Registered: 1210876876 Posts: 1
I guess I just need to talk to people that understand what I am going through right now.. I feel so sad and angry there is nothing I can do for our dog Case....Case is a 12 1/2 year old English Springer Spaniel I got him for my husband as a Christmas gift..My father and brother in-law have 2 of Case's sisters...Case has always been the more outgoing of the siblings he is my husbands best friend and hunting buddy, this dog has no fear of anything he would go through the thickest blackberry bushes, the coldest rivers he would do anything for his papa while they were hunting. Whenever the shotgun and camo would appear from the safe Case knew what time it was it was, he knew it meant getting up early with papa and going hunting, We know why they call them Springer's cause all he would do is spring in the air up and down!!! Case really never has had many health issues about 3 years ago he tore his ACL and we had that repaired, if any of you have had this done to your animal or yourselves you know what you go through...It was a grueling time, he had to be in his vary kennel at all times after the surgery and this was very hard for me cause I am very used to my dogs sleeping with us. The first few nights I slept on the floor next to his kennel so he was not scared and lonely...We would have to carry him down the stairs to go outside to go potty..As the weeks went on he still had to be in his vary kennel cause they didn't want there to be any kinda of jumping, so he would get to come out on a leash and visit and lay with us on the floor he loved being with us...Well that fall we decided it was to risky to let him go hunting anymore due to his injury, and this decision was very hard on my husband and myself just because Case lived to get out into the fields with his papa..My husbands brother just did not understand our way of thinking he thought we should run out and get another hunting dog cause that is what he did cause in his eyes his 2 hunting dogs were not good enough so he had to go buy a 3rd...Well in our eyes we could not do that to Case it would have broke his heart if we would have brought another dog to replace him, it already broke ours the first time papa had to go hunting with out him, he had to bring up his hunting gear in private so Case would not see it....
Now in Dec of 2007 just 5 months ago Case was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma, untreated he had 4-6 weeks left to live, I was not ready nor was my husband not ready to let go call us selfish but we just were not ready... We weighed our options and came to the conclusion that there was no doubt in our mind that we were going to go ahead and he was gonna do Chemo (I just want to say Case was not in pain and didn't even act like he was sick he was still springing around as normal.). We knew this was gonna be a huge financial cost and with me not working we were gonna have to buckle down, Case is well worth it though....So Case started Chemo immediately, by the next week he was in full remission I was like wow after 1 week this dog is a fighter always has been and always will be...We have been doing Chemo every week for 20 weeks and Case has been doing great through out the whole process...Every day I always check his lymph nodes just to see if I feel anything (that's just me nervous mommy) and last week I felt something strange on his neck so I had the oncologist check it out at our weekly visit last week and she came back to me and said his lymphoma is back my heart just sank to the tips of my toes...This I really was not expecting...She told us we could do a different round of chemo but the remission would be shorter than the 20 weeks prior and would cost double to triple what we were already putting out... So me and my husband had to come to the hard decision and not do this second round of chemo and I feel so guilty I know we need to spend as much time with him and not grieve right now but it is sooooo hard to look him in his big brown eyes and know that in just a couple of weeks to months we will loose him our best friend and there is not a damn thing we can do about it.....Why is it that we love our animals soo much that it hurts...My 2 dogs bring a smile to my face everyday, the way they spring around, the way they bark, the way they great me at the door when I walk in, the way the are at my feet at all times even when I get up to go make dinner or when I am in the bathroom...Why is it my heart hurts sooo much... Right now as it is I barley leave the house I just want to be with him and my other dog who also know's something is going on with him... I know without a shadow of a doubt that Case has had a great life....And I am going to spend everyday possible with my handsome man Case... I would love some guidance, words of wisdom, something to help me cope and get through this... Are we doing the right thing??? Should we feel guilty??? Sincerely, Darcy Case and Kyeann's mommy
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
I am so terribly sorry about Case and what you have been going through. I don't think there is anything more difficult than knowing that our beloved furbaby is sick and there is not a damn thing we can do about it. You have been wonderful parents to Case and have nothing to feel guilty about. You have given him a wonderful life filled with your love. I can just picture him jumping around excitedly because he knew he was going hunting. It reaches a point in our babies lives when we have to realize that it is time for them to move on to a new life free from pain and sickness. They count on us to do what is best for them and sometimes that means letting them go peacefully. In the meantime, spend all the time you can with Case. Take him for walks, hug him, love him. Your love will always be with him. Please know that both you and Case are in my thoughts and prayers. Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
Oh, dear Darcy, my heart was just breaking as I read your post. You and your husband are suffering so as you watch your precious Case battle this illness. Our dearest friends lost their beloved, lab, Libbie, to lymphoma last year. They could simply not afford the chemotherapy.
