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cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #681 
Keith,
Your leaves are just starting to change!!!!!! All of ours are on the ground and we even had snow last week. Enough to shovel. I can just picture Miss B walking through the leaves and leaving a trail behind her. I bet it didn't take many leaves to be over her head. Nice memory.That's all we can do is, take one day at a time. I do. I still keep up my nightly walks to the back yard to see Termy's star (not much lately, lots of clouds) but I feel comforted by gazing at the sky and talking to him. Just the other night, I was reminded about our perfect snow that we took a walk in at night and I told him that I would walk with Thor and carry him in my heart as we walked the neighborhood.

Jackie,
Goodness girl, what on earth happened? Poor LuLu. Give her lots of hugs and try to reassure her that she will be fine and Mama will take care of her and it'll never happen again. It must have been so upsetting for her. Hope you are coping well and are getting settled in again. Please take care of yourself you have little ones depending on you.

Diane,
I see that on your other post that you remembered a special time with your Brandy. Keep it up. We all need to recall all the memories that our babies made with us each and every day of their life. We all can survive and live a little to. Smile when you remember her. She loves you and is waiting for the day that she can walk across the Bridge with you. She's your girl and always will be.

To Tina, Karma cat and Catty,
Please Keep coming here and sharing. We miss you.
Love Bonnie
P.S. Life with Thor is wonderful. Thank you Termy.
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #682 
I wish I could feel exuberant for the holidays as I did this day last year. That was 2 days before this nightmare began when my husband badgered me how urgently my dogs needed teeth cleaning. (Which was far from the truth.) I allowed him to let them get a pre-op and for him to take over my role taking care of MY dogs. In a few weeks, on Xmas Eve, my healthy, lovable, innocent 6-yr old dog would never come home alive. He was there only a short while and gone just like that. As if he was brought there to die. No explanation. No apology.

My world went dark for months especially after learning of the lies and broken laws. Here I am, a year later, feeling guilt and the darkness again. There is nothing for me to celebrate except that I cherish my 2 dogs who desperately miss their Alpha brother. I have no children. My dogs are my children. I don't feel the holiday spirit. I am not the same. My spirit was broken the day I got that call. I still harbor resentment toward my husband and I grieve and feel differently about my loss than he. My dark place is somewhere he does not understand. So, for the next 5 or so weeks, I will be drifting in and out of my dark place.

I want the rest of you to enjoy your holiday the best you can in your situation. I don't wish the dark place on anyone.
~ Parker's Mom (Tina)

To my baby,

MY WORLD, MY EVERYTHING, MY LITTLE PARKER

LOVE NEVER DIES

It was your love that made me,
Your love that made me strong.
Now that you're no longer here,
Somehow, it all seems wrong.

You were my rock, my anchor,
It seemed you'd always be around.
But now that you have passed away,
Such sadness have I found.

Your guidance still instructs me, though,
Those lessons you would tell.
You might not have thought I listened,
But I listened very well.

Most of all, your actions
Set the example for my life
Of how to persevere with grace
Though joy and trials and strife.

So even though you're gone, I know
Your love will buoy me up
I'll keep you close in heart and soul
To overflow my cup.

Love never dies, they say,
Love endures forever.
And in each step of life I take,
We will remain together.

~ Unknown author

LOVE FOREVER,

MOM

JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #683 
Hello Family, 

I feel so badly for you Tina.  I wish I could do something to make you feel better but I can't.  I know how much you love(d) Parker and I wish I could ease your pain.

As for me, it has been a real challenge these past couple months.  The apartment I had just moved into flooded (a pipe burst in the upstairs apt.)  My apartment was totally unliveable as they estimated repairs would take two months.  So I had to find another place to live.

My "new" apartment is what I call "retro"....which means all the appliances are dated and you can tell it is older but I like it.  It is also $250 a month cheaper.  Having to move twice in two months was extremely hard but I somehow managed to pull it off.

The holidays are coming up and I feel some sadness and despair.  I've always had a tough time with Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My son is going to Seattle to spend Thanksgiving with his sister.  We are on somewhat okay terms...I have to be careful to not rattle his cage..which means second guessing everything I text to him.  So I will be by myself on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I wish we could all spend it together!...but I will spend it with my furbabies and Rosie..in spirit.  

Speaking of Rosie, she has been in my dreams several times this week.  I have broken down and cried and cried.  She is not happy where she is and she wants to come "home" to me.  I have had some weird things happen around the house...like finding her dog tag in the middle of the living room floor.  Oh God, I miss her so much.  I am learning to live a "new" normal and the thought of her wanting to come home is too much.  I want you back Rosie!  So last night, I told her I didn't know how to make it happen...she would have to tell me.  

The days since she left turn into weeks, months and years but my love for her never dies.  

Jackie in Boise....where I'm cooking a small turkey for myself and sides from Trader Joe's!
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #684 
Hello Keith, Diane, Bonnie, Tina and KCat,

It has been awfully quiet.  I worry when I don't hear anything from you all.  Please respond even if it's just an I'm ok or I'm doing poorly.  I depend on you guys and gals!

