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Clydes_Dad

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I just lost the love of my life. Even though I know I gave him the best life I could I am consumed by feelings of guilt.
Did I choose the right time? 14 years is a long time for a 100lb weimaraner. He had problems but none that I couldn't deal with. I don't know how much pain he was in. I only know that he was trying so hard. That was his nature. His hind legs had almost given completely out. Though, he could walk from from room to room and walk out to relieve himself. I saw him fall and then bravely keep trying to walk dragging his weak hind legs behind him. His trips outside became shorter and shorter.  
He could still walk to me and ask for his kisses (back and head rubs) with tail wagging. He still had a good appetite. He always knew when it was time to eat and would seek me out and tell me so. But then, he had to depend on my other younger weim to get him up and remind him to eat or get his treats. Routinely he would sleep on the floor half the night and then wake me to help him into bed. When he was younger he would just jump on and off the bed with no help. Since he was so large and I couldn't pick him up, I taught him to place his front paws on the bed and I would lift him up. It became harder and more
difficult for him to get up so he could walk. His hind legs were stiff and his paws would often slip. He was losing his mobility but it was not completely gone.

I have been retired for 2 years and was able to spend every single day with him and my 9 year old weim. I feel like perhaps I made a too quick of a decision to part with him even though it was always on my mind for well over a year or 2. I am now overwhelmed by guilt. Should I have been stronger? I could have given him more precious days, maybe weeks, maybe longer. I just don't know. I will never know. I just know he was the most important thing in my life and now he is gone. Irreplaceable. Special. We had that special and strong bond. I have so many wonderful memories of our time together but they are clouded now. I don't want that. I want to remember how beautiful he was and feel the joy he gave to me.

Maybe the guilt will never go away. I want it to leave. I need to know the time was right. I need to know I did the right thing at the right time. All of this now consumes me as I deal with the grief and loss. Clyde knew I loved him. But I just can't seem to forgive myself. Sometimes there are just no answers, only the feelings of guilt.
Bodelli

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Posts: 17
 #2 
Hi Clydes_Dad,

I am sorry for your loss.  It is and always will be a heart breaking memory when you lose your pal like that.  I was in a very similar situation.  My German Shepherd was almost 13 and the same was happening to him.  His back legs were weak but were still working but he had another issue - Osteosarcoma on his front right leg.  Near the end he was still able to get around but was limping severely.  He would only get a couple of times a day to go eat or use the restroom but he still had all of his love in him.  We made the decision as we didn't want to see him suffer anymore than what we were seeing.  My vet even said his opinion would be to amputate his front leg but I didn't want to go that route with how weak his back legs were getting.  I felt guilty also as he was still eating and using the bathroom on his own.  I would have to help him get up the last few days and the decision was weighing on me. 

I felt the same exact as you.  Did I do it too early?  I will never know but I have made peace with my decision.  He knows that I gave him all of the love that I had to give.  He gave me a beautiful life and I did likewise.  All that will remain are the memories and I would never trade them for anything.  The pain is brutal but things will get better eventually.  I hope that you are able to find peace with your decision.

Best Wishes. 
Clydes_Dad

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
This week has been very rough. My heart and soul aches so much. I want my baby back. I want my Clyde to be here with me and he is never coming back. I feel like I'm coming apart. I'm so broken. He was so much better than me. He was so perfect. I love him so much.
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