Registered: 1285010557 Posts: 26
Today is a month since I lost Sushi. It still hits me hard every morning when I get up and when I go to bed at night.
I miss her so bad and am still very angry that she was taken from me so young. I'm not crying as much as I was, but my heart and mind are full of her and her loss. I can't even concentrate on our love and how much fun we had, because I just want it all back. I'm tired of people at work telling me "it's over, let it go". Mind your business, people! I'm trying! I know a month isn't very long, but I am desperate to get some relief. We did get 2 chi pups only 2 weeks after her loss, which my husband is enjoying, but I am having trouble getting attached to them. I only want Sushi, who I can't have; and so far... yeah, they're cute, but at 7 weeks old, they're mostly a pain, with the potty training and what-not. I guess I'll get there eventually... Thanks for being here.
Registered: 1285942219 Posts: 17
Hello. I lost my dog three weeks ago, very suddenly and I feel just as you do. I am over the crying stage, but still have my moments. I think that it takes so much time and that is the hard part. I keep saying...in three months I will feel better, but I am not sure I will feel any different. Our animals take a piece of your heart with them and you can not replace it. I hope that you are enjoying your new additions, I am sure it is hard. I will keep you in my thoughts. You are not alone.
Many blessings to you.
Registered: 1282484757 Posts: 72
Its 8 weeks tomorrow for me, and I have had some "good" days - have you had any? Days where I think I am coping, and am able to think of Megan and smile and even talk to her in a happy voice as if she was still here. Then out of nowhere the grief comes back in a wave, words from a song can set it off, or something happening that I know Megan would have joined in with, or for no reason at all. The last 24hrs have been the worst in the last 2 weeks for me, and I don't know why it's come back like this. But I do think it's normal. That's why people say grief is like a rollercoaster. Have you had these up and down moments too?
I have had times when I think I don't miss her as much as in the beginning, when I thought the most sad part was that Megan didn't get to live more years with us here on Earth. That she was such a good soul, so kind and soft-hearted and beautiful (inside and out) yet she was taken away prematurely from this life that she enjoyed so much and knew such love and happiness. Then yesterday and today I feel just how much I do miss her - exactly the same as the day she left! I miss seeing her sleeping, I miss turning over in bed and feeling her heavy "lump" taking up most of the space, I miss playing ball, talking to her, having her lie on my feet and keep them warm, hearing her snore, watching her dream, playing on the beach, taking her photo, hugging her, checking her for fleas and cleaning her ears (yes I loved doing these things, I really felt like her Mummy!) Sorry I hijacked your thread. You say you are desperate for relief, I remember telling my Fiance that I am exhausted of the grief and being sad. It does get easier. The first time I wholeheartedly laughed after Megans accident, I felt guilty. Slowly the laughter gets more frequent. I try to tell myself that if I had gone instead, I would want her to be happy. I truly believe you will love your new new puppies, probably not the same as you loved Sushi, but as they grow and learn and make you smile, your heart will open to them without you knowing, and one day you will feel the amazing love only furbabies know how to give. Claire xx
Registered: 1285010557 Posts: 26
Thank you for your replies. I think I am slipping back into the guilt and self-beating. My hubby didn't think to take her to the vet & when I finally did that last day, the first vet didn't even think to take an xray. So they didn't know, but *I* should have because *I* was her Mommy!! Sushi had never held that still a day in her life...and there I sat "letting her rest". I know I can't think that way, and it can't be un-done, but oh, I regret that day with every inch of my being.
She was such a wonderful dog, I've had dog loves, but no one was ever that awesome. I'm happy she was ours, and I will treasure her memory forever. I just need help finding my way to healing.
Registered: 1219887733 Posts: 11,059
I know what you're going through. The first months without your pet are bad. You think about your pet so much and miss seeing their sweet little face. Life gets better as you move along, but that ache will stay in your heart until the end of time. My little boy has been gone two years now and I yearn for him every single day. I know how hard it is existing without your precious Sushi. My heart goes out to you.
Mare precious Christoph ~ sweetest bunny ever ~
Registered: 1276206575 Posts: 628
I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your sweet dog. The loss of a pet cannot be explained in words. Only those who have experiencet the love of pet and then the loss can understand. I actually feel sorry for the people that tell you to "get over it and move on", for the obviously have never loved a pet or been loved by a pet.
The love of a pet is the most percious love. They love you so unconditionally. They forgive you in an instant if you speak harsh to them; forgive me because I know I have done that. We lost our sweet Beagle, Bonnie Lou this past June. She was our dear sweet "daughter" for 13 years. She left such a void in our house. We said "Never again". We did not want to go through the loss of another dog. But as time went on, we realized that we have more love in our hearts than we ever thought we had. So, we adopted a rescue Beagle. She is the glue that mended our broken hearts. She will never replace Bonnie, because there will never be another Bonnie. But we love our little EmmyLou so very much. I truly believe Bonnie's spirit guided us to rescue EmmyLou. I know the sorrow you are going through. Give your new pups time and I know they too will have you in the palm of their paws!!!! Clara
Registered: 1279850525 Posts: 282
gnadec please don't beat yourself up over not jumping to go to the vet when Sushi was lying still and not being her usual self. You and your husband were not being unreasonable. There are so many, many ailments that make our dogs act differently. Mine has had things that make him laze around the house and it turned out to be "garbage guts" which is a known ailment, caused by bloating and gas from eating too fast and too much, there is also general fatigue, and other little 24 hr viruses that come and then go. I have rushed my 10 yr old to the vet 3 times since Captain died in July, panicking that he had something (because like you, I wished I'd rushed Captain in earlier) and each and every time it was nothing. You and your husband did not act unreasonably at all. I hope you can reach a place where you accept that Sushi's death was unavoidable. I remember that you said a vet told you something may have been done earlier, but he had no right to do that. There is no alternate universe where your vet can distinguish whether or not early detection could have saved Sushi. You took her to the vet and they gave Sushi the surgery that she needed. She did not pull through, because there was nothing that could be done. Please take comfort in the fact that you did all that you could. And you loved her SO much. Accidents happen. You wouldn't blame and be angry at Sushi for eating the nut would you? Of course not. It was an accident. You are no more to blame than she is. You loved each other and will be reunited in heaven one day.
Registered: 1245859572 Posts: 2,123
At one month since you lost your baby, you are exactly where you need to be. In fact, I'd say you are doing pretty well. Don't pay attention to anyone who tells you to "let go." You are going through a grief process. It's a different time period for different people, but one month is still early for anyone. The guilt is part of the grief process too, but your Sushi knows you would've never done anything to harm her, and you know it too. It's just difficult because we think we are the ones in control and can fix everything. You are in the right place to talk out your grief. Hugs of comfort, Lori
Registered: 1285010557 Posts: 26
Thank you so much, you guys. Your messages are so wonderfully worded and such a comfort.... even if they do make me cry... which I probably need anyway. It's been a couple days since I've had a real cry. I miss her terribly.... and feel sad at some point every day, but at least the crying is finally fading.
Take care, Gina