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LooseysMom

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Posts: 16
 #1 
I'm sitting her on the couch with Loosey after having called the vet.  He's in surgery but he'll call me back when he's out around noon... 2 hours.  I carried/guided her out to the back yard to go to the bathroom this morning and her front end is now so week that she stumbled and went down even though I was holding her up.  When I reached to pick her up I saw beautiful white jowl all covered in dirt... and it tore me up.  I got her back into the house and up on her couch (literally had to pick her up one end at time this time).  I called before I could change my mind and I could barely get the words out. 

Now I sit here looking at how 'normal' she looks lying next to me and I'm not sure I can do it!  This is the most awful thing I've ever been through!  I don't want her to have to be in pain before I act.  I want her to go with some dignity left.  But when she snuggles her big Saint head up next to me tears just stream down my face...

Please help me do whats right for her.  I keep telling myself to be strong for her.  That IS right- isn't it?
Loosey's Mom


Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #2 
I think the time between making the call and going to the vet's is the absolute worst.
I made my vet call and waited 4 days to bring my calico over. I think I had to stay in a bit of denial in order to stay sane. The morning I brought her over, I just kept saying prayers to her and me, sometimes out loud. When we got there, I prayed and talked to her about how much I loved her and how the angels were in the room. I tried to uplift the situation. I knew I had to and it did help. There was such peace present. The emotional aftermath went easier because I kept focusing on death as a transition to another plane and into a light of peace. I prepared for years for this actually. It didn't just come to me. I kept internally telling myself it was coming one day and I had to develop a strategy. That's kinda how I do things, but there' s no right or wrong. Some people do things differently. I couldn't judge it one way or another.
I hope peace somehow finds its' way to you and Loosey.Even through all of the emotional pain and devastation, I hope it still becomes present and palpatable for you and comforts both of you. The love you have for each other is never going to leave you.
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #3 
Thank you Nancee.  That's just what I need to hear.  I've also prepared for years.  I didn't Expect Loose to get to almost 12! But the last several weeks have worn me down (especially the last 5 days) and my emotional strength is waning.  That's why I need the reminders now.  God bless you!
Tanny
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #4 
LooseysMom:
Rest assured it is the right thing to do. It was two weeks ago today I had to assist my Peaches on here journey; and you sent me a a Nice note. You will do this not only for your love for Loosey but for her love and devotion to you. You are so right about her being able to go out with dignity. I feel so sorry for what you will have to endure. God Bless you and your sweet girl she will find peace and in her heart thank you for releasing her from what she is going through. She will live on in your heart and soul forever.----Jerry in Oklahoma.
mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #5 
Tanny,

I'm so so sorry you are going through this...it's the absolute worst of times..we question so much..In my head I had at one point decided that my Cicio was better..that she wasn't dying.  When I look back at the photos it's obvious I was fooling myself because I couldn't let her go.

Your heart is telling you what you need to do and that love you have for your Loosey will help you do what's best for her even though that means your great pain will begin. 

From this site "I am sending you on a journey to a land free from pain..not because I didn't love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay".    It's truly the greatest act of love.

My heart is with you...

Donna  
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #6 
Loosey is gone.  Just an hour ago her wonderful, compassionate vet came to my house and found me sobbing on the porch with Loose lying up against me sleeping.  When he had called back to say he was coming I had decided that I couldn't do it but as soon as I said 'Hi Dr. Doerr'  he said 'It's time isn't it" and I just said 'Yes" and burst into tears.  Had he said anything else I wouldn't have gone through with it.  He was there in 15 minutes and Loosey was as calm as she could have been.  She just put her head down next to my leg and waited, then breathed a sigh (of relief, I'd like to think) and drifted off.  It was so peaceful.  After a few minutes they went to get a stretcher and I got up and laid her in her usual position as if she were still sleeping.  I stroked her big saintly head and told her how much I loved her and then left so that they could take her away.  I'm having her cremated so I can keep her with me.

It seems surreal right now. She was such an integral part of my life.  I have no regrets but i truly don't have an identity without her.  I'm still in shock.
Tanny 
rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #7 
Dear Tanny

So sorry for your loss.  At the moment you feel like you are in a fog, numb.  You did the right thing and Loosey loves you for that.

It is hard to know what to say at this time but be kind to yourself.  Grieving can take a long time for a beloved pet.  I am sure she will soon be running at the Rainbow Bridge free of all the pain and discomfort.

