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cosesmom

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Posts: 569
 #641 
Welcome, Catty. I don't believe for one minuet that you let her. Things happen that are out of our control. I don't believe your kitty would have been happy if you didn't let her have her freedom.You opened your heart to her and gave her love. The last few months of her life she felt what it was like to be loved and cared for.Few people would have been as compassionate to a stray. God bless you for opening your heart.

Oh, Jackie! I feel so bad for you. I wish things could have been different for you. I'm praying Idaho has what you are looking for. Maybe a new start some place different is what you need. I am also so very happy that the kitties and Lu Lu are doing well and will be your co-pilots on the trip to Idaho. God bless you. You are much more braver than I am. I don't know if I would have the courage to strike out on my own as you are doing. when you get settled, please let all of us know that you are safe and settled.

Love Bonnie
Catty_o36

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #642 
I appreciate the comments Diane772 and cosesmom. Time heals all wounds. Its good to be able to chat with people that understand. She was very cool cat and a appreciative tortoise shell kitten. Even my older ones they were like family. God bless our furry friends for they bless us as well :)
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #643 
Hello friends,
It's been awhile so stay in touch. Well I havent had much time to sit and think of Miss B but when I do I sure do miss her. This is my busy time of the year when I would have to leave her in the house for over 12 hours and the look on her little face through that glass when I finally got home was amazing. The pure excitement we both had. We both knew we were over our long day and now time to relax. I often wondered if she sat at that window all day or if just when she heard a car coming down the road. But it sure did make my day to see that girl. Annie is also a relief and I love to see her to but there was just alittle more with B. Goodbye for now but y'all please chime in
Keith.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #644 
To all my dear friends,
I thought I would let you know I am still alive. I am so sorry that I haven't written in a while. I've been so consumed with working and taking care of my husband that there is little time to do anything extra. I will try to do better.
Wednesday was a bad day for me. I cried a lot and talked to Termy. It was his 2nd Bridge day. I miss him so much just as we all miss our babies. I'm better today. I lit a candle for him and placed it in the memory garden between his paw prints solar lights. I talked to him a lot and cried a lot. I know you all have been where I was a few days ago. It does get a bit easier as time passes but the sadness will always remain.

I read a book that I want to share with all of you. We all suffer from having to make that awful decision of letting go. This book helped me with the guilt we all feel. It is a really good book to read for all of us.
It's titled: It's not putting me down, it's lifting me up" by Kate McGhan. I think it will help. Just wanted to share this with you.

All my love
Bonnie
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #645 
Hello to my dear friends, 

Well, after a torturous trip from Seattle to Boise I made it and am settled into my new apartment.  I ended up driving a graffiti covered Uhaul truck that I had to rent from downtown Seattle because it was the only place (that I know) that had a tow trailer for my car.  Since my car is a AWD, I needed a complete trailer.  

I left and didn't clean the apartment.  I took Rosie's tree with me.  Her rose wasn't doing so good and she told me she really was a tree.  So the little tree I rescued from the dumpster in Kirkland is now sitting on my deck in Boise, Idaho. 

The children did pretty good for the trip, considering I drove 600 miles solo, stored my stuff in a storage unit temporarily and stayed at the Extended Stay America for a week while I looked for an apartment.  I found a beautiful place on a lake with trees in North Boise for $800 a month less than what I paid in Kirkland.  There was no way I was going to rent online.  The movers moved my stuff in and I felt overwhelmed and exhausted.  But after four days of unpacking, hooking up to the internet and grocery shopping I am ready to call Boise home.  It was an arduous trip for me but worth it to get out of Seattle.  I am so glad to be out of that place.  Boise is wonderful.  

In my bedroom I have a memorial for my sweet girl, Rosie, who helped guide me on this trip.  Shortly before I left Kirkland, she appeared to me in the hallway for just a brief second.  Ever the stoic, dignified Jack Russell that she was....she gave me the strength to move.  In that brief moment I saw her, she said, Mama, get your act together and let's get going!  If it wasn't for that little dog I honestly don't think I would be alive today.  She kept me going.  

However she informed me that I have three other children too and she doesn't want to take center stage anymore.  So I bought three picture frames and photo paper to place pictures of LuLu, KitKat and Blossom next to my Rosie.  She said we are all a family.  So that is going to be one of the things I do shortly.

On the 18th it was 16 months since she passed.  I miss her as much as if it was yesterday.  I am so sorry Keith that I didn't make it to the Carolinas.  I think the hurricane was a blessing in disguise and I was meant to land here.  So my dear, dear friends Keith, Bonnie, Diane and Karmacat I was able to muster the strength (with Rosie's help) to make it out of Seattle, The City of Despair, and begin a new life in Idaho.  

I will start job hunting next week.  I'm sure the results will be different that they were in Seattle, which was a dog eat dog place.  It is sunny outside and was 79 last night!

