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JackieTeller

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Posts: 195
 #561 
Hello to all my dear friends Keith, Bonnie, Duane, Karmacat and Tina. After several hectic and crazy days I am currently in Fairbanks Alaska. I just got in today and will be here for a week. Arranging care for LuLu, KitKat and Blossom was quite an undertaking. Not cheap by any means....750+ dollars but I know my girls are being taken care of. LuLu is at a farm and Jan just sent me pictures of her. The pussycat girls are at a Petsmart pet hotel with an open adjoining tunnel so they can visit. I don't want to worry. As I was taking LuLu for a final walk last night I found 2 signs from my departed children Buster and Rosie. One was a blue robin's egg shell on the path. The other was a feather from Rosie. I think they were telling me to not worry. Anyways I brought some of Rosie's ashes to scatter here so my sweet little princess....you did finally make it to Alaska in a bittersweet way. Love to you all. Jackie
Barefoot1

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Posts: 165
 #562 
Hello, well very quit lately I guess or I hope everyone is doing good. Maybe every has moved on and doing better. I myself miss all of you I need that input from y'all. I want to here your stories and life events. Anyway please jump in when you can. Diane are you good. Bonne Jackie and Kcat stay in touch. Your the best friends i have even if we have never met. Best friends Keith.
JackieTeller

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Posts: 195
 #563 
Hello to all my friends. I am still in Fairbanks....leaving tomorrow at 6 p.m.

I am totally blown away by Rosie. Here's what happened. I was going to spread her ashes and she told me to spread them at my friend Tom's place where he is building a house. So last evening we went out there and I spread Rosie's ashes in the excavation site. It was extremely emotional for me and I cried. When we arrived back at the hotel there was a blackbird feather on the rear window of my rental car! Tom saw it, picked it up, gave it to me and said...well I guess this is Rosie's seal of approval that you spread her ashes in the right place. I totally lost it and just broke down and cried and cried. I'm taking the feather back to WA with me. So my friends our children leave messages from the other side. We just need to be receptive. I love you my sweet Rosie and it's been 13 months since you crossed over but I think about and miss you EVERY DAY. Your mama 4 ever. Jackie
diane772

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Posts: 206
 #564 
Keith, I think we are all doing alittle better, life demands it. You go about your day and each day passes.I try to find something good in every day, and some days it works but most don't. It's funny when you think about it, I have never met any of you but I feel very close to all of you. I cry with you, I smile with you and I enjoy the good moments with you. I will always be here hoping and trying to help all my friends. Jackie, I cried at your story but I also smiled and found some peace. I take such comfort in the stories of the signs our babies send us. Everyone stay well Love Diane
JackieTeller

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Posts: 195
 #565 
Hi

I only spread some of Rosie's ashes. The rest are at home. Jackie
cosesmom

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Posts: 536
 #566 
Good evening my friends,

Keith, so sorry for being absent for a few days. I do think of all of you through out the day. I too feel as we if have been friends for ever. It's just so sad that out loss is what joined us in our grief. With out the love of Miss B, Rosie, Brandy, Parker, K Kat and Termy we would still be moving through life never knowing the love and comfort that we now share. I know none of us will ever move past the sadness we feel. There will forever be a empty place in our hearts that can never be filled until that miracle day at the Bridge. So we live each day, differently. I couldn't even mow the grass on Saturday with out tears. I told Termy that I didn't want to be here anymore and I want to be with him. Most days. I'm okay but the weekends are tough. I think it's because we spent the most time with them on the weekends. We can never move on from our friends. Rest assured, Keith, I will make a bigger effort to post and keep in touch.

I have a special memory of Termy that I want to share, several actually. I can remember the very first time that Boo Boo jumped into my arms. I knelt down on one knee and patted my knee and said Boo Boo come see mommy. He jumped onto my knee and into my arms so fast. From that day on when I came home from work this was his way of greeting me until he got to old to jump anymore. Then there was his begging. He would sit up straight on his back legs and waive his paws in the air. Everyone who saw him do this would ask "how did you train him to do that?" I told them that I didn't teach him to do that, he just did it on his own. He made so many friends in his life time. He always went to the Harley Shop with me and I would drop his leash and he would run to all his friends that worked there. He was even in the fashion shows at the Harley dealership wearing all the Harley cloths for dogs. I miss him a lot and always will but it's good to recall things that made his and my life journey so wonderful.

I was leaving work at lunch time on Friday and right in front of my car was a feather. It was from him, I know it. Then on my walk with Darla yesterday I found another. She stopped to smell something and I looked to see what got her attention and right beside her was another feather. Today along the side walk on our walk I found another feather. Termy is taking care of me and I cherish each and every feather.
Jackie, Thank you for sharing your heart warming vacation and Rosie's message. Sending you a feather was wonderful and it was nice that she got to share your vacation with you.
Diane, you said it all. Days do pass and we move forward but we never forget. Our babies or our friends.
Thank all of you for being the person Miss B, Brandy, Rosie, K Kat and Parker knew you were. We were worth loving and they loved us deeply.

Here is something that I read in one of my books.

"Ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Keep in touch, please
Love
Bonnie
Barefoot1

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Posts: 165
 #567 
Hello, Bonnie Miss B stood on her back legs and just sat there while I ate I've never seen a Dachsund do that but her. I looked on my phone to show someone a picture of B and found out they are gone. I have lost all but one pic of her. Life does go on but that doesn't make life better. Annie is a great girl and she puts on a show when I get home but I still find myself looking at that glass door hoping B's little face will be there.
Well life goes on I really only feel happy when I'm at home. That's really the only place I am comfortable anymore. It's gotten more like that since i lost B. Maybe that's because people leave me alone. I don't know why that came up just needed to say it for some reason. Well enough of my rambling. Yall have a good day. Friend in hot s.c. Keith.
MyLittleOneIsGone

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Posts: 161
 #568 
Hi Keith,
I didn't know your dog was a Dachshund. I had a male dapple, 14 lb. mini/standard. He went everywhere with me. Name: Max. He passed in 2003 at 16. It was his time. I had him since 8 wks old. I was ready for his time. He was getting sicker and sicker, started with urinary stones, some stuck where they couldn't be reached and cystostomy to reroute his urine. he got insulin diabetes. Was in and out of seizures, sugar would dramatically drop. Then he lost all control of his bowels, legs. I had to save him from a miserable life. I knew he was suffering. He gave me the look that he knew he was done. He was my first personal dog, and my only one. 

I swore I wouldn't get a pet again because I didn't want to experience another loss. Ten years later I got Leroy, my Beagle rescue for companionship. A month later I fostered 2 adorable Chi-Beagle rescue pups newly neutered. My husband agreed we could keep them both. They were Parker and Porter (Parker is the one who passed.) It's not the same without him and never will be. I am not the same and I don't think I will ever be. I kept them both because I didn't want to split them. They were very close. Leroy has no best friend anymore.  I am frequently apologizing to them. It breaks my heart every day that he's not here. I must have aged a few years from grieving these 6 months.  I'm falling back again. My husband has been home. May be the only reason I am functioning. When he goes back to work I may go wind up again in my dark hole, back to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and cheese and crackers, and buckets of tears. 

I know what you mean Keith about being home. It's my comfort zone. I can be me. I don't have to put on an act like I feel wonderful.  I felt wonderful the morning of Xmas Eve until the Grim Reaper vet called me way after my dog was in distress. He didn't even have the decency to call me right away when he was having trouble. His karma will come. I hope I hear or read about it.  Maybe if the state takes my case and he gets in deep water, that may be enough karma for me to feel a little better, that I got justice for my little guy. And save future pets. ~ Tina, Parker's Mom
Barefoot1

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Posts: 165
 #569 
Hey friends, just a short note. I think the reason I like reading from everyone is it takes me back. It takes me back to B. I can sit here at work or anywhere and I'm back with her. Most of the time I am stuck in this miserable reality. It makes me think of her everytime I read something from all of you. Yes Tina my home is were I feel the best because I can be myself. It's the only place I am comfortable. Thanks for sending all of your memories. I need to hear them so k know I'm not crazy with my thoughts of a dog that's been gone over a year. I still miss you B. Keith
Karmacat

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Posts: 141
 #570 
Hello dear friends, sorry to be the last to report.

The last couple of weeks have been relatively tear free. But that's only because I'm slowly thinking less frequently of K cat. When she comes to mind, I can seldom resist the wave of sadness that comes.

I try to do a better job with Botti cat now. I try to give her regular supplements, play with her daily and generally be more attentive and vigilant. I have to admit, when I wake up each day to find both me and her alive and kicking, it does bring a smile to my face and my heart.

Bonnie, when you mentioned telling Termy that you didn't want to be here anymore, I totally get you. There's too much suffering in this world, for our fur babies, for ourselves, for all the wild creatures out there. The pain of witnessing this day in and day out is really hard to bear. But I know we'll all carry on, if only for the simple reason that our fur babies need us still. And that's a really good reason.
cosesmom

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Posts: 536
 #571 
Karmacat,
What you said, it hit the nail on the head. I was never able to fully understand why I felt that I didn't want to be here and it is because of all the suffering. I don't care if it's on a personal level or because of the way humanity treats those less fortunate. Yes, I will carry on just as we all will but I don't have to be happy about the way life is. Another friend of mine told me I need to basically get a grip and move on. That being sad for so long is all my fault. That I need to change myself and I can find  the joy I lost when Termy passed. I'm to old to make major changes. I will continue to live with an internal yearning to be with Termy one day. I think that the six of us will always have a sadness that surrounds us that will be with us until we draw our last breath. It's the price we pay for loving them.

Jackie,
How was your trip? Need to hear from you.

Diane,
I know you are thinking of Brandy and all the squirrels out there. I bet there are tons at the Bridge. How are you?

