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karen2lilo

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Im new here. I put my 12 yr 11mo old dog to sleep Dec 5th. Her birthday would have been Dec 19th. I hope she would make it. She did not.
I told myself I would never euthanize her, but she fell ill with a mysterious sickness where no one could solve the puzzle. 2 vets later, multiple ideas, and she basically starved herself to death so instead of letting her continue to starve, i chose home euthanasia. I feel guilty for not "fixing" the issue. Its been a rough month but today is going to be final. Her ashes are being shipped. I got the email yesterday and cried for over an hour. 
I had Lilo (like Lilo and stitch) for 13 years, since she was a baby. She moved 3 times with me to different homes. We lived in 3 different states. We traveled everywhere together. We went hiking together. She slept in my bed for 13 years (even though she was 45 pounds! lol). I bought a house for her because the apartments were not allowing pets anymore. I bought a condo for her when we moved for the same reason. I even bought a king sized bed because she wouldnt fit in the bed with myself and my partner. Every decision I made was for the sake of myself and my dog. I have been single most of my adult life until recently partnering up with the man of my dreams. He loved my dog so much too. Its been hard on him too.
I knew this day would come but possibly didnt realize it would be as hard as it is. The finality of receiving her in a box perplexes me. Its like "my baby is coming home in a f*ing box". Not that shes coming home from the vet, or I am coming home from a trip, or that she just went to the groomers for awhile, etc. Its permanent. I just am having such a hard time today. I barely got out of bed. I think part of my problem is my world revolved around her because I work from home and make my own schedule. So my schedule was suited to getting her outside, walking, getting meds, feeding, etc. Its all gone and I am lost most days even though the holidays came and went pretty smoothly. This week back to work has been rough because dealing with the emptiness of the house is dealing with the emptiness in my heart. 
I am not sure what else to say but hopefully some of you can understand.
Vblue

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Posts: 6
 #2 
Karen2lilo

We put our Bear to sleep on Dec. 31st. It has been the hardest week of my life without him here. His presence filled up our home and now he is gone. He will be cremated tomorrow and we will bring him home and I feel exactly as you. Bear has moved with us four times and every time we chose a house, based on his needs, I stay at home so we spent all of our days together. My husband travels a lot and our kids are grown so he was my companion and company. Everywhere I look in our home makes me think of him. I will never be able to hug him again and that feels unbearable. His absence leaves a huge void in my heart. Hoping and praying for better days.
karen2lilo

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Posts: 2
 #3 
Value,

Very much know that empty companion feeling. I had Lilo as a 6 Wk old rescue puppy. I know 13 years is a long time for a dog, but it’s never long enough for us humans. I pray for your peace to come.
Thanks for replying. I needed that. Hugs and love.
Vblue

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
We were able to see Bear one last time before he was cremated today and I cannot tell you how much it helped us to bring closure. All week I just wanted to touch him one last time, pet and hug him and I got my chance. We brought his ashes home today and oddly having them here with us gives us some level of comfort. If anyone plans on cremation and are given the option to see them before I highly suggest doing it.
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #5 
I understand your loss and feel your heart ache. Yes 13 years is a long time but never long enough. My sweet Termy was 16 years and 4 months when I let him go to the Bridge. He was also suffering. He went from 13 pounds to a sad 10 pounds. No matter what I tried to get him to eat, he would just sniff it and walk away. I couldn't watch it. His heart was in living but his old tired body was giving up, sadly. Don't feel you were at fault. Sometimes we just can't fix them and have to let them go out of love. It is so wonderful to have loved and to have been loved. It sounds as if Lilo was your heart dog. We are the lucky ones to have been chosen by them to share our lives with them. It sounds like you made a wonderful journey together. Cherish it always. You sound like a wonderful mom and gave Lilo a wonderful life. God bless you. Hold tight to Lilo memories because she made you a multitude of them to last you until you are reunited again at the Bridge.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
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