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brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #681 
Hi Har Har,

How are you doing? It is hot here today, and yesterday the air stopped working, so it is about 90 degrees in the house. We have fans running, and the one air conditioner that came with the house, but it only cools one room. Hopefully they will fix it soon. I remember when we didn't have air in our one place, and you and me would go outside because it was cooler, and just enjoy the evening breeze. That was something I miss doing with you, or getting up early just to enjoy the morning air. I remember the time you had found a wolf spider. It was such a big spider, and you tried to catch it, then it started jumping at you. You jumped away from it and had a look on your face that said, "What is going on here?". I also remember the bird that would always come when we were outside and just squawk at you. I feel it was teasing you because it knew you couldn't get it. You would also try to catch squirrels if you saw them sitting on the ground. You would stalk them, but, I always made sure you didn't actually catch one. I am sure that aggravated you, but, then you would go about your business of surveying your perimeter, and watching the world go by. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #682 
Hi Har Har,

We have been trying to introduce the 2 sets of cats that we have, for we would like them all to be together, especially when winter sets in. I'm afraid it may be a little chilly out there for them, especially on days that it is 20 or below. Sandy seems to be all right with them, but, Smokey is not happy with them. I think he is trying to set the hierarchy. But, Sandy seems to be the male alpha, with Nico being the female alpha. You was always the alpha when we had 3. I guess there has to be one that is the boss. But, I remember when Baby Kitty was so sick, you stayed in the background and let her have the spotlight. I also remember how you always left your canned food for her. And, I remember how after she was gone, you smelled a spot that she always laid in, and your whiskers got so droopy. I knew you was missing her, but, now, you are with her, I miss you both, and Precious, and Calico, and Duma and Gabby. It is hard when you lose those that you love, but, we continue with our lives, and one day, we will all be together again.  It was the hardest letting you go though. I felt like my heart had been pulled from my chest. But, I had to do what was right for you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy   
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #683 
Hi Har Har,

I love you my sweet boy.  Last night I started crying as I said good night to you. I was remembering how I would say. Well, let's go to bed, and you would run and jump on the bed and lay your head on your pillow, and I would lay my head on you for a few minutes, and you would start purring. I miss those days, when you was here with me. I also remember  how in the mornings, I would say, time to start our day, and you would stretch and jump off the bed, and lead me to the kitchen so that I could feed you. It always seemed like you understood what was said, for when you wanted to go outside, I would tell you we would after I did what I needed to do, and you would lay down and wait patiently until I was done, then you would jump up and go to the patio door, for I never let you out the front door, and we would go outside, and you would just wander around the yard and sniff everything, making sure all was right in your world. I miss all these things. I miss you. I wish you had never gotten sick, and had been with me for longer. But, no amount of time would of been enough, and I know that. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #684 
Hi Har Har,

It is fall here now, but, it doesn't feel like fall. I remember how you liked to play in the leaves in the fall, trying to catch them as they fell to the ground, and when the wind would make them move, you would chase them. Fall was one of the best times to be outside, with the cooler temperature, and the new fall smells. We would be outside for hours, just you and me. In the fall, we always went out early, unless I had to work, then if I got home before dark, I would let you out for a while. You didn't like being out there by yourself, especially after Jean had forgotten you, and you was outside for several hours. Boy, was you glad to be back in, and we could see when the realization struck that you had been forgotten. Your ears went back so quickly. You wanted to make sure that you was never forgotten again. I was also thinking about how you would like to play fetch. We would roll up a piece of paper for you, and throw it, and you would chase after it, and bring it back. You had several around the house, and when you wanted to play fetch, you would bring it and drop it on our feet. We would toss it for you until you laid down signifying that the game was done. I also remember how you had these treats that you enjoyed, and we would throw them for you, and you would chase them to eat them. I guess it was like a hunt for you, and the treat was you prey. I remember telling you where it was, and it was as if you understood, and you went to it.You always were a smart boy. I still carry you picture to this day. It always made me so sad to have to leave you at the vet's office. I just wanted you to get better and to come home with me. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. I would do it all again, and hope for a longer time with you. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #685 
Hi Har Har,

