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rena

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Posts: 174
 #1 
Today, I started calling out her name over and over again expecting her to answer me somehow even though logically I knew that I wouldn't get a response but was hoping nonetheless.  Then I found an old pee stained sheet in the closet that Sherry sometimes would have an accident on even though the litter box was in the room when she thought that I was paying a little too much attention that night to Daisy which sometimes was true since Daisy had pancreatic cancer for several years before she died last November.  Sherry and she were the only cats that slept with my husband and I.  You're going to think I'm nuts but while I was crying and calling out to her I buried my face in that old urine stained sheet and inhaled deeply knowing that it was the only trace of Sherry left outside of her urn besides Daisy's and my childhood cat Stripey's.  It's a real roller coaster all right.  You think there's a chance that you're starting to work though the grief a little and then whamo.  I was just wondering if this kind of thing has happened to anyone else.

Rena
goofygirlinva

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Posts: 1,198
 #2 
(((Hugs))) to you Rena, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

To answer your question, yes I've had similar meltdowns.  They happened very frequently the first few weeks after Blackie's death.  It has been almost 6 weeks since Blackie died and they still happen every now and then, although a little less frequently.  All I can suggest is that you don't hold back and that you let the tears flow as freely and as long as they need to.  Others have told me that our grief process is two steps forward, one, if not two, steps back.  I know this doesn't help you much, but just give yourself time.  You will find a way to keep going because you have to but in the meantime just let the tears flow and cry as loud and as long as you need to.

Take care,
Kelly

HerbiesMom

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Posts: 196
 #3 
I still break down over my Herbie and it has been 11 weeks.  The attacks of grief are as severe as they ever have been, but less frequent.  Sadly, I am forced to get used to him not being here, even though it is killing me.

When it is a bit damp out, I can still faintly smell Herbie's "spray" from a few years ago in my Persian rugs.  I used to hate it, and now I welcome it. 

I just keep telling myself that he had a very happy life and that it was a long life.   But I still miss him so much that sometimes I can't breathe.

Herbie's Mom
WooWooWoo

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Posts: 5,100
 #4 
Dear Rena,

I had a meltdown at the six weeks' mark that lasted for a week.  I found Betsy's old, worn little red walking harness in my closet and just wept and wept.  I wept so loud I just shut myself in the closet for about 10 minutes and let it all out.   I still have the harness, but cannot look at it right now.

So, yes, what happened to you happens to all of us. 

Hugs,
Melissa
rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #5 
To goofygirlinva:  I know how much you miss Blackie and I appreciate your telling me that you too have had meltdown days and that it is a normal part of grief.

To HerbiesMom:  Your Herbie meant as much to you as Sherry does for me and you have always been generous in helping me to see that we all have these times where the sorrow hits us like a sword repiercing our hearts all over again.

To WooWooWoo:  I feel I know Betsy from reading about all your wonderful memories of her and of your life together and I realize that even with the passage of time our love for these babies continues even after death separtes us from them, hopefully someday we will be with them again and that love never dies.

Rena,
Sherry and Daisy's mom
Earthkids (Taco, Belucha, Carina, Stretch, Red and Phoebe)
EmptyNow

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Posts: 199
 #6 
Rena, I'm going through the same thing. Totally a rollercoaster. I'll be fine one minute, the next...I'll be sobbing.  One day - fine, next day - horrible.  It's a cycle. Sundays are the worst since that's when Piggy passed. 

As for smelling the stained sheet - I can't blame you. I would do that same thing, my friend. We love them so much, that we want to be near any traces of things that remind us of them.

I hope you're doing well today.

Love,

Piggy's Mom
rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #7 
Dear EmptyNow:

  I know how much you love Piggy and miss her.  She's a beautiful tortie and must have been an angel in your life.  We do seem to be on a roller coaster, you think the intensity becomes a little less raw and then wow! it cuts through your heart like a steel blade.  Our lives seem so much emptier now without our darling babies.  I hope we both make it through this valley of sadness and hopelessness and can someday think of Piggy and Sherry being in a better place where they're not suffering anymore and are waiting for us to meet them again when it's our turn to go over the bridge.

Love,
Rena
sweetpepe

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Posts: 143
 #8 
Yes.  Our little Pepe just went to the Rainbow Bridge two days ago.  The first day I cried so much I thought all the tears were gone but there are more - many more.

