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CBeth

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Posts: 4
 #1 
This morning when I woke up, my parents told me that last night, June 1st, my cat Lucas passed away. He was only 2 years old!!

For about 4 days, he seemed constipated. On Sunday, I took him to an emergency vet. Turns out, it was a urinary blockage. I didn't really understand how serious it was. The vet said it could be bad, but it sounded like we'd caught it in time! I left him there. I left him and went to my stupid little job, just assuming they'd make him better.

I haven't stopped crying all day. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I cried all through work tonight. This doesn't make any sense!!!

I've heard all the consolations. This would've been a lifelong problem. He'd have been in pain over and over again. We'd probably have to put him down eventually anyway. He's in a better place. Grieve, then adopt another cat (not possible. Lucas was one of seven. Mom says no more). But the consolations don't work yet. I feel better for a few minutes, then I see his favorite toy or his brother jumps on my lap, and I start sobbing all over again.

I can't believe this has really happened. I've had him since he was just 3 weeks old. This is impossible.

I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what could possibly help.

Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #2 
Hi CBeth,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can hear the pain in your words and I am so so sorry. Losing our babies I think is the hardest thing that we ever have to go through. they are so much a part of our lives, they are everything to us, our soulmates, the loves of our lives.

When we lose them, our world is shattered. I know exactly how you feel. Alhough my Nugget passed away on January 2nd, I am still devastated and can't stop crying.

You have come to the right place for comfort and understanding as we are all in the same boat and understand how you feel.

Please lean on us and we will help you through and listen to you.

A big cuddle to you,

Nuggetsmum Alana
Ghatten

Registered:
Posts: 1,821
 #3 
}{{{{{Carrie}}}}}{

i am sorry for your loss. i wish i had answers for you - i don't. It seems sometimes he calls the special ones home to him early for some reason ~ but know there is a silver cord connecting your hearts that can never be broken.

ghattenwolf
katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #4 
Dear Carrie

I am so terribly sorry.  I know how much this hurts and how unfair it is.  In Dec., I lost my 3 yr. old kitty, Gus.  He had never been sick and then 1 week after being diagnosed with an autoimmune problem, he was gone.  I have lost other kitties due to old age, and while it is sad, nothing compares to losing a kitty when they are so young.  I completely understand the disbelief you are feeling.

I wish I had words that could take away your pain, but we all know there really aren't any.  Recovering from a loss like this takes time, time to grieve, cry, scream, be angry, whatever helps you through the process.

Coming to this site also helps.  Everyone here understands and it helps so much to talk with caring people who are dealing with the same loss.  You and your precious Lucas are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Kate (Gus' mom)

basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #5 

I know how much you are hurting over the loss of Lucas.  Life is so unfair, Lucas was so young.  I am so sorry.  Thinking of you, much love, Di xxx

CathyCouch

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #6 

I am sorry you are in pain. I share that with you. My kitty died 11 days ago and my heart is beyond broken. It has helped me so very much to connect with other gentle people who share what we are going through. I hope you find some comfort here as well. I will keep you and Lucas in my prayers. We will get better.

Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #7 
CBeth,

I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. Exactly the same thing happened
here, my precious kitty who was almost 8, died suddenly 3 months ago.
I am beyond heartbroken, I had him since he was 4 weeks old and we
were truly soulmates. I cry every day, I miss him so much. Our kitties
can't tell us how sick they are, they're good at hiding it, & when
we realize it, it could be too late. Straining in the litterbox is a sign of
constipation but it could also be a sign of urinary blockage. Constipation
isn't as serious, but with the blockage time is critical. Their system can
shut down in a few hours. Oh, we learn so much after it's too late.
I don't know about it being a lifelong problem. I am so very sorry,
it's so heartbreaking. I hope you receive a sign that he's ok now.

~~Andee 



rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #8 
So sorry about you loss.  Be kind to yourself.  It will take a long time to get over a loss of a beloved pet.  I lost my Rupert 18 weeks ago and I still miss him all day.  When I see his bed, bowl or photos which I have everywhere,  I feel so sad. 

Your cat was so young and unfortunate that he had a condition that affected his life so drastically.  I guess he was so special that he took a piece of your heart as Rupert took a piece of mine.  It hurts a lot.  Look after your other cats and you can not replace a beloved cat by getting another one.

Thinking of you Ruperts Mum 
CBeth

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #9 
Thank you all for your replies. You're right, there aren't words that will make me - or any of you - truly feel better. But it helps to know that others understand what this feels like. Sometimes I feel pathetic. I've barely left my room in 3 days, forget to eat, stay up until 6am then sleep with the television on because I can't stand the dark and quiet. I tell myself that this is ridiculous. I have six other cats who need me to love them. But I can't change what I feel. It helps to know that people understand that this is NOT just a pet. This is a family member, someone I love with every cell in my body.

Just as I was starting to feel alright today, I started blaming myself. Surprisingly, I hadn't done that yet. I started thinking that if I hadn't slept in Sunday morning, if I'd gotten him in sooner, he would've been ok. This could very well be true. I don't really understand what happened. My mom went to the vet to pay the bill tonight, and they told her that they had fixed him up and his temperature was coming up. Then he just stopped breathing and they couldn't resuscitate him. I don't know what this means, so I can't convince myself that it wasn't my fault! I try to be logical about it, but I don't understand.

I'm so sorry for all of you! Even though it's a comfort to me, I hate the thought of anyone else feeling this pain.