How are you doing? I am doing all right. I still miss you, but, I can talk about you now, and smile. I remember how insulted you would get when we would laugh because you thought we was laughing at you, but, your antics always brought joy to us. I love you so much, and I miss you still. I still feel it was the one vet's fault that you had to be put to sleep, and I refuse to see him to this day. There is only one that I will see, for I feel he really cares. Perhaps if you had had him, you would not of gotten what you got, but, we will never really know. It has been so hot here, but, looks like we may be getting some fall weather next week. I count wait for that. The heat is so miserable, and the pollen. We have a little tabby cat hanging around, and apparently we are crazy cat ladies, for we try to get her to come in. This winter if it is cold outside, she will be in, unless we can't get her in, but, we will find a way to keep her warm. We are praying to keep her safe at night, and the other gray one that comes around sometimes, and the baby possum. We put food out for them, and water, because there has been no rain for 2 months, and we know they need water. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #686 
Hi Har Har,

It finally cooled down some. I had a bit of a worry, I found a small lump on my breast. Luckily there was nothing to worry about. They looked at the imaging while I was still there. I feel that you have been visiting here lately, it feels like a cat is touching my back as I sleep, like you used to do when you wanted to be petted. Keep visiting, for I enjoy your visits. I still miss you, and I still wish that I had listened to my instincts, and maybe you would of been with me longer. That is something that we will never know. I do know that one day I will see you again, and there will be so much for you to show me. We have been trying to get Goldie, Tiger, and Bandit into the main part of the house, but, Smokey keeps going after them. He isn't ready to share his home with them, I guess. I remember how I would let Rowdy in, and you was all right with that. I miss you so much, and I still wish you was here. Me and Jeannie was talking about how cats have their  own unique scent. To me, you always reminded me of early spring, when things were waking up from a long winter. You probably wondered why we would always smell you. It was because we enjoyed your scent. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy 
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,833
 #687 
Brenda,
Thank you again for writing on my Lee Lee's page.... I really appreciate that you still read some of her page after all this time.

I love that your Harry continues to visit you... that you can actually feel him touching you... that is so wonderful for you.  I don't know sometimes what we'd do without those little visits...

You talking about Harry's smell made me think about how wonderful Lee Lee smelled to me... I especially loved to smell her feet - maybe that's weird... but I loved it... to me, they smelled like after it had rained for the first time in a while... when the raindrops hit the dry ground.... mixed with the smell of hay.... my family all thought I was super strange for smelling her feet all the time.... but I told them they didn't know what they were missing.  I miss her smell...

I'm thankful that your health scare turned out okay....

Take care... I hope Harry visits you again tonight...
Hugs,
Melanie
~Lee Lee's Mama~
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #688 
Hi Har Har,

Well, today we bought the tree today, but we are going to wait to set it up. I am also thinking we will buy new ornaments for this tree, one we all pick out. I think one we need to get for this year is a new house ornament, since we are buying a house. I wish you could of come to this house, I know you would of loved it. There is so much room, and you could do your charging around that you liked to do when you had so much energy. Jean and I were talking about how we taught you to give us a kiss. How you would bend your head so we could kiss the top of your head. It has finally cooled down here, and is starting to feel more like fall. Fall was always one of the best times for us to walk around outside, because it was cooler. You would try to catch the leaves that fell to the ground. If I took you out here, I would have you on a leash and harness, because of coyotes. I haven't seen any, but, it is better ti stay safe. I always took such good care of you, not taking you out when the weather was too hot, or too cold. It hurt so much to have to let you go. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Thank you for sending Sandy to me. Love, mommy 

         
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #689 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? I am doing all right. It is my birthday tomorrow, and it will be my 8th one without you here. I miss you so much, and I wish you was still here. Please come to me in a dream for my birthday. I would really love that. I did have a dream with you in it. You was in a pile of leaves, and then there was 5 snakes, but they wasn't trying to hurt you, they were slithering away. I wasn't sure what it might mean.You wasn't afraid of them, you just laid there serenely. We have been trying to work with Goldie, Tiger, and Bandit. We want to bring them more into the house, but, though they seem interested, they are still fearful. It probably doesn't help that Smokey goes after them, but I think that is because he is still young, and trying to protect what he considers his. They all have a place in their hierarchy. I am sure you would of been top cat if you was still here.I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #690 
Hi Har Har, Today is Halloween, and it is rainy and cold here today. I remember how on Halloween, you liked to see the kids in their costumes. You would be all bright eyed as each new group of kids came to the door. I doubt that you understood what was going on, but, you loved children. We aren't going to do much here. I think we are too far out for kids to come knocking. Goldie came in yesterday, and explored the whole house. I just sat quietly, and let her roam around. I remember how afraid you was of storms, but you was fine as long as we were fine. I remember when we had the tornado, and how scared you was with that. I wish you was still here with me, I know you are here in spirit, but, it isn't the same as when I could actually cuddle you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy always and forever. Today, we are just going to spend the day in our jammies, eat pizza, and watch some movies. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #691 
Hi Har Har,