Bless you and Loosey   Ruperts Mum 
TDawg

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #8 
Tanny,
 
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Loosey. Loosey knows how much you LOVED HER and she too LOVED you so very much. Loosey is now running wild and free of pain at the Rainbow Bridge with all of the other furkids just having a grand ol time. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. There are never any goodbyes, only well wishes, until we see each other again. When you meet again thats all that will matter. The time between will be just a distant memory, and not worth thinking about. It will be as if no TIME passed. Again i'm so very sorry about your loss. Lots of {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tanny&Loosey}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
 
Take care,
(((((HUGS)))))
Terri(UWHusky-NikkisMom)
 
 
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #9 
Dear Tanny,

I'm so sorry, my friend.  My heart aches for you, I know how hard this whole time has been for you, and how torn you've been.  Your Beloved Loosey is now with the angels and running free.  You gave her the most loving and selfless gift.

I send you my deepest sympathy, and hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
  
cheeseburgersmom

Registered:
Posts: 355
 #10 
Dear Tanny

I am so sorry about Loosey. My heart goes out to you.

I also was faced with this decision when I learned my cat Cheeseburger had lung cancer - I could not see my baby suffer. I knew I had to let him go. I try to envision him now happy, healthy and free of sickness and pain. I have had two dreams of him since he crossed the bridge on May 4th 2008, and in both dreams he looked so happy and healthy - not sick, thin, and exhausted.

I miss my baby cat so much - but I am trying to find comfort in all of the memories I have of him and in the years we spent together. We shared so muh love and happiness. I am thankful Cheesey was a part of my life, and he will be in my heart forever.

You have so many friends here that understand and care.

Bless your precious Loosey.

Dee
Cheeseburger's Mom
cheeseburger1997@yahoo.com



Dee + Cheeseburger = LOVE

Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #11 
Tanny,

I'm so very sorry for you. It was a difficult decision but you made
it out of love for her and that's what she depended on you to do.
She'll be with you always, you just can't see her anymore. Now,
she's at the Bridge healthy and happy and with all our furbabies
waiting for us. I hope Loosey sends you a sign she's ok now.

~~Andee
brian

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #12 
Dear Tanny

Everybody who comes to this site has gone through an ordeal like yours.

We have all had the same doubts, but if you look at the replies to your thread you will see that everybody agrees that you have done the right thing.

Be strong time will heal and the bitter tears will one day be backed by a small smile when you remember the wonderful times you had together. 

Regards  Brian
Dayna

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #13 
Dear Tanny,

I am sooooo very sorry for your loss.  Your grief is still so fresh that nothing I say will make you feel so much better.  I will think of you, and we will both grieve together.

Many hugs.

Dayna
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #14 
Dear Tanny,

I am so sorry.  You just did the bravest and my loving act a furparent can do.  You took away Loosey's suffering, and took on the pain as your own. 

Rest assured, my dear friend, that Loosey was given such an incredible welcome at the Bridge.   She is in the company of all of our beloved babies and they are making her feel so welcome.   And, she CAN RUN AND PLAY AGAIN!!  

But, your pain has just begun.  Please come here and vent, write, cry....do whatever it takes to achieve some sense of peace.   This site has saved me.  I now feel my beloved Betsy is at peace, and I know without a doubt we will be reunited one fine day.   Please lean on us.

Healing hugs and many prayers,
Melissa
Rileysmom

Registered:
Posts: 261
 #15 
Dear Tanny,
     I've been following your thread about Loosey......I'm so sorry this day has come for you.  I'm sorry it ever has to come for any of us. I think you know in your heart you have done a good thing sending her on to the Bridge.  She's in no pain there.  You've been struggling with this decision for days knowing all the while the time would come and you would have to take a stand for Loosey.  I know how difficult that decision was and I'm proud of you for loving her that much and showing her that her life was always safest in your arms. It sounds like she was ready to go and that her passing was peaceful and serene.  That was her gift to you Tanny! How wonderful that you have such a compassionate vet.  As for Loosey, I feel certain that she is
watching over you to make sure you're alright.  She was greeted by all of our loved ones as soon as she crossed to the Bridge!  Her pain is no more and she is running free with the wind in her hair....what a beautiful site that must be!  She'll reside at the Bridge and in your heart until the time comes for you to cross and her sweet face will be the first one you see!  Don't ever doubt that Tanny!  She'll find a way to let you know she's okay.......be open to the signs.....you'll find them everywhere...just be open to them!

