Registered: 1180613046 Posts: 47
It is so hard to come here tonight to honour your 1st year Anniversary. Your final hours were traumatic and if I had known what you would go through I would have tried to save you from it. It took you 32 hours to die and I regret every minute of them. But all the time we believed you were going to pull through. It seems even more horrific now that I can remember it more clearly. It has been a hard year in lots of other ways also but I know you have been here in spirit with me. This past week I have felt your presence very stongly in the house and especially in the garden. As I plant this years crops I miss you carrying the trowel and bucket like you used to.... helping in your own way. Your teeth marks are still on the trowel where you chewed it. You used to love lying on the newly dug earth.. I hope there is someone at the Bridge gardening so you can lie there now. I think of you in every thunderstorm and am grateful that you no longer have to suffer as you did each time. You were so scared of them. I walked Gypsy ( mum's dog) today in the Lee fields and wished you were with us and I think you were. Thank you my beloved friend for the 12 years you gave to me. I hope I treated you well. You deserved the best. Was I unfeeling to leave you at home each day when I went to work? I 'd like to think coming home at lunchtime made it seem less lonely. It's ironic that now I have so much more time to give you are not here to benefit from it. You were my friend and constant companion and it is so lonely without you. How did you ever put up with all the questions I asked you every day? I still talk to you but there is no wagging tail in response. I miss your hairs throughout the house and yes my asthma has improved - I guess maybe that doctor was right after all. But I would rather use a million inhalers and have you here. Yes it's much easier to answer the door now - no tornado rushing there before me with a cushion/shoe in her mouth for the unsuspecting guests but I miss that and so do they. Please be happy up there at the Bridge - I hope you've met Dad and probably Dino as well. They will take care of you for me. I'm not sure if you can through to this world but a sign that you are happy would mean a lot. There is no new dog here so don't worry. You took my heart with you and only when you give it back will i even think about that. Love you and miss you buddy. Cathleen Thank you to all on this site for your support a year ago and in between C
Registered: 1165864486 Posts: 577
I know how hard that one year mark is. It was so hard for me. Going on 18 months next month. So sorry for your loss. Much peace wished to you! Hugs.. Cindy Merry's mom
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
These "anniversaries" are so very difficult, aren't they? I think because they usually cause us to relive everything about that last day, those last dreadful hours. We focus on the end of our beloved, instead of the many, many wonderful and joyful times we shared. But, I think this is natural for an anniversary. The good news is that your beloved and gorgeous Buddy is running happily though the fragrant, lush meadows of the Rainbow Bridge, bathed in warm sunshine. The birds are singing and the butterflies darting gently on the wind. Buddy waits ever so patiently until the two of you are again reunited, never to be separated again. Imagine that day! I will be saying a little prayer for you and Buddy tonight. I have also lit an internet candle for him under his name at AurichWolf's Light a Candle Here thread. God bless you and your dear boy. Hugs and peace, Melissa Betsy's forever mom
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
I put Jess' candle under the name Buddy. I am typing this pretty late at night here and I'm a bit fatigued, and when I saw you mention "I miss you Buddy" I just went with that name. I am so sorry for that mistake. Hugs, Melissa
Registered: 1172296231 Posts: 1,093
I'm so sorry...Jess is just lovely and sounds just as wonderful. I love the visual of the two of you gardening, and Jess helping with the trowel and bucket. What a great memory to cherish. The one year mark is hard -- living without these beloved creatures is hard. It has been 15 months since I lost Molly and I know that it's been very painful and lonely, although I do have others here at home with me. Molly, though, will always have my heart, just as Jess always has yours.
I know that Jess is happy and knows how much s/he is still loved. I know that there probably are signs, maybe little ones, that you might not recognize as being from Jess. Feeling Jess's spirit around you is one -- a huge one. Jess will never leave you, even though the physical loss seems so great.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and with Jess.
Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
I am so sorry about your loss of Jess. Your Tribute to Jess is beautiful and filled with the same pain I have been feeling for well over a year. The year mark is such a difficult time. At the year mark I felt as if I was living Christopher 's death all over again. My Precious Angel Christopher left for the Bridge over 14 months ago, but most days it feels as if he left yesterday. I cry for him every day and will Forever. He was the Love of My Life and My Best Friend. He was my Shadow; he was my Heart. There will never be another Christopher just as there will never be another Jess. We were so fortunate that God chose us to be there mommies. These Precious Angels steal our hearts and take our souls with them when they leave. I just wanted you to know that you and Jess are in my Prayers. HAPPY ONE YEAR BRIDGE DAY PRECIOUS JESS. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF AND STAY SAFE UNTIL YOUR MOMMY ARRIVES. IF YOU SEE CHRISTOPHER PLEASE TELL HIM I LOVE HIM. Big Hugs Georgeann and Christopher Forever
Registered: 1157852068 Posts: 1,001
I felt so much of your sadness in your words and my eyes are filled with tears.
Your love for Jess is so evident in all that you wrote and your tribute to your sweet Jess' honors the life that you both shared together. You gave him the best life and no matter how much time you got to spend together, it was the best time and he was meant to be with you always and one day the road will lead back to this handsome boy again who holds your heart very safely and lovingly. Happy anniversary dear Sweet boy You know how much you are loved with all of your mom's being she misses you and loves you dearly . Please send her a sign that you are always with her . Love, Max's mom Jo
Registered: 1180613046 Posts: 47
Thanks so much for your words of comfort - today is the actual anniversary date but because Jess passed away on Tuesday - it felt right to honour her then. It sounds like she will be having great fun at at the Bridge with Molly, Merry, Betsy, Christopher and Max. I would say Max is her type of guy - he is so handsome. Melissa don't worry about the name. I called Jess buddy quite a lot of the time when she was here so she will know the candle is for her. Thanks for the thought. I've had other dogs before and some of them for a long time, but somehow there was a special bond with Jess - she seemed to know what I was going to do next and was such a gentle soul. Thank you all again for understanding it really helped when I read your messages. Only those of us who have been through this sadness can undersand each other's grief. My thoughts are with you and with your lost loves. Take care Cathleen