How are you doing? I have been missing you a lot lately. Perhaps it is because it is the holiday season. The holidays are not the same without you. I remember how much you always loved turkey, and even though I knew it made you sick, I always gave you a small bit. I think you liked turkey so much because we didn't have it a lot. We have been rearranging furniture here because we decided to go with fiber optics, and they installed it far from the computer and phone, so we moved things around to accommodate  the new arrangement, but it made the room seem smaller, so we bought a longer phone cord, and rearranged it again. I have been thinking about you a lot, and I read somewhere that a dragonfly has an extra set of wings so angels can ride on the back of it, and visit their loved ones here on earth. I noticed that I seemed to always have dragonflies, along with butterflies around me. I feel they were messages from you. I still have all the feathers you sent me, and I put them with your paperwork. I also carry one with me in my purse, along with your photo. I miss you so much, and I always carry you in my heart. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy   
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #692 
Hi Har Har,

Not sure what is wrong, but there is a lot of things that remind me of you, and it makes me feel sad because you are not here. Pictures I see on facebook, songs on the radio. A lot of things. I just start thinking how you are no longer here, and yes, I know that it has been 7 years, but, can a person really ever stop grieving for a family member? I think not. Yes, it may not be as severe, but, there are still times when it hits you so very hard. I guess this is one of those times for me. I will always feel blessed that I got to be a part of your world, and you got to be a part of mine. We had our first ice storm the other day, so we all just stayed home. It has been super cold the past two days, good days just to cuddle under the covers. I remember all the times we just took long naps on these cold days. You laying beside me, and your paw and my hand touching. You always had to have your paw touching us. And, if you was laying between us on the couch, you would make sure to stretch out so a part of you touched each of us, to keep us connected as a family. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #693 
Hi Har Har,

How are you today? We chose to have our Thanksgiving dinner today, since I have to work on Thanksgiving. I remember how excited you always was about turkey. We gave each of the cats a bit of turkey, let them have something special. They enjoyed it. I bet you get a lot of things you like up there. You always liked glazed donuts, hot dogs, and turkey. We will probably put the tree up in a couple of weeks. We're going to put it up, but wait to decorate it. I remember how much help you was when I was putting the tree up. You would play with the lights and the garland, and bite the branches. But, after it was up, you always enjoyed laying under it. You was my present every year. But, you were a blessing every day. You brought so much joy in our lives. And, when you was no longer with us, it seemed like a dark cloud had draped over our world. I love you so much my boy. I miss you every day. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy  
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #694 
Hi Har Har,

Next week we will be putting up the tree. It will be a big tree this year, but, though I am excited, I am also sad. This will be the first big tree since I had to let you go, and we will be using some of the decorations that I bought when you was still with us. I bought some special for you, since I knew you liked to play with the ornaments. I also don't know how I will feel about not seeing you under the tree. It became your nap place, and you was always so adorable laying under the tree. You were my special present. There will be some gladness mixed with sadness, but, that is how it is every year. When loved ones are missing, it can never be the same. And, though you grow accustomed to them being gone, the ache in your hurt never really goes away. And these special times of the year is so much harder because a family member is missing. But, I will try to remember that you are watching, and I will try to put on a big smile, even though there are still tears streaming from my heart, though hidden, they are still there.  I know that though I can no longer see you, I can at times feel your presence. Just a rub against my ankle, or a touch on my back as I lay in bed, sometimes just the weight of a cat jumping on the bed, or laying up against, and I look, and see there is just empty space. I believe it is you letting me know you will always be beside me, and I smile, knowing that my special boy is here with me, and watching over me. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #695 
Hi Har Har,

 With the holiday season upon us, it seems that I have been remembering all the seasons I had with you. The first year when you would climb the tree, and it would fall, but, you still climbed it, because you was still just a kitten, and so full of energy. Then the later years, when you would help to put the tree up, playing with the lights, and the garland, as I tried to get it hung on the tree, and then playing with the ornaments, and I would have to rehang them. You would always love to lay under the tree, and I always made sure there was a spot for you. I always said you was my Christmas gift. I remember how you would sulk because in order to put the tree up, I had to move your chair, and you didn't like that so much, but, then you loved the tree, so it was all right. I feel some excitement this year, the first year in our new place, but, I also feel sadness, for you are not here to enjoy it with me. It seems like the holiday season, there is always a mixture of joy and sadness. We have decided that on the holiday meals, we will set an extra plate for those that are no longer with us, a reminder that though they may not be seen, they are still with us, in spirit, if not in body. I know that one day we will be together again, but, it seems like it has been forever since I got to hold you. I miss you so much, my boy. But, I should remember that you had a good life, and you always knew you was loved, and you are still loved. I have decided that our heart becomes like a stain glass window, each pane depicting a loved one that is no longer with us, and you are one of those panes in my stain glass window heart. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #696 
Hi Har Har,

