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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Posts: 32
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I lost my guinea pig, Greenbean, last night in such a horrific and tragic sudden death and inconsolable does not even begin to describe how I feel. He was my best friend in this entire world, and when I say best friend I truly mean it. He was by my side every waking hour of the day, aside from when I was at work, and he loved me, needed me, and cared for me as much as I did him. We had a bond that I did not know could ever exist between a human and its pet. He was only 8 months old and I got him as a baby and I coddled him all day every day.

Last night he was sitting on my bed on a fleece blanket like he always does. I needed to run a load of laundry and wash some dishes and also decided to chop him up a big salad. I looked at him as he had his head perked up in the air watching me as I left the room. I told him I would be right back. When I did come back, I saw he wasn't on my bed which has happened a few times but I always have heaps of blankets and sheets and pillows surrounding my bed. He usually ends up under my bed or dresser but when I looked, I couldn't find him anywhere and I started to panic. I went back to the first place I looked for him which was right behind my bed. There he was.. on his side stuck in a tiny gap between a pillow and the wall. I grabbed him and his body was completely limp and wet and I could tell he had vomited. I screamed bloody murder and ran downstairs to my mom. We both knew he was gone.

I have been sobbing and crying and wailing without a break for the last 17 hours. The pain I feel has only become worse with each passing moment. How could this have happened to the sweetest most innocent and loving animal that I have ever known in my entire life? How could he be so vibrant and full of life one minute and the next he is gone. I have never in my life felt a pain like this. I am almost 29 and I slept in my mom's bed with her last night because I could not be alone.

My world has been flipped upside down and all I can think about is disappearing from this world. I don't know how to go on without something so innocent and precious that I revolved literally all of my days and nights around. When I was at work, all I could ever think about was coming home to him. I was supposed to protect him but instead I betrayed him. He trusted me and I killed him. I know there is nothing in this life that will ever make me as happy as he did. I cannot stop picturing the way I found him and how scared he must have been and how brutal and painful his death must have been.

Did he wonder where I was in his last moments? Did he wonder why I wasn't there to save him when he had once saved me? Why wasn't I there with him? Why did this happen? If I had done one thing differently yesterday he would still be here.. even just 5 seconds could have saved his life. I have never known a pain like this. He was my best friend in the entire world and I physically and mentally cannot go on knowing he is no longer by my side.

Posts: 67
Thank you for sharing your pain.
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