My love to you all, 
Jackie...mama to Angel Rosie, LuLu, KitKat and Blossom...now living in Boise, Idaho!
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #646 
Hey friends, well Jackie I'm glad you got moved it has to be better that Seattle. Diane,kcat how are yall. It's been a year and a half since B left me and I try hard to get moving on. I noticed that life is much different than before. I used to at least be able to do my job without getting depressed. That is impossible especially now that I am back to all the overtime. I feel that I'm going nuts and this job will never be over. I used to make plans for retirement with Miss B at my side again all for nothing. Now I do make plans to retire with Annie with me but it just isn't quit the same. My next day off is next saturday then 11 straight days of my day job and the fair I cant do this much longer. Anyway I thank of B when I can but is usually just her last day and it drives me nuts. Once again just venting. Your friend Keith.
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #647 
Hi dear friends

Jackie, I'm proud of you. Driving 600 miles solo, with your three babies on board, that's quite a feat! It sounds like you've found lovely new accommodations in Boise too. You are so lucky to have visits from Rosie - I have never gotten a peep from K cat, not even in my dreams or anything.

Keith, it's really hard to move on. I think most of us know the grief will still pay us a visit every now and then, probably for the rest of our lives. I think of it as being shot by an arrow. It doesn't kill you, but it is stuck there and we just carry on with it stuck there. Every now and then, it hurts.

Having said that, it seems like I may be finally on the mend. Lately I have been able to think of K cat without tearing up. Even when I think of her tragic face in the last moments of her euthanasia. But my sensitivity has jumped up irrevocably. I watch some program on animals in distress, or who have been rescued from some dire situations, and I have a good short cry. Then a while later, I may read something funny, and burst out laughing out loud. So yeah, this seems to be the new reality, this series of ups and downs, and I just accept it as it comes.

Look forward to hearing from Diane, Bonnie too, hopefully soon...
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #648 
Hello friends,
It seems we've fallen apart I hope everyone is ok. Jackie glad you Boise I hope you like the cold. Course today and tomm here its gonna be 98 with high humidity. Anyway hey Diane yes your pic made my day haven't heard from you or Bonnie or Kcat lately. Oh and Parkers mom i hope you are doing better. I've reached the point where I know Miss B is ok I've come to that realization. I still miss her so much but I know she is ok. I still think of her last day and it drives me nuts. She had such a good life and to end it that way will always haunt me. Well speak up friends we are all still here I hope. Keith
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #649 
Hello everyone,  Yes Keith I am still here. I guess I have been wallowing in self pity so I haven't had much to say. I don't like to burden friends with problems of mine so I don't say anything. I guess I am just in a strange mood with everyone pulling me in different directions. It makes me miss Brandy so much because I always told her all my problems. I am glad you are doing ok. I would love to hear from everyone else also. It always helps me to hear from my friends, it lets me get away from my life for awhile. Love Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #650 
To all of my dearest friends,
I know I am guilty of putting things off and I am sorry. As I said earlier a couple of weeks ago, honoring Termy's 2nd Bridge day and taking care of my husband has consumed a lot of my valuable time. Not to mention working all week. Long story short, hubby had to have a colostomy and It's life changing event in both of our lives. He still isn't a whole lot better and has lost 45 pounds. Not good. But I will handle it as I always handle the rough times in my life. Not to worry. On a good note, after two years of mourning Termy, Hubby finally relented and said if I wanted to adopt another dog, it was up to me. Well, on Saturday I drove an hour and a half to see a little guy named Thor. Needless to say he is now a sleep on my bed. He is such a cuddle bug and loves attention. Not to take anything away from Darla but I wasn't getting from her what my heart was craving. She loves me in her own way but I was left feeling empty and a lone. She is a very sweet little girl, more Daddy's girl than mine.I know each and every one of our pets have their own personalities and showing love in their own special way. I feel with every fiber of my soul that Termy led me to Thor. I can't explain the things that has happened to make me believe this but I know he had a paw in it. I still treat Darla with the same love and attention as I always did so she doesn't feel left out. Walking two dogs is a breeze. Thor is  good on a leash. Someone worked with him. He now has a forever home, with me.
I know we all still mourn our babies. Brandy, Rose, Miss B, K Cat, Parker and Termy will always be our special angels. I still miss Termy with all my heart and always will. I still shed tears for him, mostly daily. I still walk outside every night and still talk to him. I will never totally heal but I think Thor can help. Just as you all mourn and suffer your lose we will move on but never forget the love of our lives.
I love you guys
Termy's mom always
Bonnie
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #651 
Hello my dear friends Bonnie, Keith, Diane and K Cat, 

It does seem we are writing less and less.  Please don't.  I need your shares.  Congratulations on the addition to your family Bonnie.  Diane, please write when you feel down.  Keith, I am sorry you are so unhappy in your job.  And KCat, I need your words of wisdom.

Boise is a godsend.  It is hard not knowing anyone or my way around town (thank God Boise isn't very big) but I am grateful to be away from Seattle.  The trip wore me out but my sweet Rosie led the way and I have a nice apartment on a lake with trees in North Boise. 

Keith, I know the job thing sucks.  I am 64 and I am tired of starting out over and over.  I have a job interview tomorrow as an Airport Accounting Analyst with the City of Boise.  Good pay and all but quite frankly, I am tired of either a) working full-time or b) worrying about finding a job.  

