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TazDad

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Posts: 18
 #1 
Sunday afternoon a week ago, I lost my 14 yo snorkie, Taz. He had been diagnosed with canine lymphoma first of March, and unless he underwent chemo he would be gone in three weeks, with chemo (provided it worked) he may get three to six months of quality time only. There is no cure for this. That was a shock because he showed no signs of being sick at the time. But, I would do anything to have that extra time with him as long as the chemo wasn't causing him more pain. Well, it did work at first, but not for long. By the end of June his wonderful vet said it was no helping him and it was time to stop, take him home to comfort him, and spend the last few weeks loving him. And that's what happened. By mid-July, I could tell he was much different. While he still ate and drank water as regular, he became very bloated and had a very difficult time walking, squatting to pee, and sometimes not making it to the next morning before he would have to go in the house which he never did before.

So, this past Saturday night (always on a Saturday night) it became obvious that if he lived through the night (which I really didn't expect) I would have to call his vet after lunch and have her come over to our house and end his pain. Almost worked. Hardest call I ever had to make. But he was laboring hard to breath and couldn't stand up. His vet had just left town but she insisted that she turn around and come right over to end his pain. She said it would take her about 30 minutes as she had to go to her clinic and get her supplies. Like I said...it almost worked, but Taz died before she could get here. I kept petting him and telling him I loved him and it was okay to let go. I hope he understood me...

Now that the shock is over, everyday reality sets in. I still feel his presence in the house, yet I don't. Unexpected tears still flow at odd times. I just try to breathe deeply and keep on going on. I've had dogs all my life but this one was the most special. No more for me. I simply can't take this kinda pain again. I've always said if I get to heaven, all my dogs better be there running to greet me, or I don't want to be there. And leading the pack, will be my little Tazzy boy as we live happily in eternity forever more...


goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,118
 #2 
Taz's dad, 

I am so very, very sorry that your Taz is no longer alive. Cancer is such a horrid disease - to see them fade away so quickly before our eyes is incredibly painful to experience, especially when we remember them when they were once so vibrant. 

I am sure Taz knew how much you cherished him and, as painful as it is, thank goodness you were there by his side so he could know your love and experience your companionship as he passed away.

I'm with you - all of the animals I've known throughout my life had better be at heaven's gate to greet me when I die or I don't want to be there. I'm sure your little Tazzy will be leading the pack to greet you when you arrive. Until then, I wish you peace and healing and eventually happy thoughts as you remember the life you and Taz were blessed to share...

Hugs,

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom

MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #3 
im so sorry for your sadness. and i know it very well.  and had very similar overwhelm over these last 3 weeks. 

thank you for having the courage to share your grief.  i am here with you in this moment, one that we all share together on this forum.   though i know there is nothing i can really say to help lessen the pain, please know that your love for Taz is very evident and you did everything you could to love him and be there when he needed it most.  

my heart is with you, Taz and all that loved him. 
take care, be gentle on yourself, go at your own pace and many are here to support you during this time.
best,
Mossimo's mom - anastacia
TazDad

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #4 
Kelly and Anastacia...thank you so much for your responses and support. I extend my thoughts and prayers for each of you too. It is such a weird human experience to know that your beloved pet is now gone,yet your mind is still tricked into believing that they're there with you. What I would do to just have one more healthy and happy day with him again...
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 521
 #5 
Taz's dad,
My heart goes out to you. No matter the amount of time that passes you will always look for Taz, around the corners, sleeping in the sun's rays or running through the yard. I know your thoughts. I have never let go of the thought of just holding Termy one more time or just to smell him or gaze into his eyes. But now all we have are all the wonderful memories that they made with us. I think that this is their gift to us as well as all the unconditional love that they so wonderfully gave to us. I been traveling alone now for 23 months and I cry everyday but I can also smile when I remember certain things that Termy did. Tears still fall but I can now remember the journey we shared. I know one day you too will be able to smile through your tears and remember the journey. I'm at peace knowing Taz left this world in your arms where he spent so many wonderful years soaking up your love.
My compassion and support during this time
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
TazDad

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #6 
Thank you cosesmom. That was beautifully written. I'm so sorry about your loss of Termy for nearly two years. You know, I've noticed a little problem with my grief. While I know it's best to stay busy and not try to constantly think of Taz, I'm also afraid that if I don't (especially now so soon after his death) my fresh memories of him will start to fade. That leads me to being sad and crying all over again. Unfortunately, we're not blessed with photographic memories and time takes its toll after awhile. Same with his blankets and toys. Right now they still have his scent which comforts me when I put my nose to them. But over time, that will fade too...
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