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doglife

Registered:
Posts: 69
 #1 
Jada ,  

My sweet mamagirl.  We called your mamagirl , because you had mothering characteristics.  You always watched out for everybody and made sure everybody was safe.  
I am having a hard time with mornings since you've been gone.   You made my mornings so much fun.   You had a routine.  You waited patiently for me to wake up and once my feet hit the floor , you were right there running around my legs, through my legs, so happy like you hadn't seen me in weeks.  You pushed your brothers out of the way to make sure I gave you the side rubs that you loved.   Then you went to your favorite to your human sister, Amanda's room , because you knew when I opened the blinds the sun would be reflecting on the ground, and you loved the refections.  Then when you realized that my phone could make even more refelctions on the walls, that became your new favorite morning ritual.  I even remember that one morning,  I stayed in bed too long for your liking so you grabbbed my phone and I found it on Amanda's bedroom floor.  You demaded that there be relections in the morning.  You would put a sock in your mouth and make a squeal sound when you would follow the refelections.  Your big brother Leo would come in the room to see what all the comotion was and bark at you, as if to say knock it off.  Then your little brother Zeus would come in the room, have no idea what you were all excited about and start barking at you to knock it off.   Apparently your brothers didn't find your obssession with reflections as something amusing.  You then made sure to herd everyone downstairs for feeding time , which was also your favorite.   Even though you loved to watch your food being prepared, if you big brother Leo went outside , you had to go with him to watch over him.   He has been very depressed since you've been gone.  Just not acting himself lately.  He really misses you too.  Your little brother Zeus is besides himself, he lost his favorite playmate and since Leo cannot run , he doesn't know what to do with himself.  Even Smokey the cat has vocalized mourning in your absence.  He pretty much walked around the house and howled for a few days, I think he was looking for you.  He loved your games of hide and seek and chase and then the way you licked him on the head when your were done playing , as if to say ,  I'll never let anyone hurt you,  and even though Smokey doesn't really like doggy kisses, he appreciated yours.  Being in the kitchen and cooking anything is very difficult since you've been gone.  You were my little taste tester and no matter what I made, you liked it.  You were the best little watcher there will ever be.   I miss you more than you will ever know.  I still cannot believe you are gone.  You left so fast, just like everything you ever did , was with passion and speed.    I wish I could have kept you forever,  you were the kind of dog that everyone loved and you loved everyone.   You were the light of my days.  I am trying to be there for your brothers,   but it's difficult for me as I am greiving and have been trying to figure out what happened to you.  It's just so hard to say goodbye , when you left without warning.  You will always be the BEST thing that ever happened to me.  My first female GSD,  and you were a super star.   I can only hope that I will see your beautiful eyes again, and rub your ears like you liked and hear your almost purr.  And that spot on your neck that you loved and your belly rubs,  but not for too long, because you didn't ever allow yourself too much cuddle time in front of your brothers.  You had to be on guard.  I hope you are chasing lights, chasing birds, squirrels, rabbits, and eating all the gourmet food your belly will allow.  What I would give for one more of your crazy face baths, where you lick the skin off of our entire face.  There will never be another You. 


Love forever in my heart,
your mom
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #2 
Aw, what a wonderful way to remember your Jada girl. I feel your love and I know Jada knows how much you loved her and she loved you. Keep writing and and talking to her, it helps to heal.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
doglife

Registered:
Posts: 69
 #3 
How do I begin to write this letter to you?  You are gone, and I am grieving the great loss of you.  I pretty much spent the first couple of weeks trying to figure out what I missed, what signs were you trying to hide from us, or not hide? 

I begin with this:

Jada,

I am so , so , so sorry that I missed the signs.   I have found out that you passed in front of my eyes, so suddenly because you had Hemangiosarcoma ,a form of cancer that I didn't even know was common to German Shepherds , until my vet informed me of it, after it was too late.   It is a kind that sneaks up on you and doesn't reveal itself , until it is fatal.   It doesn't show up on bloodtests either.  That's why that night about 6 months ago that you had labored breathing and we rushed you to the ER vet at 1 AM ,  they did a few tests on you, but they didn't find anything.   That's because it doesn't show up , unless you do an ultrasound.  I was so worried about you that night, and I couldn't wait until they brought you back into the room by us, where you just laid quietly on the floor, and you didn't want to go back to the back room when the vet came back in.  You let her know by barking at her, when she opened the door.  Everything seemed fine, and you seemed back to normal , so they sent us home.  A week later,     at our regular vet visit she listened to your heart and she adjusted your back , and gave you a clean bill of health.   She didn't know what had caused the bizzare breathing episode, she had thought bloat at first  , but that was ruled out at the ER.   You gave us a mighty big scare.  