Please, please do not feel guilty. Case knows your heart. He knows what you have tried to do for him. He feels all your love. It is a such a shame he could not enjoy a longer remission from the lymphoma. It just isn't fair. My friends had a wonderful vet who really made sure Libbie had excellent care as her lymphoma advanced. They were able to spend quality, loving time with her for a few months after her diagnosis. She had pain pills which helped a lot towards the end. It was so hard for them to let her go, but they firmly believe in the afterlife and know they will one day be reunited with her. I have lit a little internet candle for Case, under his name, at AurichWolf's Light a Candle Here Thread on this website. It will burn for the next 48 hours. Please know you and your husband have all of our support, so don't hesitate to post as often as you feel the need. We will be here for you. Sending hugs from Texas, Melissa Betsy's forever mommy
Registered: 1195665544 Posts: 175
Dear Darcy, my heart is breaking for you right now. You are being forced to do something you know is going to be unbearable. I had to do the same thing. The one and only thing that made it possible for me to move on was knowing my Baby Bunz would no longer suffer. He was going to a place free from pain and sickness. And one day I would be with him again forever. If you haven't yet, please read the "Rainbow Bridge" story on this site, I read it nearly everyday. It is very comforting. I wish I had some magical words for you. I know what you are about to go through. Please know that you and Case are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jacki, Baby Bunz Mommy
Registered: 1159155373 Posts: 261
I read your post with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry about your sweet Case. If there were some way to stop this lymphoma, then surely it would be gone, for all of us here would wish it away forever. Case has had a long life, thanks to you and your husband. You have loved him with all your hearts and he your heart. I too had to make that dreaded decision for my Rudy 2 yrs. and 4 months ago, and despite the pain I still feel, I know it was absolutely the right thing to do. For so long I chose to ignore what was right infront of me....his pain. When I took pictures of him I weeded out the bad ones and kept the good ones. Now when I look back, I realize the bad ones were those that showed his pain and I refused to see it. I only wanted him with me. That's the part that hurts me now.....that I didn't recognize it and give him peace sooner. He deserved it....he was always so loyal and faithful to me.....just as your Case is to you. So I would say......just love him with all your heart for however much time you have left with him. Spoil him, give him whatever he wants to eat, indulge him with long afternoons of lazy hugs and kisses...........take long walks as long as he's able and do his favorite things. knows And don't forget to take lots of pictures! A snip of his hair from his soft smooth ears, his strong legs and his tail will all be treasures when he's gone. I'm telling you this because these are things I didn't have time to do and I so wish I had. A paw print would be nice too....so you can feel the smoothness or roughness of his pads. Anything you can do to keep him close. But, you and your husband need to remember Darcy, even after Case is physically gone, he'll still be with you. You need look no further than your heart because that's where he'll live on! Please....no guilt....Case knows you love him. He's depending on you and your husband to see him through this. If you can, stay with him until the end. It is in arms that he's always felt most safe, and it is the two of you that he should see as he leaves for the Bridge. I know he is your heart and I will be praying for the two of you to have all the strength you need, to do whatever is necessary for him. I'm sending a verse that helps me.....I hope it will help you too! your On His journey to eternal spirit, He paused, but for a moment to kiss my life With an innocence so blindingly sweet, He stole my heart. Remembered joy can break the heart. But who among us, even on the darkest day would chose to have missed the joy. Author unknown. They are worth every once of pain and grief we suffer, these beauties we call our "kids". May your grief be short and your loving memories forever long! In peace and friendship.. Donna (Rudy & Rileysmom)