Keith,
Sorry it's so hot there. It's been in the upper 80's here with high humidity. Really sticky. Home is a wonderful place. Call it "our happy place"

Tina,
I am so glad that you are part of us. Thank you for being the special lady Parker always knew you were. Please share stories with us.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains un-awakened"

Your friend and Termy's mom
Bonnie
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #572 
cosesmom and karma cat    I totally get what you're saying.  You can add me to your list of the people who will have sadness over our lost pets for the rest of our lives.  I lost my mini dachshund Dickens almost a year ago.  I still miss him so much.  I can't imagine being happy like I was when he was here.  There is a cloud hanging over my head especially when I think about him being gone.  You're right when you say the suffering of our pets, the wildlife and people is unending and very sad.  My Dickens was my buddy who was near me no matter what I was doing.  Other people don't understand.  They think there's something wrong with me like I'm too sensitive.  I do have another dog but he's not the same although I love him very much.  Like you I don't know if this sadness will ever end.   Just wanted you to know there's another soul out there who relates to you so well.
All take care,
skmk 
cosesmom

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Posts: 536
 #573 
skmk,
So glad you found kindred souls here that understand and that you "Get it". I am so happy to have people that loved as I did. Termy was my Heart Dog and I will forever miss him. All six of here, make that seven have other creatures in our lives that we love but as you said it's not the same. We found solace in each other's pain and we support and comfort each other. I think our little ones brought us together because they knew no one else would understand. Here is where we share our sadness and also our memories of time long ago when life was as it should be, joyful and full of love. Please feel free to jump in anytime and be part of our group. We welcome you and will always be here for you.
Bonnie (Termy's mom)
Barefoot1

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Posts: 165
 #574 
Skmk, my Miss B was a mini dachshund and she also followed me around and we went everywhere together. The only time I left her at home by herself was when I went to work. Yes life has certainly changed since she has passed. I just started thinking about it that she died and I looked for comfort on this site. As I've written before I only wanted one person to read about her and a year and a half later I have made such good day friends. Well no life will never be the same even if I have Annie. She is a great girl in her on right but no she isn't Miss B. She deserves all of my love to. And yes Bonnie it is hot it is before noon today a f already 94 degrees with 70% humidity. Well goodbye friends Keith
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #575 
Thank you Bonnie for your warm welcome, I appreciate that.  The one year anniversary of his passing is July 11.  I can't believe it's been that long since we were together.  I think some of the sadness has to do with death seeming too cruel for our innocent little ones.  Last year at this time I was with him and had no idea he would be gone soon.  I try not to think of his last day because it's so painful.  He had such a personality and was so in tuned to me.   I truly hope I see him again some day in the afterlife.

Keith, nice to meet you.  That's such a cute name Miss B.  Just right for a sweet little mini dachshund.  What kind of dog is Annie, a dachshund too?    I have Scooby and he's a chihuahua mix only about 11 pounds.   But he's old and has heart trouble.  I know I will lose him too.   I've lost many pets throughout the years and don't know if I can go through that again.  I also wonder if I will ever get another dog ever.  I sure don't feel like it.   Well I've got to try to go get something done.  Thank you all,   skmk
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 206
 #576 
Welcome skmk, You will find wonderful people here. I don't know how I would have coped without them. Keith we are finally getting the hot weather. I was thinking today how Brandy would have made me turn the a/c on, she had a way of looking so sad that I would do anything to make her happy. It is funny how well our babies had us wrapped around their paws.  Jackie I hope you are happy to be home with your babies, I am sure they are very happy to have you home. Bonnie you are so welcoming to everyone. you do have a heart of gold and I am very happy to call you a friend. Karmacat I worry about you, I wish you some happiness. Tina please stay in touch, this helps more than you know. To all my friends I wish you all well and I hope you enjoy the 4th. I know Brandy always hated the fireworks and this year she will find peace during the fireworks. Please everyone give your babies an extra hug from me. Love Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #577 
Ah shucks Diane,
I try to love as Termy taught me. I do have a big heart and can you believe it, I wear it on my sleeve. When people I know hurt, I hurt. I have shed a lot of tears over the last year or so for you all. When I first read each and everyone of your original posts I was so moved and yes I cried. I felt I needed to reply (I owe Termy the words to write) because I felt the pain that I felt a year before. You guys have given me a purpose to help and to keep going. I'm not sure where I would be if it wasn't for you guys. I love you lots. I was very lucky, Termy wasn't afraid of fire works or thunder storms. Darla loves the a/c and ceiling fan especially after our walk. I can just picture brandy's sad sad eyes saying mommy "I'm hot" and yes they did wrap us around their paws.
Skmk,
How odd. Termy was part Chihuahua and Pomeranian. Darla is Chihuahua and Shiba Inu and Scooby is Chihuahua. It seems all of us have smaller dogs. Brandy was a Basset, Rosie was a Jack Russel, Parker was a Chi-Beagle mix, Miss B was a Dachshund and K Kat was a cat. They may have been small but boy did they love big.