Dear Sweet Loosey....God speed your journey to the Bridge sweet girl.  May you have a safe flight and be greeted by all of our loving "kids" who are waiting to share their lives with you!  You've earned your "Angel wings" and I'm sure you're one of the most beautiful ladies at the Bridge!  Remember to visit your mom often so she won't worry about you!  Hugs and Kisses...may your journey in life continue!

Love and Hugs from
Donna (Rudy & Rileysmom)
mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #16 

I don't really know what to say except I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I really feel for you right now, that was me one week and three days ago.  You did the right thing for your loosey.  Loosey has in turn done the right thing for you as I believe my comet has done for me.  They sent us here to find people who can help us deal with this pain.  I have never met anyone on this site but this site is a source of strenght to me.  Again, I am sorry that you must endure this pain and you and your loosey are in my thoughts as is everyone here and their furbabies.

Jen7

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #17 
My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard, I know. So much doubt and guilt goes through your mind. That's what has been the hardest for me. Could I have done more? Maybe she would have recovered if I had hospitalized her.... I lost my 13 year old Cocker Spaniel Lady on May 6 and I miss her so much. She just seemed to be suffering so much and I was not used to seeing her so thin, frail and weak, and if I've assisted in any way in bringing her peace, then I know I did the right thing. If your little angel was suffering like that too, then you did the right thing. Be kind to yourself. Your loving companion would want that...because they loved us that much.
http://www.petloss.com/mbphotos3/lady347.jpg
Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #18 
Dear Tanny:
I am so sorry for your loss of Loosey.  I lost my Little Angel Christopher over 14 months ago.  I miss him as much today as the day he left.  He was my Heart, My Soul and My Best Friend.  In the end Christopher also lost the use of his hind legs.  I had to hold him up to go outside.  The day I had to let him go I knew that I was keeping him alive for me and not for him.  I could not do that as he did not deserve to suffer.  I will never forget Christopher dying in my arms-Never.  Although my life changed Forever I did what I had to for Christopher; I know that you did what you had to do for Loosey.  May God's Angels always watch over Loosey and keep her safe until you arrive. 

Big Hugs
Georgeann and Christopher
Forever
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #19 
Tanny;
So very sorry for your loss. We here know what you are going through and will help you during this difficult time. Just remember in your heart you did the right thing and Loosey loves you for it. The next time you two will met she will be vibrant and free of pain. You will then have an eternity to make up for the lost time and you will both be so very happy. My heart felt condolences to you. This site has helped me get through what you are going through now for two weeks ago yesterday I had to send our Peaches on the same journey. Stay with us.---------Jerry in Oklahoma
carewolf

Registered:
Posts: 909
 #20 

Dear Tanny,

I am so sorry for your loss. You made the ultimate sacrifice-allowing your baby to go to the Rainbow Bridge knowing the pain you would feel.


Had I Loved You Less

 

Had I only loved you less

I would have tried to make you stay

Would have closed my eyes to your pain

And ignored it was “Your Fine Day”

 

Would have told myself wait till tomorrow

Held you in my arms and not let you go

Avoided  the signs you were sending to me

Told myself,"When it's time I will know."

 

But my precious I loved you so much

I had to do what was best for you not me

Even though I knew the agony I would feel

I knew it was time for me to set you free

 

I knew this was the last time I’d hold you near

The last time that I could show you my love

I laid by you feeling the softness of your fur

Then the time came for you to go above

 

I tried to hide  from  you  the pain I felt

Held back the tears welling in my eyes

When I saw that you were at peace

I clung to you and began to cry.

 

© Carol Ross aka CareWolf

2008

 

 

Mommy I am happy

at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

Love and Blessings,

CareWolf aka Carol

smarlies72

Registered:
Posts: 49
 #21 
Tanny,

What an ordeal you have gone through - My mum and I were there a week and one day ago with our Jesse the Dally and we're not off the emotional rollercoaster yet. You gave Loosey everything you had and more... and the final selfless act of love was to let her spirit fly. If only they could talk huh? But we know in our hearts what they would be saying.... exactly what we would say in the same situation.. let me be at peace.