Well, got all the Christmas shopping done, and now we are decorating the tree. It is not the same without you. You always watched with such wonder in your eyes as I decorated. We are using a bit if old, and new ornaments. I can understand why this is a hard time for people when their loved ones are no longer with them. It can never be the same, but, we go on, hopefully with some cheer, mixed in the sadness. Next week, we will be making the fudge and cookies. Of course you never got any, for chocolate is not good for cats, and I always tried to take such good care of you, but, I had to let you go anyways. I was not ready to let you go, and I fought so hard for you to get better, and I prayed every minute of every day. But, I guess that you was needed in heaven, my sweet boy. I still need to wrap the presents also, which I will do next week. I love you so much, and I miss you. I will see you again someday, and then my heart will be complete, for all the ones I love will be with me. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #697 
Hi Har Har, 

Just a few more days before Christmas, and though I am done buying presents, I haven't wrapped any as of yet. I need to get busy doing that. We are done with the first room redecorating, and are now working on the second room. At least putting new curtains up. The ones they had here were ugly. I am glad we were able to get this place, but, I sure wish that you was still here. I know that in spirit you are, I just wish that I could see you again. There is a commercial they have been showing and it makes me cry. It is a family going to visit there grandfather for Christmas, and the grandmother had passed away during the year. The two girls make a video of when the grandparents had first met, and then her grilling out, and then a picture where they are all around the dinner table, with her cut in, and it says at the end that we are all still together. I feel we are still together, and you will always be here with me, but I miss cuddling you, and I miss kissing the top of your head on your little flower you had. I guess that I just miss you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,168
 #698 
Dear Brenrae, 

I hope that you are doing well and having a blessed holiday season. Your beautiful letters to your precious boy are so filled with love and longing...I pray that he will come to you in a dream visit soon and also give you a sign that he is with you in your new place. May you feel his presence always...

Best wishes for 2020...

Elise, mom to Shiloh and Angel Buddy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #699 
Hi Har Har,

Well, Christmas is over and  the gifts are unwrapped. I bet Christmas in heaven is wonderful. A day spent with all your new friends, and your old friends. My sister and I were talking about how when a loved one leaves, they take a piece of our heart, and she says that the reason they do is so when we meet again, we can recognize each other, but, I believe we will always recognize each other. And we were talking about what heaven is like. I know it says there are streets of gold, and mansions, but, for me, I just want a place where we can all be together. Just a little cottage, in a neighborhood filled with all those that I love, and a creek, or lake that I can sit and watch from the banks. I have always found watching water flow to be soothing. So, that is my belief, that heaven is a place that is what you want. I have been watching your videos, I wish we had more, and I wish there was one with your meow. But, at least I have those. It seems like some days you have been gone forever, and other days, it is like it happened yesterday. I love the ones we have now, but it doesn't mean that I don't miss you any less. I will always miss you, and I will always love you. I hope your day in heaven was filled with all the love you always shared, and all the foods that you loved, shared with all your friends. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #700 
Hi Har Har,

 Here it is now, 2020, and in June it will be 8 years since I had to let you go. I never thought I would make it through a month, let alone almost 8 years. I just had to survive each new day without you by my side, with so many tears, and so many sleepless nights, so many days of wishing I could be with you. But, it was not my time, for God had other plans for me, other cats that needed the same love I gave to you. You taught me so much in our 12 years together, and I thank you for that. I am forever thankful, and blessed that I had you as my boy. You will always be my boy, my special one. I felt you the other night, you was on the bed with me as I slept, and you did the touch on my back that you always did when you wanted me to pet you. I guess you was helping me welcome in the new year, and letting me know that you are never far from me. I still miss you so very much, that will never change. It doesn't matter how many years pass by as I live my life without you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love mommy  
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #701 
Hi Har Har,

