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BooBookittyTrouble_smom

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Posts: 72
 #1 
My cat Tito turned 12 in August , and he loves to go outside. It is dangerous after dark in my area. I adopted him after I lost Boo Boo 12 years ago next Monday. he was killed the same way. I had let him out after dark too. I had a bad feeling all week, and kept trying to keep him in. He also wasn't feeling that good, he had Drontal earlier in the day. He seemed to recover by evening. I gave in and let him out. I have been walking the woods looking for any sign of him. But I know from Boo Boo's death, that I will find nothing. I lost my Sabrina in November to cancer. My buddy Trouble four years ago this Agust . Now I am alone, and I am to blame. I want to join my babies. They have been the only happiness I have ever known. They gave me unconditional love. I failed each of the in different ways. I don't expect their forgiveness, but hope I can see them one final time before the blackness . People have related of stories of relatives seeing their loved ones at the time of death. That is my greatness hope. They are my only love...I had no human family. They were everything to me and still are. I hope to see them or at least one of them, one last time, before I can finally sleep forever. If anyone has heard of people seeing fur babies at time of death, please let me know. I would really appreciate it.

Melissa
morgc927

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Posts: 17
 #2 
You are not alone. Your sweet kitties are with you every day. It sounds like you dedicated your life to them and for that I'm sure they're forever grateful for you. I am going through the same emotions since I put my dog Penny to sleep Sunday night. I keep hoping she will give me a sign that she is okay and happy. I am having a very difficult time accepting the choice I made. Every once in awhile throughout the day I'll have a feeling of "calmness" wash over me, the tears stop and I feel okay. I like to believe that is Penny forgiving me.. telling me that everything is going to be ok.

I know the pain your feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Stay strong mama.
BooBookittyTrouble_smom

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Posts: 72
 #3 
Thank you. I am still in shock . I can’t believe he is gone and never going to find his body.
Angn1221

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Posts: 7
 #4 
I know the pain your feeling. I had to send my 10 month old cat Bella to rainbow bridge. The pain is horrible. Thr guilt and grief feels suffocating. Your pets loved you and you gave them a great home

Im on day 5 and I saw 3 orange butterflies (my baby was orange) and they seemed to land and look at me. I like to think its the 3 cats Ive lost in the last 2 years all together giving me a sign that theyre all ok. Just look for little thinhs that may be the signs you need.

Healing is hard....but your grieving so much because you loved them so much. It does get easier...not gone but I hope one day I can look at pics and vids of my baby. And not be sad and cry but remember how happy she made me in the short time she was in my life.
BooBookittyTrouble_smom

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #5 
It took years for me to come to terms with Boo Boo’s disappearance...but the daily feeling of loss is still there. With each of my babies I looked for a sign, anything. I got it after Trouble’s death four years ago. I lost my girl in November and she was Boo Boo’s biological sister, something ofdd occurred which I dismissed.

I can’t believe it’s happened again and I will never have a body to cremate. There is no closure this way.
I am glad you saw the butterflies, and I hope you find peace. Thank you for posting.
Raychel

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #6 
Hi Melissa

I’m so sorry. Heartfelt hugs to you on your loss.

You are not to blame. You would never do anything to hurt your furry ones! Many of us who have lost our beloved pets have blamed ourselves I think. What if I had done this differently, would they still be alive?

I have caused the death of one of my loved ones, I ran over my beautiful cat, Kahn. Did I mean to? No! Would I have done anything to change what I did? Yes! Did I love him with all my heart? Yes! I’m sure your answers would be the same.

I can’t answer your question about seeing our loved ones at the time of our passing. I can only hope so.

You sound like you have so much love to give to furry ones, I don’t think you have failed any of them. How can you fail when you love them so much? They were taken from you.

I know how bad the pain is. If you read others stories on here you will know that you are surrounded by others who understand. Keep reaching out.

Love to you Melissa. Xx



BooBookittyTrouble_smom

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #7 
I understand...I looked for signs too. There was no closure with Boo Boo’s death, and I can’t believe it’s happened again. I have lost three babies in four years. I know it gets easier to function, but the hole in my chest still aches after 12 years. I saw a sign after losing Trouble 4 years ago and I never believed in such things, or an afterlife. I can’t go into detail here,
I just wish I had paid attention to the warnings. I am still in shock...waiting for his return.
Raychel

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #8 
I think we will carry the ache for our babies until it’s our time to go. I’ve lost 7 babies in 16 years. But I haven’t had the experience of not having their bodies. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you again.

Loved ones are loved ones, to me it makes no difference if they are furry or human. The pain is the same.

I have seen others post on here who have had this experience though, so you are certainly not alone.

Xx

BooBookittyTrouble_smom

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #9 
Raychel,

I agree...my heart still aches for my other fur babies. Actually, a piece of my heart died with them, and left a whole which aches. Now they are all gone .

Thank you for your kind words. They were my happiness in life. As you understand, and others here on this site.


Melissa
Simones_Dad

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #10 
So sorry for your loss Melissa, and no you are not to blame. You just done what Tito wanted, and that was to be let outside so please stay strong. You will meet up with all your babies in time, but only when it's the right time.

Just today (Sept 13) I had to put my little one down due to the lack of finances to carry on any treatment for her (you want to talk blame). Like you, I am now alone with no family (human nor furbaby) and I'm not looking forward to the coming days and weeks. My little one was my best buddy. She followed me everywhere around the house and would even cry when she couldn't find me, then purr up a storm when she finally did.

Just tonight watching the news I was expecting her to walk over and jump up on me and start purring. I have even found myself getting up and walking around the house looking for her, yet I know she's not here. I don't even want to go to bed tonight.

Thankfully there are sites like these where we can express our grief, blame, guilt, etc. to help us on the path to getting over the loss.
BooBookittyTrouble_smom

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #11 
I am so sorry. I am alone too. I keep expecting Tito to come in and jump up on the arm of the chair. I am sorry you could couldn’t afford more treatment. My girl Sabrina had lymphoma after years of kidney disease. I put her through so much to keep her with me. Looking back I see how selfish I was...and her death was a release for her. I can’t sleep either and don’t expect to for a long time. You did all you could for your baby, and I’m sure she knew that.
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