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Chummy0104

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Hello
I've been reading posts here and finding support through others experiences and stories for the past couple of months, so thank you I advance.

I lost my fur baby, Chummy, almost 2 months ago now. She was the best hamster in the world. I loved her with all my heart and I have been completely heart broken by her loss. I have never felt sadness like it. It's been a physical pain and at times I have thought it would genuinely never get better and I couldnt see how I could live my life without her. The only comfort I've had is that I genuinely believe I gave her the best life I could and I loved her so much right until the very end. I've not got any regrets, and she brought me so much joy and love, but now she is gone I am left with so much pain and sadness.

For a long time I believed the sadness and heart ache would never end and was too much to ever put myself through again with future fur babies. But then (Although I can assure you I never thought I would be saying this), with time I have gradually been able to live with the loss slightly better. I had become better at eating, slightly better at sleeping and almost enjoying activities again. Basically, functioning was easier. However, this week I feel like someone has turned the sad taps back on! Genuinely, I feel like I've taken weeks worth of steps back. I know that in the process of grief there will be good days and bad days, but has anyone else had similar experiences?

One thing that I think might have triggered the backward steps is things getting slightly better previously; I was suddenly allowing myself to reconsider the need for furry companions in my life, something to care for and love and in a way, to live for. I feel like I felt a glimmer of hope when my brain was allowing me to see a future and think about maybe allowing myself another pet (definitely not yet, but one day), but then I have just felt awful again, to the point where I can't imagine putting myself through another loss. I feel very confused.  I have always had pets in my life but the loss of Chummy has affected me unlike any other. I feel stuck in a situation where I feel like I can't live without furry companions and their love and joy, but equally fear the pain that loosing a well loved pet inevitably brings.

Sorry my post is so rambley. My head is very confused, sad and tired!
Caseysmomma

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Posts: 10
 #2 
I’m very sorry for your loss of Chummy. I understand the loss of a most beloved friend. I lost my Casey last week. I have another dog...and I really love him, but he’s not her. I had her for 13 years. She was part of a large part of my life. So while Scooter is a comfort, it’s not the same. I don’t know if it’s the fact I’ve had him not quite three years, or if there’s just a bond we have with certain pets. Bringing another baby in to care for won’t replace chummy, but it could do you good. And let your heart ache just a little less. And maybe sometimes ache just a bit more... but overall, I’m grateful to have a four legged friend to help me heal.
Chummy0104

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Posts: 4
 #3 
Thank you CaseysMomma for your kind words. I'm so sorry that you lost Casey also. I can only imagine the pain you're currently feeling.

Loving and loosing Chummy has made me consider whether we as humans can love and cherish many animals, but with some extremely special ones feel a deeper connection. That's not to say that I haven't loved and deeply missed previous pets (dogs, cats, hamsters, fish... the lot!), but Chummy has been something different, like trully part of my soul. It could also be that she has been my first pet as an adult as opposed to a family pet as her love and companionship has purely been my own. Whatever the reason, no matter how many times people can hint that she was "just a hamster" or that "it's not normal to feel so sad when a pet dies", she was my little hamster, my fur baby and best friend so loosing her has been one of the hardest things.

One thing that concerns me though is that I dont think I could put myself through choosing another pet that I know has such a short life. Although Chummy brought me such joy while she was here and also in her memory, I can't face another loss so soon; the pain has been too much. Having said that, I get very nervous about providing a pet with the best life possible. With Chummy I believe I did - I definitely turned into a crazy hamster lady! In my head this builds on the responsability of choosing a different pet. I need to know I can provide it the same level of love and the same great life that Chummy had. I don't want it to replace chummy, but I want to be able to love it in its own way and I don't know when I'll be able to do that, or if it is something you have to just try and let happen. I know that I need more time before I make any decisions, but one thing is for sure, animals enhance my life more than they ever get credit for so I hope one day, I can feel one's love again.
jrinphx

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Posts: 1,355
 #4 
I am sorry for your loss of your beloved Chummy.  Grief comes in waves.  Just when we think we are doing a little better grief takes us under again.  When I lost Jackie,the dog love of my life, it was the first time in over 30 years I didn't have a dog to come home to.  I would avoid going home because I just couldn't stand the silence.  I volunteered at an animal sanctuary and there was a dog that everyone loved but he needed to be an only dog.  I decided I would foster him and I just knew someone would adopt him very soon.  It took me over 6 months to accept the fact that I would officially adopt him.  He could not replace Jackie but he did help fill a hole in my heart.  Hopefully you will find a companion animal to fill the hole in your heart someday.  They do not replace the one who is gone - they are in addition to the one who is gone.  I believe our companions do not want us to shut out the love of another companion because we honor their lives by continuing the love.

JoAnn - mom to many, many Bridge babies           
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