I am especially missing my Rosie today so I wrote a poem for her.  She kept me going when I wanted to give up.  

Another Day Without My Rosie

 

Oh my Rose, I miss you so,

I know it was your time to go,

It was almost 17 months ago,

When I held you in my arms and said goodbye,

And felt your spirit leap into the sky,

I know you said, “Don’t grieve for me”,

For I am happy and I am free,

We had many good years together,

And when I’m close by I’ll leave you a feather,

To show I still watch and guide over you,

I know you heart is broken; mine is too,

But we must be strong you know,

That’s why I led you to Idaho,

I know it was hard for you,

For LuLu, KitKat and Blossom too,

But you needed to get away from Seattle,

And start life anew where it wasn’t always a battle,

So please Mama, when you cry,

I am close to you nearby,

Look for my signs I will send to you,

I want you to be happy, I love you……..

 

Rosie

Jackie in Boise, Idaho....mama to Angel Rosie, LuLu, KitKat and Blossom

cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #652 
Hi everyone,

Jackie,
I am so happy that your trip to another life is all that you wished for. I know Rosie was guiding you to a better place. She loves you still and is taking care of you. I am thinking the weather will be a bit different from what you were used to but if your happy you can adjust. I know Lu Lu, KitKat and Blossom will be happy where ever you hang your hat, so to speak. I absolutely love your poems, they bring tears to me eyes but also make me smile. Keep sharing them with us, please.

Diane,
You can never be a burden to any of us. We are kindred spirits. Our loved ones brought us together so that we can share our ups and downs with each other and always be here for each other. I am so sorry that you are so low. I wish there was something we can do or say to make you feel better. What you need is another set of paws to help ease your woes. Think about it. You would never be alone and you would have something, someone to talk to and love that would love you back, unconditionally. I was always hoping Darla would give me just some of what I was missing that Termy used to give me but sadly she is her own little girl. She loves from afar and in her own way. I love her back just as much as I did Termy but it was never the same. I always felt hurt when she ran from me or wouldn't come to me. She always acts as if I am going to hurt her, I never would but it cut deep in my heart. She is good with her daddy but so stand offish with me except when it's time to eat and go for a walk. Thor has given me all that I was missing and Darla is starting to play with him. Think about adding another set of paws to your home.

Keith,
I know the feeling, I never thought I would wish for retirement but as each day passes I am counting the days. I know the heat is so very hard to take especially with the humidity. Last week was above normal here and we set a record for a high. (89) Yuck!!! I can take the heat if it wasn't humid. Now we are into the low 50's at night and low 70"s during the day. It's dusk by 6:30 and dark when I go to work. I walk the dogs about 6:15 and get home in the dark. I know it won't be long and it'll be dark at 4. Keith, you have to stop focusing on Miss B's last day. It's not what her life was about. She wouldn't want you to keep remembering that awful day when you both shared so many other wonderful days together. I did that with about Termy and it stole my happiness and I couldn't remember the great life we shared. After I let it go ( it still pops it's ugly head once in awhile) But remember the journey, all of it and not the last walk. There was more to Miss B, remember that.

Karma Cat, Tina and Catty, please chime in once in awhile. We all need to get back to lifting each other up. It doesn't matter if you've had bad day or a good day take some time and share with us. It's hard for us all to live what we did but having each other makes it easier to cope. (I think so)

I love you guys and miss you.
Always your friend
Bonnie
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #653 
Bonnie, it was so good to hear from you. Thank you for your kind words. I would love to get another dog but my finances don't allow it. Maybe some day in the future. I would never adopt a dog if I couldn't financially take care of her vet needs. I do have Pearl my wonderful cat. I do understand about Darla, Pearl being a cat is not as free with her love as Brandy was. I do love her very much but cats are a bit more independent, not showing their love as much. Jackie, I am so happy for you. I hope you and your babies are settling in. I wish the best of luck on your new adventure. I love your poem. Keith, I truly hope you are feeling better. The time will pass quickly and then you can retire from that job. Until then look for the joy in the little things and the quiet times with Annie. K cat, we all miss your words of wisdom so please drop a note when you can. Love to all of you Diane
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 177
 #654 
Sorry, I'm not doing very well.  Plus, holidays are creeping up. Too many ads and reminders. So, I will be erasing the entire month of December from my mind. I've already blocked it off my calendar. It's not an anniversary. Anniversaries are happy celebrations.  It's a dark place I am trying to fight.  Hope you all are well.  
~ Parker's Mom (Tina)
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #655 
Hello Bonnie, Diane, Jackie, Keith and Tina

With nuggets of wisdom in low supply, I will just opine about cats and dogs today, especially since some of you good people have both (and yay for people like you).

A dog almost makes you fall in love with them. They shower you with love and affection, and interact with you everyday. So resistance is futile.

Cats are different. They don't interact much with you at all, except to come yell at you couple of times when they are hungry. The message is "you can feed me, clear my poop, pay for my vet bills, but please try not to bother me otherwise. Oh and you can fall in love with me, if you wish..." I started off as a very lazy, minimalist type of caretaker, and gradually found myself being transformed into a slave. A slave with money to pay for the vet and other cat bills.

