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FluffyMom

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Hey. I feel like a murderer. I can't stop thinking that my cat trusted me to take care of him, and I took him to the vet to kill him. I just feel so bad. Our neighbors abandoned him a year ago because he stopped using the litter box, well we took him in and by using lots of boxes he was peeing in the box. But about 6 months ago he started having constant diarrhea on the floor. Many vet trips, the vet ruled everything out and said it must be chron's disease and there was nothing they could do to cure it only treat it. Well he was on and off of steroids and antibiotics for months, and his chron's got so bad he couldn't go more than an hour or so without having tons of bloody diarrhea. Then he lost all bowel control. Crying every time he goes, and spattering the house with bloody diarrhea. It was miserable for both of us. I had it done this morning. I feel like I murdered him even though it was time. He was down to only 3#, despite being a huge Maine Coon that should have weighed about 18. He was so sweet and loved to put his little nose under my chin. I feel like I violated his trust, he trusted me and I took him to the vet to never come home again. Surely he didn't want that
soothspader

Registered:
Posts: 234
 #2 
Allow me, if you will, to disagree with you and to say that not only did you not violate his trust, you earned it by doing the hardest thing for you but the best one for him, letting him go and sparing him further suffering and the ignominy of an existence not befitting a regal being like a Maine coon.  We all in life do things that in a vacuum might seem terrible but in their proper context are the only right and moral things to do.  For example, if we have kids you might get them vaccinated, send them to school and make them eat things they don't want to.  We don't do this because we hate our children but rather because we love them.  So too here with your cat and you-the easy thing to do would have been to do nothing, to let him keep living as he was until nature took its course.  But based on your words-the bloody diarrhea, the crying, the weight loss, etc.-could that have possibly been the right thing to do, to let him, again as you put it, continue to be miserable?  In reality, to have done so, to have failed to act, would have been only for you to avoid the grief and guilt that now consumes you but would not have benefited him one iota.  We all know it takes courage and love to make that hardest and most gut wrenching of decisions and is the ultimate validation of the trust your cat bestowed on you.  I wish you peace for your head and heart.  
JoeR

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #3 
Thank you for posting. It is sad, for your little one and you. Your courageous posts help me.  
FluffyMom

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you for your comforting words. That validation means so much to me. Thank you
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #5 
I’m so sorry for your loss.

I couldn’t have put it any better than soothspader. From your post all I can see is that you loved and cared for your gorgeous cat greatly, the last thing you are is a murderer, quite the opposite. You did your best and the right thing by not letting him suffer.

I’m sure right now he is thanking you for what you did because now he is not suffering.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Vicky x
Goldie

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #6 
Having lost two cats in the past 3 weeks to illness I feel better believing that they are no longer TRAPPED in their body that just would not work properly anymore.  Now they are free.  You put up with stuff that the average person would not put up with.  You were fighting in his corner.  I can imagine that having diarrhea all the time would have been uncomfortable and painful for your cat and since there seemed to be no way back from this, it must have been distressing for him even from the aspect of having to try to keep cleaning himself up.  Cats hate being dirty and smelly.  I know how guilty you feel, I have been through it.  But maybe try to think from this aspect.  In the wild he may still have had an illness like this, in which case he would have coped for a while, then not coped, then been vulnerable and would have died alone or been killed by another animal.  What you did was give him some extra time where he was safe from being hurt, you gave him a chance to get better and though in the end you were powerless to stop the inevitable, you may find more comfort in saying "I did everything I could with what knowledge I had"  instead of tearing yourself apart with guilt.  Feel glad you gave him that chance, because there was always a chance it COULD have worked.  And then, only after you had tried everything, then you helped him to pass quietly.  My little girl that died a few weeks ago, I couldn't stop crying, I felt empty without her, lost and guilty, did I do something wrong?  But now I try to imagine the feel of her fur, the sound of her voice, her amazing personality because even though her little body was weak and could no longer support her soul, nothing will take away from me who she was.  
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