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barkobee

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Yesterday we had to put our nearly 16-year-old cairn terrier down. He had a few medical problems, but old age is what really got to him. Over the last year or so he lost his sight, sense of smell, and about 95% of his hearing. He couldn't move as well anymore and slept all day. Though he never did lose his appetite, but I always did joke that the dog would've sold his soul for a piece of kibble. That stubborn dog always loved to eat.

Because he was so old, we were mostly prepared for it to happen any day. But when I saw him fall over and start seizing on the floor yesterday evening, my heart broke. He was extremely disoriented and could only pull himself up out of sheer, stubborn will. We took him to the emergency vet, but the treatment options were both extremely expensive and would've likely only prolonged his life by a few weeks or months at best. He wasn't looking great.

So we made the decision for euthanasia. It hurt to say it. It hurt so, so bad, but I wanted him to not be in pain anymore. The vet gave us as much time as we needed to say goodbye, and Barkley was the calmest I'd ever seen him. And he was never, ever calm at the vet's. He actually drifted off to sleep and started snoring as we rocked him in our arms, telling him that he was a good boy and reminiscing of the good times. Like the time this 15 lb dog stood up to a group of pitbulls without a trace of fear. Like the time he peed on my brand new shoes while staring me dead in the eye, or all the times he would run up the slide into our childhood tree house if we were up there. When the nurse came in to give him the injection, I was so sad.

I held his head in my arms as he passed. It was so strange, seeing this spunky dog who got kicked out of obedience school as a puppy laying so still. He was small, but looked smaller than ever before all of the sudden. I can't look at his dog bowls or crate without crying.

The grief is still so fresh, and I'm crying as I type this, but it's cathartic. Barkley, you were the most stubborn, hard-headed little dog I knew. You were a fighter, both when it came to beating heartworms and bath time, and we all know how much you loved anything edible. The house feels empty without you. I'll miss hearing you snore and bark and whine and scratch. I'll miss you so much buddy. I hope that doggy heaven has all the kibble to eat and squirrels to chase. I remember the day we got you, and I'll remember yesterday forever. Most importantly though, I'll remember all of the good times we had together. You were a good boy.
pansy

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Posts: 599
 #2 
I'm so sorry you lost your wonderful friend of 16 years.  It is one of the hardest things there is to do for our companions.  The pain and sadness can be overwhelming.  My decision was a few weeks ago and although the daily pain is decreasing there are sudden moments of extreme sadness and the feelings of loss overwhelm me.  We all know what you are experiencing and I'm sure everyone here sends you wishes for peace and healing.
pogosmom

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #3 
Barkobee,

I am sorry to hear of your near-Christmas loss of Barkley.  I truly no how special he was to you, and to have to let go is the hardest thing it seems you will have to do in life.  For me, it was the easiest decision to make but the hardest thing to do.  I, like you, couldn't do anything to extend his life because of us.  We made the decision like you to do the humane thing and the last thing you could "give" your pet.  How fortunate we are to have the "opportunity" to make this happen.

All the special memories are the ones to think back on, although sometimes, especially when you have a new loss as you do, it brings lots of tears.  You need to always remember that Barkley wouldn't want you to be sad!  That would help me when I was losing it.

Today is Pogo's 13-year bridge day.  We let him go on Christmas Day 13 years ago, and although that made it very hard for me, it is my special day when I go to see him where we have his headstone and pine tree.  I always visit him on Christmas and spend some time.  Today brought tears to my eyes, as I never know what to expect.

Helping others is the thing that will make you start healing.  Surround yourself with others who understand the depth of your loss.

Barkley is free of pain now, and his sight and hearing have returned.  He is at peace now!

Pogosmom
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