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fostersmommy

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Posts: 893
 #1 
Hi, I am missing my Foster.  Not much new there.
I don't miss him as much as I did in the early days and I don't remember how horrible I felt, which is good (well I guess I do remember but it's not so fresh now, you know?).  I think it's God's way of helping me get through the loss of the most handsome and bestest dog ever.  I still get teary eyed thinking about him....I am right now.  I still cry for him but I don't talk to him quite as much as I had before. I do still think about him every day, look at his pictures every day and do try to talk to him every day.  I forget some nights to say goodnight to him and I hate that.  I knew that he would not always be in the forefront of my mind and I hate that too.  But, again, maybe that is God's way of helping me get through the loss.  I hate thinking that someday he will be just a distant memory and I will forget his bark, forget his soft soft fur, and forget all the little things about him.

My new friends Lila and Monty are keeping me busy.  They are helping me get through this and without them, I would be a complete mess.  I would be sleeping all day, drinking more and more and taking pills to help me sleep- so it is good that they are here with me.  There are things that they do that remind me of Foster (Monty looks a tad like him- he is a shepherd beagle and Foster was a golden shepherd) and there are things that they do that are totally unlike Foster.  I like that they are younger and run around because it helps me to think that Foster is up in heaven, whole and young again.  It helps me to remember the good times that Foster and I had.  I wanted to get two this time so this time it was different but then I feel bad because they don't get that one on one time that Foster did----but then again they wouldn't have had a great home if we didn't take them both!

It's like a ping pong match here.

The other day, it was sweet- I was sitting by the memorial stone that I had made for Foster that was placed where he died....I was crying and telling Foster that I missed him- Monty came up to me and licked my face and then Lila came by and nudged me.  I really don't know how I would make it through this without them to care for and worry about.  And of course, I worry about the day that I see them sick and they day that they will be taken from me.....how do I learn to live for today and not worry about something I can't do anything about?!?!

Thanks for listening.
LizD

Registered:
Posts: 80
 #2 
Oh, dear Fostersmommy...bless your heart. Your post about missing Foster brought tears to my eyes. I miss my Bennie so much too. He died in June. I've struggled with depression and everything seemed bland after Bennie died even tho part of me was relieved b/c he was so frail at the end. And now I am torturing myself with guilt b/c last week I brought home a 2 lb chihuahua puppy. I thought it would "help" but maybe it was too soon for me and have been on a roller coaster of happiness and then sadness these past few days.  I am so happy you have your Monty and Lila to be with you.  I am trying to just take it day by day right now...or actually hour by hour , lol, and not worry about the future...just live in and love the moment.
Wish me luck, lol!
Thank YOU for listening to me.
fostersmommy

Registered:
Posts: 893
 #3 

Good luck!

fostersmommy

Registered:
Posts: 893
 #4 
Good Luck! :0

Foster died in May and it was due to a ruptured disc in his neck.  He could not walk but we tried everything we could for 7 weeks.  Of course it was too soon to let him go, of course it was to late and we should have done it sooner.....  I can actually talk about it without crying now and I don't really think about the end as much..I try to look at the happy pics and be remembered of how young he once was, and how strong, by watching Monty and Lila.

I cried like crazy when we brought these two home.  I cried at the shelter, in the car, at home.  It made me miss Foster more and it made me feel guilty like I was replacing him.  I soon realized that I could never replace Foster.  I also realized that if I waited until I was ready, I would never have been and I would never have another dog.  Ever.

Foster helped me so much though our time together..  He was there for me for so many surgeries and heartbreaks.  Suddenly I didn't have him there to help me get over losing HIM!  My hubby is great but there is only so much a human can do.  So these guys have helped.  I still cry for Foster but a lick on the face from one of these guys helps me live.

There was a while that i didn't want to go out and buy anything, what was the point....that isn't important.  It still isn't important but now I can go buy something without feeling guilty that I might actually enjoy it.

Things will get better with your new pup.  Yes, live in the moment- even though that is really hard.  Talk to your new one about Bennie.  Bennie is watching over you guys.
sunshinegirl

Registered:
Posts: 356
 #5 
I am right there with you Foster's mom. The help I am getting from Rocky and now little Georgia is amazing, yet many things around the house, our walks and memories remind me of Ginger. On top of that, we're finding out that Georgia is occasionally displaying behavior and antics Ginger had. Just another reminder of our baby. I guess we just have to get used to having constant pain in our hearts. Pain which may be triggered by a fleeting thought or a blink of an eye into a flood of emotions. Anytime. Anywhere.

Wish you some nice dreams of Foster...
Roman
 
LukesDad

Registered:
Posts: 564
 #6 
Fostersmommy, if it feels like what you're going through is somehow not normal, there's a bunch of us here who are in the same boat!  While I'm finding a great deal of joy again having my new pups, SilverCloud and Rowdy, I still fall back into a guilt trip that I'm feeling too much better too quickly after I lost Luke and Lil.  They've only been gone since July.  But then, I could make myself feel guilty over feeling too much guilt also....you get the picture!  Those of us who have loved so deeply and lost our sweet babies want to blame ourselves for not doing enough to save them.  That's a normal part of the grief process, but it tends to pave the way for ongoing guilt in all things related. 

You'll always have a hole in your heart that was only meant to be filled by Foster....whether you think about him or talk to him every day, or not.  He is still there for you, and is anxiously awaiting the time that you'll be together again.  God Bless!   Rick
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