Keith,
We have high humidity here to maybe around 65% and in the 80's.Yes Annie and Darla are great girls in their own right. Darla and I are bonding more. She seems to want to be with me more and is so very happy with her walks. So, yes we have to give them their chance to make a place in our hearts. They can never be like what we lost but they sure can make you smile.
I will give Darla Doo a hug from you, Diane and tell her you sent it with love.
Tina, Jackie and Karma cat you guys need to fill us in on what you are up to. If you need us we need to know.
Love and doggie hugs
Bonnie
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 165
 #578 
Hey skmk, just wanted to tell you Annie is a mutt. My family got her for me only about 5 weeks after Miss B passed. I wasn't ready for her but she was being sent to the pound the next day. So I guess she was down on her luck and I was really down on my luck to. We have taken care of each other since. Shes a southern dog and shes pretty good with the heat but today its 102 and 80 per humidity. Shes gonna be made but the road will burn her feet. Last night the temp was 87 at 10:00. So shes gonna get a couple of days off. Well happy 4th to you all. Keith.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 195
 #579 
Hello to all my dear, dear friends.

Well, I am back in Seattle but it has taken me a week to recuperate from my vacation!  I spent way too much money and have no desire to go back to Fairbanks.  I missed my flight home and had to take the red eye.  Then TSA took EVERYTHING out of my carefully packed suitcase and told me if I didn't like the way they repacked it, I could do it myself.  I got home at 4 a.m. last Wednesday.  I am glad to be back.  I picked up LuLu from my boarder Wednesday night and she was so happy to see me she had a panic attack!  The pussycat girls were equally delighted and all 4 of us spent the night in my comfy bed (cat and dog hair..who cares).  I broke down and cried and cried.  I will never leave them alone for that long...10 days...again.  The costs were astronomical because I wanted the best for my babies but it was over $800.  

I spread some of Rosie's ashes at my friend Tom's place.  And then yesterday the most amazing thing happened when I took LuLu to Lincoln Park...one of my favorite places because you can watch the ferries and beautiful Puget Sound.  

I was down by the water's edge collecting little rocks and shells for my sweet Rose.  Dogs aren't allowed on the beach but I had LuLu on a leash and she is quite small.  This guy pulling a kid in a wagon yelled at me that I shouldn't be on the beach with LuLu.  I totally broke down and said I was collecting shells for my dead dog.  I started crying and crying and then he apologized and said, "have a nice day!"  Well, the damage had been done.  I bawled my way down the beach and just cried and cried.  Rosie has been gone 13 months now and it still seems like just yesterday.  God I miss my little Rosie.  

Anyways, LuLu tugged on her leash and I lost all the little rocks and shells I had collected for Rosie.  I walked a little further, completely broken, and then started back.  As I walked back, I looked for the little rocks and shells I had lost.  Rosie found EVERY ONE of them for me; which is amazing on a huge expanse of beach.  

Then a lady saw me and asked if I was okay.  I said no and told her what had happened as tears streamed down my face (just like they are now).  She tried to comfort me and told me that it was a sad incident but that I could be ticketed.  She also told me about an owl further down the path in a tree that everybody had been looking at.  I had no idea an owl was there.  So I stopped and it was a large barn owl who gazed at me intently in a very knowing way.  At that point, I looked down and this man was walking by with a little white jack russell terrier that looked EXACTLY like Rosie!  Except he was a male and his name was Pirate.  He was 16 years old; the age at which Rosie passed.  We talked and talked and I told him about Rosie and he told me about Pirate.  I petted Pirate for a long time and that dog looked at me with such kind, loving eyes I felt like it was Rosie looking at me.  Pirate even had one brown spot on his ear just like Rosie.  God, my heart just burst!  So I continued on my way down the path and I found three feathers along the way.  I came home and put them in with the rocks and shells I had collected for my sweet girl.  

I will NEVER get over Rosie's passing.  I found a support group here on the Eastside that meets this Saturday and the third Saturday at the Humane Society.  Pirate was in very good shape for a 16 year old dog.  I cried and cried....God, why did you take my sweet girl?  I miss her so much.  I am learning to live a "new normal" but it is not the same.  I deeply love my little LuLu, Blossom and KitKat WITH ALL MY HEART, but I miss my girl so much.  She was such a spunky, proud little dog.  I know I did the right thing when her time came but there is a void in my heart that can never be replaced.  

And like many of you have said, I look forwards to the day I see my girl again and she leaps into my arms; just like her little soul leaped out of her broken body as I held her when she passed.  I am so happy I have friends like you...Bonnie, Diane, Keith, KarmaCat, Tina and welcome our newest member SKMK.  I don't know what I would do without you guys because nobody seems to understand...but the man who was Pirate's daddy did.  

Sorry this is so long.  The trip was stressful and exhausting.  It has been 20 years since I left Alaska and even though it will always have a place in my heart....it is not my home anymore.  I am so glad to be back with my children and so grateful to have had such a wonderful little dog, Rosie, in my life for 14 years.

Your friend in Seattle and mama to LuLu, KitKat and Blossom.....Jackie 
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #580 
Hello All,

Keith, thank you for getting back to me to let me know your Annie is a mixed breed.   I'm just having a rough day.  I looked at some pictures of my Dickens and it just made me so sad that he's not with me anymore.   Do any of you have that experience when you look at pictures of your fur babies that have passed on?  I don't know if I'm just feeling sorry for myself.   In a few days it will be the first year anniversary of his passing.  It's been almost a year and I'm still reacting this way.  I try to remember the good times but it doesn't help.   Things are just not the same and I am not the same.
My other dog Scooby has become more attached to me which is nice but he's just not the same and I don't have the same feelings about him.   I feel awful saying that.   I try to keep busy but find my mind wandering.  It's still so painful.  Will my life ever get back to the way it was when there was happiness and joy?   I know all of you know what I'm talking about.   Thanks so much for listening.
skmk
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 161
 #581 

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your love and kind words.  Welcome back Jackie. 