And in Karma cat's case, it was like "okay I'm dying now. So if you don't want to give me meds, puree food to put in my feeding tube and otherwise care for me round the clock, well I'm just gonna die faster.." And since I'm praying, please don't die Karma cat, well you can guess what happened... But after I slaved away for a couple of weeks, she still died. Yup that sucked!

So even in the case of cats, resistance is futile too. And their little kitty faces are so damn cute and beautiful! Anyway Botti cat just came in to scream at me to feed her, so I'll to sign out for now folks...
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #656 
Hello My Family, 

Well, it definitely is cooler here than Kirkland but it has been sunny and I love that.  KCat, while your wisdom may be in short supply, your humor definitely isn't.  I chuckled about your comments.  Yes, for no reason at all, KitKat is the master and I am her slave.  And to further show that, she will sometimes grab my hand and scratch the heck out of it FOR NO REASON AT ALL.  I'm sure she has "her" reason but I'm like whoa!  Then she'll cuddle up to me on the bed and try and hog it from LuLu.  My thoughts are with you all.  

Jackie

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #657 
Karmacat, you are spot on about dogs and cats. Dogs are so free with their love, That is why I miss Brandy so much. She was always ready for a hug and wanted to be with me at all times. I never felt alone. Jackie it was so funny reading about KitKat, my Pearl is the same way. She will come up to me and attack my hand, usually drawing blood, and then she walks away. And then 5 minutes later she will come back purring and want to be in my lap. I guess we were never meant to truly understand cats. Love Diane
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #658 
Hello friends

Well, not unexpectedly by now, after about 2 weeks of seemingly being on the mend, the grief and tears staged a fierce comeback over the last few days. Today was exceptionally bad, the sobbing went on for many hours. It was almost like old times again.

The feeling seems to have broadened. It may not be as centered specifically on K cat, but is more like a pervasive sadness and despair that could be be triggered into tears by anything. I question whether I am now in clinical depression. I guess most people observing me would say yes..

Anyway, I finally borrowed a book on grief from the library today and read a few chapters. Enough to learn that most of whatever I have felt was not really unique. The sense of doom and vulnerability, the fear that I or Botti cat may just suddenly die too and other such happy thoughts.

I walked the long way round the library building today, to avoid K cat's patch there. I really didn't think I could handle it today, though I thought I was over that...
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #659 
Hi KarmaCat, 

I so understand where you are coming from.  Moving to a new city with no support group was really hard.  I too suffer from clinical depression and sometimes just look at Rosie's picture and cry and cry.  Today I went to a new church and it really inspired me.  I know how hard life is just to be "normal'.  I am glad I'm out of Seattle but I miss my little Rose every day.  

You are not alone.  Actually, after I've cried ALOT I feel better.  Can't explain it but it's like all the negativity and sadness is gone....at least for that moment.  

I/we are here for you.  I will NEVER get over Rosie's passing, but I truly believe it was her spirit that led me out of Seattle.  

Jackie in Boise, Idaho...mama to Angel Rosie, LuLu, KitKat and Blossom

JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #660 
One Last Thing KCat and to my family, 

I really don't ever think I will be on the mend.  My four-legged child took a place in my heart  that can never be fixed.  I only hope and pray that I give LuLu, KitKat and Blossom the love they so deserve.  

Jackie 
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #661 
Hi Jackie

Thanks for your response. You had difficult circumstances and a big move to a new city. It couldn't have been easy to handle but you managed to follow your plans to completion. I doubt I could have managed that..

I guess I very much want to be on the mend, but like you I'm having to acknowledge that it may never happen. At least not in the sense of getting back to the old normal. I guess my earlier strategy in life was to stay emotionally detached. But the plan fell apart when I didn't manage to save K cat. I feel actually in a kind of altered state of consciousness often these days, in an altered world. Things are the same actually but my feeling towards them is very different from before. Why does everything seem so dark and bleak?

Anyway, recently I fell off my exercise routine due to ill health and a pain in my right knee. Perhaps this is the reason why my emotional state collapsed again. Will try to resume it soon. It's the only way I know how to tackle this problem once again.

Hope everyone is okay and look forward to reading your posts soon.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #662 
Hello Family, 

I recently realized that I spend so much time dwelling on the loss of my sweet girl Rosie that I forget about my other children.  That is not fair to them.  So I have composed a poem for my lovely LuLu, a chihuahua/jack russell mix that was dumped in the pound parking lot four years ago.  Her "parents" didn't even bother to bring her inside.  The staff found her scared and cold underneath a parked car with multiple health issues.  She has offered so much love.  She deserves a poem.  So here it is.....

My Lovely LuLu

My lovely LuLu, you have been there,

Through the loss of Rosie and my despair,

When you adopted me almost four years ago,

You have been my shining light when I am low,

I don’t know much about your past,

Except it wasn’t good, but together, we could last,

I look at you and feel guilty sometimes,

Because Rosie is on my mind,

But you are a kind and forgiving soul,

You say, it’s allright Mama, your grief I know,

Because you see Rosie talks to me,

And says to be the best dog I can be,

So when you are depressed and in such woe,

I’m right by your side, to offer my soul,

Total unconditional love,

My LuLu….you offer me from above,

I need to remember every day,

How lucky I am to have you come my way,

And when no one at the shelter wanted you,

I already loved you through and through.