But thankfully you were fine the next day ,  hungry as always and always ready to be next to your big brother in on the patio looking for bugs to catch and butterflies to chase.  You seemed fine for a long time.  The only thing that I wondered about was why you seemed to pant at night,  at bedtime.  Sometimes you panted so heavily that you woke me up.  I would go rub your belly and put your head up on a pillow to elevate it,  as we thought that maybe you were having some indigestion, because you did always gobble your food like you were starving, and you did tend to throw up bile , if you weren't fed at certain times.  But we were used to that, because you did that since you were a puppy.  Sometimes you inhaled your food so quickly that your threw up your entire meal like it hadn't been chewed, just inhaled.  So we had to buy you a slow down feeder, and that only slowed you down by about a minute.   Food was one of your favorites.   We always said the day that you refused to eat would be the day that we would get extremely worried,  But that day never came.  You never turned down a meal. 

Because you seemed like a healthy dog who had some arthritis due to your dysplasia and your spondylitis, you didn't even need to go to the vet that often.  Just when you had your regular check ups, and your ears were bothering you.   The ear specialist we took you to last year, checked your ears and when she heard about your breathing issue and your arthritis , she didn't want to perform any tests that would require sedation.   She said it could paralyze you or you might not wake up.  She said to just keep your ears clean and not to proceed with any scope procedure.   We were glad,  because we didn't want you to be sedated.  So we knew when your ears bothered you , because you hid your entire head under our bed.  Then you made it super hard for us to coax you out and clean your ears.   You made that groaning sound, I'll never forget it.  Towards the last few weeks , you did tend to go and lay in the other room on the couch by yourself.  I didn't think much of that , because you didn't like to be bothered when you finally were resting.    But that was a sign and so was the breathing issue, and so was the panting at night.   Then on one of your most recent walks , your dad was walking you and he said that your back legs collapsed and you kind of fell , but you got right back up and ran over to where I was throwing the ball for your younger brother and you ran around like you always did, trying to be the fastest.   You were so mad that Zeus became faster than you.  But he's a boy, and he didn't have a spine or hip issue, and you obviously , just ran through your pain.  You were so driven, that I think you would have still chased a ball if your legs were broken.   You never ever wanted to stop the game.  You never laid down until we made you.  Your younger brother would lay down when he was tired, but not you.   You wanted to keep on going.  That's why it was so difficult to realize that anything was wrong with you. 

I found a group on FB that is for dogs with the type of cancer that you had.  Some owners had found out about this terrible cancer, when their dogs had either collapsed or stopped wanting to eat , or became extremely fatigued.   They had ultrasounds done and their vets found the tumors that were either ready to burst or almost ready to burst , so they were able to have surgery of the spleen to prevent that from happening.  Then they had special diets and special Chinese medicine prescribed by Holistic vets and other supplements to support their immune system so that they could live a bit longer.   A couple of the lucky ones, lived up to 33 months longer, and some a year, some a few weeks, some didn't make it after the surgery , they were older and their bodies too weak to fight any longer.  I only wish that I had found out when you had the breathing episode that you had this cancer, because I could have put you on the medicine and the supplements and maybe you would have lived longer.   I would have been devastated to find out that you had cancer, but I would have done all that I could possibly do to have you here even a few more weeks and been able to say goodbye, even though that would have broke my heart.  I just feel like not knowing that you were sick and thinking that in a few days we would get to celebrate your 8th birthday, and take you for a car ride and get a pup cup, and get you some new toys, and see how excited you would get to go for a car ride, that you and I both got so cheated out of having more time together.   The whole family got cheated out of being able to spend more precious moments with you.   I miss you everyday.  I think about you every day, and night, and it haunts me that I can never kiss your forehead goodnight again, or have you walk beside me on a walk, or get so excited to go to Michigan to go swimming.  All of these memories and all of these things will never be the same without you.  Leo , your brother misses you so much.  I could tell he is depressed since you've been gone.  And Zeus missing your little games of chase around the dining room table or in the back yard.  He even grabbed a bag clip and made me chase him around the dining room table , just like you used to.   He idolized you, he wanted to be just like his big sis.   Every body loved you.  I am so sorry that I couldn't help you.  I am so sorry that day that I couldn't bring you back to life. 
Those last moments will haunt me forever. 

Forever in my heart ,
your mum
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