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Posts: 2
Avalon was put to rest on December 4th, 2019. I adopted her from the pound when she was nine months old, 14 years ago. She has been my constant companion, always with me as I weathered declining health and various family stresses. Yesterday and today, I was hit with an onslaught of grief so intense that I cried myself sick.  I had hoped that the worst of the grieving was over, but it seems that I am experiencing a second wave.

Avalon was experiencing kidney failure. I followed all the Vets instructions, and we had started a daily IV for saline when she was becoming dehydrated.  Even with that,and her meds, she was not eating or drinking. When she began to stumble as she walked, I was in a difficult place; should I allow her to suffer, while I selfishly kept her alive, or should I let her go? The vet bills were getting too high to afford, as well.  That week my husband and I decided to let her go.  Quality of life was non existent.  I had read extensively to learn the signs of when it was time to end it, but one is never prepared for that final decision.  I called my husband at work and tearfully told him it was time.  He offered to leave work early and help me prepare. 

The worst moment was when they left the room to allow us to say good-by.  We both were weeping like crazy and I managed to say a prayer over Avalon, and kiss the top of her little head repeatedly as tears rained down on her fur. Then I left the room because I couldn't bear to watch her die. My husband decided to remain, and he kept his hand on her as the Vet administered the final injection.  I sat in the car and bawled my eyes out. 

I have trouble releasing the guilt, wondering if it was too soon, but not wanting to watch her waste away, nor to pay the mounting vet expenses which would only prolong her suffering and increase debt. It was such a hard decision, but I want to move on. This grief got reactivated by looking at pics of cats for adoption.  Every time I look, I start weeping.

I am so glad to have found this site! Thank you for reading.

Posts: 1
Hello friend, Redflowers20

I am so sorry for you loss. I am curious to know if Avalon was your cat baby? I want you to feel and understand that you did everything right. I have been a cat lady for my entire life but I never knew this:

"The most common causes of cat death in senior cats are kidney failure, cancer, and infectious disease such as FIV (feline immunodeficiency virus). Cats also suffer from hyperthyroidism, which causes high blood pressure, inflammatory bowel disease, diabetes, arthritis, and dental disease."

That is, until I lost my fur baby, Lambert, January 14th 2020. He had seemed off for a day or two and had his appointment that afternoon. When I woke up and saw him, I knew he wouldn't make it so I rushed him to the vet. His numbers were off the charts and after 14 of my best years, our vet advised that while we could try to make him comfortable, there was no way to repair the damage done to his little body. I wish I had taken him to the vet sooner, that weekend or maybe even the day before would have saved him. I am not sure if the vet discussed kidney failure symptoms with you but when the kidneys start to fail, it makes the kitties sick to their stomach. The biggest boys and girls refuse to eat, the one thing they actually love! You are a great mom for knowing and doing what was best, despite the heartache you knew it would bring.
Welcome the fact that you gave her a peaceful send off, with your love and a prayer. Please continue to post and grieve, it's part of the healing process. As parents we always think and wish there was more we could have/should have done. You made the best decision you could at the time, and that's all that matters. 

Sending love your way,

Posts: 2
Thank you for taking the time to reply! I had another spell of grief the other day, and cried non stop for a long time  But each wave of grief brings me closer to acceptance, so I know I have to allow it.  I have placed photos of her on my desktop pic on the computer and often look at them.  She was such a beautiful cat! One night I could feel her purring near my feet and am touched that she came back to reassure me that she is well and happy on the other side!
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