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SteveR

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #1 
I lost my best friend and life companion yesterday, Mocha 2000-2011. I am devastated beyond what words can describe and my grief has made everything numb and time stand still. I love you sooo much Mocha...now that we've had time together, I can't imagine my life without you. I miss you so much that I can't breathe. Love in puppy heaven, Daddy.
 

HeartsickII

Registered:
Posts: 837
 #2 
Dear Steve,

I am so very sorry about Mocha. I know exactly the feeling of being devasted beyond words because of losing my best friend and life companion. I know the numbness and the weight in your heart right now and it is immense pain. I am sorry to say that it will probably get worse for the next few days. The numbness turns to intense grief, everything you see will remind you of your sweet Mocha. There will be people who have no understanding of what your going through. Do not let them make you believe for one second that your grief is "craziness" or whatever. Those people have not been lucky enough to experience the deep and unconditional love you have in Mocha. At times it will feel unbearable, that is when you need to come here most. The healing will be so slow it will feel like it will never get any better. But I promise it will get easier in time. The pain, I don't know, I still have too much in pain in my heart yet to say, but being able to cope with it and have some acceptance of it will improve.

I know that some very caring people here say that eventually the good memories overshadow the sad ones. I haven't gotten to that point yet but I believe and trust in these amazing people here. I know for sure that your Mocha would not want you to suffer so for an extended period, but for right now you grieve as much as you feel you need to in whatever way that helps. For me, finding this site is what made it become bearable. I hope that is true for you, too. Someone is always here to help.

May God bless you and hold you close during this time.

Magnum's girl, Barb

SteveR

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #3 
Today was my first post so I hope that I did it correctly.

Yesterday I had to put my sweet Mocha down after everything being perfect on Thursday to discovering that he had a tumor and had internal bleeding. After speeking with 3 different vets, the were all of the opinion that he was never going to get better, it would only worsen quickly and that he would be suffering if I put him through transfusions, biopsies, etc.

I let him go last night, in my arms while wispering his nickname and telling him how dearly I loved him. All night and all day today I felt so alone, so empty, so guilty and missing him more than I wanted to take my next breath.

The only peace I've found so far is reading simliar stories here. I am so glad that other cared for and loved their pets as I do. I just hope that time will get me through this as it doesn't feel that way now.


maerlyn

Registered:
Posts: 1,604
 #4 
Oh, Steve, your pain comes through your post.  The hole in your heart and in your home is vast, I know, and only time will ease the pain.  But do try to think of Mocha as he now is: gloriously alive, absolutely healthy, and blissfully happy, for death isn't an end but a transition to a beautiful form of  life we are not yet permitted to know.  Cry for yourself - cry long and hard and often - but force a little smile for your beloved Mocha and the happiness in which he now lives.  And know that you *will* be reunited - and that reunion will be forever.

May Mocha's Creator hold you gently in the hollow of His hands, comfort you, and lead your heart to peace.
.
LoriDR

Registered:
Posts: 2,123
 #5 
Steve, My heart breaks for you in the loss of your sweet Mocha. It is so difficult to adjust to life without them. It does seem like our lives stand still when they leave, but the world around us keeps moving and we don't know how to move with it. It's good you've found this place. Please come back and share more when you feel up to it, and take care of yourself as you grieve. Hugs of comfort, Lori
SteveR

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #6 
Such wonderful words of support from people, who until today, were complete strangers to me. Thank you from the bottom of what little heart I have left to love with. I'm very sad that we've all had to endure this, but I feel a little less alone after finding such loving, wonderful people who have given the kind of lives and love that all of our furry kids deserve. Thank you so very much.
Steve

P.S. a picture of Mocha soon to post. You will see for yourself the sweetness which I enjoyed for far too short of a time period.
lovemypup