As for me, I am settled in my new apartment.  It snowed the other day and it was so pretty outside.  Of course the snow has melted for the most part.  I took LuLu into Petsmart and bought her four outfits for the holidays.  One is a pink sweater party dress with a big bow.  I need to send pictures.  She was so excited and modeled all her outfits for me and I took pictures.  That little dog is my lifesaver.  Then I felt guilty for the pussycat sisters so I bought them some new toys.  Well $150 later but it was worth it!

I found two angel feathers from Rosie the other day.  The holidays are always hard for me but I was uplifted to find them and put them with the rest of my feathers.  It is definitely colder here than Seattle but it's not bad.  I will start looking for a part-time job next year (wow 2019 is almost over!) but in the meantime am just taking things day by day.  

Please let me know how you are all doing.

Jackie in Boise, Idaho....a wonderful town but don't tell anybody!  My rent here is over $900 less than in Kirkland, WA!  
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #685 
Jackie,
So glad to hear from you. I hope you like cold and snow because you are going to get more than you can imagine. We have had some snow, just to cover the grassy areas. We are supposed to get 3 to 4  to marrow. The temps are in the low forties during the day and mid thirties at night. I've been decorating like mad because Friday I am getting my toe operated on and won't be able to go to the basement. I have found that since Termy sent me Thor I have gotten interested in the things I didn't feel important after he went to the bridge. Thor and I walk every night for about a mile and two miles on the weekend. So no more walks with my little buddy after Friday and he sure loves his walks. I am going to feel so bad for him.

I have to tell you about a dream I had about Termy a while back. For some reason I gave Termy to a convent. I left him with some nuns and as I was leaving I was in a boat, there was a wall beside me and Termy came running down the wall and jumped in my arms and was licking my face. I put him my lap and never looked back. I had this dream after I let Termy go from my grief. I set him free and he came to me in a dream. I never had a dream about him in all the time he was gone. I know he was trying to tell me that he was happy and free. My angel, my love, my Termy.

I hope all is well with all of my friends and you had a great Thanksgiving, I know I did.
I'll write more while I am laid up healing.
Love
Bonnie
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #686 
Good morning to all my friends, We got a lot of snow here this week, Brandy would have loved it. Now it supposed to get very cold and Brandy would not have liked that. She was always a bit of a whimp when it came to the temperature. She would come in, get in her chair and wait for me to cover her with her blanket. Thank you Bonnie for teaching me how to enjoy these happy memories. It was a hard Thanksgiving without her. She would always sit close by and every once in awhile I would feel her paw like she was saying don't forget about me. I hope you are all doing ok. Jackie I am so happy for you. Love Diane
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #687 
Hi dear friends

Today 8 Dec marks the second anniversary of K cat's passing. I lit a candle for her, wished she was well and happy wherever she might be. Of course I shed some tears but it didn't go on for too long.

These two years have been momentus but quiet. A lot of thinking, a lot of feeling and of course, a lot of pain.

I learnt that I was merely like so many others. Fell in love with an animal and suffered the after effects of their passing. I can see clearly that there is no such thing as a happy death for a pet, in truth. Whether by a dread disease, a road accident or any other means, it would always be tragic and unacceptable. If one takes a long time to get over it, as seems to be happening to me, it may not mean that anything is really wrong with us. Though at many times, we may well feel that way.

Love and grief are really not different. Been reading a bit, and these couple of quotes resonated with me :

"The road up and the road down are one and the same" - Heraclitus

"Grief is love turned into an eternal missing. It can't be contained in hours or days or minutes" - Rosamund Lupton

"I did not know she could go away, and take our lives with her, yet leave our dull bodies behind... How am I to comprehend this? How am I to have it? Why am I robbed, and who is benefited?" - Mark Twain
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #688 
Hey guys
Well we had our first 32 degree night last night. The way people are acting you would think we live in the arctic. Ole Miss B would be moving pretty quick when I let her put on a morning like this. No one here does the cold very well. It looks like Kcat and myself are the only ones snow free. Another miserable day of the new norm. Sorry not much to say today just worn out. Diane keep the funny stuff coming on facebook. Bonnie you stay warm and Jackie put the pot down. Just kidding you have fun in Boise. ..love you guys.keith.
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #689 
Hello to all my dearest friends , it has been so quiet. I know everyone is probably busy with the time of year and I suppose busy can be good, less time to think. December is always harder for me because Brandy's birthday is the 29th. I guess I am just missing hearing from all of you. I am probably feeling a little sad and sorry for myself. I truly hope all is well for all of you. Please drop a note if you can. Love always Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #690 
To all my dearest friends,
I thought I would jot a few lines to let you know all is well in Erie Pa.
We've been getting snow off and on. Just today we got another 2 inches. The last snow almost melted off completely. More expected tomarrow. (3 to 6).
I know we all have our downer days. I'm not an exception either. There are times when I think of the time I spent with Termy and the things that we shared and the tears do fall. I miss him and always will. There are things that Thor does that bring up more memories and it's all good. Things that happened daily, the normal things that we all think will never end and then they do. I find myself recalling exceptional things and times with Termy but now I recall the things we take for granted. I find myself now with my new dog, stopping what I am doing and just be with him. I didn't always do that with Termy. There was always after dinner, after dishes or laundry etc. Not anymore. Life is to short. I've come to realize there will always be those things to do even after I'm dead so why not just stop and smell the roses. If there is one thing I've learned since letting Termy go is there is more important things in life than just living. Living life to the fullest is one thing I think Termy taught me and is still teaching me. I've left the grief go but there is still a sadness at times and I guess there will always be a sadness when I think of Termy and miss the things and times we spent together. Life is different but still worth living. When Thor brings me a toy, I stop and play with him then I do the dishes. I know Christmas is coming really quickly and I know our thoughts will turn to Miss B, Brandy, Rosie, KCat, Parker and Termy and we will be sad but try to remember all the Christmases we did have with them. They will send a greeting on Christmas eve and if we listen with our hearts we will hear their message of love.

