that clearly loved him.

I truly feel that reading this site helped me. Obviously we do not want anyone else to feel the same pain, but it helps to know there are like-minded folks who understand and will listen.

Reading books and articles about pet loss helped, too.

Hang in there -- keep the good memories of Dewey close!

Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #4 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Dewey. Kidney disease is so tough, so sneaky I believe. I have been there with my own beloved dog, Arby this past year. Arby was healthy with good check-ups and I hoped and imagined that he would live at least till 16 years of age which is not uncommon for Pomeranians from what I hear. Late stage kidney disease took him from me when he was 12 years 3 months. How I loved him so. He fought a good fight and so did we. I miss him terribly; I believe my once Earth Angel is now my Angel in Heaven watching over and guiding me.

Please keep surrounding your self with those who are compassionate and understand (I stopped sharing my loss with people who didn't 'get it' and that helped to not add to the pain of the terrible loss). Please allow yourself time to cry and grieve and eventually time to come to terms with this loss as best as you can.

Thinking of you during this difficult time. ((hugs))
wickedtech

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #5 
Thank you all so much for the supportive words.  "Snarky" is a perfect word to describe the Dew-Man.  He was lovable but not real needy.  A couple of months ago a neighbor met Dewey for the first time and remarked how much he liked him and what a "big" personality Dewey had.  LOL that comment made my day.

I am lucky enough to know a few people at work who have been through the same situation and have been there to listen.

I keep thinking how I could have saved him but once the worst happened I know I made the correct choice, I held him as he was put down and he laid his head in my wife's hands as he passed.

Now, it is just dealing with how badly I miss him.  I always knew it would hurt.  We do have another dog, a 4lb long-haired chihuahua, she is very sweet but I never had the connection I did with Dewey.

Sincerely,
Steve L.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 106
 #6 
Steve, he sounds like an awesome dog. I've pondered why we connect to some pets at a special level -- I wonder if having a big personality is part of a "heart dog"?

Friends were getting in their car at a grocery store -- late one winter night, pouring down rain. A wet, bedraggled chihuahua appeared at their car. They took the dog home and had zero luck finding his owner. After some duration, they realized they were owned by a chihuahua, though as she said "we are NOT chihuahua people." Darn if that dog wasn't the goofiest, funniest, most lovable dog ever. He just made everyone laugh and he also had a snarkiness to him. When you described your dog, that chihuahua' s personality is what I imagined.

Our dog had a big personality -- totally different than your pooch, but, big. My mom used to say "ya know, Annie only LOOKS like a dog -- I think she's really a human."

I hope each day is a tiny bit better for you.
wickedtech

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #7 
It has been a week since Dewey left and I cannot believe how much I miss him.  I understand we all die someday but the hole that is left inside me feels huge.

It feels like he has been gone forever but its been 7 days.  I thought I was doing better but today is especially hard for some reason.

Trying to stay positive but I lost my best friend and my life will never be the same.

Right now it feels like I will never get over him.  

I am rambling now but this is extremely difficult to get through.  I cannot stop thinking about him and I feel a bit hopeless.
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #8 
I am very sorry your precious boy, Dewey, has passed on.  The love one has for their pet can not be measured!!  The deep pain in the early days of loss are unbearable.  I found so much comfort at this site when my sweet bunny boy passed away many years ago.  The pain does lessen and the wonderful memories of time with your pet will warm your heart and soul.

Mare
precious Christoph and Heidi ~ always in my heart~
staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #9 
I can't stop crying and feel like I will never stop. My Peanut died in my arms while bringing to the ER at 5:00 am today. We were inseparable. I rescued him when he was 9 months old. He was only 7 years old. He was the happiest, most loving and affectionate dog I have ever seen. He was attached to my hip. He would not leave my side. He wouldn't let anyone other than me walk him. We were together 24/7. At 4 am I noticed he was in his cage and not sleeping next to me. He wouldn't come out of his cage so I had to reach in and bring him to bed. Within 1/2 hour he was drooling badly and started thrashing about. His head was cocked to the side. He was totally not himself. I kept calling the 24 hr pet hospital and they thought it was a seizure and would go away. Finally at 6 am when we noticed he wasn't getting better we wrapped him in a towel and took him to the ER. I ran in and told someone to take him and help him. They came out and told me he passed away before he reached the ER. I hope he knows how much I loved him. I am so grateful he was in my arms and hope he felt me kissing his head and telling him how much I loved him.  I'm so scared I am going to go crazy. It's only been a few hours but I miss his kisses, smell, touch, everything about him. Anyone who has gone through this please help me. Thank you.
wickedtech

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #10 
staceynix,
My heart goes out to you and what you are going through.  They always seem to leave us sooner than than they should.  It sounds like Peanut had a wonderful parent and a great life.