Registered:
Posts: 607
 #7 
Steve, I am so sorry that you have lost such a loving, dear and loyal friend and family member.  We all know too well the suffering and tears you are shedding, the numbness that will be with you for the next coming days, weeks and months perhaps.  When I lost my two babies (six months apart, both having to be put down), I thought my world had come to an end, I have never endured such grief and pain.  What helped me immensely was coming here every day, several times a day, for support.  The people here are incredibly compassionate, something you likely won't find in your circle of friends, odd at it seems as the people here are strangers yet seem to know just the right thing to give you comfort.  I also did some reading that helped me understand why my girls "left" at the time they did and where they are now.  "Animals In Spirit" by Penelope Smith was the book that helped me the most yet there are others that are good as well. I even sought out an animal communicator that cost a ridiculous amount of money but at the time, cost didn't matter as I needed some sort of answers and comfort.  What got me through it all was knowing that there was a possibility that I would be with them again - and that for now they are happy, healthy and still loving me, waiting for the day we will be reunited.  Knowing that our love lives on and that I'll get to see their sweet smiling faces again fills my heart and makes the days more manageable now.  I hope that you can find the eventual comfort you need to work through your pain, in whatever form it comes to you. 

I hope that one day you will be able to share some stories and photos of your precious Mocha.

Take care of yourself Steve,

Nicole

Hilary

Registered:
Posts: 227
 #8 

Hi Steve, I'm so sorry for your loss of Mocha.  It is so hard to let a dear pet leave us.  You know in your heart you did the right thing for Mocha.  I dreaded making the same decision this time last week but to put my Tids through tests etc., would have been for my benefit and not hers.  You did the kindest thing you could and Mocha is out of pain and running free.

diane

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 2,719
 #9 
Dear Steve,  I am so very sorry for your loss of Mocha.  Loosing a beloved pet is so very hard.  We all here know what you are going through and are here for you. 

Come here often for support and comfort.  

Bless you and the spirit of your beloved angel.

Love,  Diane, Mom of Miss Dallas at the bridge over 8 years
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #10 
Dear Steve,

I am very sorry your precious Mocha has passed on.  I know the deep pain you're experiencing.  The first weeks of loss are unreal.  Each day you have no desire to get out of bed because you know your sweet fur baby will not be there to share the day.  When my bunny boy first died, I prayed every night for his return....I just couldn't handle the fact that he was gone forever.  Life is not the same once our pets leave us.  My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of your sweet Mocha.  I hope you will share more pictures.  Mocha is adorable!!

Mare
precious Christoph ~ my bunny boy ~

HeartsickII

Registered:
Posts: 837
 #11 
Steve,

He was a beautiful boy! Was he golden lab? That's what my guy Magnum was. He was only six when I had to say goodbye. That was 13 weeks ago today. If only they could live as long as we do...I guess that would be to close to being heaven.

I hope you are hanging in there--I know it is so, so hard. Let us know how you're doing.

Magnum's girl, Barb
SteveR

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #12 
You all are so sweet. Thank you.

I'm having one of those panick attacks about all this as I type. I went to a support group meeting last night and I was fine. Mocha inspired me to be happy and last night, I actually slept. But waking without my cuddle partner and spending the day donating his things to a shelter has caught up with me. I can't breathe, can't cry and my skin feels about 3 sizes to small right now.

My poor Mocha...I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Now I'm crying. I want to fast-forward at least one year right now.

MyFaborite_pet

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #13 
I recently lost my Shih Tzu named Mocha. I understanding your feelings of loss. As a retired elementary teacher, I discovered a beautiful book entitled, Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. It made me feel better and I hope it does the same for you.

Wisconsin
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #14 
Dear Steve,
I am sorry for your lose of sweet Mocha. I couldn't say anything differently than all the posts that were shared with you here. I just love the kindness and compassion that we all share with one another. I hope you find peace knowing Mocha isn't hurting any more and is a a very special place waiting for you. I too couldn't imagine life without Termy either but here I am, alone and empty as you are. Hold onto all the memories that you made with Mocha and yes, cry too. Sounds like you were a great dad and loved well.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
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