I am adding a Christmas Picture of Darla and Thor to share with you. This is one of those things I was talking about that I didn't do with Termy because every year I would forget and say next year. Well next year never came so I am making it point to do it now.


[kidswithsanta] 
Love to all
Termy's mom
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #691 
Hello to My Dear Dear Friends, 

Happy Christmas Eve!  I have been really busy this month and it is in a good way!  Boise is such a wonderful town.  I have joined several meet ups here and last night we had a Christmas Potluck and White Elephant Gift Exchange.  My first gift was light up dice with kiss, love, surprise, etc. on all sides of these red dice.  I also got some "dirty dough" which is like play doh.  It said "your hands are in the dough but your mind is in the gutter".  That got stolen from me and I then picked CBD gummies (marijuana is illegal in Idaho) which promptly got stolen from me.  I ended up with a Dollar Store flashing snowman but it was okay.  

Wow, so much wisdom in what you have all written.  I am discovering that each of us are evolving in a positive way.  KCat, I love the quotes you wrote and Diane, I too am learning to stop and smell the roses and spend time with LuLu and the pussycat sisters.  

Rosie is still with me in spirit.  I feel her soul and that she is here for the holidays.  It is bittersweet but I know she is in a better place.  We have had a little bit of snow but it has all melted and the temperature hit 60 on Sunday!  So much so far for the cold and snow.  LuLu and I went for a walk and sat on a bench down by Boise River (which runs through town) in the sunshine.  It felt wonderful.  I also could feel Rosie's spirit next to me as all three of us sat on the bench.  I still cry but I say Good Morning to Rosie every morning and Good Night to Rosie at night.  LuLu has been wonderful in filling the void but I know there is a piece of my heart that is missing and always will be until I see my sweet girl again.  

This will be the second Christmas without her.  On the 18th was 19 months.  It still seems like yesterday as I remember her sitting on my lap as we made our last drive to the Emergency Animal Clinic before she passed.  I miss you Rosie and will always love you!  

I have decided to not look for a job until spring.  I can actually afford to do that here in Boise.  In the meantime, I am enjoying Boise and working on myself.

I love you all and wish we could be together at Christmas....I'm going for Thai food and watch the move "Little Women" with a meet up group so it should be fun.  I have my apt. all decorated and my tree up.  Although there are no presents under the tree, I am full in spirit and love and grateful that I have you all...Keith, KCat, Diane, Bonnie and Tina as my friends...so across the miles....Merry Christmas!

With Lots of Love, 
Jackie in Boise, mama to LuLu, KitKat, Blossom and my dear angel Rosie.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #692 

Christmas Without My Rosie

My sweet girl Rosie, I feel your spirit today,

Even though you have passed away,

It’s been 19 months since you crossed to the other side,

You’re in heaven, but I still remember our last car ride,

You sat calmly in my lap and I think you knew

That your time on Earth was through,

But I know you haven’t went away,

And you’ll be with me on Christmas Day,

You were my heart, my soul, my love,

And you look down on me from above,

I know sometimes I will cry,

Because we had to say good bye,

But you’re in a better place,

To chase squirrels, lay in the sun, and across the grass you race,

I think of you every day,

And know that someday this I pray,

That we will be together again,

My little Rosie, my sweet girl, my best friend.

Love, Mama

P.S.  LuLu is now trying to climb into my lap when I am driving.  Are you telling her to do that?  She is much chunkier than you and cannot fit! 

MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #693 
Hello all,
Hopefully you are with friends or family on this Christmas Eve.  I am with my 2 little guys. No family.  My husband's day off and he decided to voluntarily work overtime for a double today, so he left me home and only told me last night. He's already working doubles on Christmas and rest of the week. He's home 1 day on the weekend (so far) and then works all next week, 2 of the days are his regular days off and he volunteered to work.  

Today, 1 year ago, at a little before 1 pm, I got the fateful call my Parker was never coming home, and I was told, "It happens."  I know it happens when anyone is under anesthesia and is not watched (take for instance the recent story about the young girl now in a coma, who was not watched for 15 minutes while under anesthesia, and then they took 5 hours to call 911, so it does happen when the doctor or vet is incompetent.)  

How am I holding up?  Well, I have to admit that for 11 months I was not holding up, on top of my husband's immaturity, selfishness, insensitivity, and games, which exacerbated my grief. (As for him, I asked to buy him out, but he continues to play games and twist what I say. Now  things will only be in writing. Sad a grown man can't grow up.)   I was put on the lowest dose of Celexa in early November. I am not proud that I can't do this on my own, but without it, I don't know how bad I would be.  I was very reluctant, but it must be helping because I am not collapsing in tears as often, and I made it through today so far, not without some tears and regret. I think my best day was yesterday when I personally dropped off a letter to that vet, from Parker in Heaven. I needed to give Parker a voice. I could have mailed it, but I wanted to make sure they got it. I didn't know if I could go there, but I was stronger than I believed. 

