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Posts: 10
I don’t know where to start on here. I lost my baby boy, a mastiff mix named Remington yesterday. The pain is unbearable and I feel like when I explain the emptiness I feel to others they don’t understand. My Rem was only 5 and he started to get enlarged nipples and losing hair around August of this year, I took him to my regular vet and she said he looked normal and that I should just neuter him. Then came blood work that found high wbc count and all they did was give antibiotics for uti. Flash to last Thursday where he was in pain and contracting his poor stomach Nd when I took him to the emergency vet they found a tumor around his undecended Testicle and cysts/ maybe an abscess on his prostate. She said he was in pain and would have to have surgery but since it was the holidays all surgeons were out until Tuesday. I took my baby home and tried to keep him sedated and comfortable. Which he was until the pain meds would wear off. He’s a lazy boy anyways but this weekend he was more lazy than usual and wouldn’t eat. I had to shove his pills down his throat. Christmas night I laid with him and he started to hide in my closet I was hoping that wasn’t a sign of him giving up. He started to fight me on the pills as well. Yesterday morning I woke up excited he made it to Tuesday and all his problems were almost over. Until I saw he couldn’t get up. His back leg was cold and he had no ability to use it. Scared I took him straight to the hospital where they told me something had ruptured and my poor baby was in septic shock. I knew the prognosis wouldn’t be good and started balling. The vet told me euthanasia was an option since with surgery it wouldn’t guarantee now he would survive. I was so crushed. How do I make the decision to put him down. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He had no life left in him but would still perk his head when I stopped petting him which made it even harder. He died with his head in my hands and though I’m glad he saw me last I’m traumatized. IM going through all stages of grief. I feel guilty I didn’t do something sooner or that o didn’t take a loan out and at least try the surgery. At night I think I hear him and woke up expecting to find him on my bed only o see he’s really gone. When i come home and he’s not there to greet me I fall on his bed and sob. I’ve never felt this emptiness like without my dog I have nothing. If I could have gone with him I would have. 5 years isn’t long enough. He was the best dog ever such an emotional support. I don’t know how to cope. I can’t accept he’s gone and keep crying throughout the day. I’m a dental hygienist and can’t even get through a patient without crying. Any tips of how to grieve would be helpful. I miss him so much and need him back.

Posts: 580
Dear, Rem's mom
I know your sadness and pain. The hurt you are feeling is one of the toughest things to go through. I know you feel as if your heart was broken in two. Remington sounds like he was a special dog and was loved very deeply. I
I'm sorry that vet failed you both. But you didn't fail Remington. You were there for him no matter what. I know letting go was a very hard thing to do but you tried. I know how you feel about going with him, I too wished I could have taken that trip with Termy, because living without him is to darn hard but I know that someday I will be reunited with him again and we will always be together, forever just as you and Remington will be someday. 
5 years is a short time but it doesn't matter how long we have it's never enough. Termy was over 16 when I let him go but oh, what I wouldn't have done for more time. But Just think of the love they pack into their lives and they share it with us. We are the lucky ones, aren't we?
Take good care of your self and remember Remington with a smile.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom

Posts: 10
Your words are so comforting thank you so much.

Posts: 10
I’m so sorry about your Termy.

Posts: 5
There's no way around it, it sucks to lose a 4-legged family member.  I unexpectedly lost 12 year old Henry, my sweet diabetic tabby cat, on Christmas Day (story here:

I don't know what to offer you here except some commiseration.  The only way to get through grief is to go through grief.  Everyone's process is different in duration and effect - it's a lonely business to have to handle it.  That said, one thing I've found common in people who have lost pets - especially unexpectedly like you did and I did - is that they will spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about what they should have done or could have done to get a different outcome.  It's a unique kind of self-torture, it's common, and it's debilitating.  I feel you - I have been there all week myself.

Every choice you make in life represents at least one and usually more choices you didn't make because of the one you did.  It's almost impossible to escape the grief and the what-if questions.  Yes, you might have tried to take out a loan to get surgery.  But the vets were honest with you - they said that surgery at that point was pretty unlikely to help because of the sepsis.  So you made the hardest decision - to end suffering. 

I wrote in a reply to another thread here that I got great advice from a friend yesterday as I struggled with my own questions and recriminations.  He told me that I have to trust my judgment even when things go wrong.  If I don't, then every decision will be compromised by self-doubt.  I'll add this to that: no one loved your dog more than you did.  On some level, your subconscious probably knew that you needed to do what you did, even if your conscious mind couldn't accept it.  You did what you did out of love, delivering on the commitment to always do your best for him no matter what the circumstances or the cost to you personally, emotionally.  When I feel myself being dragged down by doubts and grief, I try to remember that I live my life so well surrounded by that much love that someone would love me enough to do the same for me.  It's tragic - but in its own way, beautiful.  There isn't enough of that kind of love in this world.  You gave that to him, and then some.

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