It doesn't matter how much time you are gone, the missing you still remains strong. The pain isn't as bad as it was, and you still are in my thoughts and in my heart. I will always love you, and I will always miss you. Today when we got home, there was a dog in our yard. We were concerned about her getting hit, so my sister and daughter took her and started walking to find her home. Luckily, the person that owned her was also looking for her, so they were reunited. Now, if she gets out again, we know where to take her, and her name. Apparently the girl is an escape artist. We bought a runner rug, and a new bed for our cats in the sunroom. It is supposed to be cold next Friday, and we do what we can to keep them warm out there. We would like to bring them in here, but they are still skittish, and Smokey still wants to chase them off. So, until they are ready, we do what we can for them. It is amazing how quickly they got particular about their food. If they don't like it, they will follow us back to the door. I am sure you are telling them that we are good people, for Tiger is now purring and letting us pet him a little bit. Not the others as of yet. But, with your influence, I am sure that eventually we will be able to. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy. Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #702 
Hi Har Har,

I saw this poem, and I feel it pertains to you also, just change the word dog to cat. I am not sure what the poem is called, but I feel that it pertains to all our babies. 


They tell you not to cry.

They tell you that it's just a dog, not a human being.

They tell you that the pain will be over.

They tell you that the animals don't know that they have to die.

They tell you that it's important not to let him suffer.

They tell you that you can have another one.

They tell you it's going to happen to you.

They tell you that there is more pain.

But they don't know how many times you've looked into your dog’s eyes.

They don't know how many times you and your dog have looked into darkness alone.

They don't know how many times your dog was the only one who was by your side.

They don't know how much fear you have
at night when you wake up with your grief.

They don't know how many times your dog slept near you.

They don't know how much you've changed since the dog has become a part of your life.

They don't know how many times you hugged him when he was sick.

They don't know how many times you've acted like you didn't see her hair getting whiter.

They don't know how many times you've talked to your dog, the only one who really hears.

They don't know that it was just your dog who knew you were in pain.

They don't know what it feels like to see your old dog trying to say hello.

They don't know that if things went wrong, the only one who didn't go is your dog.

They don't know that your dog trusts you every moment of his life, even in the last.

They don't know how much your dog loved you and how it is enough for him to be happy, because you loved him.

They don't know that crying for a dog is one of the most noble, significant, true, clean and warmest things you can do.

They don't know when the last time you moved him with trouble... made sure it didn’t hurt him.

They don't know what it felt like to pet their face in the last moments of their life....

In Memory of all those who went over the rainbow bridge. You all have a place forever in our hearts 💕

all have a place forever in our hearts 💕

- author Emanuele Spud Grandi


To me this poem says it all. There was so many times it was just you and me. I remember when I first saw you and how sick you was. I couldn't imagine how someone could be so cruel as to let you suffer like you was. But, I took you, and you became my boy. Each time you got sick, I was so afraid to lose you, and then came the final illness and nothing could be done for you. I fought so hard to save you, I prayed every day. It broke my heart each time I had to leave you behind at the vet's office, but, I knew they could do more for you. I wish every day that you had never gotten sick, and then you would still of been with me for a while longer. But, as it says in the Bible, there is a time for everything, and I guess that was your time.  I love you my sweet, handsome boy always and forever. But, you know what, I will never get over having to let you go. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy

brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,774
 #703 
Hi Har Har,

It was a busy day today. Laura had to see the doctor, and I had to get my brake lights fixed. Then, because tomorrow is Roy's last day here with us, we went out to eat in honor of him. Then we had to do some shopping, but, now, finally we are home. A friend of mine from work had to put one of her cats to sleep due to a tumor in the brain. I like to think you was there to greet her and show her all the places to enjoy where you are. Perhaps you could keep her company until my friend can rejoin her. Jean and I were talking about you, and all your little quirks. I miss you so much, but that is nothing new. I still wish for a longer time with you, but, that was not what happened, and no matter how much time we had together, it would never of been enough. There are days when you are so clear in my mind, and other days, it is like you are just a shadow. Perhaps that is how it is. I still remember your scent, and your walk, and your meow. Your purr, and how it always made me feel at peace. I still remember the days after we had to say goodbye till later. It was so hard for me to sleep, for I always saw your face looking at me. It eventually got easier, though the missing you didn't. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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 #704 
Hi Har Har,

I was missing you a lot this week, which I guess you knew, for yesterday morning I felt 3 touches on my back, where you always touched it when you wanted to be petted, each one was a little harder than the other as if you was saying, "Mommy, I am always here with you, I am never really gone." It made me think of a quote I read, "If there ever comes a day we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." Yes, you will be forever in my heart, my stain-glass window heart, one of the fragments that makes my heart whole. There will always be days that I miss you more than other days, and certain times of the year it is worse for me. I don't know which times are worse, the holidays, the time you got sick, or around the time I had to let you go, or my birthday. I miss you so much during these times, and though I try to put on my happy face, it can be hard at times. But, I know you would not want me to be sad, so I try hard to not let it show. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy. A few weeks ago, I foound a heart shaped rock, which I put in a special place, for I felt it was from you. It will always be special to me, a gift from you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you form the wind. Love, Mommy    
brenrae