Enough of me feeling sorry for myself.  I hope you all with get through these holidays without tears, or too many.  I still have to get through Jan 3rd, the day I had to cremate my little boy. He's still in a closet which I have not opened in over one year. 

I wish my Parker is somewhere nice and watching me and his brothers. It's so difficult without him, the Alpha Dog and my hero.

Sincerely,
Tina (Parker, Porter, and Leroy's Mom)


diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #694 
Merry Christmas to all my dear friends, Jackie I am so proud of you. You made a change in your life and it sounds like things are going better. Yes Rosie will always be with you, I have learned to take pleasure in knowing I have an angel always looking out for me. Tina I pray things will turn around for you. All I can say is keep moving forward and talk to Parker, he is still with you. Keith, Bonnie and Kcat I pray things are going well for you, I know things can be very hard at times but today try to remember a very happy time with your babies. Bonnie has taught me it does help. Love to you all Diane
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #695 
Merry christmas
I do hope everyone is having a good Christmas day. I'm sitting here with Annie reading g everyone's post. It does seem everyone is doing somewhat better. Tina dont let your husband get you down just be with Parker,Porter and Leroy. Believe me I know they are probably better company anyway. Kcat,Bonnie chime in be good to hear from yall on christmas.
Well Diane And Jackie good to hear from yall i do hope everyone enjoys today. Let's all try to have a better 2020 and try to move forward. Love you guys and happy new year. KEITH.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #696 
Merry Christmas to All!

I am sick as a dog..no pun intended and had to cancel my Thai and movie dates with friends from meet ups.  I am really disappointed so I can barely talk.  At first I thought it was allergies but it has progressed from a cold to a cold with sore throat and I can barely talk.  So anyways, Merry Christmas to all of you.  I love you all!  Tina, don't let your insensitive husband get to you.  Spend the day with your furbabies.  As for me I'm going back to bed.

Love and Merry Christmas, 

Jackie in Boise where there's no snow and it's in the 40's.  Unreal.  
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #697 
Hi everybody, hope you all had a peaceful and calm Christmas. I know it's hard for any of us to have a really 'merry' Christmas. At least not without copious amounts of intoxicants lol..!!

Jackie, if it's any consolation, I'm also a little unwell, though you sound like you're in considerably worse shape. In a way, I don't mind it as it gives me a great excuse of taking a break from my normal routine of doing nothing :) Your poems always bring a tear to my eyes, but tell the truth, I am kind of a cry baby anyway.

My Christmas was pretty much spent alone, as will the New Year next week. Just spent playing with Botti cat, irritating her, feeding her and slaving over her. Often I will go pet her and start to get weepy, imagining the day when she will leave me. Soon though, she will give me a bite, and that kind of snaps me out of it. Wish she would give me more love, but she never was a cuddle bug. Not sentimental at all, this kitty.

I love the idea of moving forward too, be it next week or in 2020. But I expect I will probably be pretty much in the same spot next year, doing nothing much, as usual... I'll just pray for good health in 2020 for all our fur babies, including my Botti cat. Be well, my friends.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #698 
Well now my dear friends,
The holidays are over and a new year awaits us. We need to get back to keeping up with our posts. I will do my best to post and reply as well as you guys. I know our pain has lessened and our hearts have healed some but we still need each other. There is something that brought us together besides our loss. We are all connected on so many levels. I still need to hear from you guys. With keeping in touch reminds me that Termy lives on and that we all still need each other. I go through times when I cry and miss my life with Termy but I am thankful for the time I did share with him and cherish every single day. On days I walk with Thor and the places I go evoke memories of my times with Termy. Because of Thor being the same color as Termy I can close my eyes and picture myself walking with Termy.I was scolded for even thinking of adopting Thor because of his color but his face is totally different. There is a reason I was pulled in Thor's direction and it's because Termy knew it was the right thing. Even after over two years Termy continues to watch over me and continues to take care of me. When I go out at night and talk to him about things, the wind will pick up and the trees rustle. I know that this is him answering me.
Please, write
Love you guys
Bonnie
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #699 
Hello to all my friends, the holiday are very hard for me but now that they are over life can go back to what it was before. Brandy was such a big part of the holidays, she just loved them. Between the turkey at Thanksgiving and the presents at Christmas she was such a joy. You guys have been such a help to me and I hope I have helped all of you in some small way. I hope this year will be better for all of us. Can't wait to hear from all of you Love Diane
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #700 
Hello to my dear friends Bonnie, Diane, KCat, Keith and Tina, 

It is good to hear from you Bonnie, Diane and KCat.  Hopefully, Keith and Tina will chime in soon.  Christmas Day and New Year's were non-events for me.  I have met people here through meet-ups but lately have felt like withdrawing.  I am settled in Boise.  I think I need to come out of my shell and look for a job.

I miss my Rosie.  2019 was the first ENTIRE year she was gone.  Come May it will be two years.  I miss her so much.  I have been dreaming about her alot lately.  I had a dream last night I was swimming (I don't know how to swim) and that Rosie was on the side of the pool and I swam over and picked her up in my arms.  

