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BuddysMomNC

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Posts: 29
 #1 

To all of you, all of us, who have suffered the loss of a dear pet, know that you did all that you could do.  We have no control over some things, no matter how hard we try.  I see so much grief here, but I also see so much honest love for animals that it eases my own pain a little bit.  Even in this crazy world, know that each and every one of you has made a difference in a dear animal's life.  ♥

gracebaldwin

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Posts: 15
 #2 
Very well put, BuddysMomNC.

And none of us can predict the future.  Would we have done some things with our pets differently if we could have seen into their futures?  Possibly.  But we do the best we can not knowing what the future will bring. 
fostersmommy

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Posts: 893
 #3 
Whenever I am feeling sad and thinking of the "what if's"...what if I had known Foster had wobbler's disease, what if I had pushed the vet when he wasn't doing better with treatments for a "sore back" and tendonitis from a fall years ago...what if, what if, what if.....I say to Foster and to myself -- I did the best that I could with the knowledge that I had at the time.  There is no way that I would have ever let anything happen to him and not treat him for something.  With Foster, money wasn't an object.  I never cringed at the vet bills.  He was my baby and I would do everything for him.
I know we all would do the same for our babies.  So just think that you did the best that you could with the knowledge that you had at the time. None of us left our loved ones to suffer.  None of us could have predicted the tradgedies that happened to some of us.  If we could see the future, we would all be the richer, but we can't.  We can do the best that we can though and we do.
ishobie

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Posts: 22
 #4 
I read this post and think how often I question myself and why didn't I know something was wrong with Remi, why didn't my vet know.? She lived 14 long healthy wonderful years and then bam a tumor on her spleen ruptured, her surgery went fine and 24 hours later a blood clot killed her.  I took her to the vet for everything, she acted okay up until the day she had to go in for that emergency surgery.
It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one questioning myself. It has only been 4 months since she passed and with my being treated for breast cancer now (diagnosed the same week she passed), it all can seem like too much.
I know that Remi knows she was loved and cared for and that I would give anything to have her back.  I have to let myself miss her but not feel any guilt over what happened, cuz it is true we don't have control over some things, it is just fate.

isabel
leonor

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Posts: 214
 #5 

Dear Buddysmom.

I felt comforted to read your words. But then I sank back into my guilt.

I feel I didn't do all I could. When I moved to a very high 3rd story apartment, I knew Sashimi might die if she ever fell from there. But then I started letting her out... little by little. She earned my trust because she would "behave" and not try to jump or "meet the birds" wherever they went. So I let her out the balcony. For 8 months... But then, one night, she fell. She fought for her life for five days and then I had to euthanize her. And I  do feel guilty. I was responsible for her and for her well being. I knew we should protect our cats from falls, keep them safe. So why did I make things easy? I was responsible for her... and now I have to live with the feeling that I blew it for her and for us, and it's not easy....

I'm sorry. I guess I just needed to get this out of my chest again. Almost five months, now, and I'm still having trouble to forgive myself.

BuddysMomNC

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Posts: 29
 #6 

To all of you who have written here, just your being on this site at all says SO much about your love for your pets.  Please love yourself enough to forgive yourself for not being perfect.  I am trying to do this as we speak.  Easier said than done I know, none of us are guilty, but so many of us feel guilt.  Leonor, I am so sorry for your loss, but it sounds to me that you wished for your baby quality of life instead of quantity, which in my book makes you braver than you give yourself credit for.  It was an accident sweetie, it is not your fault.  You wanted your cat to live as a cat should, your baby was blessed to have you.

leonor

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Posts: 214
 #7 

Thank for your words. I really needed to read them these days... You're a very kind person. Bless you. *

Mare

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Posts: 11,059
 #8 
I like what you have said!!  We were blessed with very special days with our babies.  I love you, Christoph!!!!!

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

Murphy22

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Posts: 1,982
 #9 
Buddy's Mom, those are very kind, wise words, and ones so many here need to read and hopefully will instill them in their hearts.  We all tend to forget all we did right and dwell on things we may have done wrong.  When in almost all cases, we still were doing what we felt was right at the time.  Thank you for posting that.

Leonor,
You were trying to be so careful.  You had become comfortable your baby  would not do anything dangerous and you obviously wanted her to have a good life, smelling the fresh air, being out with nature.  It was an accident, I hope you can come to accept that. 
Everyone Take Care,
Sandie
BuddysMomNC

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Posts: 29
 #10 

Isabel, you had a terrible week with losing a pet and being diagnosed with breast cancer, I cannot imagine.  Please take excellent care of yourself so that you might be able to care for another in the future.  My very best wishes for a complete recovery!

Berta

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Posts: 541
 #11 
Buddy'sMom, thank you so much for posting such a comforting message to all of us. We all bear a burden of grief in some way, no matter what the circumstances were in our beloved pet's death. You are right. We did all we could do and yet we still feel it was not enough because our pets are gone. We all feel like we failed in some way and wish we had done things differently or known things we couldn't know. We just love our pets so much and it's only natural to blame ourselves. It is harder to forgive ourselves than anyone or anything else because we were their moms and caregivers.

I appreciate this post and for reminding us all that we really did give our pets all we had and did our best. Our love was all that they wanted and needed anyway.
fostersmommy

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Posts: 893
 #12 
I also think that we all take chances with our pets.....but if we didn't we wouldn't be letting them be the dog/cat that they are.. 
I always let Foster put his head out the window when we were driving, unless we were on the highway and going fast.  Could something have hit him in the eye or head, yes....could I have kept him in the car and not let him enjoy "flying", yes.  But then he wouldn't haven enjoyed flying with his head out the window and he so loved it.  Even when I would get into the car with him and would bring him somewhere I would always pray that I didn't get into an accident.  Because if I had, I would have felt guilty...but if I hadn't he wouldn't have gone places and been able to fly.  He also loved being outside.  There are many things that could happen to a dog outside, even in a fenced in yard. 
There are inherent dangers in everything that you do or that we let our pets do.  No one ever expects anything bad to happen and everyone blames themselves when something bad does. 
What I am trying to say is that you let your cat enjoy life, you saw the danger, let your cat be a cat and something bad happened.  Of course you feel guilty but think of how much she enjoyed the time out! 
We all love our pets with something special.  You are a great parent and don't forget that!
KatLover

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Posts: 842
 #13 
Thank you for writing this.  I hadn't read your actual post until today, but have seen your message, and realized just the title gave me some comfort.

Leonor--as another poster noted, you did check it out and were careful.  I know we have all been in situations where bad things could have happened, but we were just lucky and they didn't.  Through my fault, my Sheeba once wound up in the backyard of the mean old man of the neighborhood.  She didn't have any "street smarts" either.  Don't let the guilt hurt you.  We're all here for a purpose and only for a certain time, that's the way it is.  Your little one is OK now where she is; there is more than just the material world around us.

Kathy

LoveMyRosie4Ever

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Posts: 12
 #14 
Thank you for that post.  This is what I need to hear right now.  I am trying to block out the bad thoughts: the "what-ifs" and the "if-onlys" and it's really really hard.  I truly do feel that I did everything I could but somehow those thoughts creep in... 

I lost my sweet little Rosie one week ago today and I'm still trying to process it.  I would give anything to see her again, to hold her again, to have her back right here with me.  We were ripped apart so fast that I'm still in disbelief...
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