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Libertydad

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Posts: 40
 #1 
Today I drove the 2 hrs to pick Liberty up and bring her home. The drive there was hard on me, I kept slowing the car down not wanting for this to happen. The people at Gateway were very compassionate, I sat with the urn and paw print until I was composed enough to leave. The ride home I kept my hand on her the whole way and spoke to her and told her we were going home. She sits on the mantle now, looking out the front window (her fav spot) It does help a little having her home but not much. At least I can touch her again and tell her its ok. 
I am trying to remember the good times we had together rather than the sadness of her loss. Liberty was absolutely my life, she made me healthier, she made me smile constantly, she gave me warmth on a cool night and she also made me proud. She knew me. 

Thank god there are so many wonderful people on a site like this where I can open up my heart without feeling like an blubbering fool. The people here understand and I can feel that. Thank you all.   Libertydad
buddy2k

Registered:
Posts: 103
 #2 
I hope you find comfort in having Liberty back at home where she belongs. 
I totally understand how you feel - this is so hard.
Take care - Lilly's mom


JBZmama

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Posts: 4
 #3 
We lost Jenny October 15, 2018. I can honestly say this has been the hardest 2 + months of our lives. Dropping her off was excruciating, but Keith at Sacred Paws, gave us plenty of time before we had to leave her. We went as a family to pick Jenny up and I know how hard it is, for me I just needed her home again. I kiss her good morning and good night every day. When our daughter comes home, she takes Jenny into her room, since Jenny used to sleep with her. To be honest since Jenny has passed I seem to be in a fog. So I can understand how difficult it is to lose your "child", Jenny was mine as well. Please continue to open up your heart, I truly believe that the reason that we all hurt so deeply is because we were able to love unconditionally just like our babies love us.
kramersmom

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Posts: 8
 #4 
Thinking of you. 🙏 I know how hard this is, we too have our sweet boy on the mantle.
michelledimarco

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #5 
I feel your pain. We dropped my baby girl off at the funeral home and said goodbye. When they called me a week later to tell me Chewy was ready to be picked up, I broke down. It was final. I haven't displayed her ashes yet because my boys are still very fragile so I have her in my room and say goodnight every night. My husband says goodnight to her every night when he goes to bed but he says it to the spot she used to lay next to him while they watched tv. We still feel her presence here. I'm trying to remember the good things lately instead of the trauma. I think it shows signs that we're starting to heal. But I will never be the same. Hang in there, my friend..
Chewy's mom
Libertydad

Registered:
Posts: 40
 #6 
 Hi sweetheart. I seem to have lost the thread where I was posting to you almost every night. ( Not that you know what a post is ) Maybe you do now? 
Anyway, today I went to a grief counselor and spent an hour just blubbering and crying. I told her how special you were and what you meant to me. I honestly don't know what to do anymore honey. I think I would just like to be with you, where ever you are. Things are not going to well at home. Mom still has her work every day, but I have nothing. I try to read, to pass the time but the pages all seem the same and I have to go back and re read them over and over. I don't eat anymore because I can't share with you and I'm not hungry anyway. I still imagine I see you everywhere in the house, it's really is making me crazy, I cry every minute. I'm not blaming you sweetheart, it's something I have to work through.
 You were gone Christmas day, so it's not even a month yet. It seems like years to me. I miss you so much.
 I was out on the deck last night around midnight, just to look at the yard, something I do often ( so I can cry and not be heard ) and guess who showed up? Your chasing rabbit friend, he is getting bigger, and he was looking at me as if to say " where is Liberty, she needs to chase me again." Remember when you would run all over the yard, and the rabbit would actually slow down and stop, waiting for you to catch up. God I loved to see you have a good time, it made life worth living.
 You gave me so much in your short life, I don't even think I deserved it, I elevate you higher than anything I have ever known. If there is a GOD, you are sitting in their lap right now, because you BELONG there. 

 The nurses at the Guelph companion animal hospital put little bows in your ears and while they looked pretty, they were not you. I will not ever forget your last 4 days. I hated to leave you there but it was the only option to try and save your life. I heard you barking " don't leave me dad", you had never been crated before and had never been left behind. It was heart wrenching. If I knew you were going to pass no matter what we did, I would of brought you home and let you go in your home with family comforts.
 You fought as hard as you could sweetheart and I'm proud of you, but when I saw your eyes I knew, I don't know how I knew but I did. I hated beyond words when your beautiful brown eyes closed for the last time, so fast, I hope you knew I was there, it means so much to me.
 This is absolutely the most intense emotion any "pet" lover can go through. I don't have any other pets to love and mine was taken at 3.5 yrs, by just her yearly booster vaccine. I IMPLORE pet owners to not just trust the system. Research auto immune disease, get a titer test before you vaccinate. Your pet may not need a booster and if you don't do this, you can kill your pet. Think about it, they are injecting your dog with virus, to help build up their immune system, but if your dog is already fine, they may not need it and you are over dosing, and it can cause massive problems. AIHA and IMHA  .  please research. If I can have one person look at these terrible diseases and save one pets life, then Libertys death is not in vain. Vaccinations can cause this, I am certain of it. I was stupid and trusted my vet, I didn't know about this. If I could turn back the clock just 2 months, and did not vaccinate her, she would still be here, healthy, active and loved.
 I miss her more than life itself and for me I have to do something that does not make her death meaningless.

 Sweetheart, I love you and I am so very sorry. You made me so happy, I hope I did the same for you. Our time was short, but it was filled with love every single day. And I still love you every single day, and I cry every single day, and I will miss you every single day until I die.
 I love you sweetheart, so much, I am crying a river right now missing you. Thank you for being in my life.   Libertydad


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