Then the other day I bought a dream catcher at a shop here.  It is a beautiful white dream catcher.  I put it over Rosie's picture and she said, nope, I don't like it.  Get me one that has pink (because I'm a princess) with white feathers.  So I went back to the store and lo and behold, here was a beautiful pink and white dream catcher with white feathers!  Maybe that's why I have been thinking of her so much.

Kind of in a sad spot today.  Whoever thought I would miss so much a little white dog less than 18 pounds that gave me such unconditional love for 14 years.  Today is just a rough day.

Love, Jackie

Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #701 
Hello,
Well glad the holidays are over. They are just so hyped up and there usually just a let down. Anyway I hope everyone is doing good. I dont see how y'all do it with the cold temps and the snow. Our winters are 50's daytime maybe 30's at night and we talk about how cold it is. Even Miss B didnt like the cold she would go out do her business and shot right back in. She was a summer girl but here you have to be i guess. Diane thanks for the humorous Facebook post that helps on many days. Bonnie,Jackie,Tina and of course Kcat please stay in touch. It nice to hear other perspectives from around the country and the world Kcat. I hope y'all are staying war and thoughts are happier. Best friends Keith.
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #702 
Hello dear friends. Great to read all your updates through the year end holidays.

I realised that I've been having a dry spell again recently, eyes have been quite dry in the last 2 weeks or so. It's just natural that K cat hasn't come to mind as much in this period. But when I think of her, the sadness is always there, and the tears are still readily available.

My brother also passed away suddenly on 28 Dec. He was only 3 years older than me. He hadn't talked or been on good terms with the rest of us for decades now, and lived in New Zealand, far away from us. Still it was unexpected and quite shocking. He's the first of our group of siblings to go, and one never gets used the sudden realisation that we can't ever see or talk to the person again. I was surprised to feel quite sad about it, but it wasn't anything like K cat sad. Brother passed on - sad for a week. K cat passed on - sad for 108 weeks and maybe more... Is that somehow quite wrong?

Anyway, I have the psychological counselling session in 4 day's time, and I'm really thinking to cancel it. Partially because I'm much calmer/drier these days. But mainly, I really think the session won't be very useful or helpful. What could the psychologist tell me that I don't already know, or haven't learned from you, my dear friends here? What do you girls and guy think - skip it or try it?
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #703 
Dear Karmacat, It is very good to hear from you. I for one was starting to worry. I am very sorry to hear about your brother but I don't think you are wrong for grieving more for K cat. It is your heart that grieves and you can never tell your heart how to feel. I don't think any of us can tell you to keep your appointment, you know what is best for you. I will be here to listen to you and to give you support on whatever you decide. Keith, I am glad I can bring a smile to you every once in awhile.  Jackie you sound better but I am glad Rosie is still speaking to you. Tina, please stay strong, remember we are all here for you. Bonnie I miss hearing from you. I hope all is well. Please everyone keep writing, it helps me so much. Thank you for being my friends. Love you all Diane
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #704 
Diane,
I know how you feel. The holidays were so very special when you shared them with Brandy. She so loved the gifts. I bet you shared turkey with her too. Didn't you? Maybe you could donate a few toys to a shelter in her honor. Just think of the joy that would bring. Rosie would say, "Mom, you are the greatest. You gave a little of the love to the homeless that you showered me with. Thank you for loving me and those with less" I donate to two shelters in Termy's memory every year. And , yes you've been a wonderful friend and I know you've helped me in so many ways. Thank you.

Jackie,
Get out there and get down. Meet new people but make sure they are doggie people. If not broom them. I know you miss Rosie. It's hard when we count the days, months and years. I don't think it'll ever go away, where we won't have some sadness in our lives.Your dream about Rosie (I think) means that she is always looking out for you. You can't swim but she supported you so that you were by her side. She's always there watching over you. She's always by your side. Remember that every time you look at the dream catcher. We all have our sad times but try to remember the happy ones too. Do you remember the day you brought her home? I bet you do and I bet you just smiled.

Keith,
I think we all go through the holidays with some sadness and most likely always will.I miss Termy to but I know he is always by my side even though I can't see him just as Miss B is there with you. They don't want us sad. They taught us happiness, why else did they always wag their tails? they were happy. Keith you need to wag your tail once in a while. We had a seventy degree day on Saturday and then Sunday it was 43. Thor, Darla I sure enjoyed our day at the park. So see we do have some other kinds of weather besides cold and snow.

KarmaCat,
You asked for our opinion about getting help. I fully think you should, at least one visit. My counselor sure helped me. I had to put into use the suggestions she offered but I think it really did help. I go through dry spells to. There are days that I don't shed a tear and I can smile when I think of Termy. Yes the sadness is there but not the deep grief. I think you are getting to where I am. Yes, I know what you mean about losing a sibling. I lost my sister a few years ago (she was only 2 years older than me) and yes it hurt. I was sad and I still miss her but I wasn't at a state of deep grief like I was when I lost Termy. I think it's because Kcat and Termy loved with no strings attached and no matter how much we love our siblings there are always strings attached foe that love.Not so with Fur Kids. Let me know what you are going to do.

Tina,

Where are you? Please write and let us know how your doing. We are here for you
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #705 
KCat, 

GO!  You have nothing to lose!  I will write more later.  