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 #705 
Hi Har Har,

I was thinking of when I first brought you home. You was so small, and so sick, but, when you decided you didn't want any more of the medicine, you knocked that dropper out of my hand, and across the room. You always were such a stubborn boy. I was also thinking of how you would jump up on the wall, and the time when you was running, so full of energy, and ran into the wall. I swear we could see stars spinning around your head, and your head was doing what cartoon characters did when they run into things. So many memories of you, I wish we could of had more. I miss you, my sweet boy, and I always will. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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 #706 
Hi Har Har,

I was thinking about all the things I miss about you. I miss your smell, your walk, your meow, and I miss laying my head on you and hearing you purr. I also miss walking out in the yard with you, and just watching the traffic and people go by. It took me a long time to just be able to go in the back yard, because that was a place we spent together. I couldn't even watch certain movies, or eat certain foods because they reminded me of you. There is still movies that I don't watch, though I like those movies because they remind me of you. It was so hard for me when I had to let you go, so many sleepless nights. I just wanted to die also and be with you, but, I had to stay. I guess it is like the song, "If you get there before I do". My chores here on earth aren't done yet, but, one day they will be, and then I will be called, and we will start again where we left off, just wandering around our new home, and you can show me all the wonderful places there is to see. So, for now, I will just live my life, like you would want me to, and take care and love those that come my way. I love you,my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day, a bit early   

brenrae

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 #707 
Hi Har Har,

I am so glad that I have so many memories of you. I can talk about you with others a lot easier now than when I first had to let you go. I guess it is part of the healing process, but, do we ever become fully healed when we lose a special family member? It isn't like a physical wound that you can cover with a bandage and the wound heals, it is more a wound to the heart and soul. Yes, I admit it does get easier, but then, there are the days when it is like it was in the beginning, and the missing you never goes away. I still carry your picture in my wallet, and everyone I show it to tell me what a handsome boy you are. To me, you will always be my handsome boy. I miss you so much, and I wish we could of had a longer time together. People say it is quality rather than quantity that matters, and I do know that is true, but, I cannot help but wish for more time with you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy   
brenrae

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 #708 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? A few weeks ago I found a heart shaped stone, which I put someplace safe, for I feel you had sent it to me. I took a few days off, because I just needed time to unwind, plus there is a few things I still need to get done here. I still wish you had been able to come here with me. I often think of you as a kitten. You had so much spunk. I remember we had a mouse toy, and you loved it. You would get it, and growl if anyone got to close to your precious toy. It was yours, and yours alone. No sharing with the other 2 cats we had. I also remember how you would save your canned food for Baby Kitty when she was so sick, and how sad you was when we had to let her go. Your whiskers got so droopy because she was no where to be found, and you had caught her sent in places she would lay. I'm not sure if you knew why she was no longer with us, you just knew she was missing. Perhaps you did understand in your way. I wish we had been able to bring you home, and spend a few days with you, but, you was so uncomfortable, and the times we brought you home for overnight, you was never able to sleep. It just hurt my heart to see you pacing like you did. Yes, I can still see it, and I can still see you when it came your time. I try hard not to think about it, but, it creeps in every so often, and with it the pain of losing you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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 #709 
Hi Har Har,

Yesterday I saw a cartoon of a dog that was at the pearly gates. The angel asked the dog how he died, and the dog said, I was hugging my best friend. The angel asked the dog again, and the dog replied, It doesn't matter, I was hugging my best friend. It shows the dogs memory of him being at the vet's office, and being put to sleep, with a man holding him and crying as he said his farewells. The dog's tale was wagging. It made me feel sad, but, also glad, for I hope you felt the same when you left this world. Your family was with you. I hope you know that you would never be alone, because we will always love you. I still wish we had more time together, but, I guess that when it is time, God will call you home. The pain we feel is because we love you so much, and we never wanted to say farewell to you. It is a hard decision to make, and one I never wanted to make. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy  
brenrae