I read that Keith and skmk had a mini dachshund. I had one decades ago. He was wonderful.  My wonderful dogs now are Leroy, a Beagle, and Porter, a Chihuahua mix (with Beagle). He's small, 12 lbs. His brother, Parker, who I lost, was the same and they looked identical from the back. I read some of you have or had a Chihuahua. 

I know what you are all saying about never getting over your loss(es). Nothing is the same here. The only routine is feeding them and walking them. The rest of my life has dramatically changed.  It's changed for all of us.  I am not the same. I don’t feel the same. I am more doubtful. I am less trusting. 

What has changed is I am hugging, kissing, and holding my little ones more than before. I am afraid now to lose any of them, please, not so soon.  I have always equally loved and love all 3 of my boys Leroy, Parker, and Porter.  Losing Parker was a life changer for me and his brothers.  I see it in their faces.  I know they are confused. I've read debates about dogs and their sense of time, so I'm not sure if they think he's only been gone since yesterday. That may be better for them, so they don't feel it's been a long time. One thing I know for sure is that I know they are missing Parker. It's in their eyes.  Leroy is very sad. He mopes around. Parker was a leader. He motivated all of us.  Porter and Leroy were very scared this week from the fireworks. Leroy ran upstairs to seek refuge. Porter was panting and pacing. Except for being handled by strangers, Parker was never afraid of anything.  He would have comforted his brothers from the fireworks. He would have groomed them and cuddled next to them. Oh, how I wish he was here, and I didn't make such a terrible decision.  I hope Leroy and Porter don't feel that we took his brother away from them.

I learned here from several of you that a Cardinal has a significant meaning after a loss. My husband must be believing that now. The other day he brought me to the window and told me there was a Cardinal on our lawn. At first, I couldn't see it. He showed me where it was. He appeared excited about it. By the time I got my camera, it was gone. They are not common in my area. 

I read this on several websites:  The belief that cardinals are messengers from someone who has passed exists across many cultures and beliefs. However, a symbolic sign is unique to each person and gives us the opportunity to interpret its meaning. A symbolic sign is a message for the individual receiving it. A symbolic sign can be considered a phenomenon, or a “cardinal experience.”  The word cardinal is derived from the Latin word cardo, meaning hinge or axis. Like a hinge on a door, the cardinal is often considered the hinge on the doorway between our earthly world and the spirit world.


Parker, was that you?  Please come back if that was you.  If a cardinal appears again, then I will believe.  Parker, I will believe it's you.  Parker, please let me know you are here.  I need to know you forgive me. 




skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #582 
Hello MyLittleOneIsGone,

Thank you for that information about the cardinal being a messenger.   I see cardinals quite often but I think I'm getting a different kind of sign.   My mini dachshund Dickens passed almost a year ago.
I still miss him so much.  He used to love to watch me garden because as soon as I dug up a small rock he would grab it and take it over on the lawn.  My husband was forever hitting them with the lawn mower.  Since Dickens has been gone I've been finding in our driveway heart shaped rocks.  I'm not looking for them but walking up or down the driveway a heart shaped rock will pop out at me. So far I've found 10.   It might be my imagination but I'd like to think the heart shaped rocks are from Dickens.  I've been placing them on his grave.  

MyLittleOneIsGone,  I hope you see that cardinal again soon and I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know how painful it is.  

Take care,
skmk
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #583 
skmk,
Yep, those are signs from your babies. Heart shaped stones, how wonderful I found one on my travels. I think it was a sign from  Termy. Termy sends me feathers, tons of them. Lately though I've been honored with a lot of Cardinals. It's either Termy, Dakota or my sister sending me a message or maybe all three. Either way, we are blessed. Our departed ones haven't forgotten us. We are cherished for the rest of our lives. Believe!!!!!! Your Dickens is sending his love and telling you he still near watching over you. Have faith, you will never be far from the ones who love you.
Bonnie
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #584 
Hello all,
I hope everyone's holiday was a good one. Mine was a busy one but there was still time to think of Termy and miss him so much. It seems like the weekends are the worse. During the week I think of him often but the weekend brings the tears. I was sitting out on my deck and I was thinking of Termy and I could here him thunking with a clicking noise coming down the steps. He had a way of coming down the steps as he got older that made a funny noise. I closed my eyes and I could picture him there on the steps. Yes I cried. Isn't it funny the things we remember. I do so miss him so very much. He was and still is my heart and soul.

