Registered: 1518074636 Posts: 2
After 15 years as my little buddy (practically my shadow), I had to put Mat to sleep this morning. He was a beautiful black feral rescue cat with wonderful orange eyes. He took a couple of weeks to get used to me and the house. After that, he seemed to be wherever I was. I live alone and have always loved animals, and he was always there with me. When I would get home he would race to the bedroom and jump on the bed waiting for his back and neck to be rubbed. As I was scratching under his chin he would lick my had just like a dog would. On cold nights he would push me in the shoulder to get under the covers.
His kidney gave out at he rapidly went downhill. I feel so much guilt for missing all the early warning signs. He depended on me totally this morning in the Vet's office, and I couldn't do a damn thing except try to comfort him. Completely out of character for him, he was very subdued and let strangers work on him. He was just fading fast. I know that I did the best for him and relieved him of his suffering, but that doesn't seem enough. My heart is breaking, and I have been going through old pictures of him in the prime of health. I really don't know what to do. I read a quote once that has helped me through very tough times. "Sometimes all God requires of his children is silence, patience, and tears." Still, my heart is breaking and all I can think of is how he clung to me this morning.
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,191
Bobb, I am so very sorry your beloved Mat has passed away. I too had a beautiful black cat (named Blackie) that passed away from kidney failure. It is horrible to to watch them decline and then when they are gone, it leaves such a hole and silence in our lives and hearts.
I too blamed myself for missing those early signs in my Blackie. But as I went through my grief process, I realized I am not a vet and had never previously had a pet with kidney disease, so how could I know what to look out for? It's the same with you - you don't know what to look out for until you've been through it, so please don't blame yourself for not noticing something you didn't know could be a problem. The final moments we have with our beloved pets are so difficult. It is so traumatic for all, but I hope you can eventually take comfort knowing you were there in Mat's final moments to comfort him and help him pass away knowing he was loved and cherished - and always will be - so very much. Hugs and peace to you as you go through this very difficult time... - Kelly Angel Blackie's mom Angel Squeeker's mom
Registered: 1158205770 Posts: 837
I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Mat sounds like a perfect little sweetheart and a lot like our cat Schotzie, she gives lots of little kitty kisses too. Please do not feel guilty for missing the signs of his developing renal disease. Two of my kitties died from it and nothing I or my vet did or didn't do could have prevented their deaths.
I think one of the most important things we can do for our babies is to really be with them, from that first moment of their little paws wrapping around our hearts until the last day when we hold them in our arms as they leave us. You did that for Mat. As hard as it was for you seeing him in such pain you held him in your arms comforting and loving him as he took his last breaths.
Silence, patience and tears, those three words pretty much cover it, don't they? All of us here have become all too well aquainted with those words as we have suffered losses like yours and are here for you. Please take care.
Registered: 1518074636 Posts: 2
Kelly and Marsha, thank you for such kind words. I am trying to put things in perspective, and part of that is concentrating on Mat's companion, Wanda. It is believed they are litter-mates, but she is has entirely different body style and is a tortoise-shell coloring. She never adjusted to domestic life and is still essentially feral. I spent a number of months working with her, holding her, hand feeding her, trying to handle her as much as possible, but she stayed "wild". She's my best friend when I have a treat for her, but otherwise avoids me at all costs. I accepted that a long time ago, because she was Mat's little buddy and they got along so well.
Now the job is to help her over this rough spell and perhaps convince her I'm not really a monster bent on turning her into cat soup. More treats, more talking, and trying to innovative is all I can do for her. Thank you again for you very kind words. It helps so much to not be alone in this. You've been where I am now, and I wish none of us had had to tread this territory. Thank you. - Bob