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Posts: 2
Hi all,
I'm still in disbelief, I've had Zelda (I call him my baby boy) since he was a kitten, he was so full of energy and he has such a massive personality, it was unreal. He was unlike any cat I have ever had. Last night we got back from a trip and he was fine, he sat with us and he was happy. Then two hours later we are called outside. He had been hit by a car, killed instantly. I held him and cried and cried. I'm planning to plant a garden where he is buried. I'm struggling to cope with the loss, I still expect him to just turn up, or be sleeping on his favourite chair, and he isn't. He was so young and it's so unfair. I want to know how everyone else copes, do you believe your cat comes back (reincarnated?). I'm struggling right now

Posts: 158
hello Jess7,
So sorry for the loss of your baby boy! So tragic what happened to him.. It is still so new and happened out of nowhere, no wonder you're struggling with it so much :(
I think your idea of planting a garden for him is very sweet! Makes me think of planting one for my baby boy too.
To answer your reincarnation question, which I'm glad someone did bring up, I didn't used to believe in it.. After my first doggie passed away, I really didn't want an other doggie and go through the same pain again. Then few years later volunteering at the human society, I met my recently "lost" baby boy. There were things about him that certainly reminded me of my first furbaby. That's when I truly started believing in reincarnation! It just made sense. Of course needless to say he came home with us from the shelter. Losing him was one of the worst thing ever happened to me.. and now I'm hoping he'll come back to..
Might be a good idea to get some books from the library on reincarnation since you seem interested in that subject, something about "pets in afterlife" or "signs from pets in afterlife", you might get more answers. I've read couple of interesting things. Also you can search online. 
As far as how to cope, since I've been on this site, I realized that everyone copes so differently. Some gets an other pet, some can't think of getting an other one, kinda like me. To me what has been helping, being on this site and trying to support others, reading other stories and knowing I'm not alone, read few books, started to write a journal like I would talk to my baby, contacting others on this site since they understand this pain far more then those who never lost a furbaby..
I hope any of this helps and you can find some support!
Hugs and blessings 🌷

Posts: 71
I’m also really sorry for your loss of Zelda. I expect you are still in shock. It’s just heartbreaking losing any pet, especially when it is so sudden.

Unfortunately I lost my cat (my baby boy also) almost 4 weeks ago, suddenly with absolutely no warning. I think I spent the first few days in disbelief, I was inconsolable as I’m sure you are. It’s the hardest thing isn’t it, just expecting them to turn up or walk into the room and then the pain starts all over again when you realise they have gone.

I also think that’s a lovely idea to plant a garden where he is buried. My boy is buried in our garden and I’ve put some lights there and stones, I also plan to plant a tree but I can’t seem to find the right one! It helps a little though as I go out and talk to him and tell him how much I miss him and love him. The neighbours probably think I’m nuts but I don’t care!

As in reincarnation, I’m not sure, sometimes I believe but I know I do definitely believe there is an afterlife and we are always connected and bonded to our pets for life. I believe their spirit stays with us forever.

As HeartBroken12 has said, being on this site helps a lot, to not feel so alone and to be there for each other.

Sending hugs to you 💗

Posts: 4
HI Jess,

I am so sorry this has happened to you and know exactly how you are feeling. I have been in your shoes. Unfortunately more than once. We got our first cat Manther in 2012. He was a dog cat and followed us everywhere. We live in a neighborhood where there are tons of cats. We thought it would be cruel to leave him inside. I started to notice that Manther liked to follow me to my car. I did not like this. I tried to scare him away. It did not work. I came home one from work to find my husband an absolute wreck and all he could say is he is gone over and over.  He had been hit, he was only 2. Crossing the road. We don't' know if it was instant. A neighbor saw him and told my husband when he came home. We buried him and were ghosts for days. The pain was overwhelming and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. All I could think about was that what if it wasn't instant. What if he lay there wondering where I was while he slowly died on the road? We had such a void that we made a decision to get another cat I can't remember how long after, maybe a month? Not to replace Manther, but we still had love to give. We had so much love for Manther and now we didn't know where to put it. It was like a black hole and it was sucking us dry. We got David Bowie and he was/ still is our healer. 

I have to say that getting a new cat was the only thing that helped piece us back together. We did not feel like we were replacing him. We just needed some love back in the house and Bowie was the answer for us. We were not going to let him outside. I started to cave though. I saw him watching the birds and wanting to check it out and I convinced my husband that we could if we got him a leash and harness. It seemed to work. Bowie is not very outdoorsy but a little bit was really good for him. He likes to eat too much and I was worried that that would be our problem, he would get diabetes and so I was convinced that he needed some outdoor time to get activity in and for him to be away from his food. 

