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robbd001

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Posts: 2
 #1 
My 13 year old dog died this past Sunday. I feel devastated. She was the best friend and companion I could have hoped for. I can't stop thinking about her. My wife and kids would go to sleep I would stay up late and she would always sit next to me watching tv, I'd talk to her often take her for a late night walk and she'd follow me to bed. My sons were small when we we got her and they are in college now, she was waiting by the front door when we brought my daughter home from the hospital when she was born, She was the best. I feel this void.
Up until 6 weeks ago she was pretty active for an elderly dog, she would go on long walks with us she would play and bark at delivery drivers. Then all of a sudden she started losing weight. She was still eating, Vet said not to worry. Then maybe a month ago she had what vet thinks was a stroke. She seemed to get a little better, just more tired, Then one day on a walk my daughter said her body is skinny but her check is chubby. The side of her face looked swollen and underneath, she had a scratch, Vet gave anti inflammatory and antibiotic cream and swelling went down.  She seemed more tired, laid around more and did not want to walk more,but was still eating and drinking, then she started making gagging noises, mostly after she ate. She had a bad odor and we had to bath her more often. I called vet again and they said that it sounded like she was at then end of her life, she was not in pain and they said they could do invasive tests to get a diagnosis but taking her age and size into consideration, it could speed up her death. 
For a few days she did not eat much, and was very lethargic. Then she woke up ad ate a lot and seemed back to her old self. The next day she only drank, but barely ate, she would walk go to the bathroom and then lay down we would carry her in. She had a hard time jumping on the couch or chairs. By last Thursday she was no longer eating and would wander around the house, Friday she laid around most of the day and would not eat.she went out twice urinated walked a few steps and laid down. We carried her in and laid her in a a chair with pillows and she pretty much stayed there all day. In the morning she walked to get water. then did not even want to drink.
Saturday she was in the same spot. I walked her and she was only able to walk just out the front door, she urinated and I carried her in, she was not in pain and would still wag her tail slowly, We gave her a sponge bath, that she seemed to enjoy and had pillows under her and blankets. She was breathing and responsive, we brought her water and she drank a lot, although she would not eat, I hoped she was getting better. 
I stayed up till 3:30 AM with her and pet her and talked to her. She would look at me and wag her tail slowly. I fell asleep on the couch and when i woke up around 945, i saw that she had moved from the chair to a recliner she sometimes liked to sleep in. I thought She is better, she had enough strength to move.
I go in the other room and my wife and kids are crying I said what's wrong? They said Ellie is dead. I said no she is not she moved to the recliner, Then i ran to the other room knelt by the recliner and realized she had died.
I feel bad. I think could I have done more? Why did I fall asleep i could have been holding her when she passed. How and when did she move? I can't believe i thought she was just resting. I feel such a sadness and sense of lose, I cried the other day walking by the dog food isle. I keep looking for her. We are waiting to get her ashes back I don't know if that will help or not.
I feel so lost, I am trying to be strong for my kids but as i sit here alone on the couch and she is not next to me it hurts.
DevotedDogMummy

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Posts: 1
 #2 

I was so very sorry to hear about the passing of your best friend and companion, and can completely understand the pain and the grief that you are experiencing. We had to make the heart-breaking decision to let go of our beautiful, amazing 16-year-old dog six weeks ago. Like your dog, he had been my constant companion and all-time best friend. He had had health issues for more than two years, and some months ago, we were told that his kidneys were also deteriorating. It became obvious that the quality of his life was rapidly diminishing and was becoming little to non-existent. We were so hoping that he would sleep himself away, but three different vets advised us that this only happens in a handful of cases. They also advised that his suffering would only increase and that the consequences of his kidneys failing could cause him a huge amount of distress. So we decided that we had to do the last decent thing that we could do for him and have him euthanized. I feel such pain when recalling how I looked into his eyes during the final countdown knowing that, in 36 hours / 24 hours / 8 hours / 2 hours, his life would be over and I was the one who had organised it. He cried when he had the first injection and that will haunt me for the rest of my life. It was like being punched in the stomach when he had the final injection, knowing that it was irrevocable. The only good thing about it was that we were able to stroke and cuddle him until he died, so he died enveloped in love. I think that we all beat ourselves up and wonder if we could have done more. I keep wondering whether I should have waited a little longer. Maybe he would have slept himself away and I could have spared him the injection? I can understand how much you wish that you had been holding your dog when she passed, but please take solace from the fact that she drifted away peacefully and that both you and your beloved dog were spared that truly harrowing last hour. She would have known that you were near her, would have felt safe and secure, and she died knowing that you loved her. Please don't beat yourself up. I am quite sure that you could not have done more for her than you did because you obviously did so much for her. I think that we have to try to focus on all the happy memories and hope that when our time comes, we are reunited with our furry friends. 

robbd001

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
Thank You so much. My condolences on your loss.
It is still hard but you are right they were loved and knew they were loved.
When I look back I think my dog Elle knew her time was limited before she became too week, she made sure to spend individual time with Me and my wife and each of my kids. She even made a point to bump noses with a neighborhood cat that comes around.
I miss her the most at night when it’s quiet and I’m the only one up. I miss having her next to me.
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