I lost my precious baby kitty Coco a month and a half ago. He was my emotional support cat, my baby, and a soul cat to me, and the loss has been indescribably heartbreaking and traumatic. I have been doing pretty well lately with keeping loving thoughts of him close.
The last couple of nights it has been bothering me to see the white shopping bag they gave me his ashes in under the vanity table on the floor of the bedroom. For at least a couple weeks I couldn't bear to take the ashes out in the pretty box with his name engraved on it. I had kept it in the closet where I made a place for him to lay and it tore at my heart that my sweet baby was in there in a bag with his ashes in a box. But finally I took it out and placed it on my desk where he used to lay while I worked, with a candle that I lit at a Monday night memorial ceremony at this site.
They gave me fur from his beautiful tail, too. I slept with that for the few days following his death. And once I could bear to touch it, a paw print that they gave me.
All these things as everyone probably knows all too well are a comfort sometimes and in other times they can bring nothing but pain and sorrow and remind us of the trauma of that night our babies had to go and how awful it was! And the horrible thought that they are gone! And that all we have left are ashes. The brushes with fur left around, the toys. I know everyone knows what I mean. Today I picked up that shopping bag...only to find my precious baby's beautiful fur from his sweet fluffy tail! It re-traumatized me all over again and I broke down into sobs.
I opened a small dresser drawer and took some lovely things out and placed them in other drawers. Then I lined the drawer with finery, and I set inside the plastic bag with his fur, his brush, his bowl, and his toys. I have his paw print on a tray where I keep some crystals and a dried rose from a healing garden. The ashes I have already placed by a candle I lit when I joined Monday night's memorial ceremony.
I wanted to share this experience for all the fur baby mommies and daddies who are finding themselves aching over their baby's precious things. Putting them somewhere special really helps a lot. They mean well at the vets when they offer cremation and a pretty engraved box, a paw print, their cards and everything they do. But no one can know the pain of getting our babies back in a bag in ashes :-( :-( :-( Or simply not alive. Take baby's precious and dear things out of that bag that makes you feel bad and keep them in a really special place that makes you feel better...
Coco's Mommy Forever