This morning I was cleaning the downstairs bathroom where I used to bath him and there was his shampoo and conditioner sitting there and I lost it again.  I am sure that in time the grief will lessen and there will just be the happy memories of the days before he got sick but right now the pain is so great.  It's very hard and I send you many hugs.  
EmptyNow

Registered:
Posts: 199
 #9 
Oh Rena - I hope you are right.  I hope that one day we can think about our children and smile without thinking of the pain in our hearts. I don't know if that's possible though.

But at least, I can be comforted in knowing that our babies loved us just as much as we love them.  That's a happy thought!

Love,

Piggy's Mom
rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #10 
sweetpepe,

  I am so sorry for your recent loss of Pepe.  I know how intense those first few days can be.  It sometimes can seem that you'll run out of tears but they still keep coming.  Again I'm so sorry for your loss and keep coming back to petloss because there are a lot of people who are going through the same thing and want to help.  They have helped me a lot with losing my Sherry so suddenly and with the guilt I carry over not taking her to the vet in time to save her life.  She had to be put to sleep when she was in unconscious and convulsing.  It's been 5 weeks but it's hard to remember those last horrible moments with her.  Let's hope Pepe and Sherry are together now over the rainbow bridge and happy that they don't hurt anymore.

Love,
Rena
drbones

Registered:
Posts: 111
 #11 
Hi Rena,
I hope that my Hankie is playing with your fur baby  Sherry too.  It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since he was ripped from my life after a traumatic accident.  I tell you, I still smell his afghan where he slept.  It still smells a bit like him, and it brings him back to me somewhat.  I remember looking frantically around the house for a whisker of his to put in his urn, since the fur that was shaved off his paw was bloody, and I wasn't in the right mind to take any.
You are right, this is a roller coaster.  Sometimes bearable, sometimes not, but we are all in this together.  I wish you continued healing and peace.
Blessings,
Hankies forever mommy, Heather
MaxsMom

Registered:
Posts: 258
 #12 
Dear Rena,

I sure can relate to the feelings that you describe having about your Sherry, because even though it's been  5 months since I lost Max, I still have meltdowns like the one you describe having!  I keep Max's little red sweater in a box in my room - unwashed - and when I miss him the most I take it out and bury my face in it because it smells like him!  I am worried that his scent will soon leave the sweater, and then what will I do?!  I think my meltdowns do happen a little less often than earlier on, but they are so overwhelming when they happen!  I think that the passage of time is all that will help.  I am wishing you comfort and peace in the memories of both your sweet girls.

Hugs,
Joanne - MaxsMom
lifewithoutMaya

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #13 

Suddenly, the need to say her name rises up in me, "Maya!" I call.  And then my breath catches in my throat and I realize she won't be coming to me. I reel backwards as if crushed by the weight of this realization; she's not there.  No matter how long I wait, she won't come around the corner to kiss me, or look into my eyes, head cocked.  How long will this last?  Forever, I hope.  I never want to stop feeling this love for her.  I just want the pain of her passing to end, to transition to happiness for her.  She has everlasting peace now and for that I want to be happy and grateful.   

rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #14 
To:  Heather(Hankie's mom)

   I know how difficult the anniversary days are and what a shock it was to lose Hankie so tragically and unexpectedly.  Mother's day is a special day for many of us furmoms without children.  They were our children Sherry and Hankie and meant just as much to us as a human child would.  I'm thinking of you on this special day that is so bittersweet for us.  I hope that someday we can think of these angels without only tears and despair at not being with them anymore.

To:  Joanne(Max'sMom)

  You're right we are on a roller coaster of emotions all the time.  I think that is what grief is like for all of us.  They are a part of us and will be forever.  We will never be the same without them because they were our perpetual angels and it is so hard to bear life without them.

To:  lifewithoutMaya

  Your loss is so recent and intense that I'm sending you hugs and wish that in time you can think about Maya in happier times so that your tears will be mixed with good memories of your life together and all the funny, sweet thinks that she used to do.  I know it's tough for all of us and I hope that someday we will be able to think about them with joy mixed in the sorrow as we commemorate how fortunate all of us have been to have had the privilege of sharing the time we spent with them even though its always will seem too short.

Love and happy Mother's Day to all of us
Rena
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