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blvdbutterfly

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Posts: 3
 #1 

And I feel like I am in a bad dream I stand up and realize its real. I am still crying on and off. I got my baby cremated today at 9am and they were ready at 5pm. I have been holding his urn all night along with his blanket. I feel better when I hold it. I feel lonely and the house feels empty, I don't think the other cats noticed hes gone except my other cat Bear is sleeping in my bed and following me around just like what Oliver used to do, hes never done that before. I don't think I will ever get over this he used to make me so happy. He was so cute he was always calm- he used to always follow me around the house room to room and when I didn't notice him he would grab at my ankle. He'd sleep on the bottom of the bed by my feet, sit on the computer stand with me while I browsed online- I miss him. I don't feel him around the house, I hope hes happy and okay I wish I could get a sign . I plan on getting a memorial tattoo of his name on my foot. I am very angry at the vet that I was taking him to. I feel like when they told me the cancer had spread they just wanted to take control over everything- they were gonna get him cremated and pick out everything without telling me and charge me for it they only told me when I called to say I was going to pick him up. His doctor would not talk to us but called his assistant to talk to us for him. I gave him a whole day to call and give us his condolences but no call. I feel that since the checks stopped rolling in he dosent care anymore. His assistant was very cold hearted about everything and I am so upset I never got to say goodbye. I didnt even get to say goodbye when my mom took him in to get his feeding tube checked cause I was busy with work. I feel so gulity that the last person he saw was the vet docotor. I am so sorry Oliver mommy loves you.

kittiekat

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Posts: 215
 #2 
Hi blvdbutterfly,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Oliver.  I am so sad too over the loss of my Smokey and Sam.  I miss them terribly.   I too have guilt about the euthanasia process and wondering what could/should I have done differently?  Unfortunately age, sickness and death are something we cannot control.  It is inevitable for all of us....human and fur kids.  There is a piece on guilt on this site by Ginger Lynn.  Please take a look at it as it might help you start to forgive yourself.  I too am a bit frustrated with my vet as I never received a sympathy card from them.  I know they are wonderful vets and the staff offered much comfort during the process and since that time.  But I wondered about the whole money thing too.  Read Ginger's post and know that Oliver and my kitties are probably romping around at the bridge right now.  Smokey and Sam are probably showing Oliver all of the best places to lay in the sun and enjoy all the peace and love the bridge has to offer.

Take care,

Kittiekat
DrewTenderHeartWolf

Registered:
Posts: 1,493
 #3 
(((((Gabrielle))))).  I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby Oliver.  I am sorry too for the lack of compassion from your vet.  Losing a furbaby is difficult enough under any circumstances.  I do not understand how they can be that way, but let me tell you of my first experience with having a furbaby pts.
 
I took my Maine coon cat Cody to the vet because I thought he had a cold.  The vet said, well, he's just very old and he needs to be pts.  I went into total shock, crying, sobbing and made the worst decision of my life.  I left him there to be cremated in a group cremation and was not with him when he was pts.  I feel the vet could have been a little more understanding and perhaps should have given me some time and talked with me a little more about what my choices were.  He couldn't get out of the room fast enough and simply said, someone will be in to get your check and help you sign the paper work.  I still remember the look on his face as the assistant took him away.  I did at least get to say goodbye.  And now, I have a lovely marker for him in the pet cemetery in the woods behind our house.  I know that even though his remains are not there, he will always be in my heart.
 
The other two times I had a fubaby pts, while not easy, went a little better than my first time.  My vet is very good about sending cards and have a very sympathetic staff.  I see them every three weeks when I take my dog Issi in for her chemotherapy and most recently, when I accidently ran over one of my cats.  She survived, but has no feeling in her lower extremities.  She now has to wear a diaper, but is quite a trooper.  The other day she pulled herself through the house, with no help!!!
 
It might help you to write your feelings down and maybe to even write a note to your vet about how you feel.  While it may not help your situation, perhaps it would be a wake up call that they need to think about a little more than the money part of the business.
 
As far as receiving a sign from your baby, give it time.  Your loss is still very new.  It was quite a while before I had any dreams or signs of my furkids.
 
I am glad that you found pet loss and perhaps we will talk some time.  Take care.
 
Your friend,
 
DrewTenderHeartWolf
 
http://www.catster.com/cats/311365
RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #4 
I'm sorry for your loss. My baby had a tiny big bird toy that I sleep with now. I miss my guy so much so I know how you are feeling. Tomorrow will be two weeks. The first week was like a dream. You're in my prayers.


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