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missingualready

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Posts: 2
 #1 
my big brown boy died in my arms this morning. my 8 year old king charles cavalier passed with congestive heart failure. I knew last night was going to be bad. He had a good day as he ate supper and went to bed but started gasping for air as he lay there. At 1 am it got worse and i got up and carried him to the living room and laid with him and cuddled him until 6 this morning. As we laid there I stroked him and told him what a good dog he was and hoped that he would last until the vet opened and we could see if there was anything could be done for him. At 6 he got up and wanted to go outside which i took to be a good sign. he took 4 steps and laid down and i sat with him there for 15 mins and then carried him in. we sat in a recliner chair and he convulsed twice and started gasping. i knew it was coming and held him close and whispered over and over how i loved him and what a great friend he was and asked him not to leave yet. his breathing got shallow and the end came seconds later.

He was diagnosed in may with chf and it is common in his breed. he was put on meds to maintain his condition but i guess it was too far advanced. he lived a normal life right up to last night as it didnt really slow him down because he still demanded to be walked, just not as far lately. sometimes he had to be carried home. i didnt mind.

I miss him badly already and my other older dog (11 years) is walking around like he notices him missing. Many tears have fallen already . I have never been thru this before and feel a big empty hole in my gut already. I feel like i should call his name and he will come running but i know that wont happen and then I start crying again.

I am grateful that he did not appear to be in much pain (at least that is what i tell myself) and that the end came fast. he did not appear to suffer. I hope he heard me when i told him i loved him and that he was a great dog.

Sorry for the jumbled and incoherent thoughts but i hope that telling our story will help start the healing. The pain is unbearable. I have to go hug my other dog now. thank you for listening.
cosesmom

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Posts: 529
 #2 
Dear missingualready,
First I would like to apologize to you for no one replying to your post. I wasn't signed on for a couple of days and I am so sorry. I feel your pain and sorrow. I know how deeply it hurts to watch the one thing in the world we love so much hurt and then we have to let go. I also am happy that you were there for him. Heart problems are so unpredictable. My beloved Termy suffered from a heart murmur and was on medication for a couple of years and the last six months on his life he was in a down hill spiral. I tried everything to help him but in the end I let him go. Like you it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I held Termy until he took his last breath and told him to wait for me and that I loved him. It's all we can do when the end comes.
For a while you will expect him to come around the corner, jump up beside you and give you a wag of his tail. It's normal. I still look for Termy and it's been almost two years. I cry most days. Do all and anything that will help you cope. Make a memorial, light a candle, write in a journal and most of all grieve. Cry as often as you need to. Tears show the depth of our love. When they go they take so much of hearts with them. Their pain ends and ours begin. By all means hug your other dog and show him that even if his friend is gone that you are always there for him. He'll miss him and mourn too. I am thinking of you at this time and sending you my support and understanding.
Again I am sorry that no one responded to you, I know how it feels when you reach out and no one reaches back.
Please come here often and share your life with your beloved. Remember the journey and cherish the love you shared.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
missingualready

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Posts: 2
 #3 
Thank you Termys mom and thank you for your kind thoughts and for sharing, Your words have given me some comfort. Still hurts bad though as I think of him with most things I do.

We are picking up his ashes tomorrow and plan on spreading them at his favorite dog park, and a few of his favorite places. I know that this will be a sad event but hope that it will help with the acceptance that he is gone as I still want to call his name and see his smiling face come running. He was such a happy guy and so full of love. Someone said "its supposed to hurt...thats how you know there was love both ways"

Thankyou for listening.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 529
 #4 
There will many more tears in the days and months to come. The "firsts" without them are the hardest. If spreading his ashes at his favorite places will help you cope and ease your heart then it's 'Right". I haven't had the heart to do anything with Termy's ashes and most likely they will stay with me until I go and then I want them buried with me. I had a really hard time when they took part of the ahes to put in a locket, I cried. I released a balloon in Termy's memory. Maybe you could do something to, to honor your boy. You will always think of him because he was such a big part of your life. Talk to him, he'll hear you. His spirit will always be at your side, he'll always be near. I believe Termy sends me signs (feathers mostly) to let me know that he is still here with me. Close your eyes and you'll see his smiling face as he runs to you. Believe that he waits for you.

Feel free to email me.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
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