I hope this isn't too big, but this is my beautiful baby boy, Lucas.



basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #10 

What a great photo.  He is gorgeous............Di xxx

butterfly72

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #11 
CBeth,
I'm so sorry for your loss.  Lucas was a gorgeous cat.  I too lost my baby boy Monday, June 3.  He died in his sleep.  Everything you wrote is exactly what I'm feeling. You are not alone.  Take care of yourself.  This board really helps ease the pain a bit.
Julie
cheeseburgersmom

Registered:
Posts: 355
 #12 
I am so sorry for the loss of Lucas. He was a very handsome boy.

I lost my beautiful cat Cheeseurger on May 4th, 2008. I am heartbroken. This little boy was my baby and my best friend. He was always with me. I miss him so much.

I know Lucas was only 2, my Cheesey was 10 years old, but I am thankful he shared my life and my heart for those years. He gave me so much love and happiness. The memories I have of him will always be with me and he will be forever in my heart.

You have friends here that care and understand. I always include my e-mail address in my posts and you can write to me if you ever want to.

Lucas was a beautiful boy - he knows he was loved. When I talk to others who have lost their kitties, I like to think that Cheesey has found them and they are all friends, happy, healthy and free of any pain and sickness. Though physically gone from us, their spirit and their love remains in our hearts forever.

Dee
Cheeseburger's Mom
cheeseburger1997@yahoo.com



Dee + Cheeseburger = LOVE











JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #13 
CBeth;
So sorry for you loss. What you are going through, trust me, we here have all been there and some of us are still there. It is a process that each and every one of us will have to come to terms with on our own. This site has helped me in my time of loss. It is a comfort to know we are not alone and what we are experiencing, our grief is something we all do in a different way. I believe the guilt is the hardest and I also believe that is what we need to get rid of first and foremost in order to try and move on with the grieving process because it is a process and we all have a different way to cope. But there are many here as they were for me that will help you get through this. Again, so sorry.-----------Jerry in Oklahoma.
JPAndHerBoys

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #14 
CBeth, my heart goes out to you. I too lost one of my cats when I didn't realise there was such a risk of doing so and have regreted not taking his injuries more seriously as I got on with every day life. My little boy was hit by a car and I thought because we'd found him and he'd been treated at the vet, had survived for a week and we had brought him home with a good report from the vet, that he'd be OK. I went to netball training that evening, only to come home and find Muffin had died. I will never forgive myself for not taking his injuries more seriously and spending every minute with him, but am
trying not to punish myself. I've chosen to learn from this and simply never take for granted another minute that our animal friends honour us with. Make time and space for your other cats in your heart. They too are grieving and especially your loved one's brothers and sisters will understand and help you with your grief. Don't forget your little one can act through them as they have such a close connection, so love each and everyone of them.

My little boy Muffin was so special to me and such a unique cat and he too did not live long, but as others have said I hope you take some solace in knowing that yor little one mut have been a special soul needed for other things, to grow spiritually and fulfil their own journey and one thing that may help to know is that they can return to you. My feline boy, who always acted more like a dog, actually returned to me as a very much loved Maltese, who I have just lost again and am devastated all over again. It is often harder to be the human who has to outlive so many of those we love I think, and as I said to both of my boys, they can bloody well do it next time. I'm coming back as their animals. I can't cope with the heart ache...

Know that others feel for you and I know there is nothing anyone cansay to take the pain away, only time will lessen it's sting and you will one day smile when you think of your beloved feline friend and your life is better for having shared even the briefest of moments togather.

All the best and big hugs.
CBeth

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #15 
Every time I come to this site and read all of your replies, it makes me feel just a little bit more content. I've lost cats, and human loved ones, before but it has always been to old age. I think it's the suddenness shock more than anything.

I know all I can do now is take it one day at a time, and try not to blame myself. I don't think I'll ever know whether or not those few hours would've made a difference. I try to console myself with the fact that he still would've had a life of pain, but the thought that I may have been directly responsible for his passing is something that will always haunt me.

I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of restless sleep since it happened. I nearly passed out at work today, and when I pulled out of the parking lot I backed into another car. I'm sure this is a combination of the exhaustion, stress, terrible heat wave, and my tiring, minimum wage job. But I know I need to get sleep. But every time I'm alone in the dark and silence, it all becomes a hundred times worse. Right now, I just wish I could find a way to sleep well at night. :(

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #16 
Hi CBeth

So sorry for your loss of Lucas.

My Rupert passed away 19 weeks ago tomorrow and he was black like your Lucas.  He was 15 and died of kidney failure. 
I blamed myself because I had to pts and the guilt ate me up.  He was dying before my eyes but how could I kill my best friend.  I begged him to die naturally but it didn't happen.  I couldn't eat or get through the day. I needed to grieve in my own way and that was so hard as he was my best friend and companion.  I miss him every day and I hope there is a place where we will meet again so we can be reunited.

I was told take one day at a time and stop blaming yourself.  It is destructive to your healing.  We humans miss signs of animals illness.  Rupert had a bloodshot eye that only lasted for 2 days, 6 months before he was diagnosed with K/disease.  We didn't take him to the vet until it came back 6 months later.  We didn't think it was serious. 

Make a deal with yourself, cry all you want in the waking hours but at night sleep with a photo under your pillow.  Think only nice thoughts at night.  Maybe sleeping pills would help although I think it needs to be only a short  term thing.

All the best Ruperts Mum

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