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chellybean13

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Posts: 3
 #1 
On Thursday we had to put our beloved beagle Jeremy to sleep. He was 15.5 years old. It was a tough decision but he was very sick so I know in the end it was the right one.

He fought through many things in the last couple of years - a tumor that burst, Cushings Disease, encephalitis - but he fought back each time. Last Monday it was determined that his Cushings Disease turned into Addison’s Disease and it was pretty bad. We had to make the difficult decision to let him go and stop fighting. He had lost sooo much weight, he was literally skin and bones - turned out it was the Addison’s. We had tried to get to the bottom of the weight loss for a while but everything was normal until we did his routine ACTH stimulation test. That’s when we got the answer.

I wonder if we had thought about doing the test earlier that we would’ve been able to help him in time. I feel guilty about it.

I constantly think about the last day. Was he scared? Relieved? Confused? Did he want to go? What if he didn’t. What if he wanted to stay? It’s literally tearing me up inside.

He had an amazing life. So many people that loved him. He loved everyone. He never, ever complained. Never. He was a pain in the ass sometimes but he was a good boy. The best boy.

I miss him so much that it physically hurts. I don’t know how to get through. He was a constant in my life every day for 15 years and now he’s just gone. The house feels empty without him. How do I cope?!
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #2 
What a fighter Jeremy was and I’m so sorry for your loss.

Through reading messages on these forums, the common thing that we all feel straight away is guilt, but of course you have nothing to feel guilty about. From what I read, you have done everything possible for him and he knows that and the most important thing is that you gave him a loving home for so many years.

I’m still grieving for my young cat I lost suddenly, I’m still heartbroken and always will be, but with time the pain is a little less, but the special memories will always be with me. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to think of his last moments. I’ve been doing this and it’s just harmful, I literally have to say STOP IT to myself whenever I get a negative thought or a thought that I know will not help me. I’m sure I spend most of the day saying this to myself, but it does seem to stop me spiralling into a pit of despair (so far anyway). I’m not sure I make sense, I hope I do.

I know this is so painful right now and I wish we could all make it go away, but it shows how much we love them I guess.

As you said, he had an amazing life, try to concentrate on that.

Vicky x
kempassn

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #3 
Chelly,

Our beloved Daisy crossed over 5 weeks ago. She had a large and inoperable tumor in her chest that caused her heart to shift to the other side and then began to compress her esophagus. On the day she passed she was unable to hold down anything - even water. She had lost 25-30% of her body weight, which is a lot for a mini schnauzer.

She had been losing weight for several weeks but much was ignored as we struggled with the serious illness and subsequent death of my sister at the young age of 66. 

We also suffer from the guilt syndrome - could we have caught this tumor earlier, when it might have been removable - or at least improved the quality of her life. 

We are now at Disney World, feeling a strong need to remove ourselves from all reminders of my sister and Daisy. Support groups and this message board have helped but we still have had a rough time trying to enjoy ourselves. It has been very difficult to become "excited" about any activity down here.

Tomorrow we begin our journey home and I am definitely not looking forward to returning to an empty house. I am also not coping well with the thought that after this trip I will not be retrieving Daisy from her doggie camp, which she loved.

I so much feel your pain. For those who say it will get better with time I do have to say that the daily crying spells have greatly diminished but have not gone away. Personally, I have chosen to double my efforts in volunteer work and try to keep myself busy - especially away from the house and yard. I do know that I need to do better at attempting to manage my grief and sorrow but I also know that I need to do it at my own pace and by my own terms.

Do know that we are here to help you through this difficult time. Few others really realize how important our furbabies have been to us and how much we feel like we have lost a major family member. That is why this board is so important.

Love to you and to Jeremy. 

Bob
chellybean13

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you both for your replies, and I’m so sorry for your losses as well. They really are parts of our family. I haven’t been constantly crying anymore (as I was on Thursday and Friday) but there are times when I’ll think of him or something he used to do and it will bring me to tears. I know he wouldnt want us to cry over him, because he was always such a happy boy.

We are waiting for his ashes and paw print to come back and I know that day will be so tough. Because he’s coming home but it’s not the same way. But I’m trying to think of the good times and try not to worry about “the end”. He had a great life and I’m trying to get myself to focus on that.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #5 
I'm so sorry for your lose. I know how hard it is to let them go. My little man was 16.4 when I let him go. But I just read a post here that made things a bit better. It was a formula for letting go. I felt so much better.
When your babies are just coping but not struggling and not suffering you need to let them go between coping and struggling and before suffering. It kind of put things into perspective for me. I am so glad I let Termy go before the suffering stage because he really was struggling. I too had thoughts of maybe I should have tried this or done that but then I would only have been prolonging the struggling and maybe he would have started suffering. We do what is best at the time. You were a good Fur parent to Jeremy and he knew the depth of your love and what a wonderful life you shared.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
MarieGro

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #6 
Chelly

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing to have to make the decision to put a pet to sleep. When there is really nothing more to do we have no choice. The guilt is overbearing but in our hearts we know it was the right thing to do. My little girl suffered a seizure that left her in an unconscious state. She was breathing but could not even open her eyes and was limp. We rushed her to the vet who had been treating her for seizures that started only one week before. I knew she could not be helped but I still prayed for her to come back to me. Never being sick until one week before this seizure I could not believe what had happened. I gave here kisses and told her how much I loved her and she went to sleep so quietly. My heart is broken my home is empty without her. There is no little loving dog by my side day and night. I know how you feel. Losing a dog is just as painful as losing a human being. They become part of you family and a big part of your life. I know you were loving and treated Jeremy like a child. Our pets after all are small children. Time will pass and the pain will not be as great. For now let yourself grieve, but don’t get yourself sick. That is something my mother said to me before she passed. My Moms cancer was terminal and she knew she was going to die. Her words were don’t cry and don’t get yourself sick...we all have to die and that’s just life. Unfortunately we all die, but those of us who believe live on in a much better place. God Bless and pray for Jeremy you will feel better.
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