 

Your mama, Jackie

JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #663 
To My Family (especially Tina),

Words of Wisdom from Rosie

 

My dear Mama, I miss you so,

But I’m not that far away you know,

It’s true I’ve left the physical life,

But I’m inside your heart with love, every night,

I will never leave your side,

And we will meet again, please don’t cry,

But something does concern me so,

Mama…….you need to let me go,

I know you love me with all your heart,

I was there for you through all the dark,

But you have three other children you see,

That you need to love unconditionally,

I know my time with you seems short,

But we had 14 good years; my time had come; you’ve shed your tears,

I’ll always love and watch over you,

The years will pass, you’ll see me soon,

But in the meantime this I ask,

Please love LuLu, KitKat and Blossom……for it also will not last,

Please think of me with love you see,

But love your other children for me.

 

Angel Rosie

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #664 
Hello to all my friends, Jackie those are wonderful poems. Thank you for sharing. Karmacat I hope you are feeling better. I know it is difficult, it is so hard to go on but we must. I try to find the little things to appreciate. Keith and Bonnie, you have been very quiet. I know you are going through some tough times but try to drop a note. Love always Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #665 
Jackie,
your unbelievable. You should just right a book of poems and get it published and then you can work from home. You are so very good at it. I am so happy that you can find room to love Lu Lu despite your sadness about Rosie. I believe that our babies are in Heaven looking down at us and wanting so desperately for us to be happy. I can't continue to suffer from grief. I want to let Termy go and be free and not hold onto him from  grief. I want him to look down and see me laugh, enjoy the sunshine, do all the things he taught me to do. I am setting him free but will always hold him in my heart. By letting go of my grief I will open my heart to him and the signs he is sending. I know how hard it will be, as we all know but remembering ALL of our life with them will always over ride those last few painful memories that haunt us, still. We all can heal. By healing doesn't mean we will ever forget them, we can't because they are part of our soul, we are connected forever. Like Diane said, Try to find little things to appreciate. We are stronger than we think but Rosie, Miss B, Brandy, K cat, Parker and Termy knows because they were here to teach us, it was their mission in life.
My hubby is mending, slowly. It's a long road but I can handle it. Thor is such a God send actually a Termy send. I find myself laughing and really enjoying him. I know Termy guided me down the right path which led me to him. I thank Termy each and every day.
I wish each and every one of you, Jackie, Diane, Keith, Tina and K Cat peace for your broken hearts, Joy to come into your life and most of all love.
Always your friend
Bonnie
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #666 
Thank you Bonnie for inspiring words. I am going to try and live by those words. I never thought of holding onto Brandy with grief, I don't want to do that to her. I want her to be at peace so I am going to try very hard. Thank you again, love Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #667 
Diane,
You are welcome. I was speaking from my heart and wanted to share with all of you about what I am feeling. I just couldn't keep feeding my grief, I needed to let go of the grief. I know now when I go out to look for Termy's star, I can talk to him an smile. Yes, I still feel sadness, but the sadness I am feeling is missing all that I shared with Termy. I know I can share my life still, with Termy just in a different way. I want to feel the love I shared with him all those years and not let my grief tear all those wonderful days, months and  years from my memory, I want my heart to remember. I feel deep down inside that we are still together. I know he sends messages and signs all the time, wanting me to remember and cherish the love we shared. I want to honor him by remembering the good not that last awful day. That last day of his life wasn't our life, it's not what we built and shared. They teach us, guide us and set us up for life. They know the lessens we need to learn because they were sent to us to walk this earth by our side and set us up for our life lessens. Teaching unconditional love, a forever friend ship and memories built to make us who we are because they know what is inside each of us. We just didn't know until we shared our lives with them.
Termy will forever be my heart dog, my soul mate, my little man that I will never forget and always cherish. He was my Boo  Boo, my sweet sweet Termy.
Love all of you
Bonnie
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #668 
Hey friends,
Well things here are getting alittle less hectic. I still only have 1 day off til Thanksgiving. Other subjects have taken all my time lately so thinking of B has had to be put back. Yes Bonnie I they our fur. Babies were sent to teach us life lessons. I know Miss B really taught me alot about responsibility. I mean bo matter what happened at work I still had to make sure she had what she needed. She taught me to grow up and take care of things.
Well I hope ( like I thought last year that never happened) that within a few months life will be easier and simpler. Annie is do except the other day I had a lady friend over for a bit and she was extremely jealous. After she left Annue went a peed on my bed. Guess she wanted to let me know she wasn't happy. Well need to go sure I'm supposed to be working somewhere. Later friends. Keith
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #669 
Hey, well apparently we are all doing much better. I hope so anyway. Deafing silence I hope is a good thing I hope everyone is ok. I still miss my B tremendously but I've learned not to dwell on her last few days. Now I try to only remember the good times the times that seem so long ago. The times I wish would come back. Maybe happiness will reappear when i retire I hope so but for now I can only trudge on. I would still love to hear from everyone but if not I understand life is busy. Love y'all keith
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 177
 #670 

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been posting here much. I have posted on my pages, but not as often as I would like.  Time is catching up and the day and time is coming.  There will be no holiday here (Christmas Eve is when everything went dark).  I've already told my husband there will be no gifts or celebrating, plus both of us have birthdays in December and those won't happen.  Depending on my husband's work schedule, I may be alone on Christmas Eve, possibly Christmas. Maybe that's good. I won't make anyone around me miserable. 

