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patches0330

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Posts: 31
 #1 
I've been feeling pretty lonely these past 3 months. 

We had to put our 11 year old dog, Patches, to sleep on March 30, 2019 so we just passed the 3 month mark. He was my best friend in the whole entire world, and honestly I still feel like letting him keep that title even though he isn't physically with us anymore. I have been feeling so alone ever since we had to say goodbye. I didn't realise it before then, but I don't really have any friends. I have my boyfriend of over 6 years, but we can't spend all of our free time together. I have 2 really good girl friends, but one lives in another state and the other works over 40 hours a week. I don't seem to get along well with other people so it's difficult for me to make friends. 

Patches and I connected/bonded the moment we met. We did everything together. Ever since he passed away, I have just been spending all of my time in my room. I haven't opened my blinds in months, I prefer to keep the lights off, and I've basically been living out of my bed. Before he passed away, I would sit at my desk in my room and use my desktop computer for everything. I'd eat up there and get some of my work done or I'd draw or play guitar. I think it's partly because I'm so used to being at my desk, turning around, and seeing my buddy. Now, I just sit in bed with my laptop, use a cookie sheet for a tray to eat my meals off of, and I binge watch shows online. My boyfriend and I will hang out and soemtimes we'll see my friend but I still feel like I'm missing something. We had a really big BBQ towards the end of June and it was fun, but I still feel so empty. I don't have anyone I can call to come over and go swimming or just ride bikes around the block or maybe even go to the park. I used to do all of those things with Patches and now that he's gone I'm almost completely alone. My mom asked me why I didn't go in the pool today since it was 90 degrees F and sunny, but I didn't want to make her feel bad by saying that I don't have anyone to hang out with. 

I just graduated from a community college and I'm going back to school to start my bachelor's degree hopefully in the fall. It's going to be online so that I can keep my job and my current hours, but that will limit me on meeting new people and making friends. Part of me doesn't even want them though. I just want my best friend back but that's impossible. We made and shared so many memories and I feel so lost and lonely without him by my side. I need him now more than ever. 

I'm scared and sometimes I feel like I'm not going to be able to get through this. I have been going to therapy for several years, found a new therapist a week after Patches was put to sleep, but I just recently stopped going because I felt like it wasn't helping me anymore. She wasn't able to help me in any way besides telling me that "it is what it is and it's just going to take time." She gave me things to do to help me cope like drawing, making picture collages, creating photo albums, writing, reading self-help books, etc. but they're all things that I've done already. I get that there isn't a magic word or sentence that will fix everything, but I guess I'm kind of just losing hope. Every night, I look at my table where I keep Patches' collar and pictures. I'll sit in bed and talk to him to tell him about my day and how I'm feeling. I honestly believe that that has helped me more than talking to an actual therapist. Anyways, I ask him for signs to let me know that he's okay. About a week ago, I had 2 nights in a row where I dreamt about him. He ran up to me and asked to be pet, he rolled over, asked for cuddles, and we played and ran around. Towards the end of his life he developed diabetes and went blind, but in my dreams he was able to see and do all of the things he could do a few years ago. That helped me feel better, but I was a bit sad when I woke up because I knew that I wasn't able to physically touch him. Someone on this forum mentioned a spiritual reader so I've been looking into that. My parents are super Catholic and religious so if they knew I think they'd be very disappointed with me but it's not like I'm going to get my future read to me. I just want to know if Patches' spirit is still here and if he's trying to communicate with me. I don't know where I exactly stand on the readers/mediums debate, but I've been researching it and I feel like maybe it could help? I want to keep my connection with him for as long as possible. He's my one true friend and I feel so lost without him by my side. 

