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buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #1 
The mornings are so different now that Lilly is gone (Dec 8/18). It's the first thing I think of when I open my eyes. No More Lilly.  It's so depressing.  My bedroom is on the 2nd floor, but Lilly liked staying down in the family room, having the run of that whole floor.  When the sun came up, she loved to find one of many sunbeams to bask in.  If I slept in, she would come up to my bedroom to get me, or to snuggle in bed, or to look out into the yard from a big cat perch we had set up for her.  I have no motivation to do anything. There is so much to do for Xmas, and I can't seem to want to do any of it.  When I would come downstairs in the morning, she would run out to greet me, and I swear she'd be smiling. I would make a big deal of it, call her my princess, or my sunshine.  We all said, that she truly seemed to love being alive, that she took joy in all things. So content with life. I feel like my heart is actually broken without her.  She was my everything & I told her that all the time.  Now, my everything is gone.
She was only 6 years old & it's just not fair, for her, or for me.  She was with me every minute of the day, that I was home.  When I got my coffee & went to sit & catch up at the computer, in the mornings, Lilly would come running into the living room chirping, she seemed to be saying wait for me, then she'd jump on my lap and snuggle into me, and thats how I had to type & we both loved it. She had the cutest trill & was very talkative.  I don't like this new normal in my life. I miss Lilly too much. It almost seem unbearable. She truly was my heart cat. I miss you my princess.
Lilly's mom
arosettamason48

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Posts: 32
 #2 
I wish you could know how much I feel your pain. Your post has made me wail in tears. I lost my best friend, Greenbean, just 8 days before you lost yours. I spent every waking of the moment with him just like you did with Lilly. It pains me to be in this house. We spent every moment of our time in my bed upstairs and I can't even go into my room. I have been down here trying to escape the pain to no avail. Last night when I got into bed with my mom, I knew the moment the sun came up, how much it was going to tear me apart. I wasn't going to wake up in my bed with him cuddled up next to my face. I wasn't going to listen to him squeal and run up to me and try to climb on me the moment he knew I was about to give him food. I wasn't going to listen to him purr as I watched the i.d. channel and drank my coffee as I pet him. I wasn't going to get to soak up every single moment with him lying under my warm covers with me before I had to get up and start my day.
I have never felt so empty in my life. I can't move. I have been laying with the last blanket that he slept on, able to smell him and see his beautiful pieces of fur that he had shed stuck in the fleece.
Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and now it is only ever going to bring me pain. I haven't bought a single gift. I was in the middle of putting up decorations that I'm never going to get to ever again. I'm not going to see my family this year because I'm going to be in bed crying. Just this week I kept trying to craft decorations in my bed and Greenbean kept climbing all over me and trying to eat the paper and styrofoam I was using. Now nothing will ever be the same.
I don't know how you and I could ever see the holidays in any other way from now on. It's like our worlds have stopped. Everything and everyone else is still living and spinning but ours are frozen in grief.
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #3 
My heart hurts for you  buddy2k! Lilly was young.and you loved her so.
so sorry for your loss.
the pain can be unbearable.I"m still reeling.
been almost a week since I said goodbye to my sweet kitty.I was with her constantly because she was so old.

 I feel exactly the same arosettamason48! "It pains me to be in this house"!!can't get motivated to do anything.I keep sitting on the porch, journaling my thoughts, feelings and walking, and wailing.
Christmas has also always been my favorite holiday-but I feel broken this year.

My heart aches for you both!! 

hugs and love,
Sweet Peanuts mom
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