There was no reason for my dog to lose his life, except for incompetency. If you see my other 2 dogs in action you would see they are vibrant and energetic. No coughing, hacking, they don't get out of breath, and this is almost a year later. That's how all 3 of my dogs have always been. Healthy.  Parker was full of more energy than these guys. He never stopped. He was always wanting to play and tease his Beagle brother, Leroy. 

I cry every single day for him. I will never understand why this happened. I always think I was being punished.  My Alpha Dog is gone. We all feel it. He was the leader, the crazy one, the tease, the comic, the lovable one, my homemade dog clothes model, the obedient one, Leroy's best friend, Porter's twin brother, and my love. He's in a box in a bag in a cabinet which I have not opened since last year. We just bought that cabinet about a month before and I never imagined it would house my dog's ashes. I don't go less than 2 feet from that cabinet. I'm always turning off the light near it.  

Parker was healthy and he should be here after a routine procedure!  I missed getting a necropsy. I didn't know about it. I was told it doesn't show everything anyway. I know my dog was fearful, that vet knew it. I believe something to do with that is why he's not here and it was something that could have been prevented, or at least I should have been notified immediately when something was going wrong. Any caring vet would call immediately when a problem arises.  I think they waited hours afterward until they called me. Totally wrong!  Vet could only try to blame the food I fed them, and he told me had a heart attack. I'm sure of that if he was panic-stricken and kept in fear.  They are not going to tell me the truth. There is so much more that they did and didn't do within the law.  My state vet complaint is still being reviewed. It may take a while. I hear stories the state sides with the vet, then I hear other stories they are tough. My complaint was extremely detailed, and I did a lot of research. I hope all my work pays off.  Either way, my dog is not here. 

I'm sure you think I shouldn't feel this way, but I still feel guilty. I had bad feelings and suspicions about the procedure and had time to keep him home instead. I didn't. For some reason I didn't. I should have trusted my intuition.  It's very hard to live with that. Plus, as you probably read in my posts, this was not my regular vet.  I have been sinking slowly back into the dark place. It's not by choice, as most of us know. I keep going for my other 2.  I really would not exist if it were not for them. They need me. I need them for the joy and love they give me. They stay by my side all the time, as if they know I am hurting. Last night I was up very late cooking and baking things for my husband to take to work. Porter would not go up to bed. He stayed with me in the kitchen for hours. I brought in his bed and he rested there, just waiting for me to be done and then come up to his bed. He wasn't begging for food. He just relaxed in his bed.  It meant so much to me. Just a little dog and he comforted me. This is something his brother would always do. He followed me around the house and would just sit and watch me fold laundry, etc. He was always there. 

I'm sorry I missed your posts here.  Thanks all for mentioning me in your posts. Jackie, thank you for addressing me in your Words of Wisdom from Rosie. 

I hope you all are doing well and hanging in there.  ~ Tina (Parker, Porter, and Leroy’s Mom)

 

 

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #671 
Hello everyone, I have been very busy because my mom was in the hospital. She is home now and feeling much better. I talk to Brandy all the time telling her about my day and my worries. She still gets me through the days. I have missed hearing from everyone, I have to say I owe so much to you Bonnie. I have taken your advice to heart and I now talk to Brandy with a lighter heart. I pray that everyone else has tried to live with your words. It made so much sense when I read those words. Brandy always gave me joy when she was with me and it wasn't fair to always now give her sorrow. I still have my sad moments but when they come on I try to think of a good moment. Brandy will always have my heart but at least it is a happier heart. I finally realized I was so lucky to have had her in my life for 15 years. Please everyone keep writing, I still need your strength and to help with your sorrows. Love always Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #672 
To all my dear friends,
Diane,
I am so glad I was able to help you. That's why we were brought together. Our fur angles knew there would be times when we need to hold each other up and to share the good things in life also. There will always be sadness for the things that we miss but there is also joy to remember. Brandy shared 15 years with you and I am betting each and everyday she helped you create a memory. These are what she wants you to remember. They share so much with us and when they are not physically with us, we want for that again and again. What we need to remember is they are still beside us only in spirit. Their souls are connected to ours, forever. If we hold onto the sadness and guilt, we hinder them from coming to us in our dreams. In our dreams is where they remind us of those special times we shared and yes even the scary things that happened. But if we can't open our hearts, because of grief and guilt, they can't come through to us. I only speak from my heart, the heart that Termy has and helps me to write all these words to my spacial friends. Without him I wouldn't be able to say what my heart feels.

