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scully931

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Posts: 5
 #1 
Hi,

I'm glad to have found this website. I'm having a really difficult time getting over the loss of my foster kitten. Here's our story. I took Mooney in on a Saturday. She was very tiny and the shelter I foster for told me she had coccidia. But, looking back, she had other problems. I feel so guilty because I should have realized it sooner. I should have made them look harder at her. Anyway, my mom was visiting and right away we gave her a bath and picked about 80 fleas off of her. Then we sat on the swing with her and held her for about an hour. I decided almost immediately that I would adopt her. I was up late with her Tuesday night getting her to eat and drink and just holding her. I called the shelter and left a message saying I wanted to bring her in and have her looked over. The next morning I found her on the floor of the sunroom where she was staying. I can't get over the image of her laying there. I ran and got my neighbor because I couldn't bear to pick her up. He wrapped her in the blanket my mom and I had picked out for her and I rushed her to the shelter. I asked them to please make sure she was really gone and she was. I've been crying so much and I just can't seem to get over it. Honestly, I'm crying more for her than pets I've lost that were with me for years. The only reason I can think of is that she was so little and never got to experience life. And I feel guilty. Guilty for not getting up earlier that day to check on her. Guity for not realizing how sick she was. Guilty for not being there with her. I feel like she's dead because of me. I know if someone else were going through this I would tell them all the things you're bound to say to me. But, the way she looked at me when I held her... I've never had an animal look at me that way. I don't know if it was appreciation or what, but in my mind she was pleading with me to save her and I didn't.
polkadots

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #2 
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and offer much love and hugs.

i know its hard but try and not beat yourself up. it wasn't your fault and clearly you did everything you could for her, and she knew this. how could she not...

i know from experience that the pain of losing younger ones seems much more intense - i felt the same way you do, so sad that they didn't enjoy and experience more life. sometimes i think these young ones were much older in spirit and that's why they leave us sooner- as they are already destined for the next level of teachings for their soul. perhaps that look in your eye was her very old soul that you saw.

i once saved a sick kitten who only experienced one year of life who looked at me the same way. you could see the human in his eyes. he was so human he learned to use the toilet at 6 months old. i kid you not. you can see the pic here:
http://homepage.mac.com/polkadots/PhotoAlbum101.html

we told ourselves that God was ready to advance him to being a human. and that's why He took him back. Please take care of yourself.

Love and light
Pat (Daisy's and Houston's forever daddy)
Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #3 
I am so very very sorry for your loss.  Please know that you did not do anything wrong.  What you did was give love to Mooney and you did everything you could for her.  With her very short time here she had the experience of love and that's what you gave her.

It is so wonderful to have people like you with such a big heart to love a special pet.  She will be at peace now at the Rainbow Bridge and Mooney went there with precious memories of your kindness and love.

I pray for you and Mooney.

Mary
Meisters Mom
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 844
 #4 
How my heart hurts for you!  I am so sorry that your little Mooney has left you.  Coccidia is horrible and can take wee kittens so quickly.  Many years ago my daughter and I fostered 3 kittens that suffered from this.  Only one survived and we were both devestated at the loss of the other two.  From what you wrote in your post I do not think you could have done anything to save her.  When they lose the will or energy to eat or drink....well that usually is a sign that their earthly time is drawing to a close.

I feel that what you saw in Mooney's eyes was her great love and thankfulness for you.  Because of you she knows what love really is. 

She has left you for a little while but I promise you will be together for all of eternity.  That sweet little one will be waiting for you with love in her eyes when it is time for you to cross over.  And she took that love you gave her with her to her new home at Rainbow Bridge and is telling all her new friends all about you.

God bless you dear friend.  I know how it hurts to lose one so young.  It takes a very special person to foster these babies.  It is so easy to fall completely in love with them in such a short amount of time.

If I can help in any way please contact me.  smudgecatvi@yahoo.com  Sometimes it helps to talk about a loss and I am here to listen if you need me.

Love and prayers,
Marsha (Twinkiesmom)
scully931

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #5 

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and words. While it hurts to read what others have been through it does help knowing people understand. Polkadots, what you were saying about her being an old soul... I said the very same thing to my mom the day she left. She did not have the look of a four week old kitten. It was as though she knew me before we even met. And, I hope this doesn't sound corny, but I have no doubt she's going to send me another special kitten some day.

You know, usually when I hear stories about people receiving signs, there is a part of me that believes we see what we want to see. And maybe that's true. But, the day Mooney died, I went and bought a little tree to plant in her memory. It is a dainty red maple. Dainty, like she was. I put it next to the window in the sunroom where she stayed and where all my fosters stay. Anyway, the next day I was feeling so awful and I decided to go out to my swing and sit where I had held her so much of the time. There on the swing was one tiny leaf from the tree. I know it doesn't sound that interesting, but the tree is a distance away from the swing and off the deck and the swing is covered. With all the woods around my house I've never seen a leaf land on my swing. And the leaf was different from the other leaves on the tree. Beautiful, but not quite the same shape.

I also appreciate knowing others understand how hard it is to lose a pet you haven't even had that long. I almost feel guilty when I tell someone how much I miss her since I only had her such a short time.

Anyway, I am feeling a little better today. My mom and I emailed quite a bit about it last night and I think I'm starting to let go of the guilt. So, I'll just have to sit and wait for Mooney to send me another one when the time is right. Thank you all SO much for your words. They really are helping.


Here is a picture of Mooney: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/paragon1013/EarlyJuly034.jpg

and me holding her on the swing after a bath:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/paragon1013/EarlyJuly033.jpg

sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #6 
What a sweet, precious little cat Mooney is.  Always remember that you brought her so much joy and love in her young life.  She will never forget you and the warmth you showed her.

And I love your story of the leaf.  It is a sign from this dear little cat.  Sending you many healing hugs.  
polkadots

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #7 
she is adorable! :) thank you for sharing.
thank you for sharing your story about the leaf.
that's truly bizarre and glad you saw that sign
love to you and mooney tonight.
pat (daisy's forever daddy)
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #8 
So sorry for what has happened. You did what you could and in your last post it seems the guilt is leaving which is good. The one saving grace you did for her was to bring her home. For as she made her journey to the bridge I am sure she left knowing she was in a place so full of love for her, and yes I believe the leaf was a sign, sort of a thank you for letting her go there instead of at the shelter. You have so much love to give and as you said, Mooney will, when the time is right, send you another furbaby. For she too knows you are a special person and still have a lot of love to give to another. God Bless You.----Jerry in Oklahoma.
 
MOONEY, YOU ARE AT PEACE NOW WITH MANY NEW FRIENDS. 
ALTHOUGH YOUR TIME HERE WAS SHORT YOU KNOW YOU GOT TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH A VERY SPECIAL PERSON. PERHAPS WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT YOU MIGHT SEND HER ANOTHER SPECIAL FRIEND.
 
P.S.-----SHE FOUND THE LEAF YOU SENT!
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