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Posts: 1
I've never joined a forum before but my heart is broken and I need someone to talk to.

My eight year old English Bulldog Murphy died unexpectedly two days ago. She seemed so lively and healthy and normal and then suddenly she was dead.

I feel like I didn't get to say goodbye. I was supposed to be out of town the day she died but I just so happened to be home that morning, so at least I got to see her and feed her and give her her medications and tell her I love her. Thank God for that.

But if I had known that was going to be the last time, I would have done so much more. I would have sat her down and held her perfect cheeks in my hands and told her that I love her more than I thought it was possible to love someone. I would have told her that she made my life SO MUCH BETTER than it would have been without her. I would have told her thank you, a million times. I would have told her that I will never forget her, not ever, and that I'll think of her every day until I die. I would have told her I'm so sorry - that I didn't give her more of the human food she so craved, and that I wasn't able to stop this from happening. And most of all I would have stayed. So that I could see her through to the end, and so that I could have had just a few more hours with her.

But I didn't. Oh my God, I wish I had. You have never in your life seen a more beautiful bulldog, I swear it. I wish I could figure out how to post pictures so I could share her beauty a little bit more.

I miss her so much and I just want her to know how much I love her. I need her to know how much I love her. I would do anything to have five more minutes to scratch her belly and her butt.

Murphy, Miss Mooph, Missus Murph, Moopho - I love you and I miss you and I'm sorry and I love you.

Posts: 167
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your love for Murphy shines through in every word you wrote above. It was impossible for you to know that that was going to be the last morning with Murphy, so of course you may feel like there was no closure. No matter how our pets pass on, there will never be a real closure because we'll always miss them every day and yearn for one last kiss or moment with them. I also felt so sorry when my cat fell sick and had to be put to sleep. I felt so sorry for her pain and suffering at the end, and for being powerless to save her from any of it. At least you didn't have to endure the horror of having to put Murphy down - that would have been another difficult hurdle to cross. There is no magic bullet to lighten the crushing pain and grief, just get through it day by day as best you can.

Posts: 639
Unexpected pet loss is devastating. I have experienced it more than once. It is the nightmare from hell, a horror story.

You feel like you didn't get to say goodbye because you didn't. This is going to take a long while to come to grips with. Not only the sudden nature of her passing (I am so sorry for you!) but the subsequent adapting to life without her. She sounds adorable by your description and I can fully understand why are shocked and stunned. I believe you completely that she was lively and healthy and normal and then she was dead. This happens with people too. Someone the picture of health goes out for their morning run and dies while on the trail. A father dies at his daughter's wedding. Our pets die suddenly and without warning. What kind of world is this? There is a heart condition called cardiomyopathy. It is called the silent killer. It is common in cats. Completely normal cats have been known to be jumping off the couch and are dead by the time they hit the ground. Absolutely no warning. I can't say what killed Murphy but I can say I am so terribly sorry for this horrible loss and thing that has happened.  She knew you loved her. When my dog Tum died I was in such shock I didn't even tell her goodbye or I love you while she was being euthanized.  I was in such a daze. There is no guarantee that if you had known Murphy was going to die you would have done the things you now wish you had. Then maybe you would have. We don't know. I know you are in torture.  It is very hard to come to terms with something like this. In due time the pain you feel now will slowly  begin to ease. However right now that seems like an unreality and very far off. Something tells me she was the most beautiful bulldog in the world. I am thinking of you with much sadness as I write this. My heart truly goes out to you. God bless you, Stephanie

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