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 #710 
Hi Har Har,

As you know, I still miss you, I tell you every night before I go to bed, and I will always love you. The one thing I think is funny is how there are songs, shows, and movies that I don't watch or listen to any more, and yet, there are ones that I am fine with. I don't know why it is just these ones that are hard for me, when they were all I watched or listened to when you was still here. It is a bit strange how the mind works sometimes, isn't it. For me, one song is, "All that Glitters is not Gold', by Dan Seals. For some reason, though I like the song, I cannot bring myself to listen to it. It brings tears to my eyes. Last night, my sister was listening to it, and I had to leave the room so that I wouldn't cry. Perhaps it is just the feeling of the song, or perhaps I am just a bit strange. I was also remembering how, it was shortly after I lost you, and I read a story about a sick cat, it was on the brink of death, but, through some miracle, the cat suddenly got better, and the story went on about the miracle that had happened, and I started crying, and I kept thinking, "Why was there no miracle for you?" That is all I wanted, was a miraculous recovery for you. But, it didn't happen for you. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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 #711 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? I am doing fine, but with all that is going on right now, it is a bit unsettling. We have been trying to stock up for us and the cats in case they do a major lock down, and we can't get out. More for the cats though. It may be nothing, but we feel it is best to be prepared. If it does happen, we can finish with the things we haven't been able to get done yet. I still miss you, and I still wish you was here. I love you so much. Where I work has shortened their hours. It was 6 am to 11 pm, and within 4 days, it is now 7 am to 830 pm. Big jump, and not even a week yet. I hope that everyone can get what they need. It has been hard with so many stockpiling groceries. We've had to shop 3 times in order to make sure we had what we needed for us and the 8 cats we have in our family. I don't want them to suffer because of this pandemic. For me, I can do without if need be. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,774
 #712 
Hi Har Har,

Because of where I work, I am considered essential, so I go to work, and pray that God will keep me safe. The same for Laura, and Jean. It is a bit unsettling, because, it seems that people are not staying home like they should. I still miss you, my sweet boy. I listened to "Mr. Bojangles" tonight, and it says how the man still grieves for his dog even after 20 years. I can understand that. I still grieve for you. I will always grieve for you, for you was more to me than just a cat, you was family. It was hard for me to imagine my life without you, but, it came to be. I never knew that such a small kitten as you was when I got you, could take up such a big space in my heart, but, you did. I am so blessed for having gotten to have you in my world, and I will always be so grateful that I did. You brought with you so much love and laughter. It is starting to warm up now with spring coming. I remember walking around in the back yard, and seeing all the new buds on the bushes, and the flowers poking their heads out of the ground. You always reminded me of spring, your scent did. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy 
brenrae

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 #713 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? I am doing all right. I think about you every day, and I remember all the good times we had. I miss those moments with you, moments that will never come again. Moments that were just ordinary at the time, but, now, they are moments to be cherished. I would spend those moments with you again, if I could. When the moment is happening, you never think about how it may never come again. I guess you just feel that things will never change, but they do. If I could live those moments again with you, would I look at them differently, knowing that they will someday end? Or would it be the same? I knew that some day, you would leave me, I just never expected it so soon. I thought we would have many more years together, more moments in time. Do you know how much I miss you? Every single day, I do. I would share those moments with you again, even knowing that they would end, and the pain would be so great. Keep watching over me, my sweet boy, and one day, we will be together again. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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 #714 
Hi Harry,

I was thinking of how you had so many names. Jean called you Pooky, to Laura and Roy, you was Buddy, or Big Boy, to me, you was Harry, Har Har, sweet boy, good boy, or handsome boy. It is interesting how you would answer to all of them. Perhaps it was more the tone of our voice, than what we said. But, I also believe you always understood what we said. I was also remembering how you would push things off the entertainment center if it was in your spot. And how, when you thought it was time to go to bed, you would sit on the arm of the couch and stare at me until I got up and went to bed. You knew what time we usually went, and if I was staying up later than normal, you let me know. It is also interesting to think how I am ok with watching some movies, and listening to some songs, but, I am not ok with others, even if they were watched or listened to during the time you was here. Maybe its the feelings they bring to me when I watch or listen to them. I am concerned about the corona virus and working. All three of us are high risk, but, we also can't afford to take the time off, even though it is offered. I just keep praying that it will all be over soon. I am sure a lot of people are. I want to be with you, but, right now, I need to make sure that everyone is taken care of. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some kisses, cuddles, and hugs sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy 
brenrae