Thank you for listening. 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 535
 #2 
Dearest patches mom,
I know your pain of feeling alone and losing interest in things you once did with your beloved Patches. I lost Termy over 21 months ago and I feel I too lost my best friend and companion. Like your Patches he was my sunshine and joy in life. I don't have a social life, I have work friends but no sisterly kind of friends (the best friend in the world who totally gets you friend). My husband got over him the very next day. I grieve alone and talk to Termy every night just to cope. I totally get where you are coming from.

I've mentioned in a lot of my posts about a spiritual reader and I was a skeptic at first to. Some are there just to take your money but I was lucky and found one who was the real deal. At first she asked if I had questions and I told her no just to see what she would say. She talked to the spirits and asked me if I had a dog, I said yes but she said he crossed over didn't he. I answered yes. I didn't tell her he was a boy dog. Then she asked if he did something with his paws, I said yes. He used to set up on his hind legs and wave his front paws in the air. She also asked if I did something with his ears and I answered yes, I rubbed them all the time and she said he loved that. Then she asked if my sister had passed I said yes and she said that she passed before Termy, that was also true. She said that my sister was there to greet him and took him in her arms. There are so many things she told me that I know that she did talk to his spirit. I go back to see her about three times a year. It sure helps me to cope knowing and being able to believe that our beloved animals spirits never really leave us alone. They are always near us, guiding and watching over us.
When  you have no one close to you who really cares and understands, it so very hard to learn to live a new normal life. I haven't healed and may never over my loss. I truly hope that you can find someone to be there for you that understands, if not I am always here to offer a cyber hug and a comforting heart for you. I haven't put away Termy's things either, his collar and leash still hang where they always did and his bowl is still out where it always was. We all need to find that place where we can feel that our loving them all those years will always be. You were loved and you loved as deeply. Hold onto the journey you shared with Patches. One day you will be able to smile as you remember him, the tears may fall but you will remember.
I don't mean to talk a lot about my loss but the similarities are so close to what I feel that I did need to share some of them with you.
I do understand and I feel you heart ache.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #3 
Termy's Mom, 

I have never really had that sisterly connection with anyone either. Now is one of those times where I wish I had a sibling because maybe they'd be able to keep me company or be a friend to me. My one best friend from high school moved to a different state almost 2 years ago so we don't get to see each other that much. We text pretty much everyday, but it's not the same as having someone around to spend time with in person. It's difficult being in a situation where we're having such strong feelings around someone who seems to be totally okay. 

I love reading and hearing stories about other peoples' loved ones. Animals bring us so much joy and it really sucks knowing that they have such a short time here on earth. I was talking to my friend about how I've been feeling and how I don't know how I'm going to keep going. She told me that Patches helped me through some of the toughest years of my life and that he did his job. Now it's time for me to use what I learned from him to continue forward and keep making progress towards my goals. But honestly, I don't even know what those are anymore. Whenever I'm in a tough situation, I keep thinking, "what would Patches do?" or "what would Patches want me to do?" 

I'm so happy that you found a trustworthy spiritual reader. I'm not sure how to research and find one that isn't out to scam me. I don't have a lot of money to work with, so I really have to start saving up to go to one and I'd hate to be lied to. When I hear stories like yours, it gives me hope that my boy is out there protecting and guiding my family and I. It really helps to see his pictures around the house. I'm thinking and really hoping that I will start to feel even better when I get my memorial tattoos. That way, I can always take a piece of him with me. I'm planning on getting his pawprints and name on my chest close to my heart as well as a cartoon portrait on my forearm above my grandma's signature. I never ever want to forget him, and if I have tattoos in memory of him that would be impossible to do. I don't think that I'd ever in a million years forget about him, but I want to always have him with me in some way. His crate is still in our dining room, but a couple of weeks ago my parents moved it into the garage to make more room. I had a complete mental breakdown and that really set me back. I felt like I was doing a lot better up until that point. After that, I went back to shutting myself into my room and not leaving unless I was absolutely starving or had to go to the bathroom. They moved it back after they saw how upset I was. They didn't realise that I wasn't ready yet and they told me that they'd give me as much time as I need before they make anymore changes. 