Then the weirdest thing happened. One day I saw Bowie acting strange in the backyard, I came close to find that he was gently pawing a black cat. She looked skinny and malnourished and she was sitting on Manthers grave.  I thought the universe had thrown us a bone. I was working late recently and was worried Bowie was lonely, it was why he was always trying to get us to feed him, he was bored. We tried to find the cats owners, put up flyers, talked to shelters and vets. No one claimed her. She became ours. We named her Ziggy. Ziggy was born to be outside. She had pretty much lived there all her life. We tried to keep her in. It didn't fly. She started acting out, peeing all over the house. We concluded that if she had survived this far, she must have street smarts. She never went to the front were the busy road was. I started to ease up. Every night she would make a big announcement that she was running home. Meowing down the fence so she could be let in for dinner time. It was part of the day I really looked forward to. Especially because she chose this home to be her home. It made me nervous at first but I thought, what could be the chances? Everyone else has cats here. We were just unlucky. Well one day, she didn't run home. And then the next day too. It was not like her. We put out flyers, still hopeful. Maybe someone else took her in, just like we did. She had a collar but her address wasn't on it since we had microchipped her. As we were walking around calling her name. A woman came out of her home and asked if we were looking for a black cat. I was elated. She must be in there. A misunderstanding. Total relief. Then the woman looked down and  I could see it was going to be bad news she was about to give me. Ziggy had run in front of a car. It was instant. We were shell-shocked.  The worst part was Bowie. He was looking for her. Pacing around, sitting by the kitchen window waiting for her to storm in. 

When we felt like were a little ok, we decided Bowie did better with company. He was back at the food bowl again, and mostly just lying around. No cat toys interested him. He missed his freind. So we got Phoenix, who would raise us from the ashes.  We vowed to never let anyone outside. Guess, what? I started to break. I felt Phoneix would be like Bowie, a little outside time, always supervised. It would give him a happy life and at this point, all I wanted to do was spoil them rotten.  Phoneix really loved the outside. He loved sitting on a fence, chase butterflies, sleep in a catmint bush. He would push me more and more. First, it was weekends only. Then I changed jobs and got to work from home. For 2 years, we got into a good routine. I let my gaurd down and  Phoenix was insistent. He would meow and meow and jump on my laptop and stare me down till I gave in because i loved him and wanted him to be happy. So guess what I found yesterday? Phoenix hanging from his harness, dead. He got stuck, it didn't release like it should have, and I just happened to go inside to go to the washroom and sent out an email. I saw him and tried to revive him. It was horrific. I feel like I  have been cursed. The "what if's" are killing me. 

I know what you are going through. There will be anger. Lot's of anger, all the stages of grief you have to go through. Shock, denial. They come in waves and sometimes in different orders. Somehow you just have to keep going. Find small tasks to keep you busy. Running a small errand helped today. I picked up some dry cleaning and talked to the cashier and for a second, while I did that, I didn't have the tragedy in my mind replaying. My husband and I then got groceries and actually forgot to pay. It was a moment when we were in a daze. So baby steps. I have found these forums really helpful and log on maybe every 3 hours to get perspective.  I have new "what if" scenarios popping in and really have to try and stop those because they are the worst. I have started doing a bit of work but take breaks often (mostly to go on bereavement forums). We are heading to Miami tomorrow for a conference, I think that will help, just being in a completely different environment rather than this mausoleum. My husband's dad will be here looking after Bowie and giving him lots of love which is good because that is somewhat torture for me right now. Take a shower or bath. I sobbed through mine today but it does help to feel cleaner and look somewhat "normal". Yesterday I just had streaked mascara and crazy hair all day (that I had been pulling at in agony) so, it is an improvement.  That's how I must have looked when I arrived at the vet. An absolute crazy person. So today at least that I can say that I appear better.  Baby steps. 

I have twin toddlers that need me to get my Sh*t together so that is also helping me process this and get moving on life, otherwise, I think I would be a heap on the floor still. It also helps to tell people. I told some work people so they know why I am not going to be 100%. I told my kids daycare provider so she understood why we were late yesterday and today. She shared a story about her pet and that helped.  I called my sister so she could let my family know. That all helped, even though it made me cry a lot. It did help to have to talk about the pain and let it be processed by other people. Don't isolate yourself.

You aren't alone and it wasn't your fault. Life can just be crappy sometimes. There is also some consolation in thinking about an afterlife or reincarnation. At least that gives me a moment of happiness. I would like to think that Phoenix is finally free to run around without constraints like he always wanted. I just really miss him. 

I also just bought a book online to help with the grief of losing a pet. I will let you know if that helps. 


Posts: 2
I cannot thank you all enough for your replies, I woke up in the morning and read them all, just knowing other people understood what I was going through gave me great peace. TatiRivs, I'm so sorry for your losses, I hope you don't blame yourself, cats are and have always been incredibly independent creatures and find a way to do what they want (whether that's being outside or eating what they shouldn't) no matter how hard you try. I went and sat at Zelda's grave yesterday and cried and was there a long time. My other cats sat with me, at the end of crying I felt peace, like I knew he was somewher better now (or still with me? I don't know I might be crazy). I made a little bead on a string with one of his hairs in it as well, it makes me feel that I will not forget him. I am looking forward to planting the garden, one of my other cats has been sitting there for the past few days, obviously I'm not the only one missing him. Again, thank you all for your words of support and empathy.
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