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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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samoa

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Posts: 1
 #1 

Hello, this is my first post ever here! I'm not so sure where to turn to and we're all distraught over losing our Baby.

We got Baby back in 2014 from a yard sale, a hungry little kitty at the time, and we gave him a loving home and plenty of food. He grew up to be a big, fluffy cat, and very much became an integral part of our family.

For the past five years he's been great moral support for everyone in the family, especially myself. I am a student and I've almost managed to push myself through high school with Baby's help. He always sat on my lap while I worked on my homework and whenever I've felt overworked or stressed he was there for me. Furthermore, whenever I had my fits, petting his fluffy coat brought me great comfort and pulled me back into reality. I always looked forward to coming home and being with my Baby.

Unfortunately, Baby passed away on the 10th this month, some time immediately before we all got back from school. I'm not sure what happened, but he was spread out on my bed peacefully as if he were napping, his precious eyes still shut tight, yet he was gone. I was so shocked I couldn't even grasp what's happened, because, just earlier this morning, I gave him a few treats and kissed him on the forehead like I did every other morning. My grandmother wrapped him up in my security blanket like the adorable Baby he is, and we've given him a dignified burial with a little tombstone pending.

It's only been a little over a day since, as of writing this, but the grief is unbearable. I still find his shedded furs all over the house, and I keep seeing him in all his favorite sitting spots. I can barely look at my bed anymore without seeing him laying there. 

It probably sounds silly, but it feels like I've lost my baby brother, and my heart sinks whenever I look at his unfinished plate of food or his water bowl -- Neither of which any of us can bear to touch. The worst part is, I didn't even get to be there for him when he crossed the rainbow bridge. I've spent so much time with him that it doesn't feel right that I couldn't give him a proper goodbye. It's still all so unreal to me and I've never felt this lonely before.

SmileyMyLove

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Posts: 18
 #2 
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how unbearable your loss. He sounds like a wonderful cat and lucky, too.
grievingmom

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Posts: 504
 #3 
Right now you are processing what has happened. It isn't real yet.  And you are 100% devastated.  The disturbing feelings you have are a sign  you are grieving. As that is what these feelings are. Grief. You may have never felt this kind of grief before so your feelings are freaking you out.  Even though right now there is not a spark of hope, in the days, weeks, months and years ahead this pain will ease. It will happen very slowly. And in the meantime you feel the disturbing feelings. Again, feelings that are going to heal on their own over a very long time. Without you having to do anything.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you.
JoeR

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Posts: 62
 #4 
Thank you for sharing.
Karmacat

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Posts: 133
 #5 
There might be quite a long journey ahead of you so try to be mentally prepared for that. For me, I lost my cat to cancer, and had to euthanize her back in Dec 2017. I really didn't want to be there but I knew I had to be. But the downside of that is that those last moments when they did it, the vision and memory are forever seared in my brain. To this day, her beautiful little face as they ended her life, still pop up in my head almost daily, and inevitably reduce me to a weeping mess. So perhaps it's a slight blessing that your kitty went quietly on her own. Frankly, I was hoping for that to happen for my kitty as well, but it was not to be.

Having said that, the death of any pet or animal is a really sad thing. The pain I experienced was beyond anything else I had gone through in my life. Only those people who have gone through it themselves could ever understand the crushing grief that comes. The knowledge that those perfect times we shared are gone forever. And the hopeless longing to see and touch our pet for one more time.

I was crushed for more than a year. Cried every day bitterly. It was beyond belief! And even after that it carried on, though it does lighten up somewhat and becomes more manageable. Initially I thought I was an exceptionally messed up person to be reacting like that. But thanks to this site, I've come to realise I'm not unique at all.

We will love our pets forever, and so we will mourn their loss forever too. The love we have for these little creatures is probably one of the most unconditional and pure loves we have for another being, so the fallout is very severe indeed. I wish you well in the difficult days ahead. Share your journey here as often as you like. It helps to have this community of people who understand and empathise with what you are going through.
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