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Tbre00

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Waking up yesterday I had no idea it was the last time I would wake up to my best friend. I got Sadie when she was 10 weeks old and I was 15 (almost 16), I’m now 31. I had no idea she was in heart failure, she never showed any symptoms until the coughing started 3 days before I had to tell her goodbye. I woke her up 7/15/20 to find her breathing rapidly and shallow. When it didn’t stop by the time my husband got up he took her to the vet since I was already at work. Fast forward to 1pm and I get the text “you need to leave work and come to the vet.” I dropped everything and just walked out the door. My baby couldn’t breathe, her lungs were filling with fluid so rapidly she was literally drowning, they were keeping her in an oxygen chamber and even taking her out for 5 minutes depleted her of oxygen so much she turned purple on her ears, mouth, and belly. The decision was made that we needed to put her to rest. I held my baby and kissed her sweet face for the last time as she looked me in the eye and I could tell she was hurting and struggling. I held her the whole time kissing her, apologizing for not realizing sooner she was sick, telling her mama loved her and I’d never forget her. Even after she was gone I refused to let go, holding her wrapped up in a towel with my husband making me hand her to him. My heart was pulled from my chest when he took her out of my arms. I do not have any children and this tiny creature had been my constant companion, the one that would never leave, the one who loved me unconditionally for 15 years. At this moment it’s been 25 hours exactly since my baby left me and I hurt so bad I feel like I’m going to die. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I find myself remembering everything that ever went wrong, no I never beat her, I never abandoned her, she was never not loved but I was young and dumb and left her to party but I always came home, I left her with my parents to go on vacations, I LEFT HER, and it’s all I can think about. Did she know I loved her? Did she know she was my world? Does she know how much I miss her? Does she know how broken I feel without her? Will I ever see her again? I can’t stop crying. I’ll end this now because I’m just rambling... please though if anyone has any insight, advice, or just someone I can talk to feel free to message me.

Rest Easy Sadie Bug. Mama loves you.
Akari

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Posts: 1
 #2 
Hello,

First of all, I am so sorry about sweet little Sadie. I know exactly how difficult this is, but I hope that you and your husband can work it all out together. I just had to reply, because wow, everything you said was so similar to my situation.

My sweet Biscuit, a silky terrier, became an angel on Tuesday morning. He was and still is my adorable little brother. My family got him when I was 12, and he was only 2 months old. I am now 27, and Biscuit is 15. He had always been our family dog, but when I got married and moved out 2 years ago, I took Biscuit with me. Since then, it has always been me, my husband, and sweet little Biscuit. We also do not have children, so you can probably imagine just how much we spoiled him. 

2 years ago, Biscuit was diagnosed with diabetes. And just earlier this year, we found out he had kidney failure. But even with all of those conditions, Biscuit looked so healthy, and people always thought he was still a puppy. Except a week or so ago, his health started deteriorating very rapidly. He lost his puppy-like energy, and was even refusing to eat the last few days. But a part of me didn't want to accept it, and thought it was the summer heat getting to him.
But early Tuesday morning, he suddenly had multiple seizures. We rushed him to the emergency vet, and they told us it did not look good. His kidney levels were off the charts, and his seizures would not stop even with medication. That's when we knew it was time to let him go. To be honest, I don't even know if it was the right decision, or if we should have hospitalized him to see if he would recover. But at least his last moments were in my arms.

It has been 3 days since the worst day of my life, and every day seems to get worse. Everything seems to be starting to sink in, and it doesn't help that his cremation happened last night. I just feel so empty, and just so so so sad. And there is this huge heavy lump in my chest that just makes me want to throw up. I also have the same kind of questions as you mentioned that are just repeating endlessly in my mind. Why didn't I notice sooner? Why did I leave him to go overseas for college? Did he know I loved him, and still do? Why didn't I give him more rubs that day? But deep inside, I know that he knows I love him so dearly. And I know that he forgives every little bad thing I did to him (like when I scolded him, or left him at home alone while I went out). Because that is what they do. They love and they forgive. So I am certain Sadie knows just how much her mama loves her.
Honestly, I do not know how to get rid of this pain we are experiencing. I don't think it will ever fully go away. But maybe it shouldn't, because it is proof that we still love our little one dearly. I told my husband about the terrible pain in my heart, and he put his hand to my chest and said,"that's Biscuit squirming and saying 'I'm right here'". That gave me comfort, and I hope it does for you too. I also hope that you can find comfort in talking to others on this board, and to family and friends who also love Sadie. We are definitely not alone, and I hope that we can all get through this together. Please feel free to message me as well if you want to just talk. <3
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