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 #715 
HI Har Har,

It has been warm here today after a cold start. That is one thing about where you are, the weather is always the way you like it. I think you would like it to be warm, with a gentle breeze. Just like spring. You didn't really like cold weather, or really hot weather. But, I think you like the fall days also, and watching the leaves falling gently to the ground. I remember that I always liked going out on those days with you. The early days of spring, and the new scent of things waking up again from their long, winter sleep. I also enjoyed the crispness of the air in the fall. Not too hot, not too cold, but with a hint of winter in the air. Those were good days, weren't they? I was also thinking about how soon it will be Mother's Day, and how it was a week after that you got sick and didn't get better. I look towards that day, with both some joy, for you was my boy, and sadness, because it was the last time you was yourself. I hated seeing how uncomfortable you was, and not being able to help you. It made me cry. And, all the days I would visit you at the vet's office, I would cry as I was leaving. I don't know, perhaps I shouldn't think about it, but, it is hard not to. Yes, I would rather remember all the good times, but this bad time was so life changing. It seems like within a month you was gone, my boy, gone forever. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. I am going to let you go now, before I start crying. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy  
brenrae

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 #716 
Hi Har Har,

A rainy day here. You know the song, "The Dance" is one I associate with you. Especially the part that says, "How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye". But, even if I did know, and the pain it would bring, I would of still had you as my boy.Knowing you, and loving you was worth all the pain. That is a song that I can't listen to without crying. It is weird how some songs get associated to different feelings, and different times in our lives. There is also Jim Croce's song, "Time in a Bottle". I associate that one with you also. Because to me it says it all. I would of saved all my time to spend them with you. I also associate the song, "Seasons in the Sun" with you.  Because did we not have fun, and then it seems that your seasons ended. It is interesting how the lyrics, though they may mean one thing, can help you relate to your loss of a loved one, is it not? I was thinking about your cowboy walk, the swagger you had, and how it was always more exaggerated if you was mad. It always made us laugh, and smile, it was so cute, your walk. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,774
 #717 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? I am doing all right. So far, I haven't gotten sick from this virus, which I am glad for. I still miss you, and I think about you all the time. I have so many wonderful memories of you, from when you was a kitten, to as you got older. I remember how when you was mad, you would stalk off, doing your cowboy walk, and just sit where you can look at us without us seeing you look at us. I also remember how you would get the zoomies and run all around the house. I always enjoyed when you did that. So much energy you had. I bit you are zooming all around up there. I miss you so much every day. I am glad that I got to have you with me for a little while though. But, I would of liked to have had more time. But, is any amount of time enough with a loved one. No matter what, I would of wanted more time with you. I still say goodnoght to you every night. One of my many rituals. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
EliseT

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Posts: 2,168
 #718 
Dear Brenrae, 

Always such beautiful letters to your precious boy...I am sure he is storing every one in his heart until the day you are together again. That's so sweet, how your baby had a little "cowboy walk" when he got mad...it's funny what little things stay with us, even long after they've gone off to Rainbow Bridge...

Stay well and safe - glad that you have been able to keep clear of the virus. So far so good here also. Shi and I are here with my mom for now.

(((Hugs)))

Elise, mom to Shiloh and Angel Buddy
brenrae

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 #719 
Hi Har Har,

How are you doing up there? I know that you are always with me, unseen, but often felt. I miss having you near me, I miss our cuddles, and your scent, and your meow. There is so much to miss when a loved one is no longer with us on this earth. I love you my boy, and I always will. I miss you so much every day. We only have you all for just a short time, and yet, you take up so much room in our hearts. I saw a headstone to a cat named Dewey and on it, it says, " He was only a cat, but he was human enough to be a great comfort in hours of loneliness and pain." it made me think of you. How many times was you there for me when I felt sad, or I was worried about my daughter when she was in the hospital. You was always there with your head bonks, and your rubs against my legs telling me all would be all right, and they was. You always knew when I needed you and the love you gave. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,774
 #720 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? We are doing all right. Bought a couple of cat trees today. One for inside, and one for on the porch. We have the one for inside done, and the cats have all investigated it. I feel they will like it once they get more used to it. It has several places they can sleep, and be able to look out the window. I remember the one we had for you. You used it to get on the entertainment center, because your hips would hurt with the weather and it got harder for you to jump. We also had a chair that you laid claim to, and you pouted if we had to move it for a bit. You would sleep on the chair during the day, even had a groove where you always laid. I read a quote, it said, "It's the little memories that last a lifetime." I believe that to be true, for I have all these little memories of you. And though they may not mean much to others, they mean the world to me. These memories are our lifeline to our loved ones, for through them we can relive the moment. I would never want to give these memories up, for they are my treasure. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love mommy
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