Jackie. 
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #706 
Hey folks,
Well we have all been real quiet lately I guess that's good maybe we are all doing great I hope so. I've been sitting outside werr me and B used to sit (except now with Annie) Iand i just cant stop thinking of B. I hope she's in a good place. I know for me things just havent been the same or even close since she died. The last summer I had her was better than most we just seemed to get closer maybe she new time was short. I still think of the last few days and how worried I was for her I wish I could see her one more time. God would I love to see those big brown eyes looking at me. Missy B I still miss you so much. At least now I have time to just sit here cause I just up and retired a few days ago. I just couldn't take the counties crap another day. It's sad I was there fot 22.5 years and they basically ran me of. So I have plenty of time si y'all need to get back on it and write. It's always good to hear from ya. Best friends Keith
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #707 
Hi Keith,
I for one am doing better. I still miss my sweet boy. I have a sadness that will never go away just as I'm sure all of us here have but the deep grief is lessened so that I can function better. Like you I think of him often just as you with Miss B. Miss B is in a very good place, she lives in your heart for ever and her spirit waits for you at the Bridge. You need to believe that the angels are holding her in their arms while she looks down and sees her daddy sitting outside in her special place that she shared with you and seeing Annie look longingly at her daddy knowing that Annie will do her best to give you the love you so deserve. Her last summer with you was special for her. I think some how they know when it's time to go and make those last few months and days so very special for us. You will see her again and as long as you still miss her, her memory will remain. When we forget, the love dies.
I think you will be so much happier since you retired. Life is to short not to be happy.

Like you my life has changed to since Termy but I am going forward and sharing with others all the things Termy taught me.
You hang in there, I'm here for you as all the others.
Bonnie
P.S. Thor is helping to. If I close my eyes as he lays against me, I can feel Termy.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #708 
Hello to my family Keith, Diane, Bonnie, KCat and Tina, 

Keith, same thing happened to me over and over.  I haven't looked much for work in Boise because I'm too old and tired of the same old sh*t, day after day.  I still don't know if I want to do accounting anymore, it is so stressful and I really don't want to work the hours.

20 months on the 18th since Rosie passed.  I have been missing her more and more lately.  Boise's novelty has wore off some and I'm basically out in the middle of friggen nowhere.  No snow but colder, dry, brown and no water around.  I need sunshine, ocean and trees.  I miss that.  I know if I were busy it wouldn't be so bad.  Have broken down and cried several times in the last few days; missing my sweet girl Rosie.  Then I feel guilty because of LuLu.  

I'm trying to do my best.  Need to get on the ball and find some kind of employment.  I don't miss Seattle but I do miss the ocean and green trees.  LuLu and I found a lake near Nampa we went to today.  Rosie left a black feather for me and I gathered some rocks to put in her little tree.  Everything is so brown I actually went out and spent a small fortune on some artificial trees and plants to liven up my deck.  Otherwise, was just looking at at garages.  

I hope you are all doing okay.  I'm just one day at a time because that's about all I can handle right now.  Love you all,  Jackie
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #709 

My Little Rose

 

My little Rose, I miss you so,

I wish you didn’t have to go,

It’s been 20 long months ago,

When we said goodbye, the pain still shows,

I have moved to another state,

To get away and have a clean slate,

But your little spirit still draws me near,

And sometimes quietly I will hear,

Your little voice whispering to me,

I’m still with you Mama, your little Rosie.

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #710 
Hello to all my friends, Keith I am very happy for you. Please enjoy your retirement. You now have time to have some adventures with Annie and she would so love it. Jackie please look for some good moments. Spring will be here soon and everything will turn green. Lulu understands your feelings more than you will ever know so let her comfort you and make you smile. Bonnie you are still my inspiration. I have taken your advice to heart, I still miss Brandy every day but I try to focus on the good memories. Tina I think of you often and I hope you are doing ok. Karmacat, please drop a note when you can. Everyone take care and try to find the small joys in life. We all need a smile. I spend time everyday just watching Pearl and the silly things she does. Love Diane
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #711 
Hello to my Family, 

It has been awfully quiet lately.  So I wanted to see how you all are doing.  And also tell you about my latest "adventures".

Keith, I'm sure retirement is a major shift, full of stress.  But now you can travel.  Come visit me in Boise with Annie.  LuLu needs another little pooch to play with.  It is hard to (in my opinion) to be walked on for so many years and then treated so poorly.  I am sorry you retired in such a sad, sad way.  But now a new door has opened for you!  Come visit all of us!

Bonnie, I am so happy that Thor is bringing you such joy.  We all know that Termy has a hand in that.  I'm sure he talks to Thor on a regular basis.  You have kept your love for Termy alive in the form of Thor.  I love to hear of his antics.  Thor has big shoes to fill....he can never be another Termy but he brings you unconditional love.

Diane, I still feel the pain of losing Rosie, just as you have/are with Brandy.  In May it will be two years for my little Rose...I still miss her as though it were yesterday.  I say good morning and good night to her picture every day.  The "new normal" is very hard.  

KCat, I loved your video.  It is sad so many people are dying.  I know we have talked in Facebook.  I am still "fighting the fight" but it is hard.  Your dread of Botti cat's mortality was visited to me when I took LuLu in for dental cleaning this week.  