Tina,
My sweet friend. I know how hard it is for someone to let go of the guilt and the grief that comes with losing one so close to our hearts. But you need to forgive yourself and let the grief go. Parker knows you hurt and you miss him but sometimes we can't control the out come of life. It was his time, God called him home to be with him because his mission in life was complete. He finished what he was sent here to do. You have to believe that. Each and every soul has a purpose in life and if you let the guilt and grief go you will be able to see the purpose Parker was sent here to do. He taught you love and forgiveness and you need to live by what he taught. He taught you joy, he showed you how to laugh, he showed you that each day was a gift and to live that day in the moment. If you can't forgive yourself Parker can't be happy. You need to let him go by letting go of the grief. Set him free (his soul) so that he come back to you and visit you in your dreams. It's okay to be sad and shed a tear once in awhile but be sad for what you don't have and smile at all the memories. I know Parker created memories with you, remember those.

Keith,
I am so happy for you. Not focusing on those awful last days will open your heart to the memories you made with Miss B. I know it'll be hard, it was for me but since I let go of the grief and set Termy free from the grief I have dreams of him which I never had before. I opened my mind to connect with his heart and he with mine. It's a peaceful feeling to look back on my life with him and know it was a good life that far out weighed the end. Miss B would be proud of her daddy, knowing he can feel happy and recall the life you shared with her. Keep walking forward.

On a good note, Thor is a wonderful little guy. I am so blessed to share my life with him. I know Termy led me to him because he knew that Thor can give me what I lost. He will never replace Termy but boy can he make me smile. I am once again enjoying the little things in life. Thank you Termy and thank you Thor.
I am once again a live
Write when you can
Love Bonnie
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #673 
Hello to all my Family...Keith, Bonnie, Diane, KarmaCat and Tina, 

Even though there may be pauses in our contact I believe in my heart that we will ALWAYS be together.

Keith,  Annie is sending you a signal about your lady friend.  She obviously is much like Miss B.  If you are somewhat serious about this "lady friend" she will have to win over Annie or she is "out".  Like I say, men (and women) may come and go but your dog is with you forever!  

Bonnie,  I am so happy for you that Termy found Thor for you!  I tried to look through the messages to find out what type of dog Thor was but I couldn't.  Termy said to me to tell you this:

Mama, 
I may not be at your side, 
And I know the grief you cannot hide, 
But there's a furbaby I know you will adore, 
And by chance, his name is Thor, 
He is fearless, just like me, 
He will love you unconditionally,
I want you to be happy, Mama, I love you so, 
So please enjoy Thor; he will ease your woes.

Diane, 
I understand about your situation with adopting another dog.  It is not cheap.  I have scheduled LuLu's dental work which will include blood tests and heart x-rays (she has a heart murmur like my sweet Rose).  She is now on a health plan, like a kid!  I have to share with you...in my travels I met a woman named Helena who has a basset hound named Wilbur.  He is 15 years old.  This poor dog has no dignity left.  He has Parkinson's disease, cannot move except to raise his head, and the other stuff I won't even go into.  I have no contact with this person but it was heartbreaking to see Wilbur in such a state...so you did the right thing for Brandy.

KarmaCat, 
I hope you are continuing on your projects.  I find that moving to Boise was such a blessing.  I don't have a job and quite frankly, have stopped worrying about that for now.  I think when our furbabies pass, just like with loved humans, we never get over it, we just learn to live a new normal and try to be happy.  I hope you are feeling better.  

Tina, 
I can feel how much you love and miss Parker.  Quite frankly, when I made LuLu's dental appointment I thought of you...so it is in January.  Due to her age 8+ and her medical history I am having them do EVERYTHING before they clean her remaining teeth.  Half of her teeth are gone.  I asked for a discount HA HA!  Parker would not want you to put your holidays, birthdays and love for your other children on hold.  I know that may sound harsh but Parker loved you very very much and he doesn't want you to be so unhappy.  I hope you rethink your plans for the holidays.  I care about you very much and it pains me to see you so unhappy.  In that respect, Parker told me to tell you....

Mama, I know this past year has been hard for you, 
Your grief is so great, it seems like it can't be broken through, 
I know how much you've cried for me, in your pain and misery, 
But Mama God called me home for reasons you don't know, 
And it was my time to go, 
So please remember the good times for me, 
And try to end your painful misery, 
For I love you Mama and I will see you soon, 
But in the meantime, please try to remember, 
All the great times we had together, 
Give Leroy and Porter an extra hug for me, 
And try to remember me with love...you see.

As for me, I have my good and bad days.  I love Boise.  The other day I asked Rosie, why haven't you sent me any feathers lately?  This was on a walk with LuLu.  Suddenly, ahead of me there were dozens of white feathers.....so I know my Angel Rosie is still looking out for me.  Rosie, I love and miss you so...but I know it was your time to go.  See you soon my sweet Angel.

Jackie in Boise, Idaho with LuLu, KitKat and Blossom

and 4 squirrels I am feeding on my deck.  Love you all!!!
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #674 
Hello friends

Coming up to the 2 year mark, I still find myself struggling to get through the grieving process. Still tear up very frequently once again of late.