"The best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master"

Love and miss you guys
Bonnie (forever Termy's mom)
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 206
 #585 
Hello to all my friends, Bonnie I love that quote and I will always remember it. It has been a hard couple of weeks, Brandy was so afraid of the fireworks and I would spend my nights hugging her. I was her personal thunder shirt. I would always worry about her during the 4th but I so miss soothing her. It was the same during thunder storms. It's funny all the things that you miss. I remember when she was younger she would hide in the bathtub so I would sit in the bathroom with her. Of course when it was time for a bath she would not go near the tub. How can one dog touch your heart so totally. I miss all my fur babies but Brandy took part of my heart with her. I hope everyone is well and please take care of yourselves. Love your friend Diane
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 195
 #586 
Hello to my dear friends Keith, Bonnie, Diane, KarmaCat, Tina and skmk,

It is a dreary rainy day in Seattle and I am once again in the job market.  However, I have made some decisions about certain jobs and I am going to try and look in different areas than just accounting.

I love the stories about signs.  I too believe that Rosie sends me messages.  Feathers are a big one.  I got a check from my friend in Alaska to cover boarding (the trip was very expensive) costs for my cats and right there on the ground, a perfectly formed black feather.  I know she is still here with me.  I taped the feather to the picture of her last night on earth that I have on my nightstand.  I used to hate to look at that picture but now I can look at it with love and be grateful I had such a wonderful, wonderful companion for over 14 years.  

Last night I had a dream in which Rosie leaped into my arms!  Oh God, it made me so happy.  I know when I am sad, she is sad.  I vividly remember bending down so she could jump into my arms!  The feeling of love was amazing.  

So my friends, our children are still with us.  Coming up on 14 months on the 18th and my birthday is on the 20th.  Please come visit me again in my dreams, sweet sweet Rosie.

Jackie, mama to Blossom, KitKat, LuLu and my angel Rosie 
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #587 
Hello Termy's mom and everyone,    I too love that quote.  It's so true.  JackieTeller,  what a wonderful dream you had.  I've had a couple of Dickens and I treasure them.  Today it's been one year since he's been gone.   I still miss him so much and nothing is the same including me.  Wherever I am in the house I keep imagining how he would come in the room and can almost see him.  I found another heart shaped rock today so he is around.  I'm hoping for another dream.  
Thank you all for allowing me to join your group.  Take care of yourselves,
skmk
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 195
 #588 
Hi skmk,

I am so sorry today is a year for Dicken's.  I can't really say things get better as time passes, but you learn to live a new normal.  

Just got a call from my friend in Fairbanks.  He found a perfectly formed black feather next to his truck this morning!  I told him about my dream about Rosie!  

My love for that little dog will never die; just as your love won't for Dickens.  

God Bless, 

Jackie

MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 161
 #589 
Hello everyone,
I hope I get your names right, and all of them:  Jackie, Keith, Diane, Bonnie, skmk, Karmacat,  (Did I leave anyone out?)

Jackie, I read you may change your occupation. My advice, don't go into sales. 

I'm waiting for the Cardinal to appear again. I want to believe.

I'm having okay days and rough days. So far no good days. I had a meltdown on Friday. Cried for over an hour and on and off the rest of the day. Lately, I've noticed Leroy, my Beagle is down. (I don't cry in front of him.)  I'm sure he misses Parker, his best friend. We all miss him. I'm trying to give my 2 little guys, Leroy and Porter, more love. Now, there are pretty much no rules. They do what they want. I never had them on my bed unless they jumped on it, but they didn't stay long. Now I call Leroy and Porter to sit on my bed.  They are here on less borrowed time than I am. I want them to feel free. 

I dread when I have to go through some kind of health issue with either of them. I keep praying Porter's pancreatitis stays in remission. He is doing really well. He has more energy than I do. He's like lightning. He flies down the stairs and then flies onto his window seat bed. (I have a bed for each of them next to the window.)  There's just one thing missing that would make it all perfect. Their brother, Parker is missing. He was always playing. Very high energy and full of life. He loved grooming his brothers. I'm hurting. I miss his bark. I miss his zest for life. I miss him. If these links work, you can see here how close he was with his brother Leroy.  https://youtu.be/7gU0FQHwktA and   https://youtu.be/ccdLovl_sv4

I wish he would come by again, if that Cardinal was him. I need to believe. 

I hope you are all doing well and getting through your days. Take good care of yourselves.

Sincerely,
Tina  ~ Parker's Mom
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 195
 #590 
Hello Tina, 

I loved watching your video of Parker and Leroy.  What a spunky little fella he was!  Poor Leroy!  I bet he really misses that playing.

Try to remember the good times and not dwell on the sadness.  Easy to say, hard to do.  I've had many furbabies over my life and I've loved each one of them dearly but there are a special few that carried me through some very difficult times.  

Your friend, 
Jackie

MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 161
 #591 
Hi Jackie and everyone,

Parker beat all of us on energy.  I fed them High quality grain-free dry food. They had allergies to grain, and Leroy had a food allergy. So they got grain free and did great. That vet knew what I fed them. Last summer that vet made me aware the FDA was investigating grain-free food for DCM. Since my dogs were already eating this for a few years, if they had "DCM" it would show up on an ECG or he could have tested them for taurine levels -- so I am learning now. He could have told me what symptoms to look for. Said nothing. After my dog passed he tried blaming the food I fed him. Really? When he got his pre-op, that should have been the time to check his heart and taurine levels before going under anesthesia! He's the vet!  He could have tested them at last summer's office visit. He didn't. The reason I am saying this is, I highly doubt he or any of my dogs had/have a heart problem. My current vet doesn't believe the FDA study is 100% accurate, there are many variables, the DCM numbers haven't gone up. He said watch your pet for symptoms, get them checked, they can get tested. My dogs don't have that problem!!  Their food is fine. They are all full of energy. As you can see in the videos, Parker was full of "spunk" and that's how he was from the day I adopted him until the night before he never came home.  

