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DanC

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Posts: 27
 #1 
January 2006, my wife and I were interviewed for over 2 hours to ensure we were fit to adopt cats from a rescue organization. I remember discussing that our cats would pass away before us due to their shorter life span. It seemed so easy to say when the fateful day arrives, we would make the decision in the best interest of our theoretically adopted cats. We have yet to meet the furry babies that would captured our hearts. Our thought was providing a loving home to two cats.

Over, the past 4 1/2 months we had to euthanize both of them and the feelings have been overwhelming at times, unlike anything I could imagine in 2006. With so many other obligations for my family I don’t have a option but to move forward. We had little choice but to euthanize our boys, or at least that is what my rational brain tells me. However, my multiple overlying emotions tell me a different story. I’m slowly becoming more at peace knowing or at least believing my boys are together again and no longer in pain or suffering.

Still, the hardest part is moving forward as it brings up feelings that maybe I never really loved them. I know this is not true, but yet it is a feeling, or a multitude of emotions I’m struggling with. A friend ask me today, what purpose would it serve not to move forward and continue to live in an emotional state and mental pain. It is no longer hypothetical and I’m struggling with an answer for my friend. Oh great something else to ponder! :)
twinkiesmom

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Posts: 778
 #2 
I am so sorry for your losses. Having lost two dogs on the same day due to old age and illness I understand how much it hurts. I would like to address one very important part of your post, the feeling that you may never have really loved them. You did love them but during a time like this I believe it is quite common to think something like that. I know many of us share those same feelings, that there should have been something more we could have done. The truth is you did all the right things, loving them, providing a wonderful home, and medical care as needed. Sadly their little bodies wear out. I read a story about a little boy telling someone why they don't live as long as we do. He said that we live longer because we have to learn how to love and dogs already know how to do that so they don't have to stay as long. If we didn't love them so much we wouldn't hurt so badly when they leave us. Please take care, you are among friends here who will help you go through this time of great sorrow.
Charliemom

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Posts: 7
 #3 
I am sorry for you losses and definitely understand the pain. Don't doubt your love for them as you wouldn't be on this site if you never loved them. Animals have a way of becoming part of us and of our family. Give yourself time to grieve, allow yourself to enjoy moments you can smile or even do every day tasks, as sometimes, you just need to make baby steps to progress forward. Go easy on yourself, there's no timeline for grief.
DanC

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #4 
Hi twinkiesmom and Charliemom,

Thank you very much for your kind words and encouragement. Unfortunately, I reached a breaking point and became numb, as I felt little to no emotions. For a period I felt no love for my boys or anyone else for matter. However, my feelings are returning. I will have to find a healthier coping mechanism to truly process my feelings instead of trying to treat the feelings objectively through introspection and not self examination.
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 171
 #5 
Hi Dan C,

So sorry for your loss of two beautiful pets.  My daughter adopted a kitten a while back and after having him several months he was diagnosed with a fatal illness and had to be euthanized and she continues to grieve and has bad days, questions herself but it's getting less.  I hope things become easier for you when the time is right.
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