Though I must frankly admit that I'm quite skeptical, I may go to see a counsellor here to see if that will help. I have an appointment set for early December for this, I do not really know whether I will go through with it or cancel out.

I find it impossible to think of K cat without feeling really sad and tearing up. The times when I do not think of her are the times when I'm calm, if not particularly happy. It seems like the only way forward is to try not to think about her as far as possible. It wouldn't mean I've forgotten her, which would never ever happen... However, I'm not at all sure that I can control my mind to stop thinking about her.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #675 
Karmacat,
I feel you. I know it's hard to keep going when your heart is shattered but you have to remember that Kcat doesn't want you to be so unhappy. Our pets showed us love and happiness all their lives and they want that happiness to continue. I know the sadness you feel. I still feel sadness and tear up as well at times when I think of Termy but I know his spirit still surrounds me. I just had to let go of the grief and feel his love. There are times when I go out for my nightly ritual and cry because I miss what I had. I know it must sound like I have gotten over my loss of Termy but I haven't, I just decided I didn't always want to be in a state of grief and deep sadness. I know since I let the greif go and let Termy go free I have had dreams of him. I know after talking to my spiritual reader that by opening my mind Termy comes to me now. Not often but more than I ever had for two years. Since letting Termy go and not holding him to this earthly life by my grief all those memories (the good times) come flooding in. It seems that the grief kept all of those in the dark. It's the little things that I remember. Him catching popcorn in the air, following me lap for lap when I mowed the grass. All those things that remembering those last few weeks and days kept them in the dark. Remember Kcat and all the great things you shared. Yes, you can remember her with sadness but you can also remember the good times too.
Love and doggie hugs
Bonnie
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 221
 #676 
Dear Karmacat, Please take Bonnie's advice. She has helped me so much. I know it is not easy but please give it a try. I will never get over loosing Brandy and I will always have the grief with me but I now focus on the good days. The other morning I was feeling so sad over loosing my best friend and then I sat quietly for awhile and remembered some fun times. The way Brandy would lift her paw to me because she wanted a hug. She was the best hugger. She would really lean into it and give me kisses. It was so real I could feel her in my arms. Yes the sadness will always be there but K cat brought you so much joy let her life stand for the joy. Try to remember that she is at peace, pain and sickness free. She will always be with you and someday will see you again. I am trying to honor Brandy's life with the joy she gave me for 15 years. Please take care and after reading this take a moment and remember a happy moment. Love to all my friends Diane
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #677 
Hi Bonnie and Diane

Thank you so much for the valuable words of advice. I have been struggling once again in recent weeks. It seems like grieving over K cat has morphed into a more general sadness. I start recalling my mum's passing or my cat of 40 years ago and I tear up as well. My emotional state seems very fragile.

Right now, it still feels impossible for me to focus on the happy memories over the sad. But I will take your advice and let it soak in for some time and maybe soon I will be able to let go of the grief as well.

Anyway, thanks for caring and for your kind advice.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 569
 #678 
Karmacat,

There will always be a sadness in all of our lives until we all pass over but that doesn't mean we can't let go of the grief. Sadness is different than grief. In sadness we feel and miss all the little things that we shared with our soul mates but grief is an emotion that destroys all of our self. Grief brought me close to suicide when I lost Termy but I know that I couldn't be reunited with him at the Bridge if I did to the dark thoughts that consumed me. Each and everyone of us has a mission in life to accomplish and until we accomplish what we are destined to do we are in limbo. Kcat came into your life for a reason. She came into your life to teach you lessens that are part of your mission. Her wrapping her self around your leg or purring as she rubbed against you was her sharing her gift. I know if you close your eyes and think back you can feel her rubbing around your leg and you can hear her purr out of pure love for you. Each one of us has one special pet that we connect with in our hearts. They are our soul mates. Your Kcat is setting there by your side pleading with you to hear her and know she never left. Close your eyes and see her and smile, even just a little one. It'll be a start. It's what she would want.
Bonnie
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 213
 #679 
Hello My Friends, 

Sorry I haven't been in touch but my apartment got flooded and I had to move.  So 3 moves in 2 months.  In summary, upstairs apt. pipe broke and flooded my apartment.  If I hadn't been home I would have lost everything. 

Then got stopped by ISP for smoking pot and DUI...one small bottle of wine...6 oz.  Now face a court date.  Hey, I'm being honest.  It has been rough.  They took LuLu and shoved her in a little crate that she couldn't even turn around in.  Finally getting settled in my new place.  I am drained.  

18th was 1 1/2 years for Rosie.  LuLu is so depressed as am I.  Enough for now.

Jackie in Boise
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 173
 #680 
Hey,
Well the leaves are finally starting to change color here. When they fell in the yard B would walk in them and she would make a path. Her chest was only about inch or 2 off the ground. Anyway how is everyone, I'm just marking days trying g to trudge thru alot of crap (like everyone has).
Diane, Bonnie and Kcat hope yall are doing good. I've been out of the loop for a bit so I hope all is fine. Diane you do have alot of funny stuff on facebook that helps in the middle of a bad day. Well gotta gi but stay in touch. Always friends Keith.
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