Tina, please connect with us.  I am worried about you.  We all are seasoned "warriors" but you concern me the most.  Let us know what is going on.

As for me and LuLu and the Pussycat Sisters....we are going one day at a time.  I took LuLu in for a dental cleaning this week.  Good news is...she survived...Tina!  Downside she had to have 3 molars extracted and is morbidly obese.  I have a health plan for her but without would have cost me over $1100.  I love that little girl SO MUCH.... they did bloodwork, heart work and unfortunately the extractions.  Down side...she has an enlarged heart (slightly) and that is what Rosie passed from.  All the horrors of that came flooding back and I'm already predicting LuLu's mortality!  It's borderline, but I know how quickly it can go downhill.  So I freaked out and brought my baby home where she is on meds and a special diet to lose weight.  I love that little dog SO MUCH that the thought of doing a repeat as with Rose totally freaks me out.  So it has been a rough few days.  

Please let me know how you all are doing. 

Jackie in Idaho....mama to LuLu, Blossom, KitKat and of course my angel Rosie.
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #712 
I'm surviving.  "Many a sleepless night."  You can relate.  I have changed.  I could play a good extra in a zombie movie, maybe win an award.
~ Tina (Parker's Mom)

Everyone is taught that angels have wings,
but the lucky ones of us find they have 4 paws.

~ Unknown


Your favorite chair is empty now, where you would lie and sleep.
But the memory of our happy times is mine to always keep.
~Unknown

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #713 
It is so good to hear from Jackie and Tina, I was really starting to worry and I miss you all so much. Tina I love your 2 little sayings, I will remember them always. Jackie please don't live in fear. We have all learned that our babies times are limited but we need to enjoy every moment that we have with them. Give Lulu all the love you have and she will be here with you for a long time and she will be happy. Keith, Bonnie and Karmacat please drop a note when you can. You my friends are very important to me. Tina one of your notes really hits home with me, I still have Brandy's chair and no one sits in it but Pearl. I still have her blanket in it and it will never be moved. It is one of my ways to remember her. Everyone be safe and take care, I know winter can be very long but spring is coming. Pearl can't wait to go out again. Diane mom to Brandy and Pearl
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #714 
To all my friends,
So glad to hear from most of you. I've been busy. I had surgery on my foot and was off work for 8 weeks. (sorta) Went in a few hours a day to make sure my department didn't get torn up. Now I'm back to work full time. Then my husband went for his six month checkup after his colostomy and was told he has to have his hernia fixed first before they do a reversal. I must say that being a care giver is tough. I know we all were our babies caretaker toward the end of their lives but this is really different. I guess I mean Termy appreciated all I did for him but my Husband is really depressed and won't admit it so he is difficult to work with and not only that I'm get tired of being the strong one all the time. I think men are big babies when they get sick. No offense Keith and Karmacat.
Jackie,
I know how you feel about LuLu. When my vet told me Termy had a heart mummer (4 on a scale of 6) I to was devastated. With medication he was fine, in fact his mummer went from 4 to a 1. To bad old age took a
toll on his body. I still feel the guilt over making that awful decision to let him go. I don't have to tell you to just love her to pieces and enjoy all the time God is willing to give the two of you. Make her life quality. Make her a bucket list and the two of you go for it. You are so very right about living the new normal, it is very hard. I to talk to Termy every night and blow him a kiss and tell him I love him, always. I still cry. Time doesn't lessen the sadness. I know Termy had a paw in Thor finding me. And your right Termy does tell him secrets. Like what mom likes and most of what mom needs in her life. Yep, Thor will never fill Termy's paws and never replace him but boy he does make me smile ( a lot more) He is such a joy to walk. I love my one on one time with him. I wish I could take him to work with me. Darla wants to go walking but when the cold air hits her in the face she turns around and wants back in the house. I love her but she only just wants to be in the same room with you (sometimes not). She is finally starting to play with Thor. Termy is my Angel with wings and Thor is an Angel without wings.

Diane,
I get what you mean, about keeping some things the same. I just finally put Termy's harness away.Only because I didn't want it where Thor's and Darla's hang because I didn't want to put it on Thor by mistake. I have all his special toys and ashes on a shelf in the living room. I also still have his condo (huge dog crate) in the basement. My niece wanted it but I just couldn't let it go. When I go down to do laundry I run my hand a long it and feel closer to Termy. Sometimes I tear up and other times I smile. We all do what makes our heart feel good. Anything that makes a difference in our sadness is a balm for our souls.

Tina,
I feel bad for you. I know the anguish you are feeling but Your little Parker doesn't want you to keep punishing yourself. He filled your life with love and happiness and he wants you to continue to see happiness. I know its hard but you need to let the deep grief go. You are holding Parker captive with your grief. Let him fly free. Let him live and love at the Bridge without being sad because you are sad and locked in your grief. I know if he were able to speak he would tell you that he loves you so very much and it wasn't your fault, that it was his time and you couldn't have stopped it. Things happen for a reason. We may never understand or know the Whys but we need to find a peace within ourselves and honor our Angels that walked on paws and shared their lives with us.
You guys keep in touch and I will find some moments to write.
Love always
Termy's mom forever
Bonnie
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #715 
Hello dear friends. Well, tonight tears are once again streaming down my face as I type on my phone. As Bonnie has pointed out (and I tend to agree), us males are basically quite fragile and I certainly am in that camp. Actually, I've been pretty dry this period which kind of explains why I have stopped coming to this site daily, as I used to. But I'm always happy to hear the updates in our little group here.