My emotions get the best of me at times but I am starting to accept that I did everything I could to save him.

Talking about it has helped me quite a bit and I have been putting together all of the pictures and videos of him I can find.  Seems to help.

Today I picked up his remains at the vet and was pleasantly surprised that they had made a plaster imprint of his front paws.

I understand how you miss him and the fear that it encompasses but it will get better, as painful as it is right now for me it is a little bit better than yesterday and getting his remains is one more step in my grieving process.

You will get through this!
wickedtech

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #11 

Mare,
Thank you for your words of encouragement.  Of course I still miss him badly but I am beginning to accept things for what they are.

Digging up pics and videos of him has helped immensely.  It became obvious that Dewey was deeply loved and treated like a king looking through the pics and videos.

I gave him the best life I could he did the same for me.  I never had to scold him (Ok occasionally he would tear up tissues....that was the worst of it)

When I picked up his remains today they included a postcard with the "Rainbow Bridge" story....that got to me a bit.

I am so grateful for this site and the members, it lets me know that I am not going through this alone.

staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #12 
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. My home feels so empty without peanut. It’s going to hard to go to bed without him. I held him every night and he loved it. I keep thinking I could have done something different. I will be looking for a pet grieving counselor tomorrow. God bless everyone here xoxo
Greenpj22

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #13 
I am having the same problem sleeping. I started a work from home job 4 years ago and after a month, I went to the humane society and adopted Buddy, a clumber spaniel mix. He jumped in my lap and I petted him.. and then he laid at my feet and it was love at first sight. Over the years he became extremely fearful and bit my brother last Christmas causing him to get stitches and me having to get a few visits from the local health department. My brother was playing with him one second and then he went to pet him and he just snapped and ran after him.

Before that I was extremely worried and stressed any time anybody was around him. I went through a divorce last year and moved in with my dad for a few months and that’s when he bit my brother. He was good around my ex wife and step daughter, but I couldn’t let him go around other people.

I was petting him a few weeks ago and he just snapped on me, and luckily snapped out of it quickly. I am dating someone now and he absolutely loved her but never did like her kids, even though I tought them never to approach him and let him come to them. He lunged at them a few times too and I was a nervous wreck.

I couldn’t leave him cooped up at home and he was getting to where he would barely go outside because the leaves would move on trees and scare him, etc. I talked to a few vets and one of them is great friends with my dad. My dad has been talking to him about the situation ever since he bit my brother last year.

Well.. on Sunday, a stray dog came in the yard and I couldn’t get buddy and he attacked it. Would not let go at all and I had to almost beat him off of it. He came after me some after that but then snapped out of it and came and sat at my feet as to say he was sorry.

That was the signal to me he was just so miserable in this life. Working from home and living alone is so tough. I miss my best friend. The hardest thing is.. around me he was great 90% of the time unless he just snapped. I was even fearful to pet him sometimes and was so scared to take him anywhere. I’m pretty sure he was abused before I got him because when I would take my belt off at night he would cower in the corner and shake.. as if I was going to hit him.

I can’t help but blame myself and think about what I could have done better so he could still be here with me. Selfishly I wished he would have became ill which would have made this situation better.

I held it together great during the procedure because I wanted him to see me smiling as the last thing he saw.. but they actually had to tape his mouth because he was trying to bite. It’s like he knew and wasn’t ready to go. After it the vet said a beautiful prayer and I broke down and should have asked to walk out the back. I find it hard to focus at work, am totally numb around everything and everyone.

I miss everything about him, but I know he is absolutely peaceful now and doesn’t have to worry or be fearful anymore. I just miss my best friend
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