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jenny1124

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Posts: 2
 #1 

Princess,

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to you. In the morning, you weren't yourself. Your liver was failing. You were no longer looking outside, or playing with toys. You weren't even interested in food. You were about 10 pounds when we took you to see Dr. Kelly on Friday. That was when she told us it was time. We made an appointment on Monday and watched you get worse all weekend. I was so grateful for that time with you, but I know you were suffering. You fought so hard for me!

When we got there, you wanted to look around and climb on the chairs, but you could no longer get there. You walked on my thigh to get to the chair and then decided you either weren't interested anymore, or couldn't make it, so you went back into your carrier. After that, we put you on the table which they had covered with a soft blanket, but you wanted to be in your carrier still. That's ok, that was your safe space. Dr. Kelly injected you in your rear flank with a sedative. You fought it so hard. I stayed with you, petting you and talking to you. I told you everything I wanted you to hear. I asked you to please look for me wherever you go... look for mom. Dr. Kelly thought you were sleeping, but you were not. You actually stood up and went back into your carrier! She gave you another injection to help you relax. Still, I remained petting you when I could. Standing right by you. I told you it was okay to sleep. It was okay to stop fighting. You don't have to fight anymore, baby. After a long time, you seemed to fall asleep and it was time. You passed very quickly once Dr. Kelly could find a vein as your body was so stressed and tired. Still I stayed with you. Dr. Kelly told me you were gone. I still couldn't believe it. Your dad had to tell me it was time to go, that you weren't there anymore.

We came back home and still I look for you, even though I know I won't find you. I started gathering up some of your stuff, not to get rid of evidence of you, but to stop my heart from seeing your things, beds, and not seeing you on any of them.

Dad stayed with me until after I fell asleep last night because that was our thing. I would say “let's go sleeping! It's time for bed. C'mon, Princess, let's go.” And you would follow me and jump up into bed. In your final months, you would climb instead of jump. Sometimes I wouldn't take you with me because you looked peaceful and pain free, so I didn't want to move you. I still always gave you bedtime treats and told you good night.

In the morning I would always get up, go pee, then go find you and say “good morning, Princess”. This morning I just sat on the side of the bed and said “good morning, Princess” and cried. I'm so lost without you, my sweet girl. I love you so very much!!!

 

Love, Mom

jenny1124

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #2 
Princess,

I'm sorry Mommy hasn't felt well or been able to deal very well since you left.  If you're watching, I'm so sorry I am not doing well.  I miss you so very much!  

Your daddy mentioned that without your old cat tree, the living room looks emptier, cleaner and nicer and that he hates it.  He misses you too.

Mommy wanted to go to work today, but I'm feeling sick.  I don't want to eat and stomach is not dealing well either.  

I'm not sleeping well.  Last night I think I had a nightmare, but luckily, i can't remember it.  I woke up having trouble breathing easily and dry heaved into the sink.  Your Daddy laid down with me and I was able to fall asleep again.  This time I was dreaming about getting your food and putting it into your bowl, then woke up in alarm hoping that losing you was all a dream... it wasn't.  Were you telling me to eat, Baby Girl?  Please don't worry, Mommy has plenty of spare pounds to handle a few days of not eating much.  

I look for signs of you all the time.  I wake up and for those first few minutes, I face the reality that you aren't here and I don't need to come and check on you.  It's like I lose you every single day.  Mommy doesn't know how to deal with this, but I am trying.  

Through all of your surgeries, you were so strong and brave and fought so hard for me, to survive.  I was always amazed at your strength.  Because of you, I know Mommy can be strong too.  I just need some time to get there, Baby.  

Mommy loves you still so very much!  

Love, Mom
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 839
 #3 
I am very sorry for your heartbreaking loss of Princess. Our fur kids become such a huge part of our lives and when they leave us we feel as if we have a huge hole in our hearts that only they could fill. Princess is still with you, we miss them, touching them, seeing them but they cannot ever truly leave us. From that first day Princess wiggled her way into your heart, wrapping her little paws around it and there she will remain forever. My first little dog Chico died almost 50 years ago but I still think of her so often and remember our time together. I can still see her little body and her precious little face. She was with me for such a short time, only four years. Though I have had many dogs and cats since then she will always be special to me. Panic attacks are a part of our grieving, not sleeping well nor wanting to eat are too. We are learning how to get through the all encompassing fog of their leaving us. Fog may seem an odd word to describe it but that is how it feels to me. I am glad you have your hubby to help you, I know he misses her too. We are here any time you need us. To listen and offer support and comfort just as so many have done for us . Please take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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