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wolf5956

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #1 
It will be 3 weeks Sunday .....the loss of my baby girl Annabelle......she was 15 years, 2 months and 16 days old, she is my angel......I miss her so much it hurts...so hard..please bear with me...I tried for find local support group..... no luck....it has taken me over two weeks just to get on here....no one around me understands my pain....its just a dog..a pet....she is in a better place....and on and on......I love her,  she was my companion for so long...sleeping with me, eating with me, at my side when reading or watching tv, at my feet when at m hobby desk....always with me......now I am alone.  I have only seen her in my dreams 3 times the first week I lost her....she has not been in my dreams anymore....why?
    She was in pain and I know she is not in pain....but I miss her...I know it is selfless ....but it hurts more than I can stand...I just want to be with her....I don't care at what cost ......
    I just wanted someone to hear me.....I have lost pets... before and it was hard and I cried....but this time I don't know why it is like all of them at once  every baby that I have ever lost...Tinker, Duke, Duchess, Teasha, Tinker bell, Tina, Sheba, Rebel, Hammi,  Not in any order, his is over a span of 50 years.   This hurts even more than when I lost my Mother and father...
            I just wanted to let someone know how I feel that can understand it  ...and I know people would understand....I read some of the post and cried for your loss....
          Thank you for your understanding......Bill
Al_B

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #2 
Bill, I hear you. I lost my best friend Bear 3 weeks ago (3/12). He was 14 1/2 and basically told us it was time. I new the day would come and I hated thinking about it. It's been a tough time since. I've been through all of the same things you are feeling. Sad, guilt, mad, etc. But it comes down to I just miss him, like you do Annabelle. One thing that has really helped is I wrote a letter to Bear. I started this the day after he left for the bridge. It's still on my desk as I am on page 6 now. I told him how I was feeling and what he meant to me. A lot of crying and laughing. Yes, laughing. When I started writing, I would recall his younger days. He would make us laugh every day. I'm still having a tough time but thinking about the good times I had with him has eased the pain. Hang in there.
Sabrina_Buster10

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #3 
Oh Bill you poor dear soul.  My heart breaks for you because I know exactly, without a doubt, how you are feeling.  Try not to pay any attention to people who say "it was just a pet."  They know nothing.  They don't matter in your world.

I too feel my losses more deeply than any human I've lost.  My parents are still with me, but I know absolutely that I will not experience what I am feeling now over my dear Sabrina and Buster when Mom and Dad are no longer on this earth. I'm brave enough to say this because I know many people and friends who feel the same way.  They feel guilty about it, and maybe I do too in a way, but I'm just being honest and true to myself.  The people that matter in my life understand and don't judge.

We can cry together Bill. Take your life one minute at a time, then one hour.  Keep reaching out to people in whatever way you can.  You are NOT alone.

Sabrina & Buster's Mom



cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #4 
Dear Bill,
Yes we all understand.We all share in a loss of our dearest companions. Our Pets! Those that have never shared in an unconditional love such as ours can easily say it's just a dog etc but it's not just a dog etc. They share a piece of our hearts and lives. I feel as you do that losing a human doesn't hurt as deeply as losing our furry companions. My husband doesn't understand either, he's moved on. He also is one of "them" he tells me you know he's better off now and you know it was time.  I think of Termy each and every day and miss him as much as I did over 6 months ago. They leave with a piece of our heart and an ache that time doesn't heal. It gets easier as time passes but the pain remains. I wish every day that I could have Termy back even for just one minuet but I know I have to wait until my time comes and I join him as we walk across Rainbow Bridge together. I still find it hard to talk about how much Termy means to me because I choke up and want to cry. I hope someday I can talk about him and remember the journey we shared with fondness and not choke up and cry. I want to be able to share my life story about him and have those that listen feel the love and impact he had in my life. I too wanted to find a local support group in my area but no luck here either. I shared my life with Termy for 16 years and 4 months and 4 days and let him go just over 6 months ago. Old age finally caught up with him. His heart was still in living but his body was failing him and while he was struggling every day I wanted him to have peace before he started to suffer.
I hope you can find someone close to you that really understands and can offer you a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Some times this is only what we need because there are no words to help us or heal us.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
stronics

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #5 
Dear Bill,
I don't think I can add anything more to the conversation, but I feel the same way. They become a part of your life. I had my Cooper for 6 1/2 years. Everyday we were together no matter what from the time he was 6 weeks old. Like others, people I know would say the same things and it hurt more than anything I've ever been through in my 75 years. I just went out and put some corn out for the deer and saw the stump that he liked to go to to check out who all has been there. Come in with tears in my eyes.
I hope some day it gets easier for us both. I'll never stop missing him.
David
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #6 
You just lost: >>>she was my companion for so long...sleeping with me, eating with me, at my side when reading or watching tv, at my feet when at m hobby desk....always with me<<<

When you lose all of that, you feel exactly the way you are feeling. Having never had this kind of loss, you wouldn't know that this is the way it feels. But it is the way it feels.

I hear you loud and clear. I understand you feel very alone right now. And you want people to know you are hurting and in despair.

I hear you. I get it. I am not shocked or surprised that you feel this way but I am very sorry for your suffering. 

I wish it had never happened.

In due time you will be back on your feet. Just not now. Not for a while. Not for a long time.

In due time you will start to roll with the punches of this loss. Not the other way around. The punches won't be rolling all over you. In due time.

Right now time is your friend. In due time you will see changes in your emotional level, your emotional state. It will take a very long time. But it will happen. You will go through periods where you think your situation is unique because you aren't healing fast enough. But rest assured, feeling like you aren't healing fast enough is a normal part of the healing process.

You are going to survive this. You won't die from it. It will not always be this way. It is this way for a reason. Because of what you have lost. But you will and can bounce back from this kind of agonizing loss.

I promise.
wolf5956

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #7 
Thank you all so much....I am in tears reading your post......I will try and post more later  ...I am so close to ......well I am hurting so much and knowing someone understands ....does help....its just being lost in this sea.....I don't know if I will be saved or find dry land in time.

                                  Thank you all so very much.
                                          Bill.....Annabelle's Dad
Missing_Coco

Registered:
Posts: 35
 #8 
Hi Bill,
I understand completely!! I lost my girl 5 weeks ago today. She was 4 and had a genetic disease that caused kidney failure.
Like your girl, she followed me everywhere, slept on my feet, was my little shadow.
It's getting easier everyday, but the grief is still there. I cry for her daily. Little things upset me. I see things like her favourite toy, or walk past her favourite places around the house to sleep and I get upset.
I can't even walk my other dog where we used to walk because there are too many memories of my girl.

We all understand how you are feeling. She wasn't just a pet, or a dog, she was your baby.
People don't understand the connection you have with them and how hard it is to function when you have the routines and certain things you did for her.

I hope in time to be able to look at photos or remember her without crying.
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