They are our angels no matter what - always were always will be. Everything you are now, is a result of having them in your life. As much as I ache for my girl and at times I find it all too consuming, I have to stop and remind myself that had she not given me nearly 13 years of her beautiful life I wouldn't be the person I am now and for that I'm so very grateful. She taught me to love unconditionally, to focus on today, not 1,2, 10 years into the future, and not to dwell negatively on the past. If we all took a page out of a dog's life, it would be "live for the moment". Your Loosey lived each day to the fullest, as challenging as it was in the end, Loosey did her best with you right beside her. What a team. Don't think the bond is now gone for a second either - the silver thread still binds you both.

Tonight I went out and bought a beautiful silver locket where I'll place some pics of my Jesse and a lock of her fur - that way she'll always be close to my heart and with me forever.

We also had her cremated and my Mum has certainly gained a bit of closure having her back "home" again, until the time comes when we release her spirit to the wind and the water over the river. So I send you many cyber-hugs Tanny - may your love for Loosey keep you strong and happy.

;o)
Jesse's Mum.

annclous

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #22 
Tanny:

So sorry to hear about your loss but so touched to hear your vet came to your house and made Loosey comfortable and gave you peace as you lost your furbaby.

It's never an easy decision but you did the right thing and you did it out of long - to be strong for Loosey even though your heart was breaking.

Take care.

Ann

-Sammy's Mom
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #23 

Tanny--Sorry for your loss of Loosey. It's one of the worst things to go through. All I can say is I understand and wish none of us had to go through this ordeal. Take care.

Saint

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #24 
Dear Looseysmom,

In that large circle of new friends meeting your baby girl Loosey at the Rainbow Bridge are two more Saint Bernards.  I know that they have helped make her journey easier.  Loosey is among the free, free from pain, free to fly and free to know no limits.  I know that your pain is almost unbearable but what a true gift of love you have given your girl.

I remember the last time my fellow fell.  This time I was not strong enough to help him up and had to get my husband and son to bring him in.  The look that my baby gave me  said more than any words how he could not live like that.  We lay nose to nose one last time and he said to me that he needed to go for now.

I understand the joy of snuggling in that giant neck with their heads laying on you.  I understand the feeling of peace when those great big paws lay around your shoulder.  I know what it is to rub that giant turned up belly.  I know what it is to not have an identity, they are a large part of what defined me.

The wonderful people here have helped me so much.  Please know that we understand your pain.

Loosey, what a sweet, sweet lady that has loved you for so very many years. 


basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #25 
My Dear Tanny
I am so sorry about your Loosey, but from what you say, Loosey wanted to go then.  I just know she will of been met by all of my babies.  My big Sorcha is a very busy girl.  She is a Reiki master, and still does lots of work here and at the bridge.  I am sure that they will be such good friends.  Thinking of you, well done for finding the strenghth.  We all know how hard it is.  Much Love, Di xxx
miteylittle

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #26 
Tanny,
 
My deepest sympathies for your loss.  I know the feeling of being so intermingled with a furbaby.  Its 2 weeks tomorrow I had to release Yngwie to the Bridge and a day hasn't gone by that I don't sob uncontrollably at some point.
Nothing I say will ease your pain.  Just know we are all here for you.  And each other thank goodness.
 
A day finally comes  when  we realize it was the best for our furkid.   I too had Yngwie cremated.  I pick up her ashes tomorrow.  I am hoping it will feel better to have some of her back home, (if she really ever left).
 
Many hugs and much light to you Tanny.
 



Jennifer  Yngwie's mom
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #27 
To all my loving friends,

Is the first day in almost 12 years that I've woken up without Loosey.  I didn't know what to expect.  It's become so clear from this site that everyone handles this in different ways and I truly didn't know if I'd be ale to get out of bed or not?

But I have read and re-read the many posts, well wishes, advice, prayers, etc in the almost 50 replies(!) to me and they've changed my life.  I can tell you that, at least at this early stage, the support that you've all given me in your assurances that I did the right thing has given me a peace that I'm finding truly unbelievable!  CareWolf, your poem spoke directly to my heart! Each and every word here has created what feels like a soft blanket around me that's insulating me from the pain.  Instead I just picture my gorgeous girl with the beautiful big head and the regal (... for a goofy St. Bernard!) look running over the hills with her new found 'fur baby' friends of all sizes and types.  Dogs, Kitties, Birds, Rabbits, you-name-it!

I know the sorrow will overwhelm me at times but right now I feel strong and light knowing that my Loose is free and watching over me.  And I hope that having just gone through this horrendous time I am now in a place to help others when faced with the unfathomable decision. And let them know that there is a light (and a Bridge!) at the end. 