As it was getting dark last night, I heard a bird chirping. It sounded like a Cardinal. I got excited because of the signs thing. I am not one to believe a lot of that stuff. I scoff at magicians. I saw a Cardinal twice, only recently, and I hove not seen around them here before. I am aware of the birds here because we've had robins set up nests under our deck and in the shrubs and I would chase away blue jays because they steal the robin's eggs. I've taken pictures of birds here. Most were red robins. Some were sparrows and a woodpecker. I would know if a Cardinal was around before all of this. Now that I have heard about a Cardinal and a sign from a loved one, I was not really sure, but I thought if it kept showing up, then maybe it is real. I heard the bird so I played Cardinal sounds on YouTube and it played through a wireless speaker. I played and paused.  In between, I heard the bird and it was the same sound!  I played it again and the bird came over onto our cable wires. It was a Cardinal!  It heard the audio, but it was already here, because I heard it!  It was getting dark so I couldn't see it until it came really close to me and perched on our cable wires. 

I was really happy and excited. I was smiling. I had happy tears. I told my husband it must be true, it is a sign from Parker. I said I wasn't sure the first time, but now I believe it.  He told me no, it's not a sign, it’s not Parker.  I didn't ask him if it was a sign. I told him it was. I said I've read about it.  He doesn’t want me to have some kind of happiness, some kind of hope? I don't know what to believe anymore.  This is the only thing I have to hold onto, the only thing I could believe, it is making me happy, and he wanted to take that away from me. If I was a child, he would probably tell me there is no Easter Bunny. 

I want to believe my Little Peanut heard me last week when I spoke out loud and wrote him and asked him to come back, that I would believe it was him if the bird returned. When I saw that bird last night, I right away believed Parker is with me. That he's near me.  I lost 1 of my 3 only best friends/children, all I have in this life. My husband doesn't grieve with me.  I do it alone, and he avoids anything to do with that. 

My husband made me feel alone. He could have gone with it, even if he personally doesn't believe it, he could try to believe it for me, or just let me believe it and be happy for me.  Do I believe my husband that the Cardinal was not a sign and not Parker?  No, I don't.

I am going to stick to my belief and hope that the Cardinal came back because it was Parker. Because he heard me ask him to come back, that I want him to be near me and give me hope that I will see him again in another life.  I will keep looking for the Cardinal again. I choose to be happy to feel and believe Parker is near. Without hope, what is there?

It’s a shame I can't share my happiness with (my husband) someone close to me who also experienced this loss.

 ~ Parker's Mom

JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 195
 #592 
Hi Tina, 

It doesn't matter what your husband thought.  If you thought it was a cardinal and Parker was visiting you....then he was.  Don't let the naysayers get to you.  The more receptive to the subtle signs from babies, the more they will send.

Jackie

Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 165
 #593 
Hello, haven't heard some of you in awhile. Diane,Bonnie,Kcat along with the rest of you I hope y'all are doing good. As for the signs, well I want to believe I want to know Miss B is still around. I need to know that and I thinks it is true.
But Diane how is New Hampshire? Your awfully quit. Bonnie join us we need your thoughts. Kcat are you still there? I hope y'all havent decided to forget us. Anyway I truelly enjoy reading everyone's post so please chime in. Best friends Keith
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #594 
Hello Tina and Everyone,    I was just wondering what DCM stands for.  I don't feed a grain free food but I have thought about it.  It's too bad your husband wouldn't support you in seeing the cardinal and what it meant.  I noticed you said the bird got pretty close to you.  I can tell you that cardinals are very skittish of people.  One would never get close so I think you can count that cardinal as a sign.  Tell your husband I've found 11 heart shaped rocks which I think are from my Dickens.  Somehow they are just popping out at me.  By the way I loved your videos.  How sweet they look under the blanket together and how funny seeing them play together.  Its just so hard to be without them.  Trying to get used to the new normal but I don't like it.  I hope you're all doing well.
Hugs to all,
skmk
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 206
 #595 
Hello everyone, NH is getting very warm and humid. But Keith I am sure it is still better than where you are. I could never handle your summer weather but I could live there in the winter. Tina I loved your video and you believe in the cardinal as a sign. I feed the birds and once in awhile I get a cardinal, I always enjoy seeing them but never thought anything special about it until now. Today he was here right outside my window. He never gets really close and only stays a few minutes. But today I saw him and told him I knew Brandy sent him to me. He actually came closer and stayed a few extra minutes. It was like Brandy was telling me hello and she is doing ok. So I need to thank you all for the cardinal sign. See Tina we all believe. I hope you all are doing better in your own way. I know we grieve in our own ways and in our own times. My heart is with everyone of you. Love Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #596 
Hello everyone,
We are getting really hot and humid weather starting to today. We may break a record. They say it will feel like over 100 degrees. Oh, yeah just what I wanted. Not!
I am glad you all have dropped a word or two. I was wondering what happened for a while, I wasn't hearing from any of you guys for awhile. Just to let all of you know I haven't moved on from the friendship that I have made with all of you. It's just summer and I'm trying to have some fun so I've been busy going to dirt track races. I still go out every night and talk to Termy. Since he left, I've only missed one night and promised him I would never do that again. I know how hard we all struggle, everyday but at least we have each other and can share with each other.
Tina, Yes Termy was part Chihuahua/Pomeranian and Darla is also part Chihuahua and Shiba Inu. I remembered you asking.
I promise to write more later this week. I just wanted you all to know I'm still kicking.
Love always
Bonnie
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 161
 #597 
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all doing well despite the heatwave most of us are experiencing.  I'm going through some rough patches missing my little Parker.  It never seems real. Is it like that for you? I am not the same person anymore.  Do you feel like that, too?   I know it's wrong, but sometimes deep down, I get upset with my husband for initiating the event that led to this tunnel of darkness I have been in. I know he didn't think something bad would happen. That's when I feel disappointed in myself since I was the one who suggested that place. It's nonstop internal turmoil.  Loss is such a hard thing to endure. Add guilt to that and it becomes a burden. 

