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Vegas17

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I am beyond devastated. My indoor only Burmese Ragdoll kitty got out this morning when I was going out, I was in such a rush I couldn’t catch him and he gets out quite often because he’s stealth, so I thought he’d be ok. I was coming back from my daughter’s ballet class and I forgot he was outside. I opened the garage door but it stopped so I closed it and opened it again and drove in, I felt myself run over something but I thought it was something in the garage that had fallen down, so I reversed to see what it was and it was my darling boy. I screamed and went to see if he was alive and he was covered in blood and I’m not sure if he was, I don’t think he was, I put my hand on him and I don’t think he was breathing but I was in shock and devastated and concerned for my two young kids that were now screaming in the car. I didn’t know what to do so I literally sat on my drive away howling, I couldn’t contact my husband and I was feeling helpless, my random neighbour ran over and took my kids and her husband wrapped Vegas in a towel and told me he had passed. My husband came home and took Vegas to the vet to get him cremated. I am struggling dealing with guilt, like I could have done something to change it, like if I had got out of the car and didn’t reverse I could have been with him when he died, that I could have held him, comforted him, just knowing that I hit him twice is driving me mad with regret, with anger, with guilt. I don’t know how to cope and everyone keeps telling me it was an accident but I just can’t bear to think the pain I cause my little boy, he was like a 5th child to me. Please help, feeling helpless and like none of my family understand what I’m going through
JDon

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #2 
Oh my. So sorry. I hope you can get over this and no blame yourself.
Be well.
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 93
 #3 
Hi Vegas17,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious kitty.  It was a tragic accident.  You didn't mean for it to happen.  I know how much it hurts and that's normal.   We all struggle with guilt and the what if I had done this or done that no matter how our fur babies pass.  The fact is you couldn't have known.  That's all hind sight and not fair to you.  All the people on this site know all too well what you're going through and they all understand.  It's too bad you don't have support from your family but you can always come here and everyone will understand.  Try to be merciful to yourself.  Let yourself grieve and don't hold it in.  Take good care of yourself.
Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs,
skmk
Vegas17

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #4 
Thank you so much, it means a lot. Vegas is being cremated so we will have a little memorial when he is returned to us next Wednesday and the kids would like to bury his ashes in the garden on Thursday which would have been his first birthday, hopefully that gives me some closure, I’m still at the what if stage but I know there’s nothing I could have done and I just pray that he wasn’t in a lot of pain, the thing that’s hurting the most is that I couldn’t be with him when he was dying because I was too afraid my young children would see, I am so mad at myself for not being able to say goodbye to my beautiful kitty. Thanks for your support, I know each day will get better, I just wish I could go back and start that day over 😿
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