I'm still looking into the spiritual readers and I'm really hoping that I find one that I can trust. It seems like it might be a very healing experience and that's what I really need right now. 

Thank you for taking the time to write back to me. It's nice knowing that I have this message board to connect with people going through similar experiences. 

Love, 
Danielle 
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 796
 #4 
I am so sorry for your loss of Patches. I apologize if this posts twice, I was in the process of responding to your post and my response somehow disappeared. I understand how you are feeling. Patches was a huge part of your life and it feels like your world has ended. We all grieve differently and other people seem clueless to our deep feelings of sorrow. Many have never felt a connection to pets that we do,to many they are "just an animal". Regarding your dreams, I believe they do come to us in our dreams and it is comforting to me when it happens as if they are telling me all is well with them. When my grandmother died I felt inconsolable and had no idea how I would ever learn to cope. Then I began to dream of her, happy dreams and my healing started. A few times one of my kitties would visit and lay on the end of my bed, I could see her plain as day. You might check to see if there are support groups in your area. As Cosesmom said you could seek out a spiritual reader. Do whatever helps. Your Patches is not with you in the physical sense but I believe our babies never actually leave us. They are forever in our hearts and I find that comforting. Talk to Patches, write about him, make a memorial, do whatever helps heal the aching emptiness you feel even a little bit. Lean on us here at Petloss, it has helped me so much to come here knowing I will always find comfort and support to ease my pain. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and God bless you.
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #5 
Twinkiesmom, 

We got a new guy at my job, and I was telling him about how we had to buy special food for Patches and how he needed insulin for his diabetes. Then he told me, "if any of my dogs ever got diabetes or whatever, that'd be that. I'm not spending $300 a month on food and insulin for a dog. They're just dogs. There are so many animals out there and it doesn't really matter." It makes me sad knowing that there are people out there who don't connect with their pets like we do. I'm glad that we were able to care for Patches the way that we did because I know that we gave him a couple more years with us. I can't imagine giving up on an animal in the way my coworker was saying. That just completely breaks my heart. Our pets our family and they depend on us. Hearing him tell me that made me love Patches even more. 

I have been writing and talking to him which seemed to help a lot. I'm just wishing that I could hug and cuddle with him, and I can't accept the fact that those days are over. I saw a company who makes pillow replicas of pets. They're kind of pricey, but I would really love to save up for one. 

Mondo

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 994
 #6 
Hi Danielle,

 Wow, I can't believe that new guy at work.  Our Toby had Cushings, and a lot of other health issues his last 2 or 3 years.  Needed a toe amputated.  It was a lot of money but we got to stay together longer.  He was my comfort for the 11 months we had with him after Tuffy passed away.  I understand if you can't afford it, but we would do most anything for our fur kids.  I know so many people here stopped taking vacations.  That's love.  The best thing about life.

  It takes time to learn to live with these losses.  There is no "getting over" them.  4 1/2 years since Toby left, 5 1/2 years for Tuffy, and here I am writing about them, tearing up.  Their dog tags are on my keychain and they come along for every walk.  There are times I don't need the keys, but bring them along anyways.  