Frankly, I feel quite overwhelmed these days. With the weather catastrophes around the world, like the bush fires and floods in Australia, blizzards and hurricanes in other parts of the world, my first thought is always - how are the poor animals going to survive these non-stop disasters? It's very distressing indeed. Now, in my part of the world, this new Wuhan corona virus pandemic is starting to look like a potential armageddon unfolding. It seems dangerous to even step out of the house, and I really feel for the medical staff who have face the gun every day.

On the personal front, my elder brother passed away on 28 Dec 2019,and then barely a month later, my step sister also passed on 4 Feb this year. Two losses in the family in quick succession is definitely a shock to the system! So the world looks ptetty dark and sinister once again. I can only just wait and hope that things will improve in a month or two, and all this terrible suffering will abate for man and beast.

Apologies for being such a sad sack, and I hope I didn't spoil everybody's mood with my dark ruminations. Be safe everybody and thank you for the listening ear.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #716 
I am so glad to hear from all of you.  Now how about you Keith?  

The health package I have for LuLu has a EKG included.  When I take her in this week, I am going to ask them about it.  Her murmur is a grade 3.  I am hoping with taking some of the pounds off, both her and I, that it will help her/mine overall health!

There is so much sadness and tragedy in the world but there is also joy and beauty.  Today has been a beautiful day in Boise.  I went grocery shopping and took LuLu on the Greenbelt.  So many furbabies!  It was so wonderful to be out in the sun with friendly people and children (the four-legged kind). 

KCat if it helps any, I find I just have to shut myself off with all the misery and sadness.  Otherwise, it overwhelms me.  I hope you find some peace of mind, my friend.  

Jackie (getting ready to watch the Oscars...snoozefest)
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #717 
Hello all. I got through my awful holiday, avoiding reliving everything that day that happened to Parker that has made me feel the way I do today. If it weren't for my 2 other little guys I would be ashes in a box. They are the only reason I carry on because they need me. I will never let them down. After I lose them, which I know will sadly happen, we will all be together. I have a plan. There is nothing here for me without them. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but it happens to be the truth. The immediate birds and flowers are beautiful, but beyond them, this world is too crazy and there's too much sadness, death, and illness, including around me. I don't want to outlive everyone else. It's too painful. I miss my boy every minute of the day and I eagerly wait for the state to bring down the hammer on that lousy murdering vet. My wish is to shut him down, but that's wishful thinking. I'm sorry if I have brought you down. Don't feel down due to me. This is my personal issue. I don't want you to be influenced. You may have family and more to keep you going so don't let that go. Take care. I will keep in touch.~ Tina (Parker's Mom)
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #718 
Hello everyone,
Well I an happy to be retired but another job has come along and it is great paying. I started today I'll be doing contract security work in federal buildings. I really want this job because without my brother or friends retired it's just not alot to do. Anyway I have also been miserable the last few months and have thought of miss B often. I really want to get all my training out of the way so I can enjoy our warm months. Which around here is about 9 or 10 months.
Well I to have another little fur baby in Annie she is great I love her dearly but she will never be B. Anyway she has her own personality and I do love her. I'm sorry I havent written lately but just been hanging out trying to get thru these short days. Anyway glad all are doing g fairly well. I'll be back I touch.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #719 
Hi Keith!

So good to hear from you and that another door (a better one) has opened for you!  Congrats.  I suspect that we all are kindred souls who kind of drop out when we are down....which is the time we need to band together and lift each other up.  

I know LuLu will never be Rosie.  But she is such a dear little kind soul and Rosie is still with me/us in spirit.  There are so many unloved and unwanted furbabies out there that we shouldn't feel bad about being compassionate, loving, devoted human beings to our little four-legged angels.  

Today is another beautiful yet chilly day in Boise.  I am going to enjoy the sunshine and my company of LuLu, Blossom and KitKat.

God bless all of you guys, Keith, KCat, Bonnie, Diane and Tina.  I don't know what I would do without you!

Love, 
Jackie....trying to look forwards, enjoy the moment and learn from my past lessons.  


JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #720 

Hi Everyone, 

Well, today I dropped LuLu off at the doctor for her echogram.  Her teeth look beautiful (the ones she has left!) but the heart murmur and borderline enlarged heart have me consulting a cardiologist.  $500 (with the pet hospital discount) but that is what my Rosie passed from...and old age...LuLu is only 9.  I can't bear the thought of her leaving me so soon so she thought she was going for a walk and I pick her up later and get the test results a week from now.  Whatever the cardiologist recommends, I'm going with.  She is such a precious girl.

I know this might sound weird but I am so closely connected to my "babies" that being here alone in the apt. without LuLu feels very unsettling.  I hope to God they don't find anything serious and it is a monitor and get the excess weight off (she's lost 1 lb. in a week on their diet....needs to lose 3 more) so please pray for my baby.  

Beautiful day in Boise and I need to find a job!

Love to all, 
Jackie 

 

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