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Posts: 150
My wife and I lost our little tabby kitty cat Stanley on Saturday morning. He was 12 -- for all eternity.

Needless to say we are devestated. We were privileged to have him share our home for three wonderful years. My wife and I know we have many months ahead of grief to work through, and a lifetime of missing him.

I know many of you are going through your own losses right now too, and our hearts and minds and souls are with you in this terrible time. It is a comfort to know you're there, and I hope it can also be said that in our own small measure we are returning some of that comfort.

This is the third time we have gone through this, once separately, twice together. For those of you who have not endured multiple losses I can tell you it does not get easier with practise. But I can also tell you each time is a time of learning, and I hope you don't think me presumptuous by passing on a little of what I have learned. And if  just one of you finds comfort from what I write here, then it will also be a great comfort to us.

There is no statute of limitations on grief. You will grieve as long as you need to, as long as your heart tells you to. If you need to share your grief with another be selective in whom you confide. My father is a man with a huge heart for animals and, like me, feels their loss with deep emotion. So I shared Stanley's passing with him.

No one has the right to glance at his watch or look at her calendar and tell you when an acceptable time limit for your grief has passed. You are the final and only measure of that.

Tears are not a sign of weakness, nor is the lack of them a sign of not caring. If they come, let them, if they don't, don't beat yourself up about it.

Winston Churchill cried openly and unashamedly whenever he lost a pet. The great motion picture director Stanley Kubrick, of whom our little guy is a namesake, stayed up all night nursing his sick kitty. When the little guy passed away, Kubrick couldn't work for many days.

There is no book of etiquette for grief. We all experience it in as many different ways as there are different personalities.

Take comfort whenever you can find it and try not to feel guilty about doing so. Recall that your little friend loved you very much and wouldn't want to be the cause of your interminable despair. Besides, little islands of comfort are Nature's way of promoting the healing process.

Try never to do anything cruel or irresponsible in response to your grief. You will regret it later and you will feel, incorrectly, that you have in some way done dishonour to the memory of your little beloved.

If you are lucky enough to have a spouse or partner who feels your loss as keenly as you do, then you are blessed indeed. If not, be nevertheless kind and understanding to her or him. You will be glad later that you were.

Finally, know that there are two people in England who are going through what you are going through -- right now -- who care very much about your pain, who believe with utter and equal certainty that your loss was not just a cat, not just a dog, not just a horse, but a person.

Bless you every one,
Stanley's Daddy


Posts: 347

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my cat two years ago, and it will definitely be a lifetime of missing him. Your loss is so new and fresh, and you are reaching out to help others in their loss. Thank you so much for that. Your post helped me, and I'm sure it will help and comfort everyone who reads it. My heart is with you and your wife as you mourn the loss of Stanley. Take care.


Posts: 2,123

What beautiful words of comfort you offer as you grief your own sweet Stanley. My dog left for rainbow bridge 17 months ago, I still miss him, but like to be here for those in the early agonizing days when they first leave us. I couldn't agree with you more on your words of comfort to others.

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your Stanley as well. Share more about him when/if you feel up to it.

Hugs of comfort,


Posts: 11,059
I am sorry your sweet Stanley has passed on.  Our little ones bring so much love to our home and they are missed so dearly when they move on.  Your words about the grieving process are so true!  Everyone grieves differently and on their own time table.  Coming to this site is very helpful because everyone here truly understands how our losses change our world.

precious Christoph ~ two years now ~


Posts: 130
Stanleysdad, i am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for the words that you shared with us...  I really need some support and help and thank God, i can find it here... I' m emotionally exhausted with all the bad things concerning my little furry babies... One bad think after another, i lost my miou, three of my cats had some health problems ( two of them still have) and i am feeling so alone cause the others cannot understand the way i feel... I' m trying to be strong but...
Anyway, thanks again... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife...
RIP Stanley...

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