God bless each and every one of you. 

Tanny   Loosey's Mom
carewolf

Registered:
Posts: 909
 #28 

Here are Saint's babies-Einstein and Edison

 

 

I know they are all running free

at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

CareWolf

maerlyn

Registered:
Posts: 1,604
 #29 
I feel so sorry for you, for I know the pain and the fear.  You *are* doing the best thing you can for Loosey: you will be freeing her loving soul from her failed body, sending her into Love and Light forever, there to wait for you.  When I was faced with doing this for my Morganna, I determined, weeks ahead, to make the day a day of celebration, a joyous occasion (which I knew it would be for Morganna, though certainly not for me).  Loosey will be gloriously alive, perfectly healthy, and blissfully happy! Try to be happy for her, even as you cry for yourself.  Death is not an end all but merely the transition to a beautiful form of life we are not yet permitted to know.
 
May Loosey's Creator bless you with faith and courage and strength and lead your heart to peace.


WhiteEyelashes

Registered:
Posts: 84
 #30 

 

Dear Tanny~

 

I've been following your heart-breaking posts & I know the pain that you have been going thru. It was so hard to make *that* decision, but it was your final & my precious *gift* you could of given to your Loosey Girl. I am so thankful you found this site & were able to find comfort, compassion & understanding from so many wonderful people here. It helps to make our *journey* of healing a little less lonely. You know you ALWAYS have a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to your feelings & *not* judge you. Isn't that a comfort in itself?

I lost my beloved Onyx almost 2 months ago & her slow decline was so much like your Loosey's.....their hind legs giving out & having to lift them & clean them. Yes, I understand what you were going thru. Please know that your precious *girl* is now running.....really running (!) with all of our babies at the Bridge. She *thanks* you for having the strength to let her earthly body go ~ for it was so tired.

I found this site almost 6 years ago & it has been a true *life-saver* for me ~ in so many, many ways. My noble white German Shepherd, Cloudy crossed to the Bridge first, then Rolex (my seal-point Siamese), precious *Princess Primrose*....my special needs baby that will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart (she was a gorgeous Balimese) & then, lastly Onyx....my black German Shepherd. Her ashes were stolen (another story), but my point is ~ my Petloss Friends have *helped* me thru each & every loss. And, along the way ~ I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world!

Tanny, I pray that each day will get better for you. Your baby girl is happy & free at the Bridge.

Blessings to you & the spirit of your precious Loosey~

 

Pami & the spirits of my babies

Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #31 
Hi Looseysmom,

I am so so sorry for your loss. I cried as I read your post. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life, to let your Loosey go to the next world. But now she is painfree and playing with all the other angels. You are so brave for making the decision. We now have to endure the pain that they were in on earth. It sounds as though it was a very beautiful and peaceful passing, just as your baby would have wanted. I am so sorry for your pain and I am sending you a big cuddle. I will tell my Nugget to look out for your baby.

Love Nuggetsmum Alana

aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #32 

 
Dear Loosey'sMom,
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Loosey.
With the heart of a loving Mom you looked deep into her beautiful eyes and the two of you made the decision to let her run ahead.
She is now free from all pain and suffering but I know from experience that you have now taken on that pain.
It is a different kind of pain I know but pain none the less.
It is the price we pay for the most unselfish gift we can ever give those we love so much.
The gift of freedom from pain does come with that price but we could not and would not let them suffer just to keep them with us.
That is a price we who love our pets so deeply are willing to pay in order to let them go on with dignity.
They give us so much in life that we could do no less for them.
Because we have loved so deeply they will watch over and protect us from Rainbow Bridge.
Guiding our every foot step along the path of life till we join then one day.
That will be our reward for the love we shared.
 
May you find peace and comfort in the love you share with Loosey and in the wonderful life time of memories you have.
 
Love and Peace,
AurichWolf
Kathy
heartcat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #33 
Dear Loosey's Mom
I am so sorry for your loss of Loosey.   How precious was your love and devotion for one another.    My thoughts and prayers are with you that you will be strengthened by the support from this site and the love you and Loosey will always share.   Love never ends.
Take care.
Angel's mom,  Kathy



jbrabkb

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #34 
{{{Tanny}}}} - I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and praying that Bridget welcomes Loosey with a big sniff and kiss. 

Jax


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