The extreme heat has kept me from spending time outside to see if the Cardinal comes around. The weather is supposed to be cooler next week.  I have heard the Cardinal singing in the last couple of days. I liked when it was here. After such a long time, I finally smiled. I am looking forward to more of those moments because my sorrow is draining me.  I wish I could be my old self again. 

Please take care.  I wish the "signs" come to you and continue for those of you who have seen them already. 

~ Parker's Mom




Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 141
 #598 
Hello to my dear friends Keith, Bonnie, Diane, Jackie, and new friends Tina and skmk

I apologise for the long silence. I have been reading all your posts, but found myself blank and with nothing much to say. In a sense, I have definite improvement in that I do not think as much of K cat nowadays. But in another way, things remain the same in that the sadness is still intense whenever she comes to mind.

I have a kind of 'savings bank' approach to life. I sort of want every failure or setback to turn out to be a hidden success, by teaching me some valuable lessons, or some new insights that I can later apply to life. So by this trick, I never actually lose per se, since even setbacks can turn out to be positive things eventually. I'm not sure if this plan actually has worked or not.

I guess I must have tried very hard to apply this methodology to K cat's demise. It hurt both cat and me so much, her for the last couple of months of her life, and me for a long time afterwards; I had to extract some valuable and deep understanding from it. I have been struggling to do this, and the longer I suffered, the more I tried to get at the lesson hidden inside.

All of us know that life is fleeting. We had watched family and friends depart, and accepted it since it was expected to happen in due course. Then, mysteriously, when our special fur baby dies, it suddenly becomes impossible to accept. We rail against the heavens and keep refusing to accept that the fur baby is gone. This is really interesting. Most of us have been pretty good at dealing with pain and loss in our lives, but became totally tripped up when our beloved pet passed on.

I have read about the heatwave going on over there, so I hope all of you will remain safe through this ordeal. There are also heavy floods going on in some places, droughts in other places, and forest fires and even some earthquakes and volcanic explosions. I confess, the first thought that comes to my mind on reading these things is - how many poor creatures are going to suffer and perish because of this flood, fire, heatwave etc, especially how many feral cats and dogs that have no one to care for them? It is a very troubling thought indeed.
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #599 
Hello All,       To Parker's Mom,   Yes I feel like you do.   I don't feel like myself.  I don't feel like the same person.  I have definitely changed.  I'm hoping I can get back my happiness and zest for life.
Grieving is the pits but sometimes you just can't help it.  It really IS a burden.  I too wish I could be myself again.  You are not alone.  Remember in hind sight we see everything we could have or should have done but it's really not fair to yourself.  You had no idea what would happen.   I hope you will see the cardinal many times..   It's very hot here too and humid and I'm in the Northeast.  I think this is a record or something.  I continue to find heart shaped rocks which I think are a sign.  I've got about 12 of them so far.  I'll be thinking of you Parker's Mom.  Take care of yourself.

To Karmacat,   you make an interesting point in that we have all lost people in our lives and got through it but are totally messed up when our pets die.  I think it's because they are like our children and we lived with them and cared for them.  But down deep we know they only live a certain amount of time.  It's a great idea to try and learn something from the experience.  I think I've learned that I can't go through this again and perhaps another pet is not in my future.  I will have to see how it goes.  Glad you are doing better.  

Hugs to all,
skmk
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 165
 #600 
Hello, yes skmk and parkers mom it dies change you. Yes the pain eases some I dont always think of Miss B constantly. It like K Cat sd he doesn't doesn't think about losing K Cat as much but when he does it is very painful.i have another little girl now that I try to give all my attn to but she acts so much like B.
Hot yes it is miserable here in s.c. but this is usually the case. Tomm it is only 93 a cold wave. Annie still wants to be outside and constantly go for walks. At 9 last night it was still over 90.
Well stay cool and stay in touch. Best friends Keith
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