Registered: 1206414832 Posts: 196
I've been trying to actually stay away from this site in the hopes that it would help me move on since losing my Herbie Feb. 20th. I can't believe it's been this long without him. I really thought I'd be better by now.
I go longer periods of time without breaking down, but when I can't bear it and I think about him, the pain is as piercing as it was the night the little love of my life died. I think now that summer has finally arrived, all the old summer activities that are now gone forever are hurting me a lot. Being out in the yard or out on the back porch used to be so delightful with Herbie around and seeing him up on the fence sunning himself. I've now no reason to swing open the shutter at his favorite perch on the windowsill in the living room with the window open so he could watch his world. When I sit on the screen porch, there is no one to share it with or to watch or hang out with. I miss seeing his little face peek thru the screen kitty door and then pushing his way thru to come inside. I miss sleeping with him and snuggling with him on the sofa in the evenings and miss having on my lap as I work on my computer during the day. I miss talking to him and having interaction with him as we used to do a hundred times a day. I miss the feel of him and his purring and his little mannerisms and him looking at me with his one eye, sometimes just studying me, and sometimes because he wanted something -- a headrub, a treat, or just attention. Very simply, but with so much pain and longing -- I miss my sweet boy. It's just not home anymore without him and Belle and the ferals I used to share my home and life with. Mamma loves you Herbie! I hope you and our sweet girl Belle that we lost two years ago and happy and together. Give her a kiss from me! And thank you Herbie, for being there for me when we lost Belle -- I know it was as hard on you as it was for me. I miss you both so much and don't know how to get through this -- Some days it is just unbearable. Herbie and Belle's Mom
Registered: 1205715660 Posts: 763
Dear Herbie and Belle's mom, I understand just how you feel. I too have tried to wean myself off this site. There are so many heartbreaking stories and I felt I had to try to move on. I don't post anymore, only respond to others. I lost my beloved Mr. Meowgy 4 days shy of 3 months ago and some days are unbearable like you say. Thursdays are because he died on a Thursday, March 6. Mondays are because I attend the candle ceremony. I am obsessed with it. I get a sick feeling in my stomach every Monday evening but I have to be there. I feel the loneliness you are feeling. the emptiness. I wish I could say some magic words to help you but I have no magic words. As you know, there aren't any. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Your darlings Herbie and Belle will give you the strength to somehow get through this. They love you and know how much you are hurting. I wish you peace and comfort. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Registered: 1197250967 Posts: 258
I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling and I can so relate to it. I lost my Max back in December - nearly 6 months ago - and I still go through periods where I feel knocked over by a wave of sadness and longing so intense that I feel like I am not making much progress on this journey through my grief. The difference for me now is that I seem to be able to "get back up" a little easier as time passes. I am also having difficulty with the change of seasons and the loss of my loyal companion, gardening buddy, porch swing snuggler, and sweet comforter. It is all so different without Max there with me and I have found it hard to take. These little fellows become such a part of our lives - they are most definitely beloved family members - and our hearts feel bereft without them. You are not alone. I think that this is part of the process as we work our way through. I have also wondered if I am inadvertently prolonging my grief when I visit here too often...but I do find such understanding and comfort here, and I think that I just figure out when I can come to share and when I can't. You have such wonderful memories of your sweet Herbie and beloved Belle. I know that right now those memories are causing you pain more than comfort. I believe that one day it will be different, and there won't be so many tears with our smiles when we think of our precious angels. You and you little ones are in my prayers, and I am sending healing thoughts your way. hugs, MaxsMom ~ Joanne
Registered: 1204786493 Posts: 131
I so understand how you feel. Thursday will be 3 months that Pookie left me and I cry over something that reminds me of him every day. I, too, miss sleeping with him & having him on my lap or beside me. He always had to be touching me. So you're not alone with how you feel, we loved our boys so very much and we hurt so very much. I think we always will. I DO talk to Pookie a lot during the day. He's around, I just can't see him anymore. I have received quick signs of him, tho, which are comforting. It's true, home is not the same without our boys. Nothing is the same anymore. What an impact they had on our lives. Those little bundles of fur were the most precious, important things in our life & without them nothing matters anymore. I wish you some peace. ~~Andee
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
Dear Herbie & Belle's mommy
I have thought of you many times and wondered how you were doing. I understand your need to try to stay away from PL. I have thought about it many times myself, but then I read a story that just breaks my heart and I feel the need to respond to try to offer some comfort as others did for me when I was just barely hanging on. I have also been missing my Gus more the last few days. It has finally warmed up and I am spending more time on my porch. Time that I use to share with my Gus. Like your Herbie, Gus loved that porch so much. Friday will be Gus' 6 mo. bridge day. I'm sure the day will be very hard, but I am slowly healing. I am even considering bringing another kitty into my life. I plan on visiting our local humane society just to see how I do and if I'm ready. There are so many sweet furbabies that have no one to love them and I have so much love in my heart to share. I'm praying that Gus will guide me. I pray that you continue to heal. Herbie and Belle will always be with you. They are part of who you are. I hope the happy memories of the life you shared with them brings you comfort. You are in my thoughts. Hugs Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
I too was wondering how you are. I think that many of us have thought about not coming here any more because of the sadness that im sure we all feel when reading some of the posts. At times it is so overwhelming, and I, as Im sure others here feel, at times so in adequate.
Then I have to work away for a month at a time, with no pc access, and I really miss coming here. This site is like an oasis in a very troubled world. Yes there is much sadness, but then there is also so much love. The people here are linked by the love of and from our babies. I for one will keep answering posts for really selfish reasons, because I feel that I am doing something for others, albeit in a small way. Where else can you reach so many similar minded people. I have come to terms with losing my Basil, perhaps I am Lucky, it has been nearly 6 months since i have seen his dear face, and held his little boney body. I still cry for him, but then I cry for all of my guys, I so miss them being with me. Then, I know that they are safe and well, and that I will see them again. I feel their love for me shining in my heart. Lots of Love, Di xxx