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad


cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 535
 #7 
Danielle,
Your new guy at work has never been loved, unconditionally. So sad for him. If you have never experienced the love of a dog, your soul remains un-awaken. I would refinance my house for my pets. I would move heaven and earth for them. I know how shocked you were. I had my coworkers tell me a bullet is only thirty five cents. I  ask them what would you spend on a child and they tell it's different. I argue with them that to us, it's the same as a child and they love you more. Termy had a heart murmur and I spent $100.00 + a month for him. I would do it again in a heat beat. People like him are why there are dogs and cats suffering every day in this world. They are cold and not worth loving. I relate to what Mondo said. Dakota passed twenty years ago and I still shed tears over him. It's only been 21 months since I lost Termy but there is a never "getting over them" Thankfully Patches had you to love and cherish and there is a place in heaven for you. Thank you for loving Patches. I had a Patches many years ago and he was a wonderful dog. I still think of him and miss him to.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #8 
I'm shocked too at the guy at work saying he'd never spend the money on a dog's illness.  I'm equally shocked that someone told you Termy's mom that a bullet only costs 35 cents!!  That's an awful thing for a pet lover to hear.  Clearly neither of them has loved or been loved by a pet.  They have never had that special relationship.  That's their loss.  I believe the majority of people with pets would spend money on their illnesses.   Just look how busy the vets are.  My Dickens had a herniated disc when he was 11 and another one when he was 12.   We had both of them fixed.  I too would do it again in a heartbeat.  Today it's been 1 year since he's been gone and I still miss him so.  Nothing is the same including me.  I love you Dickens and always will.
Hugs to everyone,
skmk 
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #9 
Mondo, 

My coworker is retired and is working "for fun." He made some pretty smart investments in his younger years and when the company he was working for went under, he was able to live comfortably without work. They have a couple houses on the east coast of the united states but aren't willing to save their dogs lives. It blows my mind. I love my Jeep and have done a lot of work on it, but I would sell it in a heartbeat if it meant that I could bring Patches back. Material things mean nothing when you have a loving dog or cat by your side. Once they're gone, all the "stuff" seems so pointless. 

The keychain is such a good idea! I'm too rough with my things and I've broken a few keychains so I'm iffy on that one for myself. I will have to think of something though. 
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #10 
Termy's Mom, 

A bullet is only 35 cents. Jeez. Some people are so heartless and it really hurts knowing that they're allowed to have pets of their own. It bothers me to no end when people are so willing to give up on their pets, but have no problem with their human family members. I don't see a difference between the two. It's a heated debate on Facebook and other social media and it's super upsetting. 

I'd sell my Jeep to get my best friend back. If he needed a life saving surgery and we didn't have the money, I'd sell my guitar, car, whatever I had to in order to help him. People might call me stupid, but that's their own problem. 

I have only met 2 other Patches. It seems to be an uncommon name, but I was always so excited to hear another pet named Patches. 
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #11 
Skmk, 

It completely blew my mind when he said that. I just stood there trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. I'm much younger than him. I'm 23 and he's in his 60s so I was always taught to respect your elders and whatnot, so I just smiled and laughed. I didn't want to argue with him over it, but I lost a lot of respect for him. That was not such a great first impression. 

I'm glad that you were able to get Dickens' discs fixed. We weren't able to for Patches because he had too many other issues going on. It would have been over $8,000 for something that might not have even fixed the problem and there was a chance that he wouldn't have made it out of the surgeries alive. He would have needed to be put under anesthesia at least 3 times and it would have probably been very stressful for him. 

My boyfriend got a cat named Harry about 2 years ago and we found out that he has a problem with his urinary tract. Luckily we were home that night and we saw him acting weird so we took him to the ER and it was good that we did because the vets told us that he wouldn't have made it to the morning. My boyfriend had to open up a credit card for the vet visit and I figured that I'd open one too just in case either 1) his credit limit wasn't high enough to cover it, and 2) if I had to rush Patches to the ER and didn't have my parents' credit card with me. Those credit cards have saved both of our pets' lives. 

Even though we had a lot of ER visits and many, many stressful times, I would do all of it again. The love that Patches and I shared was beyond words and I would kill to be able to experience his happiness again. I've been depressed for a while, but the loss of my best friend has sometimes made things too difficult to handle. I missed a week of work and sometimes I'll still go into the bathroom and cry. I stay up at night thinking about him and I'll cry myself to sleep, come home from work exhausted and just want to give him a hug but remember that I can't, then I'll cry some more. It feels like it's never going to end but I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to